My MM from work ..

[Lizzie60]

Are you falling for him? If not you need to let him down gently.

 

How about this? You could tell him that you enjoy him, that hes a great lover then remind him how much he LOVES his wife and that you could never live with yourself if you got in the way of that.

 

Different things work with different people ... the words will come to you.

 

 

If only it was that easy.. he already knows all this.. I told him I would never take him away from his family...

 

I am soooo not falling for him.. it's quite the opposite.. he's getting on my nerves now.. once a guy becomes too much involved.. it becomes a turn-off.

 

I know I need to be gentle with him.. I told him recently that I'm losing my libido because of my menopause..(not true but he doesn't know that) I want to let him go slowly.. but it seems to make him more nervous.. and more cligny.

 

I might have to tell him once more that I have a new bf...

[jj33]

Those are both good covers. Why go from no bj to no libido:eek:... (every man's nightmare I am sure leaving for the OW and finding there is no sex yet again....) and he cant compete with a new bf when you wouldnt take him away from his family.

[Reggie]

Just give him plenty of BJs, Liz. BJs will keep him calm.

[Owl]

This is why I don't agree with your "lifestyle" as it applies to MM's, Lizzie.

 

Because most people can't seperate physical intimacy from emotional intimacy.

 

This isn't the first time you've had this issue with a MM, is it?

 

And here's something else to consider...all of this "emotion", all of this time and focus he's putting on you...is stolen from his wife and family.

 

All this emotional investment he's trying to put into his "relationship" with you is being withdrawn from his emotional investments to his wife.

 

Which is why I don't agree with your belief that what you do "helps" marriages.

 

The only advice I could give you Lizzie would be to cut his butt off completely. But I have no idea what the potential fallout at work will be when you do this.

[2sure]

When this thread started with his making "licking faces" I said the writing was on the wall for him.

 

Now you feel sorry for him. And want to break it off with him gently. That spells: obligation.

 

Stupid Faces and Obligation are surer affair killers than D-Day.

[Athena]

I got a call tonight from him.. he was taking his walk and wanted to talk to me.. he seemed nervous.. he said he feels that he is losing me.. and he's going crazy... shoooot.

 

 

Sigh, what have you unleashed in this man?! (perhaps you could become a 'sex therapist', lol! Seems to do the trick!).

 

I would suggest you tell MM asap that you don't see him as a serious b/f and haven't allowed yourself to get emotionally attached to him.

The fact that he said he feels he is losing you, indicates you have become precious to him... time to cut him free!

[Athena]

 

...all of this "emotion", all of this time and focus he's putting on you...is stolen from his wife and family.

 

All this emotional investment he's trying to put into his "relationship" with you is being withdrawn from his emotional investments to his wife.

 

I do agree with this, and have thought this before of all affairs

[JMC]

This is why I don't agree with your "lifestyle" as it applies to MM's, Lizzie.

 

Because most people can't seperate physical intimacy from emotional intimacy.

 

This isn't the first time you've had this issue with a MM, is it?

 

 

Oh my dear Owl!

 

Single guys can (re: what I bolded). I wish they couldn't!!! But they do. That's where I've gotten hurt the most in the past.

 

What a convenient segue into me saying that I am so numb from being hurt so much in the past 2 years that I'm seeing myself become more and more like Lizzie....not getting attached to anyone in a "love" way.

 

I don't know if it's a good or bad thing.

 

I still love you after all this time though, Owl.

[Reggie]

Did this guy really make "licking" faces? Liz, you need to upgrade.

[OWoman]

Gosh.. I hope this is not getting out of hand.. I have to think of something to tell him that will 'cool' him off.. I don't want him to do anything foolish (like telling his wife) or getting depressed..

 

How about the truth?

 

"Dude, you really fly my kite, and I enjoy being with you. But this clingy stuff you're getting into now - it's such a passion killer, KWIM? I like my men to be MEN, hardcore and resilient. I'd rather be your lover than your social worker. We work together and I need to respect you - not feel sorry for you. If we carry on down this road you've taken, I'm going to have to break it off with you..."

 

That's worked for me, more than once

[Owl]

Oh my dear Owl!

 

Single guys can (re: what I bolded). I wish they couldn't!!! But they do. That's where I've gotten hurt the most in the past.

