HappyAtLast Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 I started a thread that mentioned just that about you in Infidelity. It asked the question about why don't the former MM announce to the *boards* that they married their OW. We get lots of OW that do that, and I've YET to see you or any of them announce how classless THAT is. So, yes, I don't see a problem with her doing it here or anywhere else. She would have faced the same mindless opposition telling her that she wasn't really happy or she wouldn't have been posting it. Or that she was gloating. Or some other BS. No matter where she posted it, she still would here from the Amen Corner. And I'm sure YOU know this as well....... I'm sorry, I'm just not on here often enough to keep up. I think I am speaking of a technicality. If an OW posted on the Infidelity board that she married her affair partner, I certainly would speak up (assuming I actually saw the post) that it was in poor taste to place that sort of post on that board, where it was certainly intended to cause pain or anger the folks there. I agree with you that she would have heard it from all sides, I guess I just feel that if folks were more respectful about where they placed their initial posts it might not be so hurtful to some. That's all I am trying to say. Personally, I feel it is in bad taste to gloat, period. But if you are that sort of person, at least do it on your "home turf." That's my opinion, for whatever it is worth. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 I'm sorry, I'm just not on here often enough to keep up. I think I am speaking of a technicality. If an OW posted on the Infidelity board that she married her affair partner, I certainly would speak up (assuming I actually saw the post) that it was in poor taste to place that sort of post on that board, where it was certainly intended to cause pain or anger the folks there. I agree with you that she would have heard it from all sides, I guess I just feel that if folks were more respectful about where they placed their initial posts it might not be so hurtful to some. That's all I am trying to say. Personally, I feel it is in bad taste to gloat, period. But if you are that sort of person, at least do it on your "home turf." That's my opinion, for whatever it is worth. Now we have reached a common ground. LOL. About the "where" she posted and it still garnering the same type of responses. The OP claimed to not know about her options in forums of where to post this. And she's never come back and defended herself. So that would lend to the gloating. But she never said a negative thing about any OW - not even the ones her H was probably cheating with. So that's why I tend to not think that this is gloating. I wonder if the MODs disagree with you as they didn't move this thread, but they did move another one started by a different betrayed wife. Basically, I'm giving this new poster the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she was warning OWs that her cheating ex is now on the prowl for real and to be on the look out for him. LOL. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAtLast Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 Now we have reached a common ground. LOL. About the "where" she posted and it still garnering the same type of responses. The OP claimed to not know about her options in forums of where to post this. And she's never come back and defended herself. So that would lend to the gloating. But she never said a negative thing about any OW - not even the ones her H was probably cheating with. So that's why I tend to not think that this is gloating. I wonder if the MODs disagree with you as they didn't move this thread, but they did move another one started by a different betrayed wife. Basically, I'm giving this new poster the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she was warning OWs that her cheating ex is now on the prowl for real and to be on the look out for him. LOL. LOL, your last line was too funny . Perhaps you are right and she did not understand the options in the forum. The fact that she did not come back to defend herself lends support to your theory. If that is the case, I would then COMPLETELY agree with you. I just went over to check out your thread in the Infidelity forum. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 LOL, your last line was too funny . Perhaps you are right and she did not understand the options in the forum. The fact that she did not come back to defend herself lends support to your theory. If that is the case, I would then COMPLETELY agree with you. I just went over to check out your thread in the Infidelity forum. I certainly agree that it would be poor taste for someone the gloat in any capacity. I just don't think the OP in this case was attempting to do that. That thread didn't get many replies. But it looks like it got more than a few views. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 This forum is for 'those of us who find ouselves involved with a committed partner.' ....... Isn't the BS amongst those most "involved with a committed partner" ? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 But she never said a negative thing about any OW - not even the ones her H was probably cheating with. So that's why I tend to not think that this is gloating. I disagree. She used the opportunity of someone else's thread to slag off her xH's OW in a context where that was totally irrelevant, and just came across as needy of affirmation: This woman was very unattractive and I mean very and heavy. Very low self esteem and pretty much a loser in general, I know people that know her. I think anyone that would pursue a married man or married woman has serious mental issues. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 BUT it IS a common scenario... this is what happens MOST of the time.. the MM would leave the W in a second if it wasn't for the kids.. then the financial stress.. That is utter crap. I know MANY women who divorced their ex and NONE have ever used the kids. That is just crap that a lying cheating married man fed someone. Where are the statistics to back this up? I guess it would be okay to say that most men don't support their children and when they do marrying the OW, they disregard the FIRST children because his new wife has an issue with the fact that he loved and slept with his first wife (because we all know he told the OW that he didn't love her and didn't have sex) so the new wife doesn't want reminders of the family she broke up. And she wants to have NEW kids so he can forget all about those other kids. Link to post Share on other sites
