My sorry tale!

[hopeful26]

I'm due some luck after the time I've had, this could be the start of something good.

Thomas Jefferson said, "I'm a great believer in luck and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it." Keep up the hard work and you will get yours! Never! Give! Up!

[Chrome Barracuda]

It sucks your daughter had to witness that, that goes to show you where her morals as a mother are. I mean damn why have him over when your kids are there, forcing the affair in their faces.

 

What if the OM does something bad, then what, the kids are more scarred?

 

Whew, well anyway's I think maybe you should take the job, maybe you could make some more money, it never hurt to move on to bigger things, money wise.

[KTMRider33]

I have just sent an email to the stbx detailing a settlement for the house.

Now when this first started she said, I'll give you the house, to which I replied, you'll let me have your half of the debt....thanks!

But after some consideration she decided she'd want half of the equity.

So my calculations after getting three valuations and allowing for 50% of the fees leave her owing me £50:D

I heard through a friend she is expecting £10,000.......

Damn this recession:laugh:

I just need to get figures firmed up and solicitor to draft it all.

I am expecting the **** to hit the fan, but as everybody says she needs to feel the consequences of her actions.

She has had me dealing with and advising regarding her finances for 15 years, now is the time for her to grow up.

BTW I have been told it may be wise to offer her a nominal sum to induce her to sign the paperwork otherwise she wont have any reason to and may sit on it for a while.

But it does pain me to give her bean.

[Nightmare]

She can only sit so long. You have grounds for divorce with adultry, doesnt matter what she wants. Do you even have equity in your house with todays market? Im upside down in my house with the crash so I will probably forclose it, hurting her credit as well. Also I hope you have separated any joint accounts, credit cards, ect. Cancel any cards with both your names, TRUST ME. You need to go in protection mode. I suggest you contact a lawyer asap if you havent yet. Im a day or two away from signing all the paperwork. Its a screwed up situation. Your line about seeing all the happy families when your out with your kids hit close to home as I have done the same thing.Are you going for custody as well? Does she even want it? How old is She?

[Cali Chris]

Dam , guys, Hope everything is going well, for you KTM, also ..Nightmare and tojaz, seems were all in the same boat here!! and this pretty much sucks.. wow the happy families thing, same with me, it's all hitting pretty hard, nightmare , I read your post the other day and I feel for you , I really do, same with me you know coworker, both have kids, it's all a shame how they can throw us away like that, Like KTM said, I also feel the same way, my stbxw is losing a good MAN!! maybe not the best or perfect but a good man that tried his best for her and our family!! Getting on is the hardest thing, but like you said nightmare, easier said then done!! I have been split with her for almost 6 months now, and last week I made the decision to not pick up the kids and drop them off to grandmas, on her days so I can totally not see her for now on. I'll get the kids on my days from grandmas, and vice versa... so I wont have to even see her!! I just need to move on , but it's hard as hell, healing a broken heart, theres no cure for it, just a whole lot of time I guess!! take care guys, all of you!! sorry just had to vent there at the end!

[Gunny376]

Its only a matter of time before you guys get from the dark and lonely road your traveling to the brightside of the street!

 

Life is for living, and it goes by so fast ~ in the twinkling of an eye!

 

Let enjoy it while we can!

 

Get yourself busy living your life ~ or get busy dying!

 

The X, the XHEX, the STBX?

 

Forget them! Get busy living your life ~ get busy shinning and a grinnin'!

[KTMRider33]

Well, I'm in need of some good advise!!!

I have an open day at my 3 year old daughters new school next week, and I'm dreading it, it will be the first time I have seen my stbx since she left!!!!!

I have been OK as I we have managed to avoid each other by dropping the kids off and picking them up from nursery.

I know I have to do this for my daughter, but I'm worried about getting emotional in front of her.

Another thing is my stbx is a teacher in a school close by and is friends with a lot of the teachers at this school, she is comfortable in this enviroment.....I don't want to feel intimidated and crack up.

This is a big test from me, if I can get through this 45 minutes smiling and appearing confident I will be a happy man, I just know that when I set eyes on her it will all come rushing back.

