He suddenly went poof

[Lucky_One]

From being on here and on other relationship sites, it seems like that people disappear typically because of a prior relationship.

 

If you know his home address, then go to the tax office of his city/county, and look up the property records and see who his home is owned by. Go to intelius.com, and enter his name. It will usually show a list of other family members that he is associated with - but is not 100% accurate. You can check zabasearch, to see if there is another person listed at that same address. You can do a reverse look-up on his address as well.

 

It is easy to carry on an out-of-town affair, for the most part. I think what struck me was his insistence on changing July to April - yes, he could be so crazy for you that he couldn't wait to see you, or his SO could have had a work or family obligation come up where she was out of town and so he had travel freedom. My XMM used to IM me all evening, sitting there with his laptop in his lap or at his desk and his wife sitting on the couch across the room; he was working on business accounts while he was chatting with me; she'd go to bed, and the conversations would continue until after midnight.

 

Anyway, regardless of whether he is with a SO or not, he really is a cruel POS jerk. I can't imagine treating someone like that. (worldwide)))))

[KikiW]

One of the other forum members here had something vaguely similar happen to her. Not exactly, they had not met, but her guy was always super-sweet, talked about getting together, blah blah blah.

 

Turned out the guy was still seeing this other girl. He cut off all communication with the forum member without any explanation.

 

I would agree - you have tried to contact him and he has been unresponsive. Certainly, accidents happen and something horrible may have befallen him and there was no way anyone else close to him could have known or figured out how to contact you, but the chances of that are VERY SLIM.

 

The most logical explanation is he hooked up with someone else and he was too much of a wimp to tell you. Phones can break, but then you ask to borrow someone else's for two minutes. Internet connections can be cut off, but public libraries have it for free. There is no excuse for not getting in touch.

 

What he did is a horrible, spineless, self-centered thing to do (insert the most foul language, actually), and you deserve better.

[worldwide]

although our communication was on and off since i met him on 2007, he has been pursuing me ever since the day we met and now that he finally had the chance on me, he suddenly disappears like harry houdini. he traveled all the way from the desert to antartica just to meet me only to disappear at the end. it really is baffling. sometimes i wonder if i was stinky, too skinny, too fat, too funny, too boring or he didn't like the way i laugh, the way i talk, the way i dress or he is just really an A-hole.

[KikiW]

sometimes i wonder if i was stinky, too skinny, too fat, too funny, too boring or he didn't like the way i laugh, the way i talk, the way i dress or he is just really an A-hole.

 

If he didn't like you because of those things, then he IS an a-hole. The whole point with LDRs is that unless you are a complete liar and misled him about who you really are, he should have already been nuts about you than to be completely turned off by how you laugh or something.

 

That's the thing that taught me a lot about LDRs. My baby is far from perfect, and he's not really even my "type", but that fades away because I got to know him, and I know how he treats me.

 

If he was turned off by something you do, you would have gotten a sense of it during his stay. I would just go with "he's an a-hole".

[Cora]

Worldwide: I have been reading your thread and I just want to say I feel horrible for what you must be going through right now. I can somewhat relate because I had something similar happen to me back in February. I think I may possibly be the one KiKiW was referring to. Never ever just take someone's word for something. I learned that the hard way. People tried to tell me but nooo I wouldn't listen because my guy was just too sweet and kind and wonderful and would never ever do such a thing. We used to talk all the time as well for hours on end. Turns out he was living with his fiance and was even IM'ing me from her computer, called me from her place several times too. He had lies coming out of both ends and I believed every word.

 

We made plans for the future etc.. We were about to meet for the first time in just a few short weeks. He was the one who always begged me to come see him, couldn't live without me blah blah blah. We had our last convo with all the I love you's, can't wait to see you soon etc....and then just like your guy POOF!!! All of my texts, emails, IM's, calls, voicemails etc...went unanswered. A few days later he changed his number and tried to make it impossible for me to reach him. It took me finding out from his fiance to learn what he was up to. Imagine that...his FIANCE??? WTF???? Right then and there I was so hurt but more than anything I was angered!! He didn't have the balls to face me or tell me oh by the way I'm engaged haha surprise!!!!!! I got no closure from him but instead I made my own closure and now I couldn't be happier! Just a few short days ago I deleted everything of him....all the texts, IM's, voicemails, pics, etc... I removed him from all of my contacts so I can never get in touch with him if I tried. He was a sorry piece of work and THANK GOD I never met this Jerk! But more than anything THANK GOD I am rid of him!

