brentnichols Posted October 19, 2003 Share Posted October 19, 2003 Hi. My girlfriend and I have been going out for 4 years. She has really been pushing me to get married. I do want to get married but there have been some things that have happened that is bothering me. About 2 years ago, i was away on business. My girlfriend and her single girl friend decided to go out to a nite club. I have no problem with my girlfriend going out and having a good time when i am gone. The problem is that this one night they went out, they got two guys to take them home. They ended up going to my girlfriends place for a few drinks. My girlfriend decided to go to sleep and let her friend kick out two guys. What ended up happening is that the friend took one guy to her house and left the other guy at my girlfriends house. When my girlfriend woke up in the morning, this guy was sleeping on her couch. Now this is her story, and i am glad she was honest with me and told me, but i was angry inside. I forgave her for what happened and life went on. However, this happened a second time. This time she didn't tell me, I found out about it from someone else and asked her about it and she lied to me and said it didn't happen. She finally came out with the truth when i told her who told me about it. This time i was really hurt and mad. The thing that got me really mad is she is a really jealous person. She always thinks that i am trying to cheat on her. It is starting to affect the people i work with and my social life. If i even glance at a female, she right away gets really mad and throws a fit. If i have any business contact with females in my job she has to ask a million quetions. She then gets an idea in her head that i am trying to have sex with this person and will not accept any other explanation. I have never cheated on my girlfriend or have the desire too. It is getting to the point where i am afraid to talk or look at other females i know. The thing that gets me the most mad is that she has done all this other stuff but seems to get mad at me for things that haven't even happened. It is making me get more and more distant from her. I have tried talking to her but it seems like she just doesn't get it and then she brings up something else to make me look like it was all my fault. I am trying ot keep an open mind here. I know i have my faults and i try really hard to make things work. It is getting to the point where i think i am going to give up and end things. My questions are to the females out there - Do you think what my girlfriend did was ok? What would you do if this happened to you? and for everyone - Let me know what you think about this! Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
VASH THE STAMPEDE Posted October 19, 2003 Share Posted October 19, 2003 I'm really sorry to say but it sounds like she has a GUILTY CONCISION. That mean her guilt is playing in her mind and she pictures you doing the same. I think its morally and humanly wrong for her to let a guy into your home when your not there (THATS FLAG ONE)and then a second time (FLAG TWO)and then completely LIE to you(FLAG THREE). In my opinion you should forget the *itch,she not right ,theres no way to prove she did or didn't do the guy .But come on what's the chances it happening twice???? Shes provably gonna cost you your job and probably your sanity. You could definatly find better. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 19, 2003 Share Posted October 19, 2003 Without going into any details, I will advise you to dump this lady. She obviously can't be trusted and don't think this would change if you married her. It's a no brainer. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted October 19, 2003 Share Posted October 19, 2003 Let me give you a personal story that relates to yours. I was dating my ex fiance at the time and one of my former girlfriends (who I thought was just a friend for the longest time) decided she was going to try to win me back. At first it really put me in between a rock and a hard place because while I was completely faithful and loyal to my fiance, I thought I would be able to talk some sense into my former gf. Unfortunately, it didn't work. She kept after it by emailing me every now and again. My fiance and I eventually got into a big argument over this, at which point I finally realized that I had to completely sever all relations with my former gf, and I did just that. I told her to leave me alone and go make a new life, which was very hard for me to do because, like I say, she had become a good friend until that point. Got an email from her six months later wanting to know how I was doing and all, but I didn't respond. Then about two weeks after that, my ex just out of the blue asked if she had tried to contact me. Figuring I'd be the good, honest man, I disclosed to her that she had sent me an email and that I had erased it and not responded. All that did was start one hell of an argument that nearly broke us up THAT DAY. She said that I was dishonest and lying to her by not telling her about it, which I thought was ridiculous. While we patched this over, her jeaolousy was by no means restricted to this girl. It soon became apparent she was suspicious of me and my secretary, who was happily married, and she was jealous of another girl whom she once met (she was happily dating one of my good friends). I finally realized that she was uncontrollably jealous and that she simply didn't trust me to behave on my own. She called me at work a few times and got mad when I was too busy to talk to her. She then tried to get me to change jobs because she said I was on the road too often. She basically became a controller, and I couldn't stand it anymore. We split up about 2 years ago. Based on that experience, I'd say that, in your girlfriends defense, she might well be an honest person but didn't want to get into a big argument with you. If all she has on her record is a white lie, then I'm not sure that would be a deal breaker. I would be concerned, though, about why she has found herself slumbering in the same house with guys after having a night of drinking. You're right to be a bit concerned about it, though I'm not entirely sure you can jump to conclusions about her integrity just yet. Maybe I'm wrong but I bet many of us have at some point throughout the course of a meaningful relationship made a decision to get ourselves out of a situation knowing that the truth was going to be more harmful than a white lie that would likely never be exposed. I've done it, though I think the record would show I'm an honest person on the whole. What is far more serious is her perceived need to control you. If she can't trust you, then you're going to bear the brunt of her jealousy and her nagging from now til the end of time. Sounds like she has issues to sort out (her parents aren't divorced by any chance, are they? I mean I'm no shrink, but sometimes this leads to abandonment issues). My attitude about it is that if this is as good as it gets after 4 years, it's probably the end of the line. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brentnichols Posted October 19, 2003 Author Share Posted October 19, 2003 Thank you very much to everyone for your comments! I appreciate the time you all took to let me know of your ideas. Link to post Share on other sites
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