Here is what I find Hysterical!!

[OWoman]

Friends, it's not envy of SL's "happiness," that is making some of us react. It's the veiled hostility.

 

Calling ANY woman a "piece of ass on the street" is patently offensive.

 

I don't like to hear that coming from a woman trying to degrade another, but in this forum, it's especially rude.

 

On the flip side: I'm happy that she's figured out that her xH was a cheater and is taking back her power! Yet she isn't at all graceful with that yet. Clearly, she is still pissed off and wanting to piss on OW, which isn't what this section of the forum is for.

 

Agree.

 

I wish SL would find TRUE happiness - and with that, her need to bitch at OWs will evaporated. With time, I hope, will come healing.

[Lizzie60]

I agree with the posters who said this was 'bashing-in-disguise'...

 

but he cheated MOST of the marriage.. she sure is bitter and angry.. but that will eventually stop... now that she is finally happy and free..

[Mr. Lucky]

how can it help to hear some smug account from some woman who has (or could have had) what we all wanted?

My husband cheated on me most of my marriage.

You'd want Summerlady's husband ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[NoIDidn't]

More whining.

 

Consider it a warning: the guy you are helping cheat potentially is just a lousy cheater who has never done anything other than cheat.

 

And its totally disengenuous of the posters citing the purpose of this particular forum, knowing full well that had she posted it in Infidelity - they would still post the same tripe as a response to it. "Don't rub my face in it", "If you are so happy, blah blah blah."

 

Seriously, its time for us to just take what is said with a grain of salt and put the big girl panties on.

[NoIDidn't]

Everything that rich car woman did with the car was absolutely fine. And yes, she is admittedly in the position that the jealous love-impoverished OWs like me want to be in.

 

Everything she did in my analogy however was justified - Except then writing the LETTER to the WOMAN WHO COULD NOT AFFORD THAT CAR for no decipherable reason which is what summer has done to us

 

It's just like, a lot of the people here are other woman and THIS part of the site is DESIGNED to support them through their pain, not to rub their faces in their pain, regardless of what we deserve morally we have somehow ended up addicted to these creeps with often our whole view of relationships and love, and ourselves turned upside down - how can it help to hear some smug account from some woman who has (or could have had) what we all wanted? The "wife", to the otehr woman is, like it or not, the ENEMY and we are HER enemy so why post in our forum??????

 

Okay we are all part of the sisterhood and all that lark, am personally very happy for her and in her situation would have done EXACTLY THE SAME! She is clearly an unusually strong woman and I respect her hugely for what she has done in letting this disrespectful creep go. But I think her posting in this forum FOR OTHER WOMEN AND MEN is insensitive, I would not go round posting in the wives forum on what I got up to with someone's husband, even if i eventually dumped him - just salt in the wound

 

Nothing in your analogy made any sense. Why is the bicycle girl coveting what she obviously can't have? Why is the bicycle girl crying over what she can't have to begin with?

 

Confusing.

[Mimolicious]

I mostly lurk in LS, so maybe I'm not as entitled to throw my 2 cents in, as the more established, and notably knowledgeable members are.

 

I just feel that regardless of Summer's motivations behind her post. Thing is we are all here because of something that has affected our lives.

We're all looking to heal. So in that sense, it will and does require us to be a bit more understanding towards every poster.

 

While I agree with what each poster has written, it's all irrelevant, in that every individual here has their own set of baggage.

 

I've been on both ends of the relationship spectrum myself, so yea. I go over to the infedelity forums, I go to all the forums.

 

One thing I've learned for absolute certainty in my life is to never, ever, say never. I would"never" cheat because damn it all. You'll find yourself having to eat those words before your layed to rest. Murphy's Law has a

way of sneaking up on you when you least expected it.

 

Anyway, where am I going with this? Ummmm, just keep on doing what you do here guys and that is well... helping me and others.... peace....

 

 

Co-sign it! I havent been here in over a year... and more or less is always the same personalities trying to validate ones opinion. GROW UP and let people vent in the way they feel comfortable! Odds are someone once before had to deal with hearing you out, even if they didnt think your issues fit the box. The "go post elsewhere" approach is not supportive.

can we just all get along?

[herenow]

Nothing in your analogy made any sense. Why is the bicycle girl coveting what she obviously can't have? Why is the bicycle girl crying over what she can't have to begin with?

 

Confusing.

