My sorry tale!

[webmuse]

so with her hands over her eyes and tears rolling own her cheeks she whispered 'it's over'

 

really? does she watch soap operas much? That was classic melodrama right there!

[hopesndreams]

Sorry KTM, the worse case scenario has happened to you. You had the fight, the desire to make things work and she had nothing to give back to you. I know just too well how that feels.

 

It's going to be hard to accept, I still can't quite believe there wont be a miracle turnround and she'll rush up to me and grab me and tell me she's changed her mind!

 

It is the hardest thing to accept. It been almost a month since being separated from my husband and I still have those same feelings now and again. Not all the time, thank goodness, but it does rear its ugly head at times. But, I do enjoy those moments of acceptance when they do happen, and you will too. In time.

[KTMRider33]

Sorry KTM, the worse case scenario has happened to you.

Thanks, I'm still finding it hard to accept, shes acting so 'normal' around me, making small talk.

I think I will find it easier once she moves out.

All of our friends have been great and really offering a lot of support, it does help, but nobody can take the pain away.

[hopesndreams]

Good to hear she's the one to do the moving out. It's your home, you did nothing wrong, it's all down to her so do not leave your home or else she would be in a win win situation. It's easy for her to act normal she's had more time to come to terms with what she has done and has her BS reasons of why she is doing what she is doing. Just sit back and watch her go do it alone. She needs to find her own place asap. Do you know if she is moving in with the OM? Is she a strong, capable enough woman to do this on her own if need be? Will you be her back-up when she finds things too difficult? You must be reeling right now, and that's Ok, but you do need to know what her plans are to get it straight in your head. The what ifs, is what you need to be working on now. Getting the answers is the best way forward to help you deal with the pain that this is causing you.

 

Also, watch for signs of depression. Good to hear you have supportive friends but you must not have her consume your thoughts 24 hours a day. She doesn't deserve it. She's a coward now and ignore her small talk as best you can....it will just mess with your healing. Time to put you first.

[LovieDove24]

Aww KTM this is so painful. What a heartless beeotch. How could she not remember the good times? How could she not think of the kids? Well the plain and simple truth is she is being extremely narcissistic and has it twisted in her mind where she feels justified in everything shes doing.

 

Don't worry, theres a 99% chance that she and the OM will not last. NOt that you will care when it comes to be that time, but just saying. Soon enough they will realize how "unfun" the relationship is without the thrill of her being married. The monotony of day to day life and bills and children will get to the both of them too and she will eventually see that she did not leave her marriage for the fairytale she had hoped. But rather she will see she left behind a foundation that cannot be returned to. Please believe someday in her heart she will regret it. Just don't expect to hear the words of it.

[Darth Vader]

Aww KTM this is so painful. What a heartless beeotch. How could she not remember the good times? How could she not think of the kids? Well the plain and simple truth is she is being extremely narcissistic and has it twisted in her mind where she feels justified in everything shes doing.

 

Don't worry, theres a 99% chance that she and the OM will not last. NOt that you will care when it comes to be that time, but just saying. Soon enough they will realize how "unfun" the relationship is without the thrill of her being married. The monotony of day to day life and bills and children will get to the both of them too and she will eventually see that she did not leave her marriage for the fairytale she had hoped. But rather she will see she left behind a foundation that cannot be returned to. Please believe someday in her heart she will regret it. Just don't expect to hear the words of it.

 

 

This is so true.

 

I just love the way Gunny put's it: "I don't feel for her, I feel for the poor Bastard that she's now with"! or "She's the other guys problem now, not yours"!

 

BTW, how controling can she be/is to you KTM? Think about that one!

 

Again Gunny's words, not mine, "OM's doing you a favor and taking her off your hands"!

