ithurtsalot Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Imagine your BF lives in a different city and you see each other at week ends. You discover (by snooping, admittedly) that he searched on the internet for "Sex in [the city he lives]". The same evening he looked up night clubs in the city. You also discovered he has been going on porn sites and dating sites since you've been together. What do you make of that ? The "Sex in [the city he lives]" worries me the most. The porn is ok, I can understand, but this makes me think he may be looking for real encounters. Or just bored and messing on the internet, typing stuff into google ? Am I overreacting ? How would you react ? Male opinions welcome ... Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Juniper22 Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Just out of curiosty, what made you feel something was up for you to snoop to begin with? Is he actually on a site for hooking up for sex locally? Or are you sure its not like an ad that was on the side of a porn page he was viewing? If he is looking to hook up with another for sex, then yeah that should be your main concern. Link to post Share on other sites
AlektraClementine Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 I look at porn as well. Some of the sites that I go to have pop up ads for "sex in (the city I live in). Is this something you're certain he googled purposely? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ithurtsalot Posted April 27, 2009 Author Share Posted April 27, 2009 I'm not sure but I think so. On the history page it was like this : Sex in *** - Search - www. ..... with the website (personal ads) he went to underneath, so it looks like he searched for it. otherwise, the fact that he goes onto dating sites and not just porn sites is a bad sign, no ? i can understand the porn, but the dating sites ? ... Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 If you find out for sure that HE was/is looking to meet up for sex...what is your plan? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ithurtsalot Posted April 27, 2009 Author Share Posted April 27, 2009 I leave him ... We've been together for 2 years. At the start we were crazy about each other, but I played it a little too cool. After 6 months I discovered he had cheated on me with 3 people. He said he thought I didn't care but didn't have the strength to leave me cos he loved me so much. When I found out, he realised I really loved him. Then the tables turned. He moved away (we only see each other at week ends), he became a lot less needy, a lot less communicative with his feelings. He controls things now. I tried to forgive him and trust him again. I was devastated but he's the love of my life. At the moment he's never telling me he loves me. He left his email open at my place and I had a look at his chat and google history. I want to believe it's just curiosity and boredom but I'm terrified. We have a great sexual relationship but we're so often apart. How can he love me and look for sexual encounters ? Should I just put this out of my mind and trust him ? Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 I leave him ... We've been together for 2 years. At the start we were crazy about each other, but I played it a little too cool. After 6 months I discovered he had cheated on me with 3 people. He said he thought I didn't care but didn't have the strength to leave me cos he loved me so much. When I found out, he realised I really loved him. Then the tables turned. He moved away (we only see each other at week ends), he became a lot less needy, a lot less communicative with his feelings. He controls things now. I tried to forgive him and trust him again. I was devastated but he's the love of my life. At the moment he's never telling me he loves me. He left his email open at my place and I had a look at his chat and google history. I want to believe it's just curiosity and boredom but I'm terrified. We have a great sexual relationship but we're so often apart. How can he love me and look for sexual encounters ? Should I just put this out of my mind and trust him ? Should you put this out of your mind and trust him? Well, lets see, he has already proved he can not be trusted. I mean, he cheated on you with 3 people, come on now! Link to post Share on other sites
bean1 Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 It has already been proven that he can cheat multiple times without you leaving him - I'm not sure why this comes as a surprise? Put this out of your mind and trust him? This reminds me of an ostrich with their head in the sand... come on! Is your self esteem really low? Link to post Share on other sites
Kaii Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 After 6 months I discovered he had cheated on me with 3 people. He said he thought I didn't care but didn't have the strength to leave me cos he loved me so much. He has done it to you before...why are you so surprised to find out that he potentially doing it again? I'm not sure what else you need for proof that he is up to something. Looking for "sex in your city", searching on dating sites, etc..., do you honestly think he is just doing this to pass the time? Most people get a hobby to pass the time, not look for "sex in their city". You said he doesn't tell you that he loves you anymore...huge red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
DunnoWhat Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 If he wanted to see porn he'd search for porn. If he wanted sex he'd search for sex in his area. There may be another reason for it but it's likely he was searching for sex. He cheated on you and is not worth trusting. Set up a false account on the dating site and contact him. See how he responds. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 He said he thought I didn't care but didn't have the strength to leave me cos he loved me so much. I call bullsht on that. People who really love someone are desperate to have behave in such a way that the loved person realizes how wonderful they are and requites the love. People who really love someone so much don't cheat with 3 different people in 6 months. He moved away (we only see each other at week ends), he became a lot less needy, a lot less communicative with his feelings. He controls things now. At the moment he's never telling me he loves me. We have a great sexual relationship but we're so often apart. How can he love me and look for sexual encounters ? So the sex is great; you can have great sex with a callgirl or a guy you meet at a club. The communication sucks and the trust is gone. You can't build a relationship on just great sex. I think you need to be realistic. He doesn't seem to care about you in the same way that he did, and he is seeking out alternate sexual encounters. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ithurtsalot Posted April 28, 2009 Author Share Posted April 28, 2009 Thanks for your advice. The search for "sex in ..." dates back several months and there hasn't been much porn since. I do draw a clear distinction between looking for porn and looking for sex. What disgusts me is that he has been looking at porn sites and online dating sites since the beginning of our relationship, even during the phase where he was so mad about me and went crazy when he thought i didn"'t care. I don't understand. This is not the man I thought I knew. Seriously though, can looking up sex in his sity not just be a stupid immature reflex of a bored man sitting on his computer, just out of curiosity to see what's out there with no intentions ? Guys, as regards porn : If you are mad about your girlfriend, can you still look at porn ? Is it a sign of dissatisfaction ? Link to post Share on other sites
DunnoWhat Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Seriously though, can looking up sex in his sity not just be a stupid immature reflex of a bored man sitting on his computer, just out of curiosity to see what's out there with no intentions ? Guys, as regards porn : If you are mad about your girlfriend, can you still look at porn ? Is it a sign of dissatisfaction ? He could have been bored but why look up sex in his own city? Maybe he was curious. Like I said before, you could try contacting him on a dating site to see what his intentions are. The porn thing could be about boredom too. I don't do it because I regard having thoughts about other women as a form of cheating. I also believe that thoughts become things eg if he's looking up porn and thinking about it eventually he'll start to act it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ithurtsalot Posted April 28, 2009 Author Share Posted April 28, 2009 Just for the fun of seeing that it exists ? Without any intention of acting it out ? ... I may add that he was searching for night clubs the same evening, which worries me ... Unrelated ? Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 You stated on this page that what disgusts you is the fact he has been looking at porn...but a few posts up you said it was him "searching for sex locally" that bothered you the most. You also are just now stating that the "searching for sex" was done months ago, not something I remember you mentioning off the bat. Now you're saying he is searching for night clubs. What do you want from your relationship with this guy? It sounds like whatever it may be, you might not get. He has cheated multiple times, he looks at porn, he searches for night clubs and searches for sex in his area, so exactly what is the prize in this relationship? I say, if you move on, and forget about this guy, you wont have to worry anymore about what it is he is doing. Its not a relationship if he feels the need to cheat and try to find sex in his area. Its also not a relationship if you're in constant worry and feel the need to police what he is doing every minute. Just save your self the hassle and worry, and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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