I love my kids to the ends of the earth, but it is a tie to her I just cannot break.

Any tips would be most welcome.

The next big one is my daughters dance show next month, but I've got to get through this one first, and then it's back to limited contact.

[Jonesey]

Hey KTM,

 

I was in a similar situation last week. I needed to attend a meeting at a school my son may be going to next school year, and the STBXW had to be there as well. Here is how I handled it, maybe take some notes......(not trying to be a jerk or funny, I think it may help you)

 

- I dressed to kill.

 

-Do not arrive too early

I arrived at school 15 mins b4 the start of meeting, she was already sitting there (which was weird).

 

- Keep your distance

I sat in car until 5 mins b4 meeting time, to avoid having to speak to her.

 

- Do not approach her and if you do have to interact, be nice!

I then walked to front of school, and passed where she decided to stand and wait. I looked at her, said "nice day huh?" and kept walking to the front of the school. She was looking my way the entire time. I made sure to look carefree, happy and just "me".

 

- Be Super Dad!

Actively participate in the school event and your kid. Be positive and supportive to the teachers and whoever else is there. Make sure you shine!!!

 

- Roll out quick.

When finished, I did not approach her and she approached me. I kept convo light and about the boy, nothing else.

 

- Keep going, but be nice! End the event on a positive!

I walked out of the school, to the parking lot and she caught up with me again. We continued to talk about the boy and that's when she shed her crocodile tears. I just finished the conversation, got in the car and left. I did not acknowledge her tears.......

 

- Reflect

Once I got home, I received an e-mail from her and she was very passive aggressive in it. It was about plans for the boy later that week, but there was more behind it IMO. It's almost as she ran home to fire off the e-mail and see my reaction. Since I didn't respond to her tears, she needed something but I gave her nothing.

 

 

I hope this helps. Just remember to stay positive, keep it short and shine like the sun. Do not bring up anything about the ituation, make her look at you and think "Wow!". I'm not saying it will influence your situation in anyway, but it'll mess with her bigtime! Also, remember that this is for your kid, and make it a positive experience for them.

 

Hope this helps buddy! Good Luck.

 

Jonesey

[Nightmare]

Well heres what happened to me last week. End of school awards for my daughter. Showed up a little and she didnt see me there until my daughter waved, she turned around and mouthed a smart a** "love you". Where I descreetly pointed my middle finger at her. I noticed a new ring on her finger, obviously from the BF. So after the ceremony I walked up to her and whispered in her ear.... "you f ing whore, how dare you show up with that ring on here, when we're not even divorced". Then I calmly left. How was that.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Well heres what happened to me last week. End of school awards for my daughter. Showed up a little and she didnt see me there until my daughter waved, she turned around and mouthed a smart a** "love you". Where I descreetly pointed my middle finger at her. I noticed a new ring on her finger, obviously from the BF. So after the ceremony I walked up to her and whispered in her ear.... "you f ing whore, how dare you show up with that ring on here, when we're not even divorced". Then I calmly left. How was that.

 

Wow!!!

 

Kinda harsh. lol.

 

But hey you cannot argue with stupidity. Dont even deal with it, just laugh at her and keep it moving.

[Gunny376]

You've got to get this 'one-ittis' out of your mind ~ that she's the one and only woman you will ever love and ever find? WTF!

 

Trust me! Whatever she's got to offer? You can find just as good, and just as much in another!

 

What one will abuse? Another can certainly use! There are plenty of women out there that are just dying to meet someone like you! That's been used and abused by men like your STBXW!

 

Most men don't even have a game-plan, let alone "game" to get a date with a hooker and $1000 cash?

 

She's not a goddess! There's no such thing!

 

She's not the one and only out there!

 

Snap out of it!

 

Its not about what she's got to offer you! Its about what she's got to offer you!

[Jonesey]

Well heres what happened to me last week. End of school awards for my daughter. Showed up a little and she didnt see me there until my daughter waved, she turned around and mouthed a smart a** "love you". Where I descreetly pointed my middle finger at her. I noticed a new ring on her finger, obviously from the BF. So after the ceremony I walked up to her and whispered in her ear.... "you f ing whore, how dare you show up with that ring on here, when we're not even divorced". Then I calmly left. How was that.