 

What a convenient segue into me saying that I am so numb from being hurt so much in the past 2 years that I'm seeing myself become more and more like Lizzie....not getting attached to anyone in a "love" way.

 

I don't know if it's a good or bad thing.

 

I still love you after all this time though, Owl.

 

Actually...most people can't continue a long term "physical only" relationship without emotional attachement developing. Single or married. Some can...some can't.

 

Either you've had a string of bad luck with the SG's you've been involved with (possible), or you've somehow managed to choose those guys who don't form those kinds of attachments somehow (also possible).

[Gamine]

Once upon a time I worked in a corporate office. I was pursued day in and day out. Offered promotions, hit on by the owner/CEO, and everything in between. These men were relentless. Attended seminars and wound up with men in attendance tracking me down and pursuing me with such intent that it was unnerving.

 

However, this constant pursuit (even today is unrelenting) was not flattering to me. I had no interest in being a non paid call girl. In fact, I was a prize that had no price tag. I feel more powerful as a woman saying no.

 

Why? Because we'll get old some day and our looks won't be there. Our breasts will sag and we'll have to have something of value to rest our hats upon other than being sexually broken and handing our bodies out like cotton candy.

 

I do not wish to be disrespectful to those who choose this lifestyle, however upon reading the posts one thought resonates so very clearly to me.... Who hurt you?

 

Thou dost protest too much.

[2sure]

Gamine -

 

Lizzie isnt saying she is hurt . As far as protesting - its no secret she likes the attention, but on her terms only. She is only protesting that this particular MM at work has become more of an inconvenience than a good time.

[Gamine]

There is hurt underneath it all. I would be willing to bet my portfolio that there is a tremendous hurt there somewhere. I don't feel there is power in these posts. All I see is sadness cloaked as defiance. Someone who is probably a very feeling and sensitive woman who adapted to a life that makes sense to her.

 

I bet she is a wonderful person deep inside. I bet there is someone who has been very disappointed by life and is very sensitive.

 

I bet she is a wonderful friend. But she has been hurt and hurt badly.

 

Whatever the case may be, I hope she finds what she is looking for and has a very happy life.

[Owl]

Gamine, you really need the backstory here.

 

There's no "hurt" on Lizzie's side of this.

 

Lizzie is a "professional OW". She has her day job where this MM works...and supplements her income in the evenings by offering "services" in exchange for "gifts"...in which she targets MM specifically to avoid any kind of emotional entanglements.

 

MM here is basically getting the freebie.

 

There's no "hurt" here, because she has absolutely no desire to have any kind of emotional commitment.

 

Hers is a business proposition...with the occasional freebie thrown in.

 

No hurt on her part...

[Gamine]

Respectfully, then the reference to being OW could be a misnomer. If she is a professional with no entanglements then perhaps the tag of OW is not accurate even if she is giving out freebies. There is quite a bit of 'hurt' there nonetheless leading up to this choice and for that I have nothing but heartfelt compassion and understanding.

[boldjack]

Gamine, I have to agree with you on this. No young girl gets up in the morning and says 'Golly, when I grow up I'll be a part time business woman and part time OW/hooker", doesn't happen that way. There are reasons for her lack of respect for the MM's and her absolute refusal to become emotionally involved with anybody. Still, she seems a pretty girl and is entertaining. Actually, when I was a cheater, I was very much like her, I didn't care for small talk about my OW's husbands and kids, I wanted sex and perhaps an occassional meal.

[Reggie]

There is hurt underneath it all. I would be willing to bet my portfolio that there is a tremendous hurt there somewhere. I don't feel there is power in these posts. All I see is sadness cloaked as defiance. Someone who is probably a very feeling and sensitive woman who adapted to a life that makes sense to her.

 

I bet she is a wonderful person deep inside. I bet there is someone who has been very disappointed by life and is very sensitive.

 

I bet she is a wonderful friend. But she has been hurt and hurt badly.

 

Whatever the case may be, I hope she finds what she is looking for and has a very happy life.

 

I have to agree. I have known men and women like this and , somwhere in their past, they were badly damaged. No healthy person would choose this sad, lonely existence, IMO. The constant allusions to sexual prowess and fantasizing that these men obsess about her, makes me think that the "doth protest too much" analysis is right on.

