texman Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Ok...little background. Was married 18 years. Now divorced and have had a number of short and long term relationships. Nothing that really felt 'right'. Fast forward to now. I'm in a great relationship. We both talk often about 'when we're married', that sort of thing. I think at this point, we're both on the same page with wanting to get married. One thing is that we haven't been seeing each other very long, only about 3 months, but the connection and communication is pretty amazing. For the first time with a woman, I actually waited on the intimate side too, because I really wanted it all to be there. And now it all is. We both have kids, our kids get along great. Here's the thing. I want to formally propose to her. But, I want her to be able to pick out her own ring. Is that the right thing to do? Can I propose without a ring in hand? I know I want my life forever with her to start YESTERDAY, so I don't have any nervous jitters or anything like that. I just want the whole thing to be very romantic... There needs to be manual of life to walk me thru this stuff Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 I suppose you could always propose to her right in front of Tiffany's. Then just walk right in and she can pick out her ring. Why the rush to get married? 3 months isn't very long for a relationship. I know you said you can't wait for your life with her to get started, but isn't your life together already started? Aren't you already having a life with her? Link to post Share on other sites
sotired Posted April 27, 2009 Share Posted April 27, 2009 Yes you can propose without a ring, but let her know that you want her to pick it out. But 3 months is very soon...The relationship is still 'fresh'...I'd wait a little while. Link to post Share on other sites
rlindzie Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 it is totaly fine to ask and then pick out the ring, i mean id wanna pick mine out bc id be wearing it everyday! so you can totaly ask and then pick congrats! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 if she's not high maintenence, she might actually find it sweet that you give her the box and a slip of paper that says "with your permission, we can find the perfect ring together," or something like that. I think that'd be the most practical, because as much as I like surprises, on something like this, I'd prefer something to suit my tastes since I don't really wear a lot of jewelry. in this case, it might simply be the idea that you're picking a ring out together that makes her happy, because you want her input. Link to post Share on other sites
Stung Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 many jewelers will give you a kind of 'placeholder' ring, if you give them a down payment. that way you can have a ring in hand when you propose, she'll have something on her finger, AND you can go and pick out the final ring together. that's always been the method that seemed best to me personally. do a little research on the store first, to be sure they are reputable and have a good selection of rings, since this will confine her choice to one store. like others, i would caution you to wait a bit...3 months is kind of a headlong rush. but you're a grown man, make your own decisions. good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 One thing is that we haven't been seeing each other very long, only about 3 months, but the connection and communication is pretty amazing. For the first time with a woman, I actually waited on the intimate side too, because I really wanted it all to be there. OK, so you've been seeing this woman for three months and you're patting yourself on the back for having "waited"? I kinda see a fool rushing in. What's the rush? Link to post Share on other sites
Author texman Posted April 28, 2009 Author Share Posted April 28, 2009 OK, so you've been seeing this woman for three months and you're patting yourself on the back for having "waited"? I kinda see a fool rushing in. What's the rush? That's a whole other thread. I should have simplified this thread to read : Is it OK to propose without a ring? ... Your thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 If you do not have a ring, better have some IMMEDIATE promise to take her to get one and be specific about price range limits. If you are vague with her, she will be put off. If you're too cheap, likewise. I know you think three months has been sufficient time to know your heart and this woman. I don't know either of you. But I'm thinkin' you are in a rush for some reason. But you can focus on the ring question, sure. Link to post Share on other sites
andwhoknew Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Good grief -- do not be specific about a price range! All issues of timing aside, the proper way to do this is to visit a jeweler beforehand and have them set aside a selection of rings in your price range. Then when your lady accepts, take her to the store so you can select a ring together. Link to post Share on other sites
thegoodlife Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 I think it's perfectly acceptable to propose without a ring. Although 3 months is a very short period of time, you sound like you're both mature enough to know what you're getting into. If you were in your earlier twenties then maybe I could see suggesting against it but hell, you've already got an 18 year marriage under your belt. Sometimes when you know it's right, you just know. Good luck on the proposal! Link to post Share on other sites