 

IMO, if an OW is OK getting involved with a MM knowing that he is married, then she should be able to handle the BW's reaction. It's not like the OW really thought about the feelings of the BW while she was having sex with her H. Why should the BW be more thoughtful in her response to the OW?

 

My question here is: Why do some OW hold BW to a higher level of courtesy?

[NoIDidn't]

My question here is: Why do some OW hold BW to a higher level of courtesy?

 

Because they think she will automatically "give up" once she finds out about them and bow out of the marriage. They figure, he obviously doesn't want the bW anymore and once she realizes it, she'll leave voluntarily.

 

But this rarely ever happens.

 

Most BWs don't expect the OP to just go away, as they realize that their H's were encouraging the deceit. But the OW figures that the MM can tell the BW what to do and when to do it, and it just doesn't work out that way.

 

Fog-speak is mere jibberish to those not under the influence of extreme hormonal fluctuations. LOL.

[herenow]

Because they think she will automatically "give up" once she finds out about them and bow out of the marriage. They figure, he obviously doesn't want the bW anymore and once she realizes it, she'll leave voluntarily.

 

But this rarely ever happens.

 

Most BWs don't expect the OP to just go away, as they realize that their H's were encouraging the deceit. But the OW figures that the MM can tell the BW what to do and when to do it, and it just doesn't work out that way.

 

Fog-speak is mere jibberish to those not under the influence of extreme hormonal fluctuations. LOL.

 

Bottom line IMO, the philandering MM will do what he wants. He isn't worried about kids, social standing, money, it is all about his own wants and needs. Having said that, if he wanted to be with the OW he would be, plain and simple. If he stays, it's because that is what he wants to do.

 

However, do not forget that once an affair is found out, there is a third person that now has a say and she, the BW, isn't always so willing to let everyone just have what they want. In most cases, the BW doesn't want to be with a man who is having sex with an OW. In most cases, even here on LS, the first thing the BW does is show her H the door. And, in most cases, it's the MM that begs his wife to take him back.

 

If the MM wants to be with the OW, that is where he will be no matter what the wife says.

[NoIDidn't]

Bottom line IMO, the philandering MM will do what he wants. He isn't worried about kids, social standing, money, it is all about his own wants and needs. Having said that, if he wanted to be with the OW he would be, plain and simple. If he stays, it's because that is what he wants to do.

 

That's because he and the OP deluded themselves into thinking that he was in control. Once things are out in the open and he can't control how either woman responds, then you find out what he is really like under pressure.

 

Most would rather upset the invisible person in their lives than the W. Plus the OW doesn't count on the fact that the MM is more than willing in most cases to hide behind his W's skirt ("I promise I won't talk to her anymore" after he's busted by the W becomes "My W doesn't want me to talk to you anymore") making the OW feel like the only obstacle to her happiness with him is his W.

 

Truth is, the obstacle always was HIM.

[jj33]

Absolutely the obstacle is always the MM. But for him its not an obstacle, its just the way he wants it. He wants both or he would not juggle.

 

Is any OW really surprised by a BS's reaction? Would they REALLY be surprised that the MM hid behind her skirts? After all most of them are skulking around talking to and seeing the OW while hiding it from the W in the first place.

 

In most cases, the premise is that W cant find out or he will be "in trouble". So there should be NO surprise when he disappears if he is or thinks he is about to be busted.

 

The WS is almost NEVER in control. Typically they seem to be sneaking around in which case the control is just a facade. The only person they seem to control is the OW (in most cases).

[Stepone]

Because they think she will automatically "give up" once she finds out about them and bow out of the marriage. They figure, he obviously doesn't want the bW anymore and once she realizes it, she'll leave voluntarily.

 

But this rarely ever happens.

 

.

 

ABSOLUTELY!

I know that this would be my reaction as I would not want to stay with a man who didn't want to be with me (hence I guess why I dumped my own MM so soon on realising he wasn't going to leave, in fact!) People say that "oh then you don't know what love is... some women will put up with anything for love..." well I believe sometimes love can be selfless and if someone has shown you he'll be happier elsewhere, set him free......

 

Not saying I wouldn't be angry as Hell that he had exposed me to possible STDs and disrespected me by having an affair. This would however just make me all the more likely to get him out of my life PDQ!

[NoIDidn't]

The only person they seem to control is the OW (in most cases).

 

...through lies, half-truths, and omissions. Just like they do the W.

