teachrmn Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 From Friendship to ???? I am not dating this person, we are good friends or was good friends. We worked together and I became friends with her while she was going thru a some difficult times with her marriage. We've hung out a little outside of work and I did tell her once that when things are all through with her and she is ready to move on I would date her in a heartbeat. Anyhow, I think she tried to make another attempt at her marriage and finally decided that it is 100% over (this has been going on since Dec) I helped her move out of her house, she crashed at my place for a few days and so forth. Like I said I tried to be a friend, but I wonder if she thought we were getting to close. She told me recently that she needed "space . I ask her to define that and she told me it basically means less interaction. WTF? I don't understand. Also at work she has been very cold and distant toward me. She basically treats me like I don't exist. What did I do? Did she feel like I was getting too close? With other coworkers, she is as happy as can be. Can anyone help me out. One of my friends says that because I am single she may see me as a "threat", meaning that I could come on to her when she is vunerable. Another friend told me that sometimes people are harsh toward the people that they are closest too. ( I don't buy this) Bottom line is are her and I ever going to have the same friendship again? I just moved to the area and I don't know too many people down here. She was really the only close friend I had. I am giving her the space she wants and now that training is over, I won't have as much close contact with her. (last two weeks was hell) Any suggestions for meeting people and getting over the loneliness and this woman? Thanks everyone Link to post Share on other sites
yadungon Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 the best thing to do now is ask her what wrong. something must had happen, can you remember anything between when she okay around you and she need space thing. She now still live in your house? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 I have a term for this. It's called an "exit strategy". My instinct is that you were a friend of convenience. Her use for you is now ended, hence the "space". I've experienced this. More than once. I'm a slow learner Link to post Share on other sites
yadungon Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 I have a term for this. It's called an "exit strategy". My instinct is that you were a friend of convenience. Her use for you is now ended, hence the "space". I've experienced this. More than once. I'm a slow learner dam how many time you been hurt. did you take any advantage of those girl when they in "exit strategy". Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Nope, never did. I saw them as friends. Been hurt enough. It's called being married Link to post Share on other sites
Author teachrmn Posted April 27, 2009 Author Share Posted April 27, 2009 No she is still not staying with me...I helped her moved into a new place though. I am hoping that maybe I am internalizing things too much. I think she is coming out of a marriage in which the person wasn't who she thought he was. So maybe she lost trust for men? I know she is going to need time, lots of it. I am trying not to take things personally, but I think it would be best to just lay low and be myself. Just be a friend, and keep my distance. I don't think it would be a good idea to approach her about the status of our friendship maybe for a while. Down the road I may just let her know that anytime she wants to talk or have coffee I am open. Her mood has sort of been up and down. I never been married, but I can't even imagine what a person must be going through at a time when they thought that the person they were married to would be forever. Is far as feeling used, I really don't feel that way.I just don't understand the coldness towards me and the friendliness toward the other coworkers.... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 As far as feeling used, I really don't feel that way.I just don't understand the coldness towards me and the friendliness toward the other coworkers.... No, you likely don't feel used right now. With enough of similar experience, you'll learn Her coldness could be as I indicated, distancing herself from you now that your usefulness has concluded (and perhaps she has another branch to hang onto now) or it could be that she's buying into some malodorous gossip spread about the two of you. In office politics, few prisoners are spared. Many scenarios, one truth. Meet some women outside work. Words to the wise Link to post Share on other sites
Awesome84 Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 I've experienced this. More than once. I'm a slow learner :lmao: LOL... I am also a slow learner which is why I am so smart now! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 I need one of your smart pills Well, the cat likes me anyway... Link to post Share on other sites
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