voldigicam Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 I like girls. I'll admit it. I have strayed, but am not doing so currently. I'm friendly, interested in people, etc. I'll be 55 shortly. Married. Happily, except for the minimal sex, and we're starting to work on that. I've been gradually acquiring friends. Just like knowing different people. What I don't understand is why the guy friends I meet are too busy to do things. They're difficult to pin down. Don't seem to have much idea of what to do or how to organize it. But the women friends seem to not only issue invitations, but pretty soon start issuing invitations that invite intimacy. What's with this? Is this common? Have I missed out on some sea change? This keeps happening. I can't see that it is something special with me. Just in the last week, a married friend of my wife and mine whispered an unmistakable "I want you" invitation to me. And a clearly "friend" friend IM'd me that she was tired. Was going to take a nap at lunch. Didn't like to nap alone. Wondering if I was free. This is another family friend. What on earth is going on? Given my lack of sex at home this stuff just seems cruel. Really, is this the way the world works now? Or have I just hit some weird turbulence in the world! Link to post Share on other sites
sfsassy Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 I like girls. I'll admit it. I have strayed, but am not doing so currently. I'm friendly, interested in people, etc. I'll be 55 shortly. Married. Happily, except for the minimal sex, and we're starting to work on that. I've been gradually acquiring friends. Just like knowing different people. What I don't understand is why the guy friends I meet are too busy to do things. They're difficult to pin down. Don't seem to have much idea of what to do or how to organize it. But the women friends seem to not only issue invitations, but pretty soon start issuing invitations that invite intimacy. What's with this? Is this common? Have I missed out on some sea change? This keeps happening. I can't see that it is something special with me. Just in the last week, a married friend of my wife and mine whispered an unmistakable "I want you" invitation to me. And a clearly "friend" friend IM'd me that she was tired. Was going to take a nap at lunch. Didn't like to nap alone. Wondering if I was free. This is another family friend. What on earth is going on? Given my lack of sex at home this stuff just seems cruel. Really, is this the way the world works now? Or have I just hit some weird turbulence in the world! Well,it is clearly inappropiate and you should tell these women so Also, I wouldn't be confiding to these women about the bedroom issues with your wife. You may even want to tell her about the invites in a funny way. Like in a "can you believe it" sort of way. I did that with my ex boyfriend a few years back, when a few guys hit on me. (And I NEVER told these guys about issues my ex and I had, and there were quite a few issues, thus the "ex" category now .). It kept me honest by telling him,and we could laugh together and marvel at others skewed morality. (and since I had no intention of persuing the other guys, I felt super seriousness wasn't called for.) If you are tempted, then you would want to adopt a more serious tone. Also you may want to have a talk about if you want to keep these women as "family" friends. I don't consider women who are tryig to make your stray "family friends" at all. If they were friends of the family,they would celebraate your marriage, not attempt to sabbotage it. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Don't forget it's spring and people are feeling their wheaties. Welcome to the world of women. This kind of thing happens to women all the time. Sometimes, invitations are given with intent. Other times, it's just someone being flirtatious, albeit over the line. Ultimately, it's how you internally process the solicitations and then, externalize them. IF you need the external validation, you're going to respond in kind, sending out subconscious or conscious signals of acceptance. IF you don't need the validation, you will send out signals of rejection or maintain distance. In the past, you've enjoyed the external validation. Who are you today? You decide if short-term indulgence, is worth the long-term pain, whether it's pain to yourself, to your spouse or both. You decide if you're strong or weak, committed or selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
Author voldigicam Posted April 30, 2009 Author Share Posted April 30, 2009 I have talked to my wife quietly about some of these invitations. we can't figure it out! but we're probably almost normal. I think perhaps I'm reasonably old school southern and that throws off the immigrants. I rarely say "NO" - but it should be clear to any properly raised lady when man declines an invitation. That might actually be it. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Yep, welcome to the world of middle age and marriage and living amongst women. The learning process is discerning the flirtation from the mind f*cks from the dangerous to your marriage ones. I've noted, since being married, a lot of women like mind f*cking a married guy because it's a double ego boost; one, they get the guy to pay attention, and the other is he obviates some bit of his M to do so. Enjoy Link to post Share on other sites
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