worldwide Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 I met him summer of 2007. we met online but back then it was nothing more than just a hi-hello coz i was in a long term relationship. he had shown some interest towards me but to be quite frank he was not my type although i like him as a person. we rarely talk, in fact i avoid him by going invisible on him on my messenger so he wont see me online. fast forward summer 2008 my long term relationship had ended and to make the long story short we started talking on IM. he listened when i talked and vent about what happend to my relationship. he even invited me to spend a holiday with him in his home town to help me forget about what happend but of course i declined. i was too broken hearted. we talked on IM maybe for about 3 or 4 times then we stopped talking again. fast forward february 2009 we started talking again and for some reason i seem to feel differently about him. i dont know, maybe i was just lonely. he was extremely interested in me and we spend hours and hours talking on IM and sometimes on the phone. again he said he would like to meet me in person. at first i was hesitant but then i said "ok maybe we can meet on july during my holiday" and we agreed to meet on july. however he got impatient and instead he decided to come and meet me on april. so came april, we spent 2 weeks together. it was a blast and we hit it off. there was alot of physical affection. he was kind and sweet. he'd cook for me when we are at my place. he took me to dinners and everything. we had so much fun and spent alot of good times together. we even talked about meeting again on july. i honestly thought there was something in there, until he went back home. its been 3 days now but i have not heard from him. no phone call, no text messages, no offline messages on IM, no email... nothing. i have no idea what is going on but i am taking this as his way of saying that its over. i sent him a text message asking him to call or text me when he gets home just so i know he got there safely but i got no reply. again i sent him a txt message asking him to at least tell me frankly if he no longer wishes to keep in touch with me and again no reply. after everything, i find it hard to believe he would disappear just like that without saying a word, not even a goodbye. why do people do this? it is cruel. and the sad part is i'm starting to feel something for him. i can see myself being with him. but i guess its good that i saw him for what he really is. sorry...im just venting. Link to post Share on other sites
Rinoa Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 Ohw this is hard.. He didn't say "Hey I'm back home and I already miss you" or something when he was supposed to be back home? Are you sure that he was on his way home when he left..? I mean maybe there was an accident or something :/ I know this kind of situation quite well, my former boyfriend ignored me after his last time being at my home. But you separated like.. <3333 and not like ://// -_- (I have no words for this ) so it seems weird how he acts towards you. When I don't know what people are doing I search for forums and pages (like myspace, last.fm, facebook blabla) on which they signed up and literally stalk them. It's the only way how you can find out whether he's still active on the internet and blabla.. maybe you should try this, if you know his username or something else about him that you can google. Good luck ._. Link to post Share on other sites
JoeMacsTapper Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 That does seem odd, but I've been in situations like this, where I assume the worst and it's really nothing. Maybe his internet it out at his house, apartment, whatever. Maybe there is something weird going on with his phone. We all know that guys don't have the same brains as women do. He might not be worried at all, living his life normally. idk, I can relate. Maybe it's expensive for him to call you? I hope you hear from him soon. It's always nice to be reassured. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 One of my favorite questions for new online relationships - is he married? And you are you 1000% sure by other means besides his word? Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldwide Posted April 25, 2009 Author Share Posted April 25, 2009 well, the only reason i can think of why he is not able to communicate with me is either he really doesn't want to or something really really terrible had happened. but even so, as long has is alive and well, i don't think he absolutely cannot or has no way of telling me even just "hey, i got home just fine". i mean if we want to keep in touch with someone, we will go out of our way just to do that and actually he had already done something like that before he came to visit me so what he is doing now is pretty much out of character. i just feel like at the end, he doesn't really value or even respect me enough to at least say "hey i don't actually want you, bye" coz i think i can handle that better than his total silence. i dont know what went wrong and there is no closure. i just don't understand why some people would pull this kind of crap out. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 well, the only reason i can think of why he is not able to communicate with me is either he really doesn't want to or something really really terrible had happened. but even so, as long has is alive and well, i don't think he absolutely cannot or has no way of telling me even just "hey, i got home just fine". i mean if we want to keep in touch with someone, we will go out of our way just to do that and actually he had already done something like that before he came to visit me so what he is doing now is pretty much out of character. i just feel like at the end, he doesn't really value or even respect me enough to at least say "hey i don't actually want you, bye" coz i think i can handle that better than his total silence. i dont know what went wrong and there is no closure. i just don't understand why some people would pull this kind of crap out. Call him and tell him you were thinking about him. I know that's too simple - but simple is good too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldwide Posted April 25, 2009 Author Share Posted April 25, 2009 Call him and tell him you were thinking about him. I know that's too simple - but simple is good too. so even though he ignores me, i'd call him and tell him that i'm thinking about him? you must be joking. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 so even though he ignores me, i'd call him and tell him that i'm thinking about him? you must be joking. or don't contact him and ask LS what you think he's doing? You went into great detail about how your relationship progressed and how you connected - just makes sense that you must be thinking about the guy. Who knows? He could be busy and waiting for some free time - people are busy these days. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 He either has died or met (or resumed a relationship with) someone else. That's my opinion. Total black hole doesn't leave much wiggle room IMO. If he's not dead, you learned a good datapoint about his character. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 You're asian, did you read this part of her opening post? i sent him a text message asking him to call or text me when he gets home just so i know he got there safely but i got no reply. again i sent him a txt message asking him to at least tell me frankly if he no longer wishes to keep in touch with me and again no reply. No one is too busy to return a couple of texts. worldwide, for whatever reason, he's withdrawn. You decide if this means you want to cut him off or wait him out. I would do the former because once someone withdraws like that once, you can bet they'll do it to you again. Selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 You're asian, did you read this part of her opening post?. He could have changed numbers. Lost his cell phone etc. When we care about someone, we assume the worst at times. Email is more global and reachable worldwide. