5 months on ...... what worked for me

[steve9417]

i used LS a lot when i was in the middle of a very messy finish and wanted to share with you how things are now and what the process has been like when i look back right up until now

 

my ex treated me like a piece of gum on the bottom of a shoe ..... she found a new guy quickly after i chose to end it (due to her lack of humility and way she treated others and me - which was to become a sign of things to come from the way i was treated finally) and then came back to tell me she missed me and was sad about our split. I felt that with her also seeing a therapist that she had honestly changed & got taken back in by her advance ........ little did i know about the new guy ...... fast forward 4 months and she chose to stay with the new guy and she treated me like complete **** 90% of that time - needless to say I'd lost my identity in the end but was relieved when it did end.

 

my experience of moving on has been a positive, rewarding one though at times difficult - I cried like a baby for the first month after we split and then went through the well documented anger phase - I'm getting to a more accepting place now about the end - I'm glad we split - she hadn't changed and I'm fortunate some poor other sucker has taken over from me - these are the things that helped me

 

family - my mum listened to me repeat myself for weeks (bless her) - find someone (doesn't have to be a family member) that can listen to you without getting bored or judging you - warn them that you might go round in circles but to just be there for you & know that in time you'll lose the attachment - they don't need to try to fix you (cause you're not broken - your just hurt from having loved someone)

 

therapist - I could afford one so i saw one - my mental facilities are in tact and I'm not bitter and twisted about women nor my ex - just getting ambivalent and accepting that it was over for a good reason and that is cause she wasn't good for me

 

exercise - I run cause i love it - this spring also finds me in a similar place of regrowth and expectation for better things - running with everything blossoming is something i really identify with

 

awareness / accepting attitude - this one is subtle but very important - its to do with being aware of your internal dialogue and the content of those messages ....... if they're unhelpful then you can then choose to do something different about them - like reminding yourself why your life would be a mess if you were still together - trust me on this one it would be !!! its important to be gentle and accepting with the reframing / being hard on yourself when you realise that you're talking negatively about yourself or thinking hopelessly about ex ........ ain't the way to go. Meditating has helped me to improve my awareness a huge amount - have a look a the "relaxation response" for a simple way into it ....... great way to quiten any unhelpful messages

 

anger / crying ...... dealing with the left over emotion and letting it out in a healthy way - i've been absolutely ok about this ........ i missed my ex like hell after she treated me like **** for the last time - a part of me loves her and always will do but I don't want her back ......... of course i could have bottled them both up and then fallen into the world of self medicating ie substance abuse / shouting at folk, family, friends etc .......

 

the thing is that when you think you're over them - WHAM !! something comes up that reminds you of them and you feel that you've regressed - i can assure you that its those low moments that are the things that spring board you to a better place once your out of them - just be aware that they'll come up and to stay with them rather than avoid them - if you're sad & want to cry go put on a sad song or movie - if you're angry then go for a drive and shout you're head off (though not when you're at traffic lights and folks can see you - preferably )

 

dating ........ i waited 2 months before i was ready to start doing this - i've had a number of dates and am still finding my way ...... i do know that it helps me to regain my identity and get back to the person i am before i met the ex ....... i was originally dating to get a girlfriend quickly ....... now i'm realising that having a partner is just one part of life ........ regaining my identity does not mean i need to have a girlfriend - there are too many other things and people out there to love and befriend without being obsessed with finding a replacement / partner ........ perhaps being ok with whats going on now is most important without pining for someone to come into my life ......... of course i positively choose to have a partner but not at the expense of everytyhing else right now - what i'm doing now i'll still be doing when i meet someone

 

its been an interesting period to say the least ..... i'll never regret that we're over - a part of me still misses her but in the end i'm glad its over and glad for all the growth and development ........ someone is going to be very lucky when they meet me !!

 

i've hopefully used my time constructively & would like to think that i've learn't from the whole process & still still continue to ....... take care

[PinkRibbon]

Some one will be very lucky to have you! You sound like you worked through this is a positive and productive manner.

 

I really enjoyed the read and it gives me hope that I am on the right path to recovery.

 

Let us know how you are 5 more months down the road!

[Scottdmw]

Thanks for taking the time to post!

[bluewolf17]

Great post! Thanks for giving us your insight!