Comments from members and visitors from GOOD and SUPPORTIVE families of origin...

[Tony T]

We've got a thread going now on how various persons were affected by or able to rise above abusive and dysfunctional childhoods. That means there are a lot of people here who would love to know what it's like to grow up in a loving, supportive, peaceful home environment where there was little or no alcohol, verbal or physical abuse, emotional or physical abandonment, etc.,....a home where parents expressed love and concern for their children on a regular basis.

 

If you feel your childhood years were great, it would be really nice for many of us to hear some details about just what it's like to grow up in a nice, loving home.

 

Has anyone here who came from a really nice home found themselves paired up with another from a highly dysfunctional childhood environment and were you able to work through that.

 

Many thanks in advance for your comments.

[jalexy]

i nearly ended up with a guy that was abused and mistreated in many other ways when he was young. we almost made it through and could have, but there were many things standing in the way.

i have had many a relationship with dysfunctional men, but i guess, as it may, just wasnt meant to work out- i think im meant to be with someone raised with the same household type as myself.

i would like to hear if someone has made it through, could be interesting!

[yes]

I grew up in a non-dysfunctional home. I always got lots of attention (in fact, being the only kid in the family - incl. uncles, etc - too much of it), lots of presents, - and lots of pressure to do well came along with it. And I never did very well - I did OK, but never excellent.

 

I knew I was the center of the family's attention, and again - it has both the obvious positive effects and negative ones like pressure, extra anxiety over my safety, my grades, my dates, etc.

 

2c,

-yes

[Ryan]

If you feel your childhood years were great, it would be really nice for many of us to hear some details about just what it's like to grow up in a nice, loving home.

 

I had pretty much this situation.

My parents were never abusive towards me or one another. They never had big fights...heated discussions sometimes but it was never any door-slamming anger. They weren't critical outside of being constructive. They consistently reinforced the notion that they may be disappointed with some of my actions, but they still loved ME. Both of my parents are college graduates and well-educated in many manners. We had tons of books around the house and many intelligent conversations (which continue to this day). My parents never forced me into anything but supported and guided me to make my desires meet a healthy lifestyle. My parents never pushed any beliefs on me...they encouraged me to see many perspectives and come to my own conclusions. They showed me the value of a solid work ethic...earning what you get...integrity. They also showed me the value of humanity...my feelings and the feelings of others. And last of all....they showed me that I should be myself....be eccentric...have a sense of humor...make my style reflect me and nobody else.

 

That's not to say my family was perfect. My parents were a bit overprotective, since I was an only child, so I missed some opportunities in that sense. When I talk to so many people from such unfortunate backgrounds....I quietly reflect on how amazing my family is.

[moimeme]

When I talk to so many people from such unfortunate backgrounds....I quietly reflect on how amazing my family is.

 

I'm somewhat the same, though I'm a bit on the border.

 

My mom and dad both had rough childhoods and that did tell in their adult years which meant they weren't necessarily my sources of wisdom and counsel. However, I always knew I was loved; almost too much because my mom doted on me. My dad, despite being older when I was born and therefore of a different generation than a lot of my pals' parents, bought me a train set and a chemistry set when I wanted them and dolls when I wanted them. Nobody in my family was prejudiced. Both parents were very ethical, and there was no alcohol, abuse, or other such problems in my house.

 

When I was growing up, I figured all parents were supposed to be that way but many of my friends' parents had problems, including alcoholism. Once I was grown and found out how many people had had horrible lives as kids, I became more and more grateful that my 'normal' parents seemed almost extraordinary by comparison.

[jenny]

i'm great friends with my parents - we have had some rough spots, and we still have heated debates that last for years. they are very overprotective. but now i genuinely like and enjoy them as people, and i think that is a rare and lucky thing.