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 Yup, yup, he lost his internet connection, his phone broke and he broke both arms and legs, so he was unable to go to an internet cafe or call, from a third party or public phone. Sure, sure.... Her contact information doesn't appear to have changed, although she can verify this or not. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 came april, we spent 2 weeks together. it was a blast and we hit it off. there was alot of physical affection. he was kind and sweet. he'd cook for me when we are at my place. he took me to dinners and everything. we had so much fun and spent alot of good times together. we even talked about meeting again on july. i honestly thought there was something in there, until he went back home. Does this sound like an interaction which would result in a black hole of proactive contact from the man? I say again (to flagellate myself through repetition) that he's deceased or banging someone else Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldwide Posted April 25, 2009 Author Share Posted April 25, 2009 He either has died or met (or resumed a relationship with) someone else. That's my opinion. Total black hole doesn't leave much wiggle room IMO. If he's not dead, you learned a good datapoint about his character. well, even though i'm deeply upset about what he did, i hope he is fine and well and if he met someone else, still that's no excuse for going totally dark. he can just tell me "hey i met someone else, sorry" coz i can handle that. i even told him before he came that if when he comes to meet me in person and he realizes that he is not really interested in me as much as he thought does then he can just tell me coz i have no problem staying friends with him and he replied "of course i will tell you". but obviously he'd rather pull the disappearing act like a coward. You're asian, did you read this part of her opening post? No one is too busy to return a couple of texts. worldwide, for whatever reason, he's withdrawn. You decide if this means you want to cut him off or wait him out. I would do the former because once someone withdraws like that once, you can bet they'll do it to you again. Selfish. i have already decided not to contact him anymore. in fact i have already deleted all his contact info. i mean i dont want to come off as an annoyance to him coz i got it, he doesn't want me and thats fine. i just wish he had the balls to let me know coz that would make more sense. it is very selfish indeed. or don't contact him and ask LS what you think he's doing? You went into great detail about how your relationship progressed and how you connected - just makes sense that you must be thinking about the guy. Who knows? He could be busy and waiting for some free time - people are busy these days. im sorry but being too busy is just not an excuse in this case. he was able to find 2 weeks to travel to the other side of the world to come and meet me and now he is too busy to find even just 2 minutes to text me? that is just total bull and unacceptable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldwide Posted April 25, 2009 Author Share Posted April 25, 2009 Yup, yup, he lost his internet connection, his phone broke and he broke both arms and legs, so he was unable to go to an internet cafe or call, from a third party or public phone. Sure, sure.... Her contact information doesn't appear to have changed, although she can verify this or not. i have not changed my contact info and he's got access to the internet both at work and at home. he could have text me, IM me, email me or call me. whatever way if he really wants to. but if otherwise, of course that's when all the crappy excuses comes up. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 i have not changed my contact info and he's got access to the internet both at work and at home. he could have text me, IM me, email me or call me. whatever way if he really wants to. but if otherwise, of course that's when all the crappy excuses comes up.How about this useless excuse 101. When he went to get off the plane, he fell through the hole between the exit of the plane and off-ramp. This caused him to become a quadriplegic. He then changed his name to Bob. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 A fall from a jetway can be deadly. He probably developed amnesia too. Just sayin' Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 Yes, yes, amnesia would ensure that he couldn't get a friend to help him contact her. Maybe all this happened in Afghanistan, since his plane got highjacked by terrorists. What a hero he is! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 Out standing in his field.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldwide Posted April 26, 2009 Author Share Posted April 26, 2009 it's really an awful thing to do. i wish i don't care as much as i do. i don't want to waste my time pining for someone who, after everything, doesn't even have the decency to tell me that he no longer wants to have anything to do with me. obviously now that he is back home it's a lot easier for him to just ignore me and pretend nothing happened. that way he doesn't have to explain anything to me. i think it's a very immature and selfish thing to do for a 36 yr old guy. sometimes i just want to puke. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 I asked earlier if you were 100% positive that he isn't married (or living with someone or in a long-term BF/GF sitch)? And positive from something else besides just his word? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 He's a real jerk and it sucks he's pulled this on you. This is what young guys do in their teens or early 20's, instead of ending something and being honest, they just take off and disappear. It's only because HE cannot handle any conflict and probably doesn't have it in him to be mature. Not knowing wtf is going on is worse than knowing. So, create your own truth and accept it, try to let go and NEVER contact him again. Infact, delete and block him. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 He's a real jerk and it sucks he's pulled this on you. This is what young guys do in their teens or early 20's, instead of ending something and being honest, they just take off and disappear. It's only because HE cannot handle any conflict and probably doesn't have it in him to be mature. Not knowing wtf is going on is worse than knowing. So, create your own truth and accept it, try to let go and NEVER contact him again. Infact, delete and block him. I agree with WWIU.. Sometimes we have to make our own closure and just learn to forget about it to move on... The guy was a dope and you certainly shouldn't waste any more of your time on him.. Next ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldwide Posted April 26, 2009 Author Share Posted April 26, 2009 i want to keep my dignity and self respect so in as much as i want things to work out between us, i'm certainly not going to contact him anymore. it's tormenting not to know what happened or what went wrong but i don't deserve an immature jerk who doesn't have the balls to tell to my face it's over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldwide Posted April 26, 2009 Author Share Posted April 26, 2009 I asked earlier if you were 100% positive that he isn't married (or living with someone or in a long-term BF/GF sitch)? And positive from something else besides just his word? to the best of my knowledge, i dont think he is involved with anyone or is married coz we have spent hours and hours chatting on the IM and he also calls me when he is at home. if he is married i don't think he will be able to easily do this. Link to post Share on other sites
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