Divorce aftermath...she doesn't want me but she doesn't want me to move on!

[misternoname]

I've posted on and off over the last year. Long story short...separated last May after I caught her cheating. Went back and forth with trying to reconcile to calling it quits. I filed in Spetember...divorce was final in February. Here's the latest nonsense that's causing me fits.

 

My ex started exclusively dating a guy weeks after our separation. We tried to get back together twice between my filing and the conclusion of the divorce. In the meantime I met and have been exclusively dating a wonderful woman since the end of last summer. Everything was fine...I had resigned myself that the marriage was over. Literally a week after the divorce my ex's boyfriend moved in with her at her apartment 30 miles from our marital home. No big deal, it's her life. I'm trying to sell my home but the market sucks so I'm stuck for now. I have two adult sons (one is 21 and in the service overseas the other is 18 off to college) so I'm living alone. Here's where things get ugly. My girlfriend is buying a home. There's a two week gap between when she has to be out of her rental and when she can close on the new home. I offered for her and her two kids to stay with me just so she wouldn't have to live in a hotel for those two weeks. Very temporary. My ex left a lot of furniture and knick knacks that were awarded in the decree. She has no room for them and we mutually decided for me to keep them until the house sells (makes the house more marketable). I told my ex about the girlfriend situation so that she wouldn't hear it from a mutual friend, family memeber etc. You would think I had just announced that I was a baby killer or something! She went ballistic...said she would bring her boyfriend to collect her remaining stuff during the week so that she could "give your girlfriend and her kids a piece of my mind, traumatize them, etc."

 

I have sole and exclusive use of the house per the decree so I know I have no obligation to let her or Mr. Johnny Come Lately into my home. At the same time I can't deny her right to recover her property. After some very hateful messaging back and forth I calmed her down and made arrangements for her to collect her crap when my girlfriend isn't there. She later apologized for her overreacting so crisis averted.

 

I guess my question is this...she has proven over and over again that we're done. She's created a new life and seems to be having a great time. I don't feel like I've done anything wrong. The divorce was 100% caused by her actions before and after the separation. That being the case why does she expect for me to remain alone and unhappy pining for her while she's shacking up with her latest "bar pick up artist?" Is it typical female behavior to want her cake and eat it too? What can I do to move on but keep some sort of civil relationship with her on account of our kids

[sotired]

Is it typical female behavior to want her cake and eat it too?

 

That's not really gender specific...that is typical human behavior..

 

But yes, she wants you to pine for her and can't imagine you actually having someone else. There's not much you can do to keep the peace other than what you are doing. Just ignore her when she acts like a child.

[mark982]

why are you even telling her anything about your life? man you're divorced, what you do is your business not hers.by telling her things you're still letting her control you.unless it's about your adult kids,i wouldn't even speak to her.

[reservoirdog1]

I agree. There's no real reason for you to have to deal with her at all. Kids are adults, marital spoils divided... She should stay the hell out of your life.

 

It is pretty normal human behaviour. My XW cheated on me many times during the marriage, none of which I knew about until she was ready to bail. She halfheartedly tried to reconcile for a couple of months but then pulled the plug and started seeing the new guy she was interested in. The night after I moved out, I slept with somebody else, and told XW about this in a phone fight a week later. And a couple of times over the next year, she actually said to me variants of "I can't believe you slept with somebody else so quickly... It's like I meant nothing to you.". Despite the fact that I'd meant basically nothing to her all those years.

 

It's a true case of not wanting somebody, but not wanting others to have them either.

[Chrome Barracuda]

God why are you still talking to her. She's crazy, I've had an ex do that too. Women are like that, dont want you, and dont want no one else to have you too.

 

You shouldnt have opened your big yap. kept your mouth shut and did your thing. It was courteous of you to tell her, but I'm 50/50 with this one. As long as her stuff aint getting destroyed who cares right?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Its typical. My exH is in a new relationship, but he says he still thinks of me as his wife, and doesn't want anyone else to have me. I guess it is something of an ownership thing mixed with ego. They want to know that even though you aren't as important to them anymore, they want to be certain that they are still the most important thing to you.

 

Not a lot to do with how they feel about you, so much as your role in shoring up their ego.

[FragileSwan]

People will try to get away with whatever you let them get away with. Divorce is one of the suckiest things on the planet, because women were never intended to have more than one sex partner during life. Women were never even intended to experience the pleasure of the man. But, men can only marry one woman now, so that one woman has to satisfy a male libido that God intended to serve many wives.

 

When a woman is mated according to Nature, that is, when she is fertile, and then in a single mating act, causing her to conceive, like every mammalian female is mated, she learns not the man's pleasure, but only the pain of atonement, that her children might be holy and blessed, of her holy and chaste womb.

 

When the woman learns the man's pleasure, by being mated against Nature, when she cannot conceive, sin is hatched in her heart, and enters the world.

 

So, you taught your wife the man's pleasure, but you didn't constrain the resulting wickedness hatched in her heart. So, because you disobeyed God The Almighty, Who said to the woman, "Your heart shall be for the man, and he shall be your master", now you get to deal with an ill mannered woman.