 

Just keep hanging in there and chalk it up to one less jerk you have to worry about. It will get better soon and don't ever believe for a second that it had anything to do with you! Sorry I kind of went on a rant here but it felt good to get out. You can read my previous posts if you would like....they explain the whole story in maybe a little too much detail. Again, I am so sorry for what happened to you and there is no excuse for what this jerk did to you.

[Smilemaker100]

Dear worldwide,

 

People-whether they are friends, family or boyfriends/girlfriends - disappear off the face of the Earth for a variety of reasons. Most people don't realize that it has nothing to do with them personally.

 

For instance, in my case, I haven't been feeling too good lately. I have too many things on my plate - family problems, political crap at work and such. I feel disconnected from most of my friends. I've developed trust issues over the last years because of some things that happened to me both personally and professionally. The last thing I want to do now, is talk to a so called "friend". I'm not the type that usually likes to complain to people- that's why they like hanging out with me. This hidden facade of me is ugly and I don't want anyone to know about it.

 

It's my birthday today. I haven't told anyone really - never mentioned it to co-workers, friends or classmates in my art class. I try to make myself as quiet and reclusive as possible. Some friends asked me to go out today but I refused. I don't know for how long I will remain reclusive for but I feel like I need "me time" - time to reflect about my life. It could be weeks, months and maybe years - I can't really foretell when this will wash over.

 

I was feeling suicidal over the past few days. Some things in my life are too painful to deal with - I only feel like I can trust my parents and brothers -no one else. The last thing I want is a romantic relationship. I don't feel ready for one and I don't know if I ever will be. I just want to be left alone - with my art, my dogs and my family - the only ones who won't stab me in the back.

 

Good luck. Just have faith that God has your interest in heart and if it isn't working out it might be for your own good (though you don't see it that way). I've learned to put my destiny to a higher order/power - I now realize that the "bad things" happened to me for a good reason - to protect me from evil.

 

Some people need space and time. If you were meant to be, he will come back on your path again. Real love lasts through the roughest spots on the road - I now realize that from the relationship I have with my parents.

 

Maybe something similar happened to your guy...who knows? Don't think about it too much. Keep yourself as busy as possible. Make new friends. Pick up new hobbies or exercise. Busy mind and busy body - can save you.

 

Good luck! Have faith...

[whichwayisup]

to the best of my knowledge, i dont think he is involved with anyone or is married coz we have spent hours and hours chatting on the IM and he also calls me when he is at home. if he is married i don't think he will be able to easily do this.

You aren't there infront of him so you have no idea if his wife is sitting in the next room watching TV while he's on the computer talking to you.

 

Anyway, he isn't worthy of your tears, so I do hope you don't let this b@st@rd get you down! HIS loss, not yours.

[lonelyandfrustrated]

although our communication was on and off since i met him on 2007, he has been pursuing me ever since the day we met and now that he finally had the chance on me, he suddenly disappears like harry houdini. he traveled all the way from the desert to antartica just to meet me only to disappear at the end. it really is baffling. sometimes i wonder if i was stinky, too skinny, too fat, too funny, too boring or he didn't like the way i laugh, the way i talk, the way i dress or he is just really an A-hole.

 

Wait a minute...you live in Antarctica?

 

And you can't spell it?

[thegoodlife]

Wait a minute...you live in Antarctica?

 

And you can't spell it?

 

Hmm. Good point!

[worldwide]

Wait a minute...you live in Antarctica?

 

And you can't spell it?

 

uummm no actually i dont live in antartica thats why i cant spell it, is that a good excuse? im just trying to make a point that he travelled continents just to spend time with me and at the end *POOF*.

 

 

Worldwide: I have been reading your thread and I just want to say I feel horrible for what you must be going through right now. I can somewhat relate because I had something similar happen to me back in February. I think I may possibly be the one KiKiW was referring to. Never ever just take someone's word for something. I learned that the hard way. People tried to tell me but nooo I wouldn't listen because my guy was just too sweet and kind and wonderful and would never ever do such a thing. We used to talk all the time as well for hours on end. Turns out he was living with his fiance and was even IM'ing me from her computer, called me from her place several times too. He had lies coming out of both ends and I believed every word.

