Do you think most people secretly cheat?

[Trialbyfire]

I'm trying to figure out what jollies people get from being so negative towards men, believing that none can keep it in their pants within a committed relationship. In taking such a paranoid stance, you lose the ability to experience romantic love in its entirety and what a serious loss it is!!

 

I know for fact that some men are able to do this, for whatever their reasons. If you've never met one that's capable of this, then it's time to upgrade the quality of men you're getting involved with. That's what I did, after my ex-H cheated on me. While I can't thank him for the pain he gave me, I can thank him for giving me the motivation to lose him and find someone who's worth investing in.

[TaraMaiden]

Some secretly cheat.

Of those who cheat,

they cheat secretly.

 

 

So can the statistics be right then?

Do people cheat secretly but respond to statistical enquiries honestly...?

 

 

_/l\_

[Reggie]

I do not know many men, but have heard of and/or read about many men who are very successful, good-looking, self-assured, confident, powerful who cheat. I guess, they feel entitled ( I know, it's so wrong). Men who are er...not confident, no strong sense of self, not so successful, not good looking are probably just too grateful that they are in a relationship that cheating is farthest from their mind.

 

The kicker is this: When those loser types cheat...ugh!!!!!!

 

I know many good looking successful guys who do not cheat.

And, I consider the less attractive guys that do not cheat anything but losers. I doubt the average guy who does not cheat does so out of a sense of gratitude. It is just so easy to cheat, regardless of one's appearnce and financial position.

Same with women. Many very attractive types do not cheat. I just do not feel the resistance to cheating involves access via attractiveness. It's all about integrity and entitlement and if a person is of good character it does not matter about opportunity.

[bentnotbroken]

Some secretly cheat.

Of those who cheat,

they cheat secretly.

 

 

So can the statistics be right then?

Do people cheat secretly but respond to statistical enquiries honestly...?

 

 

_/l\_

 

 

Always that question in the back of my mind when someone mentions statistics. But I guess that questions exists with all stats.

[NoIDidn't]

I think that most people cheat. Men and women. But that doesn't give everyone else a free license to do it too, especially if you think its wrong.

 

I know plenty of guys who have been up front with their SOs/Ws about their desire to have *extra*, so there are men who will tell you up front. Its up to the woman with him to decide if she can deal with it, or what kind of deal she will make with him. And most women will make some sort of decision (either to leave him, deal with it, have their own, or think they can change his mind) once told.

 

I don't think its male bashing to talk about the fact that it seems that most men cheat. I think women do themselves a disservice though, when they attempt to deny the urge and tendancies that we have as well. We are taught (restricted) by society to rein in our primal urges to be good girls. Men are told "boys will be boys". The sexes are really more alike in this way, just women have been punished for responding to their natures.

 

But none of this is a justification or rationalization for cheating. Its human to want what's not yours. We all would probably like to have a million dollars - we mostly know where we can get it too - but we don't run out and start robbing banks because we don't want the risks or consequences of getting caught. Cheaters cheat because they've found someone that's willing to keep their secret and allow them to cheat.

 

So, yeah, I think that most people cheat (at some point in their lives). Most of us get it out of our systems when we are young and before we get married. Some like to hold on to juvenile behavior as if its a right.

[NoIDidn't]

Always that question in the back of my mind when someone mentions statistics. But I guess that questions exists with all stats.

 

Not true. It only exists with the stats where a person is asked a question. Some stats are drawn based on hard data - numbers logged as activities occur.

 

Sorry, my inner statistician coming out.

[IrishCarBomb]

I'm trying to figure out what jollies people get from being so negative towards men, believing that none can keep it in their pants within a committed relationship.

 

I wonder the same thing. Sometimes I think it could be because they want to feel ok about urges to cheat. As if to say "cheating is normal, so it is ok to cheat because everybody does it".

 

Sometimes I think could be an overly paranoid stance. As if to think "there's no point in taking the risk of getting into another relationship, because all men/women cheat."

 

Whatever their reasons... it seems like this mentality would repel a guy/girl that didn't cheat. A sort of self-fulfilling prophecy.

[Heroic]

Raises hand, married 9 years....dated for 3 years and we had no sex durring that time.

 

Life is all about choices.....I read an ancient book once, there was a piece of advice I took very seriously: "Count the cost".

[tami-chan]

Raises hand, married 9 years....dated for 3 years and we had no sex durring that time.

 

Life is all about choices.....I read an ancient book once, there was a piece of advice I took very seriously: "Count the cost".

 

Why did you not have pre-marital sex? because of religious convictions?

[RamChops]

I don't believe *most* people secretly cheat, but sometimes you would be surprised by the people who do ...

