She's declared that she still loves me :S

[BrownBear]

I'm going to keep this brief - After two amazing years my ex GF broke my heart. She ended the relationship without really giving me any concrete reasons for doing so. After she left me I fought close to 18 months tooth and nail to win her back, it was all to no avail.

 

She walked away from the relationship without so much as looking back .....

 

Until 3 months ago.

 

She's come back into my life saying that she wants to give us another go. That she's always loved me and that she made a mistake in leaving me.

 

I wonder if any of this is true. I wonder whether she has come back into my life simply because I've now got a girlfriend and she's jealous? I wonder is it because her life isn't going as planned and she just wants to return to somewhere where she fills safe and secure and most importantly, loved?

 

I'm cautious as she did something similar to me twelve months ago. I thought I would get a second chance ... I didn't. Getting my heart broke the second time round hurt even more than it did the first

 

Whats more I now I have a loving beautiful girlfriend to consider. Do I break her heart even though she has done nothing wrong to give the love of my life a second chance?

 

Loveshack community help!

 

Ickle if youre out there I would appreciate your thoughts on this.

[sotired]

She's already done this to you once. Love isn't her motive...it's control. She sees you with your new girl and is mad that you aren't still pinning for her. I would bet that as soon as you dump your current girl, your ex will have some excuse for not being with you.

 

Don't play her game. Why would you want a girl that is so wishy washy anyway?

[BrownBear]

She posted on loveshack a few days ago, talking about our relationship e.t.c.

What she said seemed sincere and heartfelt ... but is that enough?

[CaliGuy]

Where is her post? I want to read it before I give my thoughts.

[BrownBear]

I would really appreciate your views Caliguy. I've been coming to this site for a long time and have a great deal of respect for what you've got to say.

 

Her username is Ickle, she posted a few days ago.

[CaliGuy]

I read her thread.

 

My advice to you is to let her go and stick with the new girl.

 

She gave no solid reason as to why she walked away other than she was possibly confused and no reason why she wants you back. My only guess is now that she realizes you have your life back together (and my guess is she is single now) that she's just sniffing around.

 

You have no guarantee things will be any better the second go around. In fact, you don't have any guarantee about the current relationship.

 

What you do have is a clean slate with the new girl. That is something your ex does not (nor can not) offer you. You have some bad memories associated with her that will not go away easily. You will have to overcome those and she will have to earn your trust for the relationship to be fruitful.

 

Are you ready for that? Are you ready for the work that is going to require?

 

Why not stick it out with the new girl? Doesn't she deserve the same chance your ex had? If it doesn't work out, at least you tried.

 

Your ex had that chance with you and decided to walk away. Taking her back so easily would simply tell her that you don't love and respect yourself. She hasn't proved anything with actions. She just wrote you a letter. BIG-FRACKING-DEAL! There's nothing solid behind it (and she even hints at that in the letter saying she can't promise anything).

 

I'm sorry, but if she can't promise anything, why on earth would you waste YOUR time on her?

 

That's my $0.02. Take it for what it's worth

[BrownBear]

Ickle is single, however she has only recently become so. Apparently she broke up with her boyfriend because of her feelings for me. She's also planning on doing her PHD in the city I live in, so that if I do choose to go back to her we can be close.

 

She seems to be making the right moves ...

[CaliGuy]

Ickle is single, however she has only recently become so. Apparently she broke up with her boyfriend because of her feelings for me. She's also planning on doing her PHD in the city I live in, so that if I do choose to go back to her we can be close.

 

She seems to be making the right moves ...

 

All I am going to say is that I simply believe that actions speak louder than words.

 

What about your current G/F. Doesn't she at least deserve the same opportunity?

[Chrome Barracuda]

Yeah Cali guy is right.

 

...stay with the new girl. she's worth it. why would a woman break up with a guy and not give a definite answer about why? Was there another man and she's ashamed. I dont buy that confusion angle.

 

Plase keep it moving.

[sotired]

I just read her post.

 

I wasn't impressed. It didn't seem sincere...just a bunch of flowery language. No real reason for doing what she did....She just seems a bit flaky. I highly doubt she broke up with her boyfriend for you.

 

If you do get back with her please keep us updated. I am always curious how these things end up.