[LuckyClover]

KTM, This sounds exactly what I'm going through right now...I found out March 12th at 11pm. Serious man it is going to get worse....I'm not telling you this to make you feel worse....but be prepared.....she WILL want child support, She WILL want alamony, She will probably even suggest that you move out and she keep the house....Stay strong in your convictions of what you know to be rightfully yours.....DON'T HATE...I have made that mistake already, I can't stand my STBXW anymore...she is cold-hearted and selfish....I thought for sure she would never leave me.....I trusted her...I gave her the world, but it wasn't enough.....It keeps getting uglyier and uglyier.....But...I'm standing ground and everyday I'm one day closer to moving on with MY life and living for ME and our kids. Believe me the quicker she moves out the better. But don't tell her what a selfish Bicch she is- I did and it just makes them more vindictive....it gives them more justification to thier actions....I'm a very gentle person, but...for some reason my stbxw brings the evil out of me right now...and...I hate.......so that's my advice....control YOUR emotions and don't worry about her....we have got to move on...I don't think the pain will ever go away....and that's okay.....I'm in control and You will be too....Smile, let everyone out there know that YOU are okay and will only get better.

[KTMRider33]

Well, it's all moving forward, she's sleeping in the spare room, and on the phone all the time (to him?), buying more and more underwear and constantly preening

She's tried small talk, which I can't stand....why would you pass the time of day with someone who has S**t on you?

It is living hell at home at the moment, the sooner she moves out the better.

She went out to see a 'friend' last night and came home late..... I couldn't be bothered to check with the friend to see if she went there.

I know she's a liar already......why bother checking up?

Well this morning she mentioned that we had a counseling appointment this evening, and I said I had intended to go alone, as I didn't think there was any point, her reply was, "if that's what you want" FFS.......that's a million miles from what I want......but she wasn't saying I would like to go, she was pushing it back on me, making it sound like I didn't want her to go.

There is no point in her going because:

She gave up on the marriage

She is having an affair

She is leaving me

She does not love me anymore

She has told me all the things I have done to damage the relationship

She does not think her feelings can change

She needs to find herself, be on her own and all the other BS

 

Why would sitting in a room with a counselor listening to it all over again do any good?

 

The living hell continues........

[Chrome Barracuda]

Well, it's all moving forward, she's sleeping in the spare room, and on the phone all the time (to him?), buying more and more underwear and constantly preening

She's tried small talk, which I can't stand....why would you pass the time of day with someone who has S**t on you?

It is living hell at home at the moment, the sooner she moves out the better.

She went out to see a 'friend' last night and came home late..... I couldn't be bothered to check with the friend to see if she went there.

I know she's a liar already......why bother checking up?

Well this morning she mentioned that we had a counseling appointment this evening, and I said I had intended to go alone, as I didn't think there was any point, her reply was, "if that's what you want" FFS.......that's a million miles from what I want......but she wasn't saying I would like to go, she was pushing it back on me, making it sound like I didn't want her to go.

There is no point in her going because:

She gave up on the marriage

She is having an affair

She is leaving me

She does not love me anymore

She has told me all the things I have done to damage the relationship

She does not think her feelings can change

She needs to find herself, be on her own and all the other BS

 

Why would sitting in a room with a counselor listening to it all over again do any good?

 

The living hell continues........

 

I would have said: I wanted my wife to be fatihfl and keep her legs closed...but we dont always get what we want now do we?

 

...cake-eater?

 

I'm serious. she has some freaking nerve! Do not engage in small talk! your marriage is over be a co-parent and let the OM take care of her emotionally and financially. She is not your problem. She is not your wife, girlfriend, or friend. all she is is, the woman that had your kids. and is an idiot for thinking the grass is greener but it'll come to bite her back in the azz, watch.

 

Detach, 180 and NC, only talk when neccessary. she's not worth your time, matter of fact start planning some time out with your friends, and take your ring off.

[Athena]

(...) she's sleeping in the spare room, and on the phone all the time (to him?), buying more and more underwear and constantly preening

All the new undies are for OM each time they meet -- she IS sleeping with him.

 

She's tried small talk, which I can't stand....why would you pass the time of day with someone who has S**t on you?

What you may not 'get' is that SHE is HAPPY! She wants to chit-chat with anyone and everyone... she has an emotional high from her OM, and talking to him on the phone isn't enough -- so she turns to you for some small talk too... don't do it.