 

We made plans for the future etc.. We were about to meet for the first time in just a few short weeks. He was the one who always begged me to come see him, couldn't live without me blah blah blah. We had our last convo with all the I love you's, can't wait to see you soon etc....and then just like your guy POOF!!! All of my texts, emails, IM's, calls, voicemails etc...went unanswered. A few days later he changed his number and tried to make it impossible for me to reach him. It took me finding out from his fiance to learn what he was up to. Imagine that...his FIANCE??? WTF???? Right then and there I was so hurt but more than anything I was angered!! He didn't have the balls to face me or tell me oh by the way I'm engaged haha surprise!!!!!! I got no closure from him but instead I made my own closure and now I couldn't be happier! Just a few short days ago I deleted everything of him....all the texts, IM's, voicemails, pics, etc... I removed him from all of my contacts so I can never get in touch with him if I tried. He was a sorry piece of work and THANK GOD I never met this Jerk! But more than anything THANK GOD I am rid of him!

 

Just keep hanging in there and chalk it up to one less jerk you have to worry about. It will get better soon and don't ever believe for a second that it had anything to do with you! Sorry I kind of went on a rant here but it felt good to get out. You can read my previous posts if you would like....they explain the whole story in maybe a little too much detail. Again, I am so sorry for what happened to you and there is no excuse for what this jerk did to you.

 

 

Cora, sorry to hear about what you've been through. i guess so many people out there are selfish and users who takes advantage of people. I feel very angry and disappointed at him for what he did but I feel more angry at myself for trusting him that much. i feel so very foolish and stupid. he must be laughing at me right now for believing all his bull****. after everything, i dont understand how someone can just flip the switch and disappear into thin air. wow.

 

to Lucky One, i will not go to as far as researching to find out if whether he is living with someone or not. i know his ex-gf's IM name so i can easily ask her if i really want to. all i really want to know is if he is already gone for good or what. i dont even have to know the reason why. for him to leave without even saying goodbye as if nothing happened between us leaves this big hole in my heart. he just left me high and dry its cruel. i haven't been eating and sleeping very well lately because of this.

[KikiW]

I was feeling suicidal over the past few days. Some things in my life are too painful to deal with - I only feel like I can trust my parents and brothers -no one else.

 

I would really, really appreciate it if you would please seek some counseling. I understand these feelings, and I understand the comfort that disconnection and reclusiveness can sometimes bring, but in the end doing so is much more harmful. All it will do is let you build nice big, thick walls that will take a long time to get through later on. And while the walls make you feel nice and secure, eventually they will make you feel nothing, and that's not a good thing at all.

 

Please find a therapist... someone who will listen to what you say, whom you can tell anything to without judgments or admonishments, especially if you find you can't talk to your parents or brothers about what's going on.

 

Ok, sorry to hijack the thread there, felt that needed to be said.

[worldwide]

Dear worldwide,

 

Good luck. Just have faith that God has your interest in heart and if it isn't working out it might be for your own good (though you don't see it that way). I've learned to put my destiny to a higher order/power - I now realize that the "bad things" happened to me for a good reason - to protect me from evil.

 

Some people need space and time. If you were meant to be, he will come back on your path again. Real love lasts through the roughest spots on the road - I now realize that from the relationship I have with my parents.

 

Maybe something similar happened to your guy...who knows? Don't think about it too much. Keep yourself as busy as possible. Make new friends. Pick up new hobbies or exercise. Busy mind and busy body - can save you.

 

Good luck! Have faith...

 

thank you smilemaker for at least trying to lift my spirit up. my work mate also said something similar to what you have said that maybe there is a reason why it did not work out. i wish those words are enough to answer the confusions that i have been feeling over what happend. i'm just trying to keep myself busy with work to distract my mind but for now its all i can think of and i feel like it's eating me alive. it's really a horrible feeling. but then i cant blame no one but myself. nobody can fool and use us unless we let them.

 

i hope you will feel better soon and i also wish you goodluck

[worldwide]

 

 

It is easy to carry on an out-of-town affair, for the most part. I think what struck me was his insistence on changing July to April - yes, he could be so crazy for you that he couldn't wait to see you, or his SO could have had a work or family obligation come up where she was out of town and so he had travel freedom. (worldwide)))))

 

 

you know what lucky one, you might have a point here coz if we see each other on july, i would have gone to meet him in his home town (this is what we originally planned) which means i will most likely meet his friends and family and of course he doesn't want to do that coz it turned out i was only Ms. Right Now and he was planning on vanishing later on.

 

but then back in july2008 when my long term relationship ended he invited me to spend a holiday with him in his home town and even offered to pay for my ticket. oh well, if i over analyze this situation i will probably go crazy. i keep on remembering and recalling every moment, every gestures and every words he said while he was here hoping i will find some clue that i missed but i guess what really matters is what is happening now. obviously he is a pathetic jerk who runs away from situations. what a coward, yuck!