[Chinook]

I dont think you should go back either. She's not sincere. Face it, the fact that she COULD hurt you so badly.... not once, but twice, says alot about what she deep down feels for you. If she truly loved you, it would have been better to work out the issues than to walk away. But she walked away twice. Why on earth would you go back for a 3rd helping of that...?

[EmperorR]

she dumped you thought the grass was greener realized it wants and wants you back.

 

If you were single I would say hey you only live life once maybe it will be better second time around.

 

However it seems you have a great gf why ruin it? as CaliGuy says you have a clean slate, don't mess it up I have a feeling you may be kicking yourself in the future if you do.

[loser101]

I read her post a couple of days ago and it made no sense to me. I can actually buy that she was confused because she sounds it.

 

I don't think you should get back with her and that's because she appears to live in a world of her own having absolutely no self-awareness or concept of what her actions might do to someone else.

 

I can see why her elusiveness would keep you trapped but really man, you need a sane woman, trust me.

 

good luck

[BrownBear]

People can we try not to forget that my ex is using this site. I realize this is an unusual situation here on loveshack and that normally you don't have to consider both parties - but in this instance you do and for that reason I would really appreciate you not being so tough on her.

 

I'm not going to give her a tough time for falling out of love with me.

 

S**t happens ...

 

Why is everyone doubting her intentions?

 

I would really like a girls take on this situation.

[bluechocolate]

I would really like a girls take on this situation.

 

You have one already & straight from the horses mouth, as they say.

If I wasn’t myself, and I was instead an observer who cared for him, I would tell him not to go back to me.

 

 

I'm cautious as she did something similar to me twelve months ago. I thought I would get a second chance ... I didn't. Getting my heart broke the second time round hurt even more than it did the first.

 

You're right to be cautious - go back with her & I think it's a dead cert that you will get your heart broken a third time.

[loser101]

People can we try not to forget that my ex is using this site. I realize this is an unusual situation here on loveshack and that normally you don't have to consider both parties - but in this instance you do and for that reason I would really appreciate you not being so tough on her.

 

I'm not going to give her a tough time for falling out of love with me.

 

S**t happens ...

 

Why is everyone doubting her intentions?

 

I would really like a girls take on this situation.

 

true. sorry even though I read the post I didn't really think about her being present here. having said that it's difficult to say something completely neutral when you ask us to take sides.

 

I think everyone is doubting her intentions because her remorse doesn't really sound genuine. it just doesn't. people draw on their own experiences and many get mucked about by indecisive exes who make a decision to dump them only to take them back later for a little while because the finality of the original decision had scared them.

 

her being here does kinda limit the way I can explain this to you. I would use more direct words so now this post is coming across wishy-washy as well.

[CaliGuy]

People can we try not to forget that my ex is using this site. I realize this is an unusual situation here on loveshack and that normally you don't have to consider both parties - but in this instance you do and for that reason I would really appreciate you not being so tough on her.

 

I'm not going to give her a tough time for falling out of love with me.

 

S**t happens ...

 

Why is everyone doubting her intentions?

 

I would really like a girls take on this situation.

 

Sounds like you are:

 

a) Making excuses for her behavior.

b) Being a doormat by "not giving her a tough time" (For love to exist, there must be respect. Women don't respect men who let them walk over them like this)

c) We doubt her intentions because they do not seem sincere.

 

She chose to come here. You chose to post here and ask for opinions. If you're looking for people to agree/bless what you are considering without analyzing things, that's not going to happen.

 

What we don't want to see is you back here 6 months from now, hat in hand, saying we were right and that you should have at least made her EARN her way back to your heart.

 

Remember, she tossed you aside like trash. If you just let her back into your life without her earning your love and respect back, you are setting yourself back up for failure.

 

And, if you dump your current g/f to get back with your ex, how does that make you any better than her.

 

Again: Stick with your current G/F and give her a shot. She deserves it at least. She hasn't dumped you.

[sotired]

I am a girl. I gave you advice. You don't want to hear it.

 

Your ex is a flake and you are naive. No matter what anyone says you are going to get back with her. Why even post about it?? You'll be posting in a month from now about how she dumped you again.