She went out to see a 'friend' last night and came home late..... I couldn't be bothered to check with the friend to see if she went there.

I know she's a liar already......why bother checking up?

Well this morning she mentioned that we had a counseling appointment this evening, and I said I had intended to go alone, as I didn't think there was any point, her reply was, "if that's what you want"

A pity you didn't check up where she was, because THAT would have been the best reply -- that there is no reason to continue M. counseling if she is screwing OM the night before... Actions speak louder than words.

[Gowithflow]

Well, it's all moving forward, she's sleeping in the spare room, and on the phone all the time (to him?), buying more and more underwear and constantly preening

She's tried small talk, which I can't stand....why would you pass the time of day with someone who has S**t on you?

It is living hell at home at the moment, the sooner she moves out the better.

She went out to see a 'friend' last night and came home late..... I couldn't be bothered to check with the friend to see if she went there.

I know she's a liar already......why bother checking up?

Well this morning she mentioned that we had a counseling appointment this evening, and I said I had intended to go alone, as I didn't think there was any point, her reply was, "if that's what you want" FFS.......that's a million miles from what I want......but she wasn't saying I would like to go, she was pushing it back on me, making it sound like I didn't want her to go.

There is no point in her going because:

She gave up on the marriage

She is having an affair

She is leaving me

She does not love me anymore

She has told me all the things I have done to damage the relationship

She does not think her feelings can change

She needs to find herself, be on her own and all the other BS

 

Why would sitting in a room with a counselor listening to it all over again do any good?

 

The living hell continues........

 

You are 100% correct. There is no point in going to MC if she is still involved or even in contact with the other man. What a joke. Go by yourself for a couple months. It feels good to go for a while. Don't expect to learn more than you learn here on LS. Learn anger management because trust me, you will want to choke her AND the OM. Stay cool though. No matter what. It's important that you have no regrets on YOUR end.

[KTMRider33]

Well thank you for all your kind responses and advice.

This evening I managed to get a lot of things of my chest.....a tirade you might call it.

I don't think a lot of it went in, but it sure as hell made me feel better.

Up to this point I had held all my anger in and had really not said too much for fear that it would push my wife further away.

But I had a sudden realization that there is nothing that I could say or do that would make the situation any worse.

So it all started with me asking if she had found somewhere to live, and that I wanted her to move out as soon as possible as it was painful for both of being in the same house, an then I really let go.....I cannot relate what I said word for word but it contained the following

I know it's over so the sooner you move out the sooner I can get on with my new life.

I've listened/taken all your crap up until now, but now it stops for GOOD.

I don't wish you any ill will, but your bubble will burst, maybe not soon, but it will burst....and you'll come down to earth realizing that you have to endure the daily grind that 99.9% of humans go through every day.

You are a cheating lying bitch, and how you could go through weeks treating me the way you did is beyond my comprehension, how you could have arranged a party the week after you dropped the bombshell, and laughed and joked, got drunk,and then had the front to ask me why was I quiet and what was wrong WTF....you must be mental!

I am a better person than you.....I have more love,sensitivity, and moral fiber than you, I know you don't believe it but I would NEVER have treated you like that....I couldn't have seen you suffer like that without putting you out of your misery.

What makes me most angry is you taking the kids.....and I haven't ruled out fighting for custody.

Being betrayed is a ego crushing but since people have found out I have had a few offers, not that I'm going to do anything about it at the moment but it's nice to know that other women find me attractive.

It hurts that I have lost my best friend, wife, confidant, and lover.......but I will find somebody that loves me the right way.

You where trying to tell me it's over from the first bombshell, but you where a gutless coward and didn't have the balls.

Your wonderful new life is YOUR choice, this has been imposed on me, but I will enjoy my new found freedom, and become a better person.

It's time for me to be a man.......no longer a mouse!

It went on for about half an hour so must have contained more but I'm sure you get the idea.

 

She came back with a couple of cheap shots (but mostly silence), one of which would have floored me had I not read it on another post.