 

Wow, that's pretty funny. Just be careful talking like that to her, you never know what she may have in her pocket. LOL

 

The W word, def feels good to use it sometimes tho...been there.

[KTMRider33]

Just bumped into the OM in the supermarket...he looked scared and left without his shopping (I am substantially bigger than him), I think my wife was waiting in his car outside.....hiding under the dashboard, as he appeared to be alone and then a head popped up as they drove out that looked from behind like her.

I had been txt'ing her about the kids so just dropped her a note to appear like I didn't care.

"Got to laugh, did he not want his doughnuts after all!"

I didn't get a reply......

It hurt like hell to see his smug little face, and I wanted to tear him appart as he walked past me, I had to stop myself smashing my forearm into his face.

But I won because I didn't, I am bigger than them, I have morals, I don't cheat, and lie, I don't try and steal other men's wives.

F**K them and their sordid little affair....I MUST GET OVER HER

I MUST GET OVER HER, say it again I MUST GET OVER HER.

[Cali Chris]

Good job, KTM, be the bigger man, dont stoop to there level, keep your morals, we will be better then them in the end..you'll see. I'm trying my best to take the high road. by the way...I had a episode like yours and and Nightmares, kind of a shamed to say it but, i wasnt as strong as you guys, My son also had a school function, she came.. and I tried to talk with her after, and I said things and she just walked away. I'm trying like I said, but some people I think, get over things and deal with things differently. I'm on LS, talking about it, because it's harder for some, and it's good to hear and relate to others, maybe learn a thing or 2 on how to handle certain situations. but i know we are doing our best...

 

Stay strong bro!

Cali

[seibert253]

Just bumped into the OM in the supermarket...he looked scared and left without his shopping (I am substantially bigger than him), I think my wife was waiting in his car outside.....hiding under the dashboard, as he appeared to be alone and then a head popped up as they drove out that looked from behind like her.

I had been txt'ing her about the kids so just dropped her a note to appear like I didn't care.

"Got to laugh, did he not want his doughnuts after all!"

I didn't get a reply......

It hurt like hell to see his smug little face, and I wanted to tear him appart as he walked past me, I had to stop myself smashing my forearm into his face.

But I won because I didn't, I am bigger than them, I have morals, I don't cheat, and lie, I don't try and steal other men's wives.

F**K them and their sordid little affair....I MUST GET OVER HER

I MUST GET OVER HER, say it again I MUST GET OVER HER.

 

Gr8 job KTM. Bravo!

[Gunny376]

Great job!

 

LOL! They're slinking (slithering) away like little scared mice ~ tells the tale doesn't it!

 

I try and never do anything I would be ashamed of!

 

The fact that you could have cleaned his plow matters not. Its putting your child before yourself ~ and not catching an assualt and battery charge.

 

There's not a piece of tail around that's worth spending a night in jail over!

[KTMRider33]

I had one hell of a day yesterday!

Whilst 'Up Country' on a business trip I got a phone call that my Mum had collapsed in town and had been taken to hospital.

I wasn't due to fly back until late last night so....had a mad rush, taxi to the airport, change flights and two stop flight to get home.

She is OK but will need some further tests just to make sure.

I think it is due to the stress of worrying about me and my situation, she was very close to my st bx and thought of her as a daughter, this has hit her hard, and she has been holding it all together for me.

So I had asked a friend to head to the hospital to be with her until I could get back, and when I got home I got this text from the st bx!!!!

 

Hi S, Deb told me about mum. Is she OK? Are you OK? I'm thinking of you both.

My mum had her annual visit to hospital after she got back from her trip.

Never stop worrying about them do we?

Take care.

 

Now I have drafted a response in my head but I know the rules of NC/LC say don't send it.

So I thought if I wrote it here I might be able to resist.

 

Hi E, Save your platitudes, because that's just what they are.

You have forfeited your rights to 'care' don't waste your thoughts on us, believe me it won't be reciprocated.

