To Tony: Just Curious

[Lisa]

Tony

 

I haven't posted here in a while, but once in a while I peruse the postings just to see what is going on and I can't help but notice that you sure do seem to know your sh**! I noticed someone else already asked if you were a counselor, and your response indicated that you had merely been around a good bit and paid attention to each relationship and learned from it. I hope I have done the same thing in my life, but I am impressed by your good advice.

 

So, just out of curiosity: Are you in a satisfactory, committed, problem-free relationship? And who do YOU turn to for help with problems?

 

I know others can do the same thing themselves but you really do seem to have learned a lot of things about relationships. I, for one, appreciate your advice.

[Tony T]

My greatest relationship is with my cat. It does give me crap but I clean its litter box once a day and all is well.

 

Next comes my lady and the relationship is not problem free but difficulties are dealt with so maturely it seems wthout problems. She is from Japan, I am from the U.S. Her culture seems to be more intent on teaching forgiveness, kindness, consideration, thoughfulness, attentiveness, etc. I don't take advantage of her but appreciate her very much for the way she is. She was taught not to be demanding, to be compromising, and to be very happy with whatever comes down the pike. And I treat her very kindly in return.

 

I was married once before to a lady who thought I should be responsible for every facet of her life and for her every emotion, including happiness. She also scanned me for my faults each day and logged them into a diary she presented me when she left. I read it over and many of them were legitimate, though minor, and I worked on correcting them. Twas too bad she didn't communicate better in an ongoing fashion.

 

When I have problems, I turn to myself. I take some time to deliberate and then come up with a solution. Things aren't all as complicated as people make them. Solutions are pretty simple but some take courage to implement...like leaving somebody or writing off a friend. It is so very difficult but when you realize not taking action will further complicate your life and extend your misery, the decision becomes easier.

 

The day I made up my mind I would eliminate all people from my life, including those I loved, dated, etc., that treated me with lack of respect, consideration, kindness, etc. was the most emancipating day of my life. When you take power over your destiny and know that power will give you all the peace you need, it's like being born into a new world. If you give the power over your happiness to other people, you are in BIG trouble.

 

The basic principle I live by in my life is that I treat everyone with respect, kindness, love, consideration, honesty, etc. But the minute I don't get the same in return, I put that person on notice. A second time, they get a final notice. The third time, I put them in my computer, press the delete button, empty the recycle bin and they are no longer part of my life. It works for me but it may not work for you. You have to find what you feel comfortable with.

 

There are many people who post here who remain in screwed up situations for years and seem to have no problem with it. Well, they are miserable but they're afraid they'll be more misterable if they leave. I have no such fear.

 

I think if we experiment and pay attention to our various life experiences, we can each devise a plan that makes our lives simpler, richer and better.

 

Every man is the architect of his own happiness.

 

Thank you for nice comments...and for your patience while I rambled on.