Feeling like an idiot cause I got cheated on but still want to be with him...

[puffycheeks]

Me and my bf have been together for a year now and in that short period of time we have been throught a lot. just last year in august he went to vegas (where his exgf used to live) and decided to "fool around with her"

I didnt hear it from him because he didnt have the balls to be an honest person i went on his email and saw an email that he wrote her saying "I enjoyed spending the weekend with you. I missed you!" so i flipped cried and felt like **** for days yet he never admitted it, next i wrote her an email to ask her what exactly happened and once she was out of jail...YES! she was in jail for drug possesion she wrote me back saying that although they didnt have sex they did mess around! and that was 3 days ago I asked him if he had done anything again hoping that he would come clean but he never did.. now heres the deal I feel like we really love each other like he cares about me but for some bizarre reason he can't show it... its really hard for him to show any sort of feelings around me and i dont know how to get him to open up with me... When we first started dating i told him that if he ever cheated on me i was going to break up with him and he says thats the reason why he didnt have the guts to tell me because he knew he was going to lose me and he didnt want that to happen.. he lied to me about cheating many many times so i just cant bring myself to believe what he says now. Ive been through this before my exbf went on a trip with his exgf and "fooled around" while out of town and I caught him six months after cause he never told me... i told this to my current bf because the feeling of being cheated on is the worst feeling ever... and i didnt want to go through that crap again...obviously he never took that in consideration. The thing is that i really care and love him but dont know how to deal/cope or leave this behind for once and for all so i can finally move forward.... I know deep inside my heart that he wants to be with me but i dont know if love is enough for me to get over this.. he disrespected me and ruined our trust bond.. i feel betrayed and extremelly depressed as this situation has gotten to me in the worst ways and somehow i think it was my fault. i just want to know whether to be or not with him and how to come to that decision.. hes a very great guy but he CHEATED on me! if anybody has gotten this hard in this posting and has some sort of clue and advice as to what to do in this situation i will be eternally grateful. Im just trully really lost and confused.

 

ps. Thanks sooo much

[imagine]

Puffyc,

 

It took me awhile but I had to learn that my wife was my number one friend. This meant that there is no competition from any other lady.

 

Once I learned that, my focus grew stronger for my life partner!

[AAlike]

how recently did you catch him?

 

there's no easy way to just "get over it" - it's an emotional thing so the only thing that will help you get over it is time, and that's if it's possible for you to get over it at all.

 

As for whether or not it's possible, well, that's a case-by-case thing - some people are capable of it, but in my opinion the vast majority aren't. What has his reaction been since you caught him?

[emotionbankrupt]

It is hard, isn't it? Feeling sad, hurt and betrayed but on another level NOT wanting to break the relationship? It will take some time to get over the betrayal, I am way early in recovery mode, and you will have days that you want to keep him, and yet others you want to kick him to the curb. I have not answered this question for myself entirely, YET. I am committed to "making it work" as it were, BUT am pretty sure if It was just him and I that I would be down the road at least until I was sure he was what I married originally, my best friend and partner. My HONEST AND ETHICAL best friend and partner I should say.

 

Do you believe he will still want to "hook up" with said ex girlfriend when she is sprung from jail?

 

Do you think you can trust him?

 

Most importantly how do you feel about yourself, when you think about staying vs. leaving?

[Gabriboy]

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[7117]

It's gonna be hard but move on I know it's easier said than done.Once a cheater always a cheater.I have never cheated on one of my girlfriends but have been cheated on so I know how it feels.The trust is never there it's just not the same.

[Dman]

I agree with 7117 - once a cheater always a cheater. Don't get back with this guy - it WILL happen again and again. Your situation is slightly similar to mine and after I forgave my boyfriend for cheating on me he only went and did it again. I also found out he'd done it a year and a half ago too.

Just don't feel like you won't ever love anyone like you love him. This guy is a waste of time. If he gets the opportunity to cheat on you he will. I guarantee it.

You may think they're sorry and believe them when they say it won't happen again (sometimes they even make themselves believe that) - but it always, always will happen again. I just wish I'd taken the advice of the people on these boards when my boyfriend cheated. At the end losing them isn't the thing that will hurt you the most - but the realisation that you've wasted so much time with someone who didn't respect you.

Give time a chance to heal you - getting back with this guy would only be a quick fix to your heartache, but time heals all. Things would never be the same if you got back together. You'd never quite trust him and it's just not worth the stress!