looking4 green grass Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 I once read a story about a man taking his soon to be fiance shopping for the perfect engagement ring. When she found it, he got down on one knee and proposed with it right there in the store. I do think it's ok to propose without a ring, as long as the ring shows up really soon!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 H and I were engaged within 6 months of meeting. When you are a "certain age" and experienced, its easier to be SURE. Because we had talked about marriage so much in advance of the actual engagement and proposal....it was fun to do a little window shopping at local jewelers just for fun. I still dont know, but I'm pretty sure he had called in advance and had the jeweler have a full tray ready with a large selection of rings in the price range he had in mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author texman Posted June 1, 2009 Author Share Posted June 1, 2009 H and I were engaged within 6 months of meeting. When you are a "certain age" and experienced, its easier to be SURE. Because we had talked about marriage so much in advance of the actual engagement and proposal....it was fun to do a little window shopping at local jewelers just for fun. I still dont know, but I'm pretty sure he had called in advance and had the jeweler have a full tray ready with a large selection of rings in the price range he had in mind. Well...we ARE engaged. No ring in hand. She loved it that we went to pick it out together. She narrowed it down to a group of 3 that she loved, and left picking the final one to me to surprise her with. All is good in the world! Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Congrats!! The second time around ( or third, etc.) you get to apply all the good lessons you learned the first time around. Experience pays off. I hope you are as happy as I am. Link to post Share on other sites
subdued Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Congrats!! I too, know right away whether or not I want to get married. I knew it with my first husband. We were engaged after three weeks and married after three months. We did get divorced, but the first ten years were great. I knew it with my current boyfriend. I was ready to marry him after the first few weeks of dating. He, on the other hand, is the slow one. We have been dating three and a half years, and I'm still waiting to marry him. Link to post Share on other sites
niki77 Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 On the most basic level, there are three different stages that a regular relationship goes through. They are lust, attraction and commitment. Some relationships stop on the first stage, others reach the last stage. At each stage we will feel different emotions and behave differently and interestingly enough the reason for that is the chemicals in our brains. Based on these chemicals we can almost precisely say how long it will take for each phase of love to last. For example lust, which is primarily based on a physical attraction, lives no longer than a few weeks or months. Attraction stage, which is a result of mutual understanding and love compatibility between the two people, usually lasts from a year and a half up to three years. Commitment accompanied by attachment can last a full lifetime. On the most basic level, there are three different stages that a regular relationship goes through. They are lust, attraction and commitment. Some relationships stop on the first stage, others reach the last stage. At each stage we will feel different emotions and behave differently and interestingly enough the reason for that is the chemicals in our brains. CHECK the Love Calculator: http://www.mylovecal.com. Link to post Share on other sites
thegoodlife Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 Glad to hear things went well tex!! Link to post Share on other sites
ON MY OWN Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 Perfectly ok to propose without a ring. The ideas in these posts are excellent ideas that are going to be decided by you, paying attention to small details and uniqueness are always a plus, which is included in your advise posts. I was proposed to with a ring, and we went and picked out the wedding ring together. ( we didnt work out, but the idea was great by me ) Its the looking into her eyes, maybe brushing her hair from her face, gently putting your hand on her cheek, those are the things that get most women. Atleast my friends would agree. I say go for it. Just make sure its what you want so soon, because if the two of you are spending your lives together, she will still be there in another 3-6 months. Up to you. I rushed in and was burned from it. Started finding out things after I made the commitment so fast that if I would have waited I may have seen. Every couple is different, may I suggest a premarital counselor may be of some help and I would think she would like that its important enough to you to do that to make sure the foundation you two have is SOLID as STONE when you do it. BEST OF LUCK TO YOU!! Be sure and let us know how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackLovely Posted July 8, 2009 Share Posted July 8, 2009 Okay, not to rain on your parade; but am I the only person who thinks getting engaged after 3 MONTHS is CRAZY?! Three months is still the honeymoon, partner-can-do-no-wrong phase. Marriage should only be seriously considered until at least a year. How could a person truly believe they love someone so fast? I think it's just the heady mix of hormones that is fooling this couple into thinking they're in love. Consider this: If it's true love, why can't marriage wait? Why the need to rush if you're sure? I hope to God I'm wrong, but I don't see this working out. IT'S WAY TOO SOON! Link to post Share on other sites
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