ruggy Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 So Mayor Bloomberg in New York City is awarding excellence in teaching awards in May. Yours truly, is receiving one. So I asked the X if she would like to go with me when I called her out of the blue this yesterday morning. Surprisingly she said yes, thanked me for inviting her and thinking of her, and said it should be a good date. Keep in mind, we've not talked since January. Am I heading in the right direction here? I was thinking just ease in to it and see what happens. No? Help me out here. :") Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRibbon Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Wow congratulations! What an honor! I would just take it nice and slow. Do not get over anxious. Slow but not dead. I would be glad she said yes! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruggy Posted April 27, 2009 Author Share Posted April 27, 2009 Think it would be too over zealous to ask for to get dinner sometime? I will go really slow and build up over the next few weeks. If she had zero interest wouldn't she had said no? Afterall, we've not spoken since January. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRibbon Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 I would wait a few days then ask. And you should be able to judge by her body language. Is she sitting close, does she touch you often, does she look you in the eyes, is she smiling alot. I think you can really tell by body language if she in still into you or just being polite. Again congratulations! That is so awesome! What do you teach? Link to post Share on other sites
Excellent Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Think it would be too over zealous to ask for to get dinner sometime? I will go really slow and build up over the next few weeks. If she had zero interest wouldn't she had said no? Afterall, we've not spoken since January. Congrats! Yes, i think it would have been a "no" if she had zero interest. Be sure to show your best side on that date. But take it slow, don't push her. I'm not sure if asking for dinner the same evening would be wise, but perhaps a couple of days later? Just my opinion tho. Go with your gutfeeling. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruggy Posted April 27, 2009 Author Share Posted April 27, 2009 I teach High-School Science. I find it very rewarding. We are going to speak on the phone again soon, but I am not seeing her in person until the event. Would it not be wise to ask her to dinner like a catch-up on things type of deal before the event? Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRibbon Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 You could always say after the ceremony that this has been a really exciting day for you and would she like to finish a great day with some dinner. Just a thought??? But before then I am not sure about asking?? Someone else have any ideas?? Honestly and sincerely if you feel comfortable enough asking why not? I mean I proclaim that if you really love someone you will fight the fight until you can't anymore. You give it your all and if you get burned you can at least know in your heart you tried. That when you do give up then you are at peace with not trying anymore. So that is up to you is she willing to give another try for? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruggy Posted April 27, 2009 Author Share Posted April 27, 2009 Not really sure. I assume there has to be some interest. If not, why say yes? I doubt just to come along for the award. She really gets nothing out of it aside from the dinner that is served. She did say She thought it would be and excellent date. Her words exactly. Or, I can wait until after the date and call her that weekend. Say I really enjoyed your company and hope she enjoyed herself too. Perhaps you'd be interested in going out to dinner some time. It also in not until the 28th of May. So, its a few weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRibbon Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 You are right why say yes and why call it a date? The door is opening so you have to figure out do you want to step through the door or just stand there. No one can tell you that but you. Did she break up with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruggy Posted April 27, 2009 Author Share Posted April 27, 2009 We got into a fight when she cancelled at the last minute. I then said maybe we should cancel VD in February too and she said fine. She said, back in February, that she liked me, but she did not get that explosion when we kissed. I was also not emotionally there, as I had a lot of things on my mind. Eight dates or so over two months. Think she's regretting a hasty decision back in February? Here's the original thread - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t179816/ Normally, it would not bother me, but there is just something about her that drives me wild. Have been thinking about her since, daily. Been out with other women, but none compare. Trust me when I say I tried to forget about her. It ain't happening. I thought, getting this award and since I need someone to go with she would be a good choice. I honestly would had thought she would had said no. After all, she would have to get dressed up and sit next to me. Why say yes if there was no interest? Why say it will be an excellent/exciting date? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 I think you need to cool your jets and not get all hyped up and over worked over on this. She said she'd go with you. She didn't say she wanted to start dating you again. The problem when people put themselves in situations like this is they get their hopes up super high when there's just a slivver or glimmer of hope. Then when they find out "Hey my ex doesn't want me back" they put themselves right back to square one with healing. The choice is yours to do what you want. I'm just the little guy on your shoulder reminding you that you are opening up a can of worms that can and most likely will put your right back to where you were right after the breakup. Choose wisely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruggy Posted April 27, 2009 Author Share Posted April 27, 2009 True. But she did call it a date, not me. I'll let it simmer until the event. Question is. How to proceed after the event. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 True. But she did call it a date, not me. I'll let it simmer until the event. Question is. How to proceed after the event. Here's what you do. After the date is over, you drop her off (no kissing, no talking about the relationship, no rehashing the past -- if you do, you'll scare her away again). You simply drop her off and keep living your life. You don't want her to know the least bit that you are hurting. You want to "fake it till you make it" that life is GREAT (with or without her in it) and that you could care less if she wants you back. TRUST ME ON THIS! Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Um, sorry but I think you're making a mistake. Every year I go snowboarding in Canada. This year on spur of the moment, I offered my xbf to come with me so he wouldn't be alone over Christmas. He came, even though he knew he wasn't really into a second chance. Now... there are painful ex memories in my holiday place, my place of freedom & tranquility. I don't know whether I will be able to go back next year Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Um, sorry but I think you're making a mistake. Every year I go snowboarding in Canada. This year on spur of the moment, I offered my xbf to come with me so he wouldn't be alone over Christmas. He came, even though he knew he wasn't really into a second chance. Now... there are painful ex memories in my holiday place, my place of freedom & tranquility. I don't know whether I will be able to go back next year Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 I also think this is probably a mistake, and furthermore, I think youre creating a 'covert contract'. Youre filling in the blanks the way you want them to be filled, without any input for her to confirm things. You're saying 'well, if she wasnt interested, she would say no' but you really have no way of knowing that, and she could feel obligated to go because you asked. How much of a jerk is she going to look like if you call excited and ask her to come, and she just says 'no, im no longer interested in a relationship with you'? Why did you ask her to go? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruggy Posted April 27, 2009 Author Share Posted April 27, 2009 Cause, since we are both teachers, I thought it would be fun. Since it was over in January, she did not have to say yes, no or even answer the phone. Plus, I thought it would be an opportunity to see if there was anything there. Maybe there is, maybe there isn't. I still think that if she was not interested in the least bit she would not want to go. What would be the point? I did not call it a date. Several teachers are receiving an award. I am one of them. Would you like to go with me. Was it a bit off the cuff, yes. But, I said if you want to think about it, you can let me know. She let me know right then and there. Should could of said I do not think it is a good idea. She said it sounds like it would be a excellent and exciting date. Simple as that. I am a bit calmer now, as the initial shock has warn off. But I still do not think she would had given it a second chance or shot if she was not a least bit interested. Why get all dressed up and accompany me? Not to hurt my feelings? Link to post Share on other sites
Blah Toolz Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Hey, I'm happy for you ruggy; just keep in mind, there may be no ulterior motive here. It could be just her wanting to get out. She could be bored, or have nothing to do that day. Not trying to be a naysayer, just saying don't get your hopes up too high. Play it cool. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruggy Posted April 27, 2009 Author Share Posted April 27, 2009 It's possible but to know what she is doing three weeks in advance? I am just saying and thinking if she had absolutely no interest, she would had not said what she said. She could had said she was busy, not interested or hung the phone up. And, BCCA I also asked her to give it a shot. Its been a few months. Things change. People change. It could had been a rough time for her during January. All I am saying it looks like a positive sign. Trying to not to be overly optimistic, but consider this. One, someone you dated, who has not called you to go to see him accept an award from New York City. Two, get all dolled and dressed up, Travel across Brooklyn to Grace Mansion just to watch a guy you have not talked to in four months. Can you tell me any woman would do that just to be nice? I do not know many who would. Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Ruggy, I hope things work out, but I have to point out - you ARE filling in the blanks for her. I had my ex call me and ask if I would come over so she could make me dinner and watch a movie. I was so excited, thought it sounded great...yeah, she just wanted to be friends. I'm just warning you, all she's agreed to do so far is go with you. Thats as far as you should read into it. DO NOT tell yourself 'she wouldnt go or get dressed up if she wasnt interested', because she would. She could just be looking to leave things on a positive note, or think you can be friends now. Can you tell me any woman would do that just to be nice? To be nice, no, to spare some guilt, yes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruggy Posted April 27, 2009 Author Share Posted April 27, 2009 All I am saying is let the chips fall where they may this time. Though, I would find it interesting to have someone I old dated for two months go through what I just stated just to be friends and have no other interest in me at all. Keep in mind this is a weekday event. She gets home at 3:00 we need to be there at 7:00. That's an awful lot of rushing just to appease me or make herself less guilty. Is it a shoe in, hells no. Do I have a second chance shot. Maybe. That is what I am saying. And when she said yes and it would be an excellent date, I just said cool and that was it. I did not change my tone or expression. Link to post Share on other sites
Blah Toolz Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Don't read into anything; her actions are what will be important that night. Talk is cheap. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruggy Posted April 28, 2009 Author Share Posted April 28, 2009 True. Taking it as just another event. Nothing else. Going in with no expectations. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruggy Posted May 3, 2009 Author Share Posted May 3, 2009 Well, as I shoulda expected, she just texted me to cancel. lol. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelypiscesguy Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 Well, as I shoulda expected, she just texted me to cancel. lol.Poor guy. Just a glimmer of hope, that doesn't mean she wouldn't want to do something later, right? After a few weeks, of course. Link to post Share on other sites
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