When I said she knew it was over from the start, she said I wasn't sure but I am now.....well that would have crushed me, making me think my rant had pushed her over the edge, but I that's just B.S

When I asked her what her response was, she said nothing at the moment, but I will have one day...WHAT!!!

I said is what I'm saying not the truth....she said I'm sure you believe it, I said that's a long way from you believing it, and I know it isn't sinking because you're still in a bubble of love, but it may do one day.

She's been on the phone ever since...maybe to the OM telling him what an evil B******D I am!!!!

Well I feel better for it.

I have read so many stories of people afraid to say what they think for fear that their spouse won't come back.....I don't want to be afraid any more.

So have I just pushed her further into his arms.........what the heck

[mark982]

but you grabbed yourself by the nads and let er rip. good for you.she now has a new perspective on you.

[webmuse]

Yayy for you KTM.. now stick to your guns!!

[Gunny376]

When a man's lost a woman's affection? You know what?

 

Its over!

 

There's one and only way of getting her back, and that's to man-up and move on with your life. Take some time to get your head and @ss wired backed together, set some goals and objectives, settle some any issues you may have in life ~ and then get out there and rub a little sunshine on your face.

 

Its hard for you to see it because your so focused on this one, but there are literally billions of women out there in all kinds of sizes, shapes, even colors that are just dying to meet a good man with a good heart and that has self discipline, control, confidence, and who value a woman for being a woman and not just a VLSS, (Vaginal Life Support System)

 

Woman not only want but need an emotional connection before they can have and even enjoy a sexual/physical connection. Men are just the exact opposite.

 

Its a push-pull thing Mother Nature has going on that ensures we do what we're really here to do? Pass on our DNA to the most fittest of the species.

 

Its when you add in all of the Hollyweird, media, Lifestyle, societal, culture, Disneyland "Once upon a time"............crap that the waters get muddied.

 

Your not in school anymore, and the tables have flipped. In adulthood, its men that have the supply and women that have the demand. Not for someone so much to take care of them, but just for one good man.

 

Oh they can find themselves someone to have sex with ~ but more times than not that's all? And that only last for a short time. And the men they find are only using and abusing them for sex.

 

After that? Its only a matter of time? You show me the most beautiful woman in the world, and I will show you at least one man that's tired of her and tired of having sex with her?

 

You want to short-circuit a woman's brain housing group? Turn one that you've been having regular sex with down when she initiates sex? Absolutely can not handle it!

 

One thing a man ~ any man must absolutely be capable of doing is ~ WALK away from any woman at anytime ~ even if he's married to her!

[seibert253]

Well thank you for all your kind responses and advice.

This evening I managed to get a lot of things of my chest.....a tirade you might call it.

I don't think a lot of it went in, but it sure as hell made me feel better.

Up to this point I had held all my anger in and had really not said too much for fear that it would push my wife further away.

But I had a sudden realization that there is nothing that I could say or do that would make the situation any worse.

So it all started with me asking if she had found somewhere to live, and that I wanted her to move out as soon as possible as it was painful for both of being in the same house, an then I really let go.....I cannot relate what I said word for word but it contained the following

I know it's over so the sooner you move out the sooner I can get on with my new life.

I've listened/taken all your crap up until now, but now it stops for GOOD.

I don't wish you any ill will, but your bubble will burst, maybe not soon, but it will burst....and you'll come down to earth realizing that you have to endure the daily grind that 99.9% of humans go through every day.

You are a cheating lying bitch, and how you could go through weeks treating me the way you did is beyond my comprehension, how you could have arranged a party the week after you dropped the bombshell, and laughed and joked, got drunk,and then had the front to ask me why was I quiet and what was wrong WTF....you must be mental!

I am a better person than you.....I have more love,sensitivity, and moral fiber than you, I know you don't believe it but I would NEVER have treated you like that....I couldn't have seen you suffer like that without putting you out of your misery.

What makes me most angry is you taking the kids.....and I haven't ruled out fighting for custody.

Being betrayed is a ego crushing but since people have found out I have had a few offers, not that I'm going to do anything about it at the moment but it's nice to know that other women find me attractive.