[DNU1]

I'm 40+, married for 18 years and have never cheated. Granted, my wife cheated on me @ 7 year mark, and again last October. Knowing that pain, knowing what she put me through I could never put that on her.

 

And it just wouldn't be right to go against everything I said at the alter all those years ago.

 

Wife feels horrible about affairs. We are in counseling, working through things but only 5 months past DDay. it's been difficult, but we are making slow and painful progress.

 

Some days I feel like we will make it. Other days not so much. But never, i mean NEVER do I think of cheating on her. Sorry to ruin your original premis (men cheat) but it's just not in my DNA.

[marlena]

Gleaned from what I have so far seen in life, the majority of men in long partnerships will cheat at least once in their lifetime.

[Lizzie60]

'Men who are er...not confident, no strong sense of self, not so successful, not good looking are probably just too grateful that they are in a relationship that cheating is farthest from their mind.'

 

I agree with Tami-Chan.. (these could be the .01% who don't cheat)... but then.. they could go to the 'street pros'...

 

For all you guys here.. who proudly raise their hands for not cheating.. if you're in your 20s.. and never been in a long relationship 5+ yr. then you have no idea IF you will eventually cheat... you can say that you won't all you want.. but the reality is different... unless you've been 'there' you have no idea.

 

For all those who swear that their friend or someone they know who has been in a long term relationship and who NEVER ever cheated.... please... please.. you have NOOOOO idea unless you're with that person 24/7.

 

For all those who swear their SO would NEVER ever cheats... please.. again.. unless you've already been with that person 5+ or you're with that person 24/7... you have absolutely zero idea..

 

You can say all you want but reality is very different..

 

And.. one more thing.. it's NOT male bashing to think that most (99.9) men cheat... it's just reality.. because most of these guys are amazing..

[Woggle]

I have never cheated ever in a relationship and I have had plenty of chances to do it. I figure I have a great thing that most men will never have so why would I ruin that? Is one moment of cheap thrills worth ruining a one in a million marriage? Plus having been cheated on I know what it feels like.

[Trialbyfire]

I wonder the same thing. Sometimes I think it could be because they want to feel ok about urges to cheat. As if to say "cheating is normal, so it is ok to cheat because everybody does it".

 

Sometimes I think could be an overly paranoid stance. As if to think "there's no point in taking the risk of getting into another relationship, because all men/women cheat."

 

Whatever their reasons... it seems like this mentality would repel a guy/girl that didn't cheat. A sort of self-fulfilling prophecy.

Yes it does repel non-cheaters. Both attitudes would ensure that there was no relationship or at minimum, dysfunctional relationships.

 

Either way, lose/lose for the person with the attitude, unless there was personal gain to be had, to influence others to the same dysfunctional attitude of self-entitlement and/or paranoia.

 

The more I write this post, the more I think it can sometimes be a combination of both attitudes. If a person can't trust themselves not to cheat, how can they trust anyone else not to cheat? Attitude #3!

[confusedinkansas]

Funny....How it keeps pointing to the guys!

Men & Women cheat. For some silly reasons the "Stats" just put the guys in a higher percentage. I don't think that our DNA is made up to be with one person forever & always & no one else, ever, ever ever.

Church & State tell us we should be with ONE person forever!

 

I think it's possible to NOT cheat on your spouse. (as another poster said - I don't look at a non-married relationship the same way as a married one)

[Reggie]

Cheaters are very invested in the idea that all people cheat. It makes them feel better about their own dishonesty. A surprising number of folks do cheat. I had no idea it was so common, particularly among women. I was living in a fantasy world.

Now, I have very strict guidelines for dating. If someone has any history of cheating,in any capacity(Ws or OW). I rule them out immediately. I realize people can change and some folks have worked on themselves etc. But, the risk is too great and there are many folks out there who pose less of a risk.

I have been amazed at the number of women I have gone out with that have been OW's. These folks are just not aligned with my values, although they seem nice. So, I run.

[39388]

I agree with Tami-Chan.. (these could be the .01% who don't cheat)... but then.. they could go to the 'street pros'...

 

For all you guys here.. who proudly raise their hands for not cheating.. if you're in your 20s.. and never been in a long relationship 5+ yr. then you have no idea IF you will eventually cheat... you can say that you won't all you want.. but the reality is different... unless you've been 'there' you have no idea.

 

For all those who swear that their friend or someone they know who has been in a long term relationship and who NEVER ever cheated.... please... please.. you have NOOOOO idea unless you're with that person 24/7.

 

For all those who swear their SO would NEVER ever cheats... please.. again.. unless you've already been with that person 5+ or you're with that person 24/7... you have absolutely zero idea..

