Womens opinion

[Confused]

Please help me with this one! I dated this girl that

 

rents an apartment that I own downstairs. We went out

 

for 4 months and we went very fast. It has been 7 weeks since we broke up. She broke up with me

 

saying she needs time to find herself. I must mention

 

she had a boyfriend of two years before me. Only a month

 

later she was serious with me. She told all along she had a

 

bad relationship with him and she was not on the rebound.

 

She also said that no one ever made her feel like I did

 

when I kissed her, as well as a lot of other things.

 

I really care about this girl and and she still calls with

 

"a reason", never just to ask how I am doing. I think that

 

I need to separate myself from this, but unfortunately

 

she lives downstairs. I asked her nicely that she should

 

perhaps move. She does not want to move. Why do you think

 

that she won't move? I would but I own the place and it does not make sense for me. I feel that I can't move on until there is no contact. Please Help!

[D.]

Even though she said she was not on the rebound, "me thinks she doth protest too much". After a relationship of 2 years with her former boyfriend, no matter how bad, if she took up with you right away and you two "went really fast" it truly sounds as though she was rebounding, trying to get over her ex-boyfriend. That is not to say she was not attracted to you, but it certainly seems convenient that you were so available and secure to her as to be living right up stairs. Do you get my logic?

 

Now she calls you only when she "has a reason" and not to see "how you are" or to make conversation. This could be ... A) Because she really has some specific reason for calling you as you DO own the building or .... B) In order to make some sort of contact with you in a manner that is not personal or coming on to you as she does not want you to ask her out .... maybe she is trying to be just friends. I do not know which is the answer.

 

I can understand you wanting to separate yourself from this since you two have broken up and she lives right downstairs. Why does she not want to move? A) Because it is a pain in the butt ... or B) She still likes to be near you as a friend and feels good with that security. Again, I don't know which.

 

If you wish to sever all contact with her, let her know this in a tactful but assertive manner. Be kind but NOT a push over. If she keeps calling you and it does not pertain to your roll as the owner of the building, remind her of your talk with her and that you want no further contact with her unless it pertains to you as the owner of the building.

 

It is unfortunate that you two cannot remain on fair speaking terms as aquaintances if not friends especially taking into consideration that she lives beneath you (but even if she did not live there, people who break up can, on occasion, still be buddies). You make it sound like this is out of the question for you, so I again suggest the other route.

 

I hope I have been of some assistance to you and wish you the best of luck with your prediament.

[Miranda]

You are right to want no contact. That's a healthy response.

 

Unfortunately, no matter what she SAID, you WERE a 'rebound' relationship with her. But that should not make you feel bad or down on yourself. There's nothing that you did wrong. This girl sounds really selfish and immature. To call you when she needs something and to ignore your feelings is just another good reason NOT to be in a relationship with her. She won't move because she's comfortable where she is, and it's bad that she seems to have no consideration for your feelings.

 

My advice? If you have already told her your feelings and asked her to move, you need to become completely unavailable to her. You need to think about yourself and what YOU need to heal yourself. Screen your calls, don't return the calls, and if you see her in the hallway, just say an uninterested hello.

 

You sound like a great man, and a girl would be very lucky to be with you. But please don't jump into a relationship with the next girl that SEEMS nice...

 

Good luck!