 

If it would make you feel any better, you could ask her this question: 'Are you still sterilizing yourself with drugs, and allowing you body to be used as a barren receptacle?'

 

Truth has always been. Truth IS NOW. Truth will always be. There is One Truth. Everything else is wrong. Truth is not relative to the beliefs of any single individual, or group of individuals. Truth is absolute. Even if no one believes it, Truth remains Truth, forever.

 

When those cemented in deceit have died in their sins, Truth will still be. Truth will always be, because Truth IS Immutable. Heaven and earth shall pass away, but My Words shall never pass away.

[FragileSwan]

People will try to get away with whatever you let them get away with. Divorce is one of the suckiest things on the planet, because women were never intended to have more than one sex partner during life. Women were never even intended to experience the pleasure of the man. But, men can only marry one woman now, so that one woman has to satisfy a male libido that God intended to serve many wives.

 

When a woman is mated according to Nature, that is, when she is fertile, and then in a single mating act, causing her to conceive, like every mammalian female is mated, she learns not the man's pleasure, but only the pain of atonement, that her children might be holy and blessed, of her holy and chaste womb.

 

When the woman learns the man's pleasure, by being mated against Nature, when she cannot conceive, sin is hatched in her heart, and enters the world.

 

So, you taught your wife the man's pleasure, but you didn't constrain the resulting wickedness hatched in her heart. So, because you disobeyed God The Almighty, Who said to the woman, "Your heart shall be for the man, and he shall be your master", now you get to deal with an ill mannered woman.

 

If it would make you feel any better, you could ask her this question: 'Are you still sterilizing yourself with drugs, and allowing you body to be used as a barren receptacle?'

 

Truth has always been. Truth IS NOW. Truth will always be. There is One Truth. Everything else is wrong. Truth is not relative to the beliefs of any single individual, or group of individuals. Truth is absolute. Even if no one believes it, Truth remains Truth, forever.

 

When those cemented in deceit have died in their sins, Truth will still be. Truth will always be, because Truth IS Immutable. Heaven and earth shall pass away, but My Words shall never pass away.

[Owl]

Some people just shouldn't be allowed internet access.

[Woggle]

Part of the fun of being a walkaway wife is leaving a man heartbroken while she walks around with that smug look on her face that any seperated and divorced man knows. When you move on without her and start dating again it takes that away. You are fine without her in your life and that is a blow to her ego.

[delajoonal]

OWL....

 

i have been catching up on the newest posts today...and noticed you have some funny responses (to ONE member in particular)...LOL:laugh::laugh:

thanks for the laugh...

[mark982]

owl does have a way with words.

[misternoname]

Thanks all for confirming what I already suspected. Since posting my first message I've received text messages from her reminiscing about the good old days and how much she misses her old life, blah blah blah, etc.

 

Now, I can't resist replying to Swan's message. No offense, but I think someone is off their meds! Best I could assertain from your reply, I am somehow to blame for my wife cheating on me because I "taught my wife the man's pleasure"???? Oh, I pleasured her alright but without my encouragement she was using a "tutor" on the side LOL! I don't recall driving her to the bar and encouraging some dude to swap phone numbers with her!

 

Oh well...guess we all have a different perspective on life.

[reservoirdog1]

Part of the fun of being a walkaway wife is leaving a man heartbroken while she walks around with that smug look on her face that any seperated and divorced man knows. When you move on without her and start dating again it takes that away. You are fine without her in your life and that is a blow to her ego.

I second that. In my case, I'm pretty sure that XW saw me as kind of pathetic and sad in a nice-guy kind of way, and that was part of the justification in her mind for her cheating and then for ending the marriage.

 

However, when I walked out the door and immediately slept with somebody else, that perception was shattered. It wasn't that I COULDN'T find anybody else but her -- I actually COULD have, but during the marriage I chose not to. Psychologically, that's probably what led to her pulling the whole "it's like I meant nothing to you" stuff, and accusing ME of having cheated in a roundabout crazy way as well (story too long to get into here). She needed a replacement justification to fill the one that was suddenly gone.

[Woggle]

Women just can't fathom the fact that a man has morals and integrity and that is why he doesn't cheat when married. My ex would tell me that no other woman would ever want me so I had no choice but to be faithful to her. I think that is why it sent her over the edge when I moved on after her and found somebody much better. This was not how she planned it.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Women just can't fathom the fact that a man has morals and integrity and that is why he doesn't cheat when married. My ex would tell me that no other woman would ever want me so I had no choice but to be faithful to her. I think that is why it sent her over the edge when I moved on after her and found somebody much better. This was not how she planned it.

 

One girl I tried dating said dont no other woman wants your fat ass. I was like but you did, and I tapped that so what's your point?

 

LOL

 

I mean a women can justify it anyways they want but when the man they left becomes the alpha male he always was, or turned into. Can she honestly feel it was the right thing? because she wants him back right? And even if she dont want him back you got a whole lot of women who will! lmao! at least the best thing is when you do start to see other people the thing you realize is that life isnt over, you can start again.