wildsoul Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Isn't the BS amongst those most "involved with a committed partner" ? Mr. Lucky I think most MM should be committed, but there just isn't enough room in the hospital wards for all of them. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 I disagree. She used the opportunity of someone else's thread to slag off her xH's OW in a context where that was totally irrelevant, and just came across as needy of affirmation: I didn't recall this. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 That is utter crap. I know MANY women who divorced their ex and NONE have ever used the kids. Actually my H's xW DID try to use the kids - during the D settlement, she did threaten to demand sole custody so that the kids would not be exposed to this evil, immoral OW. Unfortunately for her, though, we'd been living together perfectly happily for months at that stage and the kids had simply never told her. (It's also interesting that the OW - me - was evil and immoral, yet when she - the xW - was cheating on her first H she didn't consider it so immoral back then.... ) Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 I didn't recall this. Sorry. no need to apologise - no one expects you to carry a LS encyclopaedia around in your memory... Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 no need to apologise - no one expects you to carry a LS encyclopaedia around in your memory... Yeah, I just know she didn't come back. Given that she said he cheated the whole marriage, I wonder why she fixated on the last OW? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Yeah, I just know she didn't come back. Given that she said he cheated the whole marriage, I wonder why she fixated on the last OW? Perhaps the recency of it still stings? Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 So your "one" person equals MOST And just because a mother requests sole custody doesn't mean a she is using the kids against him. I requested/demanded sole custody and a judge awarded it to me. My ex wasn't cheating (although I wish he would have so he would leave me alone) but I also knew I wasn't going to depend on him for sh*t regarding our son because he hadn't shown up in the previous 6 years; I sure as heck wasn't going to have to need his approval for anything going forward. Too many women try to be "nice" when divorcing their loser ex's and end up screwing themselves by doing so. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 I disagree. She used the opportunity of someone else's thread to slag off her xH's OW in a context where that was totally irrelevant, and just came across as needy of affirmation: Originally Posted by SummerLady This woman was very unattractive and I mean very and heavy. Very low self esteem and pretty much a loser in general, I know people that know her. I think anyone that would pursue a married man or married woman has serious mental issues. Don't you think that many of the OW's here "slag off" the BS to a similar or greater extent? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
MizzBlue72 Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Isn't the BS amongst those most "involved with a committed partner" ? Mr. Lucky Mr Lucky - It is for the OW / OM -- NOT the BS. This is NOT supposed to be the forum that attacks the OW/OM!!! Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 I'm sorry - did I misread? Did she not dump her husband? Hence, she is not in any sort of relationship, committed or otherwise, correct? I was responding to the part that you said that BS know the OP shouldn't have put her post in this forum. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Mr Lucky - It is for the OW / OM -- NOT the BS. This is NOT supposed to be the forum that attacks the OW/OM!!! I'm not how pointing out the facts involved in both sides of the story can be considered attacks. Like it or not, if you're an OW or OM, there's three people involved in your relationship.... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 We are now divorced and he has no girlfriend. Seems to funny. Some people just like the thrill of cheating not the person they are cheating with. My mom said once that it's like escaping from the hot sun by going into the water. But when the sun goes down (the wife isn't around), it's too cold to get inside the water, so it's not fun anymore. Ironically, your username is Suumer Lady! I guess the winter finally arrived for your dear husband? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 So your "one" person equals MOST And just because a mother requests sole custody doesn't mean a she is using the kids against him. I requested/demanded sole custody and a judge awarded it to me. My ex wasn't cheating (although I wish he would have so he would leave me alone) but I also knew I wasn't going to depend on him for sh*t regarding our son because he hadn't shown up in the previous 6 years; I sure as heck wasn't going to have to need his approval for anything going forward. Too many women try to be "nice" when divorcing their loser ex's and end up screwing themselves by doing so. Not sure who this is directed to, but since I raised the example of a BW "using" the kids through threatening to demand sole custody, I'll reply. I certainly didn't say "most" anywhere in my post, I merely cited a SINGLE example to counter the impression that NO BWs have ever been known to do so. In this case, it very much was a case of "using the kids" (or using the threat of access to the kids) given the context of the situation. The kids were with us and she was threatening to "take that away" - a pretty hollow threat as she'd certainly not have been awarded sole custody, and would not even have been awarded joint custody had we contested that. That was granted at our instigation, as we honestly felt - and feel - that it would be best for the kids to have unfettered access to both biological parents, as they choose / require. I was also granted sole custody (and sole guardianship) during my own D - it's really no badge of honour or anything to boast about. In some countries there is structural inequality and women tend to be favoured above men for custody purposes; in others, like my own, judgements are made purely on the best interests of the child, after an assessment by children's advocates and social workers. So a BW's threat would be meaningless in that context, anyway. Even here, with the BW's mental health issues a matter of record, her own lawyer advised her that she wouldn't have a case if she tried to push for that. Point is, some BWs WILL try to "use the kids", and others won't. Situations differ, and people differ. However, in countries with progressive legal systems, the best interests of the child/ren are held paramount and the petty squabbles and issues of the parents are deprioritised to an appropriate level. That said, while it may be a hollow threat, the mere making of the threat may in some cases be sufficient to scare someone into submission. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Don't you think that many of the OW's here "slag off" the BS to a similar or greater extent? There have indeed been instances of OWs slagging off BWs to a similar extent, I'm not denying. But it's seldom that those are posted as new threads in the Infidelity section; most of those posts tend to be incidental posts on other threads in the OW section. Where they do occur on other boards it tends to be reactively in the heat of a rather adversarial exchange where OWs are being attacked on one side and are attacking back on the other. Outright provocative posts aimed at BWs in the Infidelity section made by gloating OWs are relatively few. That I've come across, anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 My mom said once that it's like escaping from the hot sun by going into the water. But when the sun goes down (the wife isn't around), it's too cold to get inside the water, so it's not fun anymore. Interesting analogy, but as someone who grew up in a sunny climate with a beach / swimming pool culture, I can attest that the water is at its relative warmest just after sunset, when the earth is cooling but the water still holds its heat (since it cools slower than the surrounding air - physics 101). Link to post Share on other sites
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