CheshireGirl Posted October 19, 2003 Share Posted October 19, 2003 I started talking to this guy online about a year ago. We've spoken on the phone many times since, and get along extremely well. We both have the same lifestyle and values etc etc. Well, we finally met up last night. There was no awkwardness at all, and we chatted for hours about everything. He is cute and charming, but I just cant get over the fact that he is SHORT! I am short myself (156cm or 5'1"), but this guy is probably only 160cm (or 5'2"); not much taller than me. I was wearing heels and we were the exact same height. He is also slightly pudgy ('solidly built', I guess), whereas I am a bit of a gym fanatic. I don't consider myself an overly superficial person but this really got to me over the course of the night and I felt myself recoiling physically when he tried to make moves. Everything else is great but I just couldn't respect him as a 'man' because of his lack of height. I know how terrible and hypocritical this sounds but I'm just trying to be honest. I've only ever dated guys I have an immediate physical chemistry with, and I feel like I can't move forward with this guy, no matter how well suited we are, because of his lack of height. He's keen to meet up again but I don't want to get myself into a weird situation, or string him along. I'm certainly not desperate for a boyfriend. Then again, maybe I should just give the guy a chance?? Advice please, I'm totally confused! Link to post Share on other sites
VASH THE STAMPEDE Posted October 19, 2003 Share Posted October 19, 2003 You definitely don't want to string him along,he'll be hurt and hateful toward you. If you feel you can't handle the situation just tell him in a polite way that is not going to work out. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 19, 2003 Share Posted October 19, 2003 Don't feel bad about your feelings. Physical attraction and chemistry is an essential ingredient in the dating process. It's only fair to him not to see him again if you're going to resist or reject his advances. That's only going to make him feel worse about himself. Women generally see height as a sign of a level of protection the male can offer...it's a very primitive thing. While some tall women have no problem with shorter men, some do and if you do stick with men taller than you....period! While there's a chance you may find some positive things about him that would be compelling over a period of time if you dated him, that very well may not happen. I think you need to go with your gut and cut this one off at the pass. Link to post Share on other sites
RosiePosie Posted October 19, 2003 Share Posted October 19, 2003 I’ve been out with guys I haven’t found instantly attractive, but whose personality has won me over. Indeed, I was almost too ashamed to introduce my current boyfriend to my friends because he’s not that good looking. It’s a difficult decision; maybe just stay friends first and see if you can overlook his shortcomings (pun intended). At least you know you'll always hold the power in the relationship. If there's one thing I don't miss about dating model-types, it's the constant chase for their attention. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 19, 2003 Share Posted October 19, 2003 I’ve been out with guys I haven’t found instantly attractive, but whose personality has won me over I totally agree. After some time together, I've found things that attract me about people I initially had no chemistry with. In my experience, love can create chemistry. Link to post Share on other sites
HeatMos Posted October 19, 2003 Share Posted October 19, 2003 It almost sounds like you are repulsed by his lack of height. Too bad... because he seems to have everything else you are looking for. My guy is 4 inches shorter then me, I'm 5' 9" & he's 5' 5". Doesn't bother either one of us at all. Link to post Share on other sites
busgirl Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 It's obvious you can't force the 'sparks' that are essential to a relationship, but at the same time, they can be developed over time. Upon first sight of one of my exes, i swore i'd never date him, and i ended up going out with him for over 6 months. For me, it was gradually becoming friends and getting to know him for awhile that made me realize what a great guy he was, and i became attracted to him over time. it is possible, just make sure the guy knows you're not on the same level....yet. Link to post Share on other sites
CheshireGirl Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 They have helped me clarify the situation. I'm just worried that if I do give him a chance I'll turn into an impossible princess and treat him like crap (like so many good looking boys have done to me). I guess I've resolved to see him again, if he makes most of the effort. I just can't shake a feeling inside that I'm doing something seedy. I just have never even thought about going out with someone unless there are major sparks. It is so weird to be starting from another state of mind. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 Plenty of relationships that start with 'sparks' fizzle. Lots of relationships that begin as friendships don't. There is no set formula for this stuff so why not try a different method and see if it works better than your usual? Link to post Share on other sites
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