[HokeyReligions]

I don't know that I really qualify - but I'll throw my two cents in. My mother was diagnosed as bi-polar long after I had grown up and moved on and it was kind of an "oh, THAT explains it" reaction. My father had MS and was totally paralyzed from the time I was a couple of years old. Having said that, I will say that I was never abused, saw no alcoholism in the family, and was told that I was loved. I was encouraged sometimes and understood (at the time) that my mothers moodiness was a result of her having to care for her paralyzed husband and aging and unwell mother and me (a child) and had no life of her own. I accepted that. I also appreciated the fact that my mother always took me to the zoo once a year, and we went to museums and parades and amusement parks. We didn't have much money and it was a struggle for mom to be able to afford this, but she did it for ME. Because she loved me so much and wanted the best for me.

 

I then met and married a man who was severely beaten physically and mentally. He was very VERY messed up. We struggled for a long time and got counseling together and I dragged him back into the marriage because I didn't see divorce as an option. If my mother stayed in a marriage where she received nothing, then I could certainly make a go of my marriage. It was almost a challenge. I flirted with co-dependency for a while and when I worked through that our marriage was even stronger.

 

Partly because of my own childhood struggles but mostly because of the unconditional love I was wrapped in is why we have stayed together and our marriage is so strong. Also, good counselors. I can't stress enough how important it is to get outside help when you need it. It's next to impossible to go it alone and it needs to be someone totally outside family and friends to give help.

[LuckyStar]

I grew up with both parents who are still married. My parents were hard working. There way of showing love was by providing and making it all possible to support me in anything that i wanted to do. I don't recall them being affectionate towards me and my siblings. For example, they never took the time out to tell us they loved us or hugged us. One day my daughter brought it to their attention because she is a very lovable child. And my parents had no clue that they never told their granddaughter they loved her. Now it's a ritual --- hugs and kisses each time they see each other.

 

Children can really show you up.

 

There was no drugs or alcohol within the home. I was spoiled. After graduating from HS I met a young man who i didn't know at the time, just came out of jail, on drugs and was very abusive. We married and divorced. I later married again and the relationship was abusive. I can't seem to understand why i hooked up with these two men who were physically abusive to me.

 

However, I never seemed to stay in the abuse for long because i was never brought up in an abusive enviornment and i don't like drama and drugs.

 

As of a result of the abusive relationship from my second husband, I seperated and my parents have been extremely supportive. I love my parents i don't know what i would do without them.

[wiseOLDman]

I was raised in a very loving and supporting evironment. My parents were enrolled in the Ozzie and Harriett school of parenting. Dad was a professional, mom the homemaker. I was the middle son with an older and younger sister. Somehow, I ended up being the most independent of the kids, but I was always strongly supported by my parents in everything that I did, whether it be athletics, education, relationships or career.

 

My parents have been married for 48-years now. My older sister has been married 24 years, I've been married 18 years and my younger sister is a school teacher.

 

The one quality that my parents always instilled in my was to take responsibility for my actions. It's unfortunate that many children and parents don't adhere to this today. I'll always rememeber my father insisting that I go down the street and apologize to a neighbor for playing hooky one day from a job that this neighbor had helped me land. It was only a summer job, and I was home from college, but I knew what I did was wrong and my father made sure that I acknowledged the action.

 

Today, my dad is still my role model and was, in fact, best man in my wedding.

[Thinkalot]

I had such a loving family environment when I was growing up. It is only now, as an adult, that I realise how special it was. I thought everyone else had all the love and support I had, but I now realise that's not the case.

I am an only child. My parents divorced when I was 4, and as a result, I developed a very strong bond with my mum who became my best friend. As others have said, this brings with it positives and negatives. On the one hand, lots of love, friendship, support etc. On the other, being an only can mean being overly protected, looked after etc, and now, it also means I feel more responsible for making sure my parents do ok and that I spend enough time with them etc. I also realised I had become a little too anxious for mum's approval in my life, owing to us being so close. Now that I am less dependent on that, things are even better.

 

My bf is much more distant from his parents (though they still all get on well etc) and at first it was hard for us to understand each others differing family experiences, values and expectations in this area. We've got it sorted now though! Compromise is a wonderful thing.