[BrownBear]

People try not to get all high and mighty, none of us are perfect human beings, and somewhere along the line we more than likely are going to hurt someone emotionally. It's just the way it is ...

 

The advice being offered appears to be heavily affected/tainted by the negative experiences people have had in there previous relationships. I understand it's only natural to draw on past experiences, however we must remember that every relationship is vastly different to the next as are the people involved ... this seems to be forgotten far too often by the loveshack community.

 

NOW, THIS DOES NOT MEAN I'M GOING TO RETURN TO MY EX.

 

I've said since day one if she wants just a chance of getting me back she is going to have to fight for it.

 

If the ex does put up a GOOD fight then I will consider giving the relationship a second chance, simply because not so long ago I loved her.

[bluechocolate]

Here's the problem I have with this whole scenario:

 

After she left me I fought close to 18 months tooth and nail to win her back, it was all to no avail.

 

She walked away from the relationship without so much as looking back .....

 

Until 3 months ago.

 

Let me just hazard a guess here - you stopped fighting tooth & nail about 3 months ago ?

 

BrownBear you do what you feel is right for you but I think you owe it to your present g/friend to be upfront & tell her the truth, which is:

 

If the ex does put up a GOOD fight then I will consider giving the relationship a second chance, simply because not so long ago I loved her.

[Chrome Barracuda]

The overwhelming consensus is that she left and you dont need to go back to her.

 

Girl or boy ive read the posts that responded back to you bear. People are telling you what you dont want to hear. what do you want to hear that she made a mistake, that she seems sincere, dude your not understanding of there are women that play men for chumps and when the chips are down they come back because your the back up plan.

 

Yeah it's harsh, it's cruel but more often than not it is true.

 

Do you want to be number 1 or the back up plan. I tell you, you have a good girlfriend now, what would you seek to accomplish with an ex who ABANDONED you. Deserted you.

 

Why???

[BW007]

That was the most halfhearted, vague, flaky plea for your old relationship ever in that posting she wrote. Screw her, give your new GF all your love and walk away from being a second choice replay.

[CaliGuy]

People try not to get all high and mighty, none of us are perfect human beings, and somewhere along the line we more than likely are going to hurt someone emotionally. It's just the way it is ...

 

You're making excuses for her.

 

The advice being offered appears to be heavily affected/tainted by the negative experiences people have had in there previous relationships.

 

And not one part of thinks for just a moment "Hmmm, these people have experienced what I am going through...perhaps they have some insight I don't have?!?!"

 

I bet that didn't cross your mind not once. Do you think that we'd give you bad advice? That we don't WANT to see you succeed? If we didn't, we wouldn't be telling you to have a go with your current G/F and see where that leads.

 

I understand it's only natural to draw on past experiences, however we must remember that every relationship is vastly different to the next as are the people involved ... this seems to be forgotten far too often by the loveshack community.

 

No, it's not. The law of averages weighs out here. You're flirting with very bad odds. Tread at your own risk.

 

NOW, THIS DOES NOT MEAN I'M GOING TO RETURN TO MY EX.

 

From everything you've posted so far, we're willing to bet you will anyway.

 

I've said since day one if she wants just a chance of getting me back she is going to have to fight for it.

 

At the rate you're making excuses for her, I'm willing to bet all she has to do is fart in your general direction and you'll come running to her like a lap dog.

 

If the ex does put up a GOOD fight then I will consider giving the relationship a second chance, simply because not so long ago I loved her.

 

Best (and final) advice you're going to get from me about this subject:

 

"Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on ME!

[BrownBear]

Thanks for the comments. I'll see how things go with the ex and will update loveshack accordingly. For now, adios

[mental_traveller]

I'm cautious as she did something similar to me twelve months ago. I thought I would get a second chance ... I didn't. Getting my heart broke the second time round hurt even more than it did the first

 

Whats more I now I have a loving beautiful girlfriend to consider. Do I break her heart even though she has done nothing wrong to give the love of my life a second chance?

 

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

 

You also might want to do the right thing and dump your girlfriend because clearly you aren't into her if you are contemplating getting back with your ex. However, you seem like a passive, conflict-avoiding personality type, so I predict you will string her along even though your heart isn't into it.