It hurts that I have lost my best friend, wife, confidant, and lover.......but I will find somebody that loves me the right way.

You where trying to tell me it's over from the first bombshell, but you where a gutless coward and didn't have the balls.

Your wonderful new life is YOUR choice, this has been imposed on me, but I will enjoy my new found freedom, and become a better person.

It's time for me to be a man.......no longer a mouse!

It went on for about half an hour so must have contained more but I'm sure you get the idea.

 

She came back with a couple of cheap shots (but mostly silence), one of which would have floored me had I not read it on another post.

When I said she knew it was over from the start, she said I wasn't sure but I am now.....well that would have crushed me, making me think my rant had pushed her over the edge, but I that's just B.S

When I asked her what her response was, she said nothing at the moment, but I will have one day...WHAT!!!

I said is what I'm saying not the truth....she said I'm sure you believe it, I said that's a long way from you believing it, and I know it isn't sinking because you're still in a bubble of love, but it may do one day.

She's been on the phone ever since...maybe to the OM telling him what an evil B******D I am!!!!

Well I feel better for it.

I have read so many stories of people afraid to say what they think for fear that their spouse won't come back.....I don't want to be afraid any more.

So have I just pushed her further into his arms.........what the heck

 

Hell yeah KTM, Hell yeah hell. As Gunny would as, Ouu rahh!

[hopesndreams]

Well I feel better for it.

 

And that is what matters more than anything right now. How you feel!!! You are admired. Everything you have done and the way you went about it is exactly right, do not, do not doubt that for a second. She's got something to really, really think about now and what she does with that is up to her.

[webmuse]

Where you at today KTM? Anything new?

[KTMRider33]

Where you at today KTM? Anything new?

Well the hell continues, living under the same roof as this alien that used to be my wife!!!!

After I gave her my speech, she has been even colder and more distant than before.

She still hasn't found anywhere to live, and says it will be at least two weeks before she does.

My response was the sooner the F***n better!

I went out Friday night, and was surprised to see her diary by the door when I got in, I now realize it was planted there by her for me to see!

She has been careful to hide everything up until now.

So of course I had a look and she has been making notes about my movements and when I have been looking after the kids, and that I threw a wedding photo out of the window.

She's obviously been advised to keep records.

So off she jollied with her best friend to get her hair cut, and I noticed more clothes being bought, and Cd's burned by her new love playing in her room, what a pile of S***e.

So she went out last night and left me with the kids, funny supposedly a girl friend was picking her up, but she went out and walked down the street so I couldn't see who it was.

We have briefly discussed divorce....so I suppose it's going to happen.

I very rarely wish bad things on people, but I hope this guy turns out to be a total twat, and does to her what she's doing to me.

Oh yeah we have a holiday weekend coming up and she wanted to now if I wanted to take the kids to my mums......I wonder what he wanted to do for the weekend?

To be honest I'm not sure if she came home last night, I did wake up at about half past three, but didn't hear anything.

Maybe I should start a diary of her actions.

This hurts like no other pain I have ever encountered, and living with the swinging emotions, sleeplessness and fear of a new unknown path in life that I wasn't expecting to take is immense.

The fact that she is still in the house flaunting her new found happiness just compounds all the pain she is putting me through.

I swing between acceptance, hate, fear, sadness etc

Somebody said to me on Friday the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference, and that's where I'm tying to get, but it's one step forward and two back at the moment.

So despite all the above I trying to adopt, the warrior mind, to be the lone wolf, to build my courage, confidence, self belief, and Independence.

It is a long road taking small steps, and I'll be honest I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, but I have to keep going.

My dad always used to say to me when things are bad you have to keep punching!!!!!!

[mark982]

if you haven't keep a diary of her actions that's crazy. it's helped a few of my buddys in divorces.but don't think cause she left that one out to see, that there isn't another one hidden somewhere. document everything.

[hopesndreams]

She still hasn't found anywhere to live, and says it will be at least two weeks before she does.