[OWoman]

I have to agree. I have known men and women like this and , somwhere in their past, they were badly damaged. No healthy person would choose this sad, lonely existence, IMO.

 

:lmao: :lmao: "sad, lonely existence... :lmao: :lmao:

 

keep rationalising that to yourself, if it keeps you warm at night!

 

Some people choose that lifestyle because they are FULFILLED - because they're NOT feeding off lovers for their intimacy and affirmation needs, which they get elsewhere (friends, work, family, etc). They need lovers for sex only, and don't want the inconvenience of having to be someone's social worker and cook and cleaner and spawn incubator.

 

A great many M people lead "sad, lonely existences" - check out the marriage boards, or listen up to work colleagues, or maybe even look in the mirror - which their damaged pasts led them to "choose" because they haven't the balls to claim their lives and live them out to the full - whether alone, partnered, or - as Lizzie and other OWs like her do - with an array of part-time arrangements to suit their own particular circumstances.

 

It takes far more balls and life courage to walk the "path less travelled" than to fall into a safe, boring way of life. People who are truly damaged are far more likely to opt for the latter.

[boldjack]

O, Her "relationships", I'm not interested in, it's her seeming lack of respect for anyone, and absence of emotional bonding, that I find interesting.

[boldjack]

You have a point, even so I still think that I will stand by my previous post. I have never heard of anyone deliberately choosing prostitution or any form of surrogate as a lifestyle, with out some unpleasant background.

[Reggie]

:lmao: :lmao: "sad, lonely existence... :lmao: :lmao:

 

keep rationalising that to yourself, if it keeps you warm at night!

 

Some people choose that lifestyle because they are FULFILLED - because they're NOT feeding off lovers for their intimacy and affirmation needs, which they get elsewhere (friends, work, family, etc). They need lovers for sex only, and don't want the inconvenience of having to be someone's social worker and cook and cleaner and spawn incubator.

 

A great many M people lead "sad, lonely existences" - check out the marriage boards, or listen up to work colleagues, or maybe even look in the mirror - which their damaged pasts led them to "choose" because they haven't the balls to claim their lives and live them out to the full - whether alone, partnered, or - as Lizzie and other OWs like her do - with an array of part-time arrangements to suit their own particular circumstances.

 

It takes far more balls and life courage to walk the "path less travelled" than to fall into a safe, boring way of life. People who are truly damaged are far more likely to opt for the latter.

 

I cannot agree with this. Humans want an emotional, intimate connection, IMO and this lifestyle does not provide that.

O , I'd say you need to look in the mirror. Your posts are always so full of boasting and demonizing your screwed up H's spouse. The allegations that everyone is so overjoyed with yiur marriage demonstrate your insecurtiy and bitterness.

[OWoman]

I cannot agree with this. Humans want an emotional, intimate connection, IMO and this lifestyle does not provide that.

 

If you'd read my post and understood it, you'd know that I was saying that some people have those needs for intimacy and emotional connection filled to overflowing in OTHER aspects of their lives, without needing to parasitise them off lovers.

 

O , I'd say you need to look in the mirror. Your posts are always so full of boasting and demonizing your screwed up H's spouse. The allegations that everyone is so overjoyed with yiur marriage demonstrate your insecurtiy and bitterness.

 

This is on topic, how? Resorting to name-calling when your argument fails might work in the playground, but adults don't fall for that kind of stuff.

 

BTW since I am my H's spouse, it's pretty nonsensical that I would demonise myself, don't you think?

[NoIDidn't]

I haven't read this thread in its entirety yet, but I have a question:

 

Why do all of Lizzie's threads end up in pitying the perceived sad, prostituting lady with a lot of hurt in her past?

 

I might agree with some of this sentiment, but I think its pointless. She's made it to over 50 with this mindset, so I doubt she'll be admitting to any great disappointments any time soon.

[boldjack]

NID, I agree with you and think that Lizz is pretty settled in her ways, and I don't pity her at all. I'm actually indifferent to her, except for the reasons she acts the way she does. She reminds me of an old-maid school teacher I once had, no emotional involvement, lack of respect and a rather poor view of humanity in general. The difference is that the teacher hungered for knowledge and LIzz hungers for sex. Very interesting poster.