herenow Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 None of them have ever asked me to be exclusive.. and they know the answer to that one.. They wouldn't dare.. True that! I guess the situation works for all involved. Except, of course, for the wives because they are left in the dark about the party going on at Lizzie's. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 None of them have ever asked me to be exclusive.. and they know the answer to that one.. They wouldn't dare.. Do any of them live under the belief that you're exclusive? What about your MM at work? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted April 30, 2009 Author Share Posted April 30, 2009 Do any of them live under the belief that you're exclusive? What about your MM at work? My MM from work knows about my flings down south.. sometimes he asks me if I have sex besides him.. I say yes.. but we ver talk about my own stuff.. At one point.. he was getting a bit too 'clingy', he would show up at my door unannounced.. and I cannot tolerate that.. (I could get caught ) so I had to tell him I had a bf... an old bf that was back in the picture.. (which was true for a little while). It worked for a while.. then I told him I dumped the guy... (which was true too but this guy was back in the picture for just a little while but I let my MM believe that it was quite a long time). I can say whatever I want.. if he gets too clingy again.. I will tell him I am dating someone else.. I told him I date this 'new guy' (the TV producer) but I haven't seen him in a while.. If he doesn't ask.. I don't say anything.. I only tell him if he asks.. or if he's getting too clingy. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 So in other words...he's operating under the belief that he's the only one CURRENTLY in your bed? And when he gets too close, you then open up and make it clear that he's not. But once he backs off, you drop the subject and let him go back to thinking that he is exclusive. Is this wrong, or does this probably sum up what he's assuming in this relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 (sticking his tongue out as if he was licking me, stuff like that.. staring at my boobs... ) Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew. This kind of behavior makes my skin crawl. GROSS!! I would never be able to let a man like this touch me without being repulsed to the point of vomiting. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 My bet is that she leaves that door open and undiscussed, the reason being that exclusivity necessarily involves some sort of implicit commitment, even if no emotion. And, since these are MM, they're already operating under the premise of 'flexible' exclusivity, wrt their wives, so essentially the point is moot. Equality Owl, philosophically and ethically/morally I'm in agreement with you on this, but I explore the dynamic as Lizzie is remarkably representative of an increasing number of women in my age group (I think you're about the same age IIRC) with whom I interact. I'm seeing a lot more pragmatism, especially from those who have "been through the wringer" relationship-wise for 30+ years. TBF has suggested that I seek out and/or attract EU women, and I am currently examing that dynamic, so perhaps my sample is skewed by that psychology. In any event, it appears Lizzie is comfortable with the work dynamic part, but finds some of the MM behaviors annoying and unsophisticated. I guess she'd likely find those behaviors to be similarly annoying in any man. Can't say that I blame her Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted April 30, 2009 Author Share Posted April 30, 2009 So in other words...he's operating under the belief that he's the only one CURRENTLY in your bed? And when he gets too close, you then open up and make it clear that he's not. But once he backs off, you drop the subject and let him go back to thinking that he is exclusive. Is this wrong, or does this probably sum up what he's assuming in this relationship? no ..no.. you misunderstood my post.. he's never been under the impression that he was exclusive.. never... he knows I can sleep with other guys if I want to.. but he rarely asks.. I guess he doesn't like the answers.. (it must hurt I guess).. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted April 30, 2009 Author Share Posted April 30, 2009 My bet is that she leaves that door open and undiscussed, the reason being that exclusivity necessarily involves some sort of implicit commitment, even if no emotion. And, since these are MM, they're already operating under the premise of 'flexible' exclusivity, wrt their wives, so essentially the point is moot. Equality Owl, philosophically and ethically/morally I'm in agreement with you on this, but I explore the dynamic as Lizzie is remarkably representative of an increasing number of women in my age group (I think you're about the same age IIRC) with whom I interact. I'm seeing a lot more pragmatism, especially from those who have "been through the wringer" relationship-wise for 30+ years. TBF has suggested that I seek out and/or attract EU women, and I am currently examing that dynamic, so perhaps my sample is skewed by that psychology. In any event, it appears Lizzie is comfortable with the work dynamic part, but finds some of the MM behaviors annoying and unsophisticated. I guess she'd likely find those behaviors to be similarly annoying in any man. Can't say that I blame her Agree with all the bold parts.. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 These two paragraphs are contradictory. In one you say she is lying to the MMs by omission which is wrong, in one you say you would be okay with it if it was *single* guys she was lying to.... Where is the logic in this? Surely it's less immoral to cheat on a cheat, so to speak. I wanted to point out that the real lies by omission I was referring to here were the ones being propogated to the MM's wives. No, Lizzie isn't lying to them...I know that. But she is deliberately participating in their deception...as point out in her statement that (I could get caught ) . It's clear that there IS a deception occuring, or she wouldn't be worried about getting caught. If she were with single guys...no deception of any kind required. No other parties that are left out of the agreement to the "Lizzie proposition". No one else to get hurt by the fact that these guys are sleeping with her. In other words...I don't have an issue with prostitution as an institution...but I have an issue with infidelity and cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 I agree. I am in the same basic age group and these older women are much more pragmatic and need less emotional involvement. They want the big O, primarily and are much more likely to just want a physical relationship. But, man , Liz, where did you find this poor, desperate loser. He seems pathetic with limited social skills. Hope he is good in the sack, at least. You may need to upgrade. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted April 30, 2009 Author Share Posted April 30, 2009 I wanted to point out that the real lies by omission I was referring to here were the ones being propogated to the MM's wives. No, Lizzie isn't lying to them...I know that. But she is deliberately participating in their deception...as point out in her statement that . It's clear that there IS a deception occuring, or she wouldn't be worried about getting caught. If she were with single guys...no deception of any kind required. No other parties that are left out of the agreement to the "Lizzie proposition". No one else to get hurt by the fact that these guys are sleeping with her. In other words...I don't have an issue with prostitution as an institution...but I have an issue with infidelity and cheating. AGAIN you misunderstood my post.. I said: he would show up at my door unannounced.. and I cannot tolerate that.. (I could get caught ) that I don't want to get caught by this MM (if he shows up unannounced)... I am soooo not worried about the Ws.. they have no idea.. I am (we are) extremely careful.. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 AGAIN you misunderstood my post.. I said: he would show up at my door unannounced.. and I cannot tolerate that.. (I could get caught ) that I don't want to get caught by this MM (if he shows up unannounced)... I am soooo not worried about the Ws.. they have no idea.. I am (we are) extremely careful.. OK...you're right...I don't understand. If he knows that you're sleeping with others...how can you get "caught" by him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted April 30, 2009 Author Share Posted April 30, 2009 OK...you're right...I don't understand. If he knows that you're sleeping with others...how can you get "caught" by him? because I wouldn't want thim to bump into another MM (what if he knows him)... he doesn't know I'm sleeping with other MM.. he thinks the guys are single.... I know.. I know.. it's complicated... But I thought you meant 'caught by the wives'... Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 OK...so in effect, he IS being deceived by omission... And...I was indeed also referring to the wives, and the possibility that you'd be caught by them as well. To me...that's a BIGGER issue than whether or not MM would be upset to find out you're shaboinking other MM. But, at the bottom of it all...this still isn't an "all out in the open" situation. I'm curious...why would he CARE if they're married or not? It's not like HE can complain about that without being a major hypocrite. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 LOL. Owl , you are wholesome. You just are not going to be able to wrap your head around the etiquette in this type of thing. But you are so sweet to try! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 LOL. Owl , you are wholesome. You just are not going to be able to wrap your head around the etiquette in this type of thing. But you are so sweet to try! LOL...apparently you've not read any of my other threads, where I'm clearly an OM-stalking homicidal maniac! :) But...I would argue...I don't know how "wholesome" I'd consider myself either...not after the things I've lived through and done in my lifetime. I just don't care for hiding the truth in things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted April 30, 2009 Author Share Posted April 30, 2009 OK...so in effect, he IS being deceived by omission... And...I was indeed also referring to the wives, and the possibility that you'd be caught by them as well. To me...that's a BIGGER issue than whether or not MM would be upset to find out you're shaboinking other MM. But, at the bottom of it all...this still isn't an "all out in the open" situation. I'm curious...why would he CARE if they're married or not? It's not like HE can complain about that without being a major hypocrite. I don't know.. it's just like that.. I have a good 'reputation' at work... he always thought I was dating single guys only and that he's the first one.. I just want to keep it like that.. I like to keep it 'simple' with him.. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 That makes total sense to me. We all have personas at work and what we choose to do in our private life is not necessarily who we are at work. Just picturing Lizzie all preppie in her Brooks Brothers suit... the total libarian;) And its noone's business. Why does he need to know anything about the other people she is involved with? he knows they dont have an exclusive relationship so who else is in the picture is really none of his concern. I mean its not like she got to vet his W... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted April 30, 2009 Author Share Posted April 30, 2009 That makes total sense to me. We all have personas at work and what we choose to do in our private life is not necessarily who we are at work. Just picturing Lizzie all preppie in her Brooks Brothers suit... the total libarian And its noone's business. Why does he need to know anything about the other people she is involved with? he knows they dont have an exclusive relationship so who else is in the picture is really none of his concern. I mean its not like she got to vet his W... Funny that you make allusion to this.. a long time ago.. I was wearing those brown square glasses (I've had the operation since).. I had my hair up.. and wearing a skirt (suit).. and one of the secretary was making allusion of that 'picture' of the wild secretary.. and she asked me to undo my hair and take my glasses off.. that was too funny... Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 LOL it comes through! Even through the ethers of the internet... Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 I'm curious...why would he CARE if they're married or not? It's not like HE can complain about that without being a major hypocrite. I'm with Lizzie on this one! When I was still doing multiple MMs, they each knew very clearly that they were not "Mr Only". But who the others were was absolutely none of their business! My life outside of them was entirely my business - the same way the didn't get to meet eat my meals or drive my car or meet my kids, they didn't get to meet my other lovers. And the converse held too - I had absolutely no desire to meet their wives or kids or grandparents. It had nothing to do with lying or being dishonest - it was simply a boundary thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 I'm with Lizzie on this one! When I was still doing multiple MMs, they each knew very clearly that they were not "Mr Only". But who the others were was absolutely none of their business! My life outside of them was entirely my business - the same way the didn't get to meet eat my meals or drive my car or meet my kids, they didn't get to meet my other lovers. And the converse held too - I had absolutely no desire to meet their wives or kids or grandparents. It had nothing to do with lying or being dishonest - it was simply a boundary thing. ................ I almost spit my morning coffee... Link to post Share on other sites
mystiblue Posted May 2, 2009 Share Posted May 2, 2009 I work with my MM only two days a week, as he is a doctor and has another practice. I am an RN. He is discreet, as he will pop into my room and when no one is around, he will sneak a kiss or just want to be near me. We text and he will call me sometimes. We are 'new' and it's a complicated story to go into. He was in an arranged marriage as he is middle eastern. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lizzie60 Posted May 2, 2009 Author Share Posted May 2, 2009 I got a call tonight from him.. he was taking his walk and wanted to talk to me.. he seemed nervous.. he said he feels that he is losing me.. and he's going crazy... shoooot. Gosh.. I hope this is not getting out of hand.. I have to think of something to tell him that will 'cool' him off.. I don't want him to do anything foolish (like telling his wife) or getting depressed.. He is a very smart man.. but sometimes emotions can take over.. I have to be careful how I 'handle' him... he might be more fragile than I think. I felt sad though.. for what he said.. he's been with his W since he's 18, she was 14.. they married 8 years later.. had children.. they were their first sexual experiences... although he's a very good lover.. he didn't have much experience with other women.. he had another A about 12 yrs ago (he slept with this MW only 3-4 times)... it was again very 'conventional'... he says he wants to do whatever I want him to do sexually... he will even 'masturbate' in front of me.. (I had to bite my lips not to laugh)... he said he keeps thinking about 275 ways to seduce me.. WOW.. if only he knew ... He had only one or two BJs from his W.. and the only way she wants to have sex is the missionary position.. she completely refuses to try anything new.. she said it hurts.. ... I kinda feel sorry for him.. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted May 2, 2009 Share Posted May 2, 2009 Are you falling for him? If not you need to let him down gently. How about this? You could tell him that you enjoy him, that hes a great lover then remind him how much he LOVES his wife and that you could never live with yourself if you got in the way of that. Different things work with different people ... the words will come to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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