 

It really annoys me when the OW trumpets what the MM says about the BW without any proof or interprets everything concerning the BW through the lense of the lies that the MM has spun about her.

 

And then, it flips. Once he gets busted, he needs the BW to be upset with the OW.

 

Thing is, and I AM biased, the BW does have good reason to be angry at the OW. The OW doesn't other than the lies she bought to think that *her* man is being mistreated and neglected by HIS W. LOL. Sorry, I still find that construct funny.

[Stepone]

Most would rather upset the invisible person in their lives than the W. Plus the OW doesn't count on the fact that the MM is more than willing in most cases to hide behind his W's skirt ("I promise I won't talk to her anymore" after he's busted by the W becomes "My W doesn't want me to talk to you anymore") making the OW feel like the only obstacle to her happiness with him is his W.

 

Truth is, the obstacle always was HIM.

 

I see where you're coming from, but this isn't always necessarily true. Many MMs especially those with children stand to lose more than just their wives if they leave her. The wife often uses the children as bait to make him stay, threatening that otherwise she will take them far away, and any good man who loves his children would want to hide his affair for this, and would be willing to give up the woman he is in love with for this, however much it would hurt him. Not saying this is a common scenario but just pointing it out.... i mean, if he loved his wife so much, i don't see why he would have an affair. There are more things at stake too like financial thing,s standing in the community etc but i don't see these as "valid" obstacles to true love the way kids are.

[herenow]

Absolutely the obstacle is always the MM. But for him its not an obstacle, its just the way he wants it. He wants both or he would not juggle.

 

Is any OW really surprised by a BS's reaction? Would they REALLY be surprised that the MM hid behind her skirts? After all most of them are skulking around talking to and seeing the OW while hiding it from the W in the first place.

 

In most cases, the premise is that W cant find out or he will be "in trouble". So there should be NO surprise when he disappears if he is or thinks he is about to be busted.

 

The WS is almost NEVER in control. Typically they seem to be sneaking around in which case the control is just a facade. The only person they seem to control is the OW (in most cases).

 

Right, so most OW are willing to take the chance that the BW will find out and rightfully get upset. But, when the BW says how she feels, like the OP of this thread, she is told that it's wrong.

 

And, yes, this forum is: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner. But, since the BW is also part of that equation she should also be allowed to voice her opinion in this forum. After all. it's the BW that makes the married person a committed partner in the first place. Without the BW (or BH), there would be no need for this forum at all.

[NoIDidn't]

ABSOLUTELY!

I know that this would be my reaction as I would not want to stay with a man who didn't want to be with me (hence I guess why I dumped my own MM so soon on realising he wasn't going to leave, in fact!) People say that "oh then you don't know what love is... some women will put up with anything for love..." well I believe sometimes love can be selfless and if someone has shown you he'll be happier elsewhere, set him free......

 

Not saying I wouldn't be angry as Hell that he had exposed me to possible STDs and disrespected me by having an affair. This would however just make me all the more likely to get him out of my life PDQ!

 

Then you made the mistake of thinking that she thought like you did about her life and marriage.

 

A husband is not a boyfriend. A marriage is not "going steady". Very few people just walk away from them even when they find out that the other is supposedly in love with someone else.

 

I once said that I would never stay with a cheater. But back then I was younger and hadn't had children with one yet. NEvER say NEVER. Life has a way of making us eat crow.

[jj33]

Stepone - its still the MMs choice. There are ALWAYS issues when someone determines if they want a divorce or not. That doesnt make it right to betray their spouse. Im not judging per se but its all a matter of choices.

 

WSs deciding to stay married and look outside the marriage to fulfill certain needs and OPs deciding that they are OK with having a small piece of a relationship that may never see the light of day.

 

The fact that an individual's circumstances are not optimal doesnt mean that he/she isnt making a choice or that they arent responsible for their choices.

[bentnotbroken]

I see where you're coming from, but this isn't always necessarily true. Many MMs especially those with children stand to lose more than just their wives if they leave her. The wife often uses the children as bait to make him stay, threatening that otherwise she will take them far away, and any good man who loves his children would want to hide his affair for this, and would be willing to give up the woman he is in love with for this, however much it would hurt him. Not saying this is a common scenario but just pointing it out.... i mean, if he loved his wife so much, i don't see why he would have an affair. There are more things at stake too like financial thing,s standing in the community etc but i don't see these as "valid" obstacles to true love the way kids are.