 

Believe that when you see it. She's dragging her feet but not in the way you want her too. What she has been doing to you is beyond cruel. Do expect her to leave later than the 2 weeks, she will continue to live there with you as long as you put up with it. Do an apartment/house search yourself, give her the info on the places that would interest her. Let her know you are dead serious that she has to go. The longer she stays the more abuse you will suffer.

 

threw a wedding photo out of the window[/]

 

Her documenting that is ridiculous and childish. Whoop de do...big deal....! Laughable really. After what she has done!! She's out to hurt you purposely, as if she ain't hurting you enough, wanting you to read her diary???? Next time you see it laying about, ignore it, don't look at it. It would just be more rubbish for you to think about it.

 

I very rarely wish bad things on people, but I hope this guy turns out to be a total twat, and does to her what she's doing to me.

 

Chances are, 99.9%, that is exactly what will happen. That is your anger coming out hoping for that but you must get yourself to the point that what they get up to has no relevance in your life. She's flaunting him to you. Of course you are angry!!! No sane person wouldn't be!! I'm angry just typing that out!!

 

I swing between acceptance, hate, fear, sadness etc

 

Google DivorceRecovery101. That's where you are heading, lots of tips on that site to help you cope.

 

So despite all the above I trying to adopt, the warrior mind, to be the lone wolf, to build my courage, confidence, self belief, and Independence.

 

Survival talk. Love it. Keep it up.

[KTMRider33]

I'm a fool!

I'm a fool!

I'm a fool!

I'm a fool!

I'm a fool!

I'm a fool!

I'm a fool!

Somebody give me a good hard slap.......

This morning I was doing up my shoe laces, and there in front of me was my wifes phone.....so I looked.

Messages between her and her new man.

Including you're permanently horny (referring to my wife).....and we're never going to be out of bed.

WHY DID I HAVE TO LOOK

God it hurts, I was shaking with anger, and confronted her, she said why are you reading my texts, and I said she would do the same, she said she wouldn't at this stage.......I said you can't say that,you're not in my shoes.

I finished by calling her a lying cheating whore....

God I can't go on like this, she needs to move out fast, this is like a cancer eating away at me.

I asked her who she had become, and she said, somebody you don't like, I asked her if she liked herself and she said, yes I do actually.

So I sent her a text......

It was stupid of me to have looked, my reaction was emotional naturally, please arrange to move as soon as possible, the delay is killing me a bit each day.

If you could stay with your mum that would be great.

You want him not me, so go get him, he's welcome to you.

If you really like yourself after what you have done then I don't want you back.

[TrustInYourself]

So are you going to stop feeling sorry for yourself or are you going to get your act together?

 

Life is meant for you to live it. Get out there and make something of this oppurtunity, because that is exactly what this is.

 

Your wife did you a favor by showing you her true nature. If I were you, I would be thankful. Life is not over, its only just beginning. Stay positive.

[Gunny376]

So are you going to stop feeling sorry for yourself or are you going to get your act together?

 

Life is meant for you to live it. Get out there and make something of this oppurtunity, because that is exactly what this is.

 

Your wife did you a favor by showing you her true nature. If I were you, I would be thankful. Life is not over, its only just beginning. Stay positive.

 

F**king A! That's what I'm talking about!

 

Its not the end of your marriage?

 

Its the beginning of the rest of your Life!

 

Get busy living it ~ or get busy dying!

 

Just that plain and simple!

 

Lakeside knows what I'm talking about! Its all 'gravey' nothin but pure 'gravey' for the rest of your ever loving life!

 

F*** it!

 

I'm alive!

 

Everything else is relative!

[KTMRider33]

You guys are legends.......

Time to start living, you're right she has shown me who she truly is, and I don't like that.....shame she's the mother of my kids.

So it's me and the kids all the way.......cos it sound's like she wont be getting out of bed very often!!!!

This guy is such a mug taking her on, I believe it will some day come and bite her on the ass, maybe not today, or tomorrow, but one day.

I make a promise here and now, I will no longer concern myself with what she's doing, but only with what I am.