Angry Clown Posted October 19, 2003 Share Posted October 19, 2003 My mom is a lesbian. She recently fell for her friend of 11 years. My dad is heartbroken. I hate knowing about it. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. All I know is that there are a lot of unresolved issues between her and my dad and they won't talk about it. She blames him, I blame them both. I don't want to be around either one of them. I am leaving for college now. I am on scholarship. I am also careful around girls and do not wish to get involved with any closet lesbians or bisexuals. - Angry Clown. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 19, 2003 Share Posted October 19, 2003 You should have a good talk with your mother and try to get a thorough understanding of how this came about. These things happen and there's no reason to be torn up about because that doesn't change things. I know it's difficult for you and your father to deal with but trying to understand it may go a long way in helping. As far as avoiding closet lesbians and bisexuals, you have to depend on their honesty. However, the grreatest number of gays who are in heterosexual roles are either struggling in denial or have no idea yet they will one day switch gender roles. Welcome to the diverse and unpredictable Planet Earth. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 Whatever you do, do not stop loving or supporting either of your parents - whatever choices they make. I agree with what Tony said at the beginning of his post. Try and get her to talk about what led to where she is today. As an aside, I'm no shrink, but I once knew a therapist who told me that women can become lesbians whereas men are usually gay at an earlier age. Sexuality is still quite mysterious, even with all of the research on it. But I think what she was saying was that women can become lesbians sometimes because of bad relationships with me, whereas even when men have bad relationships, they are still almost always heterosexual, though their difficulties may manifest themselves in negative ways of their own, such is the case with men who become more abusive or even violent in subsequent relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
lipglossboost Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 I guess I am unclear here ... you mention that you are careful around girls, lesbians, etc? Are you afraid you'll "catch gay" or something? Forgive me, but you sound terribly ignorant. Your mother's decision, though it may hurt you, is not for you to judge. Family stands by eachother no matter what. Your parents' relationship is exactly that ... THEIR RELATIONSHIP, not yours. You could not possibly understand where or how things went wrong between them, and as their child, you are not meant to. I would also like to add that men and women do not become gay because they've had a bad experience with the opposite sex, or because of a divorce. Oftentimes those feelings have been there most of their lives. I'm sure you want (and expect,) your parents to stand by you, no matter your decisions or mistakes. How, then, can you be so hypocritical towards them? I hope for the sake of your family that you will grow up a bit and realize that you are only adding negativity to an already tense situation. The last thing they need right now is for you to act like such a spoiled brat. Link to post Share on other sites
spunk30 Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 Firstly, please re-read the post from lipglossboost...it's a goody and it really makes sense...I agree whole heartedly with the comments there! Just remember that your Mom will always be your Mom no matter how crazy you think she, her choices/behaviours, or the world might be...Parents go through stuff too, they're more human than we give them credit for sometimes, and you won't always agree with the things they do, just as they won't always agree with some of the things you get up to...The important thing is that they are there for you...and you for them... Maybe the sexuality thing is a bit of a shock...So, your Mom's a lesbian...So what?! It's just one of the things that makes her your Mom, sexuality is just one component of who we are. I think maybe what's really at issue here is your insecurity...Feeling that because things have changed with your Mom and Dad that you're not sure where you fit into family, or even what your family means now etc...Well, that's OK...when things happen between our parents it's understandable that you will feel some uncertainty...you're entering new territory...maybe even doing some grieving...But, they're still your parents, and you're still a family...It's just that some of the dynamics have changed... Find some time to talk to your Mom...think about what it is you are really feeling and be honest about it...Remember, things will be pretty strange for her too...She needs to know you love her just as much as you need to know that she loves you! Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 Hey now, easy on the kid. He's going through a tough time and he's still at an age when he's figuring how the world works. I don't think he's acting like a spoiled brat at all...I think he's just feeling a lot of pressure and doesn't really know how to deal with it. If you're a growing boy/girl, your expectation is that both of your parents are heterosexual. And while there are some extraordinarily strong people out there, I think most of us are still a little closed-minded about sexuality when we're younger because of how we're conditioned by our culture. Nevertheless, whatever choices our beloved friends and family members make, I think we have to learn to be supportive - even if they make choices we don't necessarily agree or feel comfortable with. I hope he'll read the aforementioned advice and consider it when dealing with this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
The Velvet Vixen Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 I agree with amerikajin...I think you're being too hard on the boy. AngryClown is young, his parents just split up, he feels as if his entire family has fallen apart, he's just had the bombshell that his mother is in love with a woman dropped on him (something he's probably never even suspected)—and, of course, this probably means that there's no chance of his parents ever getting back together (practically everybody wants to see their parents together). I'd imagine that right now AngryClown feels very hurt, betrayed, and confused and as if his whole world has been thrown into chaos. He has a lot to absorb, and the wound is fresh. (((AngryClown)))...hopefully, things will get better soon. Keep your head up. It will be hard, but try not to let this situation interfere with your schoolwork. From what you say, it seems as if you're a good student, so I'm sure you'll do well. Good luck.... you mention that you are careful around girls, lesbians, etc? Are you afraid you'll "catch gay" or something? I think he just meant he plans to be very careful about whom he dates because he does not want to end up in the same situation as his father, and maybe not have his own kids go through what he's going through now. Link to post Share on other sites
Ryan M Posted October 26, 2003 Share Posted October 26, 2003 Sorry to hear about it youll get over it adleast it aint another man. Link to post Share on other sites
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