Oh, and let monkey boy know that, he was lucky that all he got in the supermarket was a hard stare.....it took every ounce of self control not to smash his little weasel face, but the fear in his eyes told me enough.

I suppose self control is not something he knows a lot about is it?

He was scared and that made me smile, next time you look at him remember that........but maybe you want to 'rescue' the lost little puppy dog.

Not such a man after all is he?

Take care.

 

So should I send it?

[Gunny376]

Absoultely! Sounds like a e-mail from a British Marine or SRS?

 

And then NO!

 

What she says and what she does, and who she's scroggin?

 

Has aboutely NO effect upon who you are, what you are, nor what's going on in your life!

 

In effect? She's no longer a part of your life!

 

You're moving on!

 

You've got a life!

 

Without her!

 

Your not dragging the dead-horse of a memory of her around with you everywhere you go!

[Chrome Barracuda]

Sounds very powerful...

 

But it's not needed, she can call your family or relatives for updates. I mean if you want to tell her in a simple email, your nana's condition, then cool, do so.

 

But I dont think right now it's in your best interest, that should no longer be her concern. I mean she isnt your wife anymore right?

 

Then she should have to deal with the consequences of her actions. Her being cut outta the loop is one of them.

 

That's just the way it is. I dont get why females do tht, it's infuriating.

 

They break your heart and still ACT like they care about you after the fact. Bt if they truly cared they would have never broken your heart in the first place. They would have never set out to deceive you. and lie.

 

But that's what they chose for themselves.

[mark982]

why even reply? let her think you've moved on,not interested in what she has to say.

[seibert253]

why even reply? let her think you've moved on,not interested in what she has to say.

 

 

Exactly what I'm thinking. She doesn't even deserve the courtesy of a reply. Drive on KTM

[KTMRider33]

Well I had a good weekend, bought a car, went sea kayaking, and had a night out with some friends.

My Mum has recovered ok and I will be seeing the kids tomorrow.

I didn't send the text, and have maintained contact only about the children.

Despite the fact that she has made some inquiries about my Mum, I haven't bothered to respond.

She has asked if I want to go to the nursery parents evening with her, and I haven't decided yet.

I thought I was doing OK, but I went on to facebook, and although I have removed her as a friend a comment she made was visible and there was a new picture of her smiling and looking happy and tanned.

Now I thought I was doing OK but the effect it had on me was surprising, the rush of emotion took me right back, and has really thrown me off balance.

If that's what a tiny FB photo can do I don't think I'm ready to see her in the flesh!!!

Because we have kids NC is not an option, but this has made me see that I need to keep contact to a minimum.

I feel that I am not in control, I don't want to feel like this, but just seeing that picture had me spinning and there was nothing I could do about it.

[hopesndreams]

It's OK to feel a loss of control now and again and I agree that you are not ready to have interaction with her in any way unless it has something to do with the kids but I do think you should not go to the nursery parents evening with her. You just aren't ready. Don't force things to move on too quickly and have the brave face on at all times, you are still hurting. Cut yourself some slack. I have been following what you have been up to and I think it's terrific how well you are coping. Try not going on facebook though until you feel you have healed a bit more, but even then, keep in mind, you see her tanned and happy pic it will only open the floodgates.

[Darth Vader]

It sucks your daughter had to witness that, that goes to show you where her morals as a mother are. I mean damn why have him over when your kids are there, forcing the affair in their faces.

 

What if the OM does something bad, then what, the kids are more scarred?

 

Whew, well anyway's I think maybe you should take the job, maybe you could make some more money, it never hurt to move on to bigger things, money wise.

 

 

KTM, have you ever thought of bringing up the fact that your daughter walked in on them screwing, and how much damage she's done to her own children, or does she even give a ****? That's abuse right there. Talk to your lawyer about that one, will you?

[Gunny376]

KTM, have you ever thought of bringing up the fact that your daughter walked in on them screwing, and how much damage she's done to her own children, or does she even give a ****? That's abuse right there. Talk to your lawyer about that one, will you?

 

Must have missed this one!

 

When you've got them by the 'balls' their heart and mind will follow!