RecordProducer Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 That's my theory as to why people "desperately" seeking a relationship fail most of the time Well, if we didn't fail "most of the time" then we'd be complete sluts, because everyone wopuld sleep with everyone (if there are no failures, then no one may be left out). Or we'd meet the right person as soon as we post an ad and nobody would ever have a second partner. Of course, we "fail" most of the time - that's not failure, Caliguy, it's the journey of searching the right one. and those who do not always seem to just "bump" into the right person. Well, since they aren't looking, then they can only bump or not bump onto someone. I am sure they don't all bump into their future spouse within the first month of the not-looking period. Link to post Share on other sites
nolanola Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 PinkRibbon, I feel you. I am (still, after almost a year) trying to get over an ex. I sometimes feel despair that I won't meet anyone else. I went to a bachelorette weekend a few months ago at which I was the only single person and had to sit in silence while they all talked about their husbands! Hell on earth... The hardest thing is that my ex seems to be fine. It seems unfair, because it seems like he gets to "win" and move on first. However, my dad always tells me never to judge another person's insides by their outsides and I now see how true this is. Just when I think he is off living the life, I get some pathetic text or something from him like when he texted me on Valentine's Day. So I try to keep my head up and remind myself that if I went back five years that I would've never thought that the things that have happened to me over those five years would have happened. So who knows what crazy things might happen to me (or you) in the next five years? You could be in a place that right now you can't even imagine. So keep your head up and believe that life has a way of working out. As for second chances, I believe in them (have seen them work out). I think that if someone is meant to be back in your life, they will be. Funny things happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PinkRibbon Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 So you got a text at Valentines? I do agree about the part where they get to "win". He is off hanging at the bar we went and going on motorcycle rides and living his life with no cares or worries. Like we never met. I think that is what sux. I want him to hurt too. I want to be miserable also and want me back. Not going to happen. Little short bugger. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Well, if we didn't fail "most of the time" then we'd be complete sluts, because everyone wopuld sleep with everyone (if there are no failures, then no one may be left out). Or we'd meet the right person as soon as we post an ad and nobody would ever have a second partner. Of course, we "fail" most of the time - that's not failure, Caliguy, it's the journey of searching the right one. I do agree with you on that, RP. I guess my point is that the harder you "search" for a relationship the more desperate you seem and that translates externally to everyone you meet. And having sex, especially early in the relationship, often sets up expectations. And when you place expectations on someone, just or unjust, they will almost never meet them (and I think that can be unfair in some cases). Sort of like the single, creepy guy or girl at the gym who's literally staring down every hot looking person in the gym. If you're happy with who you are and confident, you don't drool like that publicly. That's why I carry extra napkins. If I catch myself drooling I can at least clean up my own mess Well, since they aren't looking, then they can only bump or not bump onto someone. I am sure they don't all bump into their future spouse within the first month of the not-looking period. True dat. There's no set time limit. I think you can speed up the process by not actively trying to hook yourself up -- because at least that way you don't seem desperate and the relationhip can progress naturally when you DO meet someone. Link to post Share on other sites
nolanola Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Pink Ribbon- He texted me on Valentine's randomly at 7 or 8 and I can't remember what it said, but it might as well have said "Hi, it's me... your ex-boyfriend. I don't have a date and am wondering if you do. I hope you don't forget about me, but just in case you have here I am inserting myself into your thoughts". Totally annoying. And the sad part is that even though it was annoying and actually somewhat pathetic, I still thought about it and him for the next several days, which I guess was the point. So I try to think about things like this when I think that everything is going great for him. Remember not to judge how they feel by how they look like they feel. You have no way of knowing whether he's happy or not. In my experience, I find that most of the time, things aren't as good or as bad as I make them out to be. I've also been trying to remind myself that it only matters how I feel and try to make myself feel as good as possible. I try to think of what will make me happy at that time, whether it be a nap, an ice cream, or watching tv. I also try to remember that no one knows what the future holds for you. Not even you. Life is wonderful and strange and it's possible that your ex may re-enter your life someday. The best way for that to happen though, is for time to pass so that you can both grow and change. You wouldn't want to be with him right now as he is so for him to be in your life right now wouldn't work. But it doesn't mean he's gone forever. Have faith that if he's meant to be back, he will be. And if not, you'll undoubtedly meet someone even better and this was just some other lesson. However, I know how hard it is. I have a hard time following my own advice sometimes.... Link to post Share on other sites
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