 

You can say all you want but reality is very different..

 

And.. one more thing.. it's NOT male bashing to think that most (99.9) men cheat... it's just reality.. because most of these guys are amazing..

The study I posted said about 40% of married men do not cheat. Much larger than the 0.01% you made up. There is no proof whatsoever that people are hard wired to cheat.

 

My parents never cheated. My grandparents never cheated. The majority of my other relatives have never chated, as far as I know. It is much more about how you are raised. The friends I choose are the type which are unlikely to cheat. I don't know if some of them have cheated in the past. I generally avoid people (male and female) that have a habit of breaking commitments. Cheating is the worst kind of breaking of a commitment, to me at least.

 

I've never been in anything close to a long term romantic relationship and I'm in my 30s. It is very unlikely I would cheat based on my other life experiences and the way I was brought up.

 

Yes, it is male bashing to make up false stats about males and post them as if they were true.

[tami-chan]

The majority of my other relatives have never chated, as far as I know.

 

 

operative words in bold

[Lizzie60]

The study I posted said about 40% of married men do not cheat. Much larger than the 0.01% you made up. There is no proof whatsoever that people are hard wired to cheat.

 

My parents never cheated. My grandparents never cheated. The majority of my other relatives have never chated, as far as I know. It is much more about how you are raised. The friends I choose are the type which are unlikely to cheat. I don't know if some of them have cheated in the past. I generally avoid people (male and female) that have a habit of breaking commitments. Cheating is the worst kind of breaking of a commitment, to me at least.

 

I've never been in anything close to a long term romantic relationship and I'm in my 30s. It is very unlikely I would cheat based on my other life experiences and the way I was brought up.

 

Yes, it is male bashing to make up false stats about males and post them as if they were true.

 

No stats can ever be exact about cheating.. a lot of people will NOT answer those surveys.. or will lie about it.. so it's NEVER accurate.. come on...

 

Everyone around you has never cheated.. you have NO WAY to know that for sure..

 

and I think you're way too young (or maybe not even in a relationship) so you wouldn't know.. if you WILL cheat or not..

[39388]

No stats can ever be exact about cheating.. a lot of people will NOT answer those surveys.. or will lie about it.. so it's NEVER accurate.. come on...

 

Everyone around you has never cheated.. you have NO WAY to know that for sure..

 

and I think you're way too young (or maybe not even in a relationship) so you wouldn't know.. if you WILL cheat or not..

Yes, it is very difficult to know the exact numbers. However, those that do the research know that people don't admit everything and they may well compensate somehow in their study. I doubt they just go and ask 100 people off the street "Do you cheat?" I believe the 40% figure is much closer to being correct than what some particular person has observed among the people they know.

 

I never said everyone around me has never cheated. There probably are some, but certainly nothing close to a majority. I won't go so far as to drop a friend who's cheated in the past, but cheating is disgusting behavior nonetheless.

 

The point it, I don't believe your 99%+ number and I don't belive anyone is "programmed" to cheat. It is often an excuse used by cheaters to minimize their actions.

[39388]

operative words in bold

I can't trust a word you say.

[Lizzie60]

However, those that do the research know that people don't admit everything and they may well compensate somehow in their study.

 

and how exactly do you think they can 'compensate'...

 

I doubt they just go and ask 100 people off the street "Do you cheat?"

 

Then how do you think a survey is conducted unless they ask what they need to ask..

[Trialbyfire]

Yes, it is very difficult to know the exact numbers. However, those that do the research know that people don't admit everything and they may well compensate somehow in their study. I doubt they just go and ask 100 people off the street "Do you cheat?" I believe the 40% figure is much closer to being correct than what some particular person has observed among the people they know.

 

I never said everyone around me has never cheated. There probably are some, but certainly nothing close to a majority. I won't go so far as to drop a friend who's cheated in the past, but cheating is disgusting behavior nonetheless.

 

The point it, I don't believe your 99%+ number and I don't belive anyone is "programmed" to cheat. It is often an excuse used by cheaters to minimize their actions.

There's no way to prove one way or another, whether any statistic reflects reality. Any debates are based on anecdoetal information from both the infidelists side of the argument, to the side that isn't so paranoid. Either side is a slippery slope, since no one can read anyone else's mind.

 

You know who you are. No one else knows you better than you. Also, no one on the Internet, knows the people in your family and environment, better than you do.

[JackJack]

I haven't cheated on my wife. Not while we were dating either. Nor have I ever cheated on any past g/f's.

 

There are people in this world who DO NOT, and probably wont ever. I think that is hard for some people to grasp.