playlislay Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 Im new to the whole 'f*ck buddy' scenario and Im in the process of obtaining one in the form of a male friend that I have known for 5 years. He has helped me out alot since my bf leaving me in Dec. Here is what I need help with: Ive stayed at his a few times and as soon as we get to the bedroom we both go quiet, watch a film and fall asleep-very akward. He knows he should try and make a move on me (and vica versa) but cuddles/kissing hasnt happened yet. Once we do 'get it on' what do you do after? Do you cuddle in bed? Do you kiss them the next morning? Is it TOTALLY different to having sex with someone that you are in a relationship with? I really dont know where I stand on this? To me, holding hands, kissing and cuddling is very intimate and shared with someone you love. I dont want to cross the boundaries of relationship/f*ckbuddy. Any advice and experiences will be helpful. Please bear in mind that it isnt 'We meet up, have sex, depart' -sharing the bed and the next day are my main concerns. HELP! Thank woo loveshackers xx Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 No woman I'm attracted to ever gets in bed with me without some sort of "move" and I'm perennially old-fashioned and reserved What you're describing is not FWB. To me, it's relationship/friendship confusion. I'll bet your male friend doesn't want to screw up the friendship by making a sexual overture, or he's become so used to being a platonic friend that "switching" seems strange and awkward. I know this feeling.... Personally, if this guy is of value to you, I wouldn't be looking at this with my genitals. Get your rocks off with someone else. Outside of the "bedroom", talk to him about it. Yeah, not easy, I know. Link to post Share on other sites
lostsoulmate Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 I have only had one FIB (friend in bed) or F*ckbuddy. The first term is better IMO. Anyway, in the mornings we would usually have a cup of coffee. That's it. We didn't really cuddle... usually we were too sweating after the sex to cuddle. In truth I think he only stayed at my place a few times, and I only stayed at his once. Usually after the sex and some rest time (to gather enough strength to move again) once of us would get something to drink for the other, then we got dressed at he left or I left to go home. And if we were too intoxicated we would just crash out. No touching or cuddling, unless we had some morning sex too! It is a decision of the mind to not let the emotional aspect of sex get in the way. I will say if I ever had a thought about my FIB like my boyfriend I would have ended it. We just never thought of each other that way. I like the way he made my body feel, he the same. We were/are still friends to this day, and it is never weird. We never talked about secrets or our lives, just small talk during our FIB time. Hope that helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 Well, In my case, since I always end up in fwb relationships because I never fall in love with those guys.. Usually I just wouldn't do things that are romantic in nature, but cuddling, a bit of kissing, stuff like that sure. Just do what feels natural. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 Do you think the "we don't talk about each other's lives" is possible with a friend one has known for five years? OP, how close of a friend is this guy? Also, OP, what is your history with sex? Can you have what my wife calls "sport f*cking" where the other person is irrelevant and the focus is just on personal sexual pleasure? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 To me, holding hands, kissing and cuddling is very intimate and shared with someone you love. I dont want to cross the boundaries of relationship/f*ckbuddy. To me burying my tongue in some girls Hoo Ha for 20 mins is far more intimate than holding hands..Sensual.. well holding hands might be considered more sensual but to me there is nothing more intimate than sharing boy fluids thru intercourse I think with a FWB there is a boundary of not getting close emotionally.. but physically a FWB you do everything... If you both agree that it is just sex then don't go out on dates and spend time together as a couple.. you meet and fu*k and then go home.. that is a FWB relationship to me. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 you meet and fu*k and then go home.. that is a FWB relationship to me. I'd probably extend that to no sleepovers, which was mentioned in the OP. Pop in, pop out Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 No excessive hanging out together, unless its doing something of a sexual nature. You are friends because you get along and enjoy the company - not because you discuss life's serious issues. Here's the trap: after doing this for an extended period of time, people can sometimes grow on each other - a very deep kind of physical chemistry - and that's where the FWB situation can get out of control. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 I have had FWB. And I have hung out with them becuae we were in fact, friends. The sex was just an extra ... The key is to keep it as an extra. No obligations. No sleepovers made the difference to me. In fact, I found it best if I went to his place...so I could leave. I'm sure he didnt mind at all. As to affection...unless you are in bed...No. Nothing you wouldnt normally do with a friend you were not having sex with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author playlislay Posted April 24, 2009 Author Share Posted April 24, 2009 Thanks for all of the replies. I wouldnt say that either of us is after a relationship, but in some way we both are (yes, its very confusing!!!). We discuss sex, relationships, hes been there for me, ive been there for him, but Im sure that if either of us had any attraction to each other in regards to a relationship then it would have happened a long time ago-yes? no? :OS Since splitting up with my bf we've both discussed how we miss what couples do during the week-cuddling up watching a film, just having the company etc. So I think he is after some comfort without being tied down, although he has recently started staing that he wants a gf etc. Im going there tonight to, erm, study! Whilst he plays his xbox (god, I feel like a teenager, lol). Ok, so no cuddles, no 'relationship stuff', just sex and then leave. Oh, and the studying of course! ) Thanks guys!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Awesome84 Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 Ok, so no cuddles, no 'relationship stuff', just sex and then leave. Oh, and the studying of course! ) It all depends on what you want out of it. I think that sex changes things in any relationship or situation. If you want it to be FWB... then this is fine. But think further.... If you like this guy as a person, then no... I wouldn't just have sex and leave. Even in a FWB situation, I've found that someone usually gets hurt. You may become attached or HE may become attached. If you truely want to stay friends with this guy.... be very careful how you handle this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
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