Feeling blue - a little TMI so guys may not be interested...

[KikiW]

I know some guys get all squirmy, so fair warning this does have to do with women's issues affecting my LDR!

 

Ok, it's that time of the month again, and it's really starting to drive me insane. Last year I had an IUD implanted, the copper one, not the hormonal one because I can't use hormonal BC anymore. The freedom the IUD affords me is AWESOME, but the monthly cycle stuff can be a huge burden. The lead-up to the start of it can take days, and lasts more than a week (has been up to 9 days).

 

I start to get moody and "off" pretty early. This time it started on MONDAY and it's FRIDAY and I haven't officially even started yet. My LDR is pretty in tune with my moods and is usually the one to nail the reason for my shift even before *I* put the puzzle together. I become less playful, less interested in bantering, my sense of humor seems to fizzle, and any sexual innuendo from him falls flat and I start getting irritated - it's like suddenly my positive energy is just dead. Suddenly I spiral into thoughts of "damn all he thinks about is getting laid" or "he only loves me because I distracted him from his RL" when I KNOW that's not true.

 

Yesterday I was having a great day with my daughter doing the "take your child to work day", but by the end of the day I was wiped out. Took a brief nap, but it didn't help. By the time I got online I was really blue, could barely even chat with him on skype. We spent a lot time just kind of being online and the longer I was the worse I felt. He tried really hard to lift my spirits, and I tried to surf around looking for things to make me laugh. I probably should have just gotten off the computer - I felt awful for bringing the mood to him and he wasn't able to help me out of it. I begged him to not take it personally, and he was trying, but he sees it as a personal failure if he can't make me happy.

 

He was getting frustrated that he couldn't do what he really would have liked to comfort me. This is one of those times where I desperately would have liked him to be with me, so he could sit with me on the couch, make me a cup of tea, or just put his arm around me.

 

Someone recommended an herbal supplement called Happy Camper, which is supposed to be pretty effective on PMS-driven mood swings. Has anyone tried this product? I think i will head out in a few minutes to go see if I can find it at the health food store because I just don't know what else to do and I can't stand how this makes me feel and how it affects my relationship with my beloved.

 

Two weeks from this moment I will be with him getting ready to watch my little sister graduate college, but I am not even feeling the excitement yet. Of course, this brings in all those stupid thoughts of "do i really feel this way about him if I'm not excited?" and all that.

 

GAH! I HATE HORMONES. Thoughts? Advice? Support? Pat on the head and a "there, there"?

[Els]

I wish I could help, I really do!

 

Unfortunately I'm going through the same uhhh 'part' of it myself, and I've not tried anything short of blatant mood-affecting drugs that have changed it. All the primrose oil stuff doesn't work for me.

 

Do let me know if you find something!

 

Just a question though, did it get worse after you started using the IUD? Why can't you use hormonal-containing ones?

[carhill]

Any man who's in tune with his own hormonal cycle can empathize and be patient. Yep, newsflash.... Men deal with mood cycles as well. We just don't have cramping and bleeding after.

 

Tons of women (and men) learn to manage their mood swings. My wife would merely say "I might be crabby today but it has nothing to do with you" and I would understand immediately. Now, watch out if she didn't eat on time

[KikiW]

Just a question though, did it get worse after you started using the IUD? Why can't you use hormonal-containing ones?

 

Yes, the IUD I am using is notorious for increasing EVERYTHING (mood swings, flow, length of time I have them). I was prepared for the flow and length of time, not so prepared for the rotten mood I feel. Sometimes it only lasts 24-48 hours, but this week has felt like an eternity. I can't use hormone-based birth control (I wanted to go back on the pill, had used those for several years as a teen-young adult), but because I am not 35 they are no longer recommended for my age group.

 

@carhill - if it was just one day, or an afternoon of crabbiness, it wouldn't be such an issue. But 5 days of going from "ok" to "a little down" to "OMG my life is too overwhelming, I want a bucket of icecream, some footie pajamas and Sense and Sensibility on my TV right now DAMMIT!" and back again is getting weary and I'm sure absolutely no fun for my darling, who wants nothing more than to make everything better and can do very little 1200 miles away.

[LonelyTiger]

Now, watch out if she didn't eat on time

 

Interesting observation carhill.

 

I don't know anything about IUDs but I do know that one of the best ways to improve (if not eliminate) hormonally related mood swings (and other symptoms) is to a eat a really healthy diet.

 

In my teens and twenties I used to turn into a 'monster , with severe depression every month - to the point where I had to take medication. I found a book called 'Beat PMS Through Diet', followed the advice in it and what a difference it's made. (By the way - I don't know the authors and I'm not their publisher or editor ).

 

The main problem is sticking to it cos it really is 'super healthy'. I know if I eat chocolate or sweet stuff (like ice cream) my symptoms will be bad but those are the things we girlies seem to crave at that time.