 

 

 

I get so sick of this generalization. Real mothers don't use that card, no more than great fathers f*ck around. Anything that will hurt a child in anyway, isn't used by great parents. Men or women. Statistically this is an excuse used by men who really don't want to leave. As evidenced on these boards, even when children are involved they leave...ask OWoman.

[jj33]

Herenow logically you are correct. However this is not a thread that supports OPs in EMRs or looking to get over or out of EMRs. Its someone voicing their opinion but its not one that furthers the purpose of the forum which is why I believe it was moved to the infidelity forum.

[Stepone]

 

I once said that I would never stay with a cheater. But back then I was younger and hadn't had children with one yet. NEvER say NEVER. Life has a way of making us eat crow.

 

I got pregnant to a cheater and left within hours of finding out, and have never looked back!

[NoIDidn't]

I see where you're coming from, but this isn't always necessarily true. Many MMs especially those with children stand to lose more than just their wives if they leave her. The wife often uses the children as bait to make him stay, threatening that otherwise she will take them far away, and any good man who loves his children would want to hide his affair for this, and would be willing to give up the woman he is in love with for this, however much it would hurt him. Not saying this is a common scenario but just pointing it out.... i mean, if he loved his wife so much, i don't see why he would have an affair. There are more things at stake too like financial thing,s standing in the community etc but i don't see these as "valid" obstacles to true love the way kids are.

 

No offense, but you sound really young and inexperienced.

 

Most men that cheat have children. Its always for lack of love for their spouses. And most women don't use children as bait. But they aren't exactly going to let their H's have their children around the woman that helped break up their family.

 

Truthfully speaking, a loving husband and father shouldn't engage in ANY behavior that challenges his being a loving husband and father in the first place.

 

Sounds like your MM used "the kids" to sucker punch you in the A. Most of the time, its pure BS used to insulate them against the "when are you going to leave her" questioning.

[jj33]

Exactly right BNB. And look at the divorce statistics. There wouldnt be a 50% divorce rate if people couldnt leave without losing their children.

[bentnotbroken]

ABSOLUTELY!

I know that this would be my reaction as I would not want to stay with a man who didn't want to be with me (hence I guess why I dumped my own MM so soon on realising he wasn't going to leave, in fact!) People say that "oh then you don't know what love is... some women will put up with anything for love..." well I believe sometimes love can be selfless and if someone has shown you he'll be happier elsewhere, set him free......

 

Not saying I wouldn't be angry as Hell that he had exposed me to possible STDs and disrespected me by having an affair. This would however just make me all the more likely to get him out of my life PDQ!

 

 

 

Sure it would. What you will put up with has already been evidenced by your involvement with a MM in the first place. So it is kind of hard to believe that if you were in a marriage, where you loved your spouse, even if they cheated you wouldn't stay and "hold on" to what you have created. JMO:confused:

[NoIDidn't]

I got pregnant to a cheater and left within hours of finding out, and have never looked back!

 

You got pregnant by a cheater? Did you keep the baby? Or did you find out about the cheating while you were pregnant? Were you married to said cheater, so were you just dating him and having unprotected sex (a concept that I can't wrap my head around, sorry).

 

My children are older and very much bonded with their dad.

 

All I can say is that its different.

 

If the child never knew the man, of course its easier to walk away.

[Stepone]

You got pregnant by a cheater? Did you keep the baby? Or did you find out about the cheating while you were pregnant? Were you married to said cheater, so were you just dating him and having unprotected sex (a concept that I can't wrap my head around, sorry).

 

My children are older and very much bonded with their dad.

 

All I can say is that its different.

 

If the child never knew the man, of course its easier to walk away.

 

 

Was in a one year relationship, we were living together and engaged for a year. Until one day I read his text messages (yes, snooping - what an awful person), and found one from the girlfriend he had been with for the last five years............... who I never even SUSPECTED existed... he had never so much as mentioned her name.. I have to say though I was not madly in love with this man, I was with him as he chased me like crazy, I thought he might be dependable after the losers I had been in love with, and we were close friends beforehand (he had never mentioned his girlfriend during this period either). He did offer to immediately dump her once I found out the truth - which took a while as he even claimed the texts were from a man at first! How noble of him. I gave her a call explaining the situation to her, she was very shocked (and actually sounded like a very pleasant, homely girl - she was older than me by a fair amount), then I moved country!