 

When my hubby has just gone away after a visit and it's that time of the month (like now), I eat rubbish to comfort myself and then I get even more depressed about him not being here and all sorts of paranoia comes to the surface. Bit of a vicious circle.

 

The good news is eating really healthily does work although it can take a few months for the worst symptoms to subside.

 

That probably isn't an immediate help to you KikiW but might work in the longer term - if the influence of the IUD isn't too strong in the opposide direction.

 

I can offer you a 'there there' though if that helps .

[Lucky_One]

Talk to your doctor about a Mirena. It is an IUD that has a very very very small amount of progestogen and no estrogen (which causes most hormonal side effects). A miniscule amt of hormone ends up in your blood stream. But most Mirena users have much lighter and easier periods, and it seems to ease most PMS symptoms, too. It is used by a lot of women in their 40's while they are in the pre-menopausal stages and want a very effective birth control.

 

Another thought - condoms. You can't be having sex regularly, and condoms are effective, inexpensive, and cause no problems for either partner.

[KikiW]

Thanks LonelyTiger, I will look into that book and see if I can find a copy somewhere.

 

Update: Got that herbal supplement. I was very skeptical, but I would be lying if I said I didn't feel better. Not nearly as much of a pull to go crawl under the covers. I do feel like I can tackle the stuff I need to work on today without feeling overwhelmed, so maybe it did actually work. Will check in a little later and let you know how I feel then.

[Els]

Progestogen-only hormonal BC is usually not recommended for women without significant risk of blood clots because they put you at a higher risk for breast cancer.

 

KikiW, I hope you don't mind me asking... since you're in an LDR, why do constant BC (ie your IUD) instead of just using condoms during the short occasions when he happens to be around? I've known far too many relationships that fell apart because the woman became moody and depressed due to BC. Not saying that yours is doomed to that fate (touch wood!), but the irony is that you're doing the BC for your relationship, but the BC itself is causing you depression and thus stressing your relationship. This is even more so in LDRs, because mood swings are more likely (for me, at least!), and sex less frequent. Surely it would be better for the both of you, if you cannot find a BC that works for your mood and circumstances (age, risk factors, etc), to just go off the BC and use condoms?

[KikiW]

KikiW, I hope you don't mind me asking... since you're in an LDR, why do constant BC (ie your IUD) instead of just using condoms during the short occasions when he happens to be around? I've known far too many relationships that fell apart because the woman became moody and depressed due to BC. Not saying that yours is doomed to that fate (touch wood!), but the irony is that you're doing the BC for your relationship, but the BC itself is causing you depression and thus stressing your relationship. This is even more so in LDRs, because mood swings are more likely (for me, at least!), and sex less frequent. Surely it would be better for the both of you, if you cannot find a BC that works for your mood and circumstances (age, risk factors, etc), to just go off the BC and use condoms?

 

Ok well here it is...

 

I was quite used to condoms with my husband, and to be honest I tend to prefer them (I can be a bit weird in that I see them as "easy cleanup").

 

I'd rather not type out every detail, but we DID use condoms during our first weekend together, and much to our dismay found that they were really not the best option. And since I am obvious still in quite a fertile stage of my life, and I am not comfortable with the rhythm method, I figured I would just go on the pill again. Unfortunately, the non-hormonal IUD is really the only option I have, or a diaphram (which is definitely out, and would be WAY TMI to explain why).

 

So I am working with it for now, and giving my body as much time as possible to adjust to it. Got it early December 2008, so still less than 6 months. I would like to give it a full year before I make any final decision about it.

 

And, of course, this is ALL stuff I have talked with my LDR about. I would even be open to having my tubes tied, except that we are open to the idea of a child in our future. He was also VERY insistent that if I was really uncomfortable, in any pain, or felt it just wasn't right, he would go with condoms. I just figured, I have the damn thing in there, I'd rather wait until the last possible moment to take it out LOL.

 

PS: Since taking Happy Camper, I am feeling a little feisty, but otherwise rather back to normal. I like those supplements and will definitely give them another try tomorrow if I start feeling blue again.

[Els]

Great to know you're feeling better.

 

Well yeah many forms of BC take time to get used to. Since the supplement is helping it wouldn't hurt to give it a while more... I really hope it'll work for you!

 

Btw, this product of yours sounds interesting, could I ask a favour of you to check the ingredients used? Might consider it for mine... I've the horriblest PMS even without any form of BC.

[KikiW]

The company is listed as naturalbalance.com - ingredients are a blend of passion flower (aerial extract), kava kava (root, rhizome), eleuthero (root), gotu kola (aerial extract), kola nut (seed extract), schisandra (fruit), wood betony (aerial), english lavender (flower).