Heartbroken - thinking to leave unfaithful fiance

[Losingfaith]

This is eye opening to me. I googled the definition of "enabler". Wow, that is me. I do see your points. I really do. So true, so sad...

Need to digest this a little more. Thanks.

[SueBee3490]

Losingfaith -

 

I, too, had a fiance that cheated on me. I, too, like you tried to let my heart lead the way instead of my head. I wanted so badly to believe him when he said he wouldn't do it again. I just knew he loved me because I loved him right? Well wrong. He continued to cheat while dating me and even engaged to me (of which I didn't know about). I married him and found out after about all the other women, whether PAs or EAs.

 

I think it is human nature to want to believe that people are all "good at heart" and wouldn't hurt us. I wanted to believe that. My counselor also pointed out to me that I tend to view other people as having the same morals/characteristics (or whatever you want to call it) as me. I knew I never cheated on a bf or husband so I wanted to believe that about them. Because I couldn't even fathom betraying someone in that way so tended to believe he had those same views as me. Again wrong.

 

I would get out of this relationship and find another - I sure wish I had.

[countingufosagain]

I'm sorry Losingfaith that you are going through this. I'm a little confused by your thread title. You say he's unfaithful but you don't make a definitive case that he is. I feel there must be more to this that you're not conveying.

 

I'm in a similar situation to where I believe my long-term GF is either cheating or possibly establishing a relationship with another guy. I know everyone is different but, I don't have the time or energy to investigate if she is. I would rather dedicate myself to being more productive. This worry and burden on your heart seems to be dragging you down, is it worth it? I believe a poster commented earlier that she did the same thing to see if there would be interest for her, would you want to stay because he didn't find an interested party? You are worth way more than that.

 

 

I don't want to come across as heartless but if I lack trust then the relationship is doomed. I have caught my GF in lies as little as how much she spent while shopping and i'm sure there's probably more. I'm really hurt by all of this and the feeling that in some way she found me inadequet, that she needed something else. I have more respect for myself than to sit idley by and wait for physical proof. People have habits and when they start breaking from those habits something is amiss.

 

I know this is a hard time for you but do what YOU believe is best. You need to decide if you can file this away in your mental rolodex or if you need to move on. There's always someone else out there that will appreciate being with you.

 

As for me, I'm going to work on being the best person that I can be and eventually take another stab at finding love.

 

I reserve the right to log back in to and share my heartache with you.

 

I wish you the best!

[Losingfaith]

It seems most people here had some difficult time in their life and are willing to share their story and experience. It is heartwarming thinking of it.

I hear what you said and felt all you wrote. All I need is the wisdom to know the difference between the truth and my imagination and the courage to act on it. Finding the truth is the hard part. Once I know the truth, I think I would know what to do.

What is the truth?

Hope you recover soon from your heartache. Have a great weekend.

[TaraMaiden]

The Truth is that you are too weakened by this situation to see what is going on, and will not see it until he holds you by the shoulders, looks into your face and laughing, declares:

"I have been screwing around to my heart's content and having a ball, whilst you have been sitting there wondering!"

 

I just hope you're not married with a couple of little children when he does. there is a heartbreaking thread on here about one poor such woman - please....

 

GET OUT OF THIS NOW - While you still have the time - !!!

 

Go - GO - GO!!!

[Losingfaith]

Hello, want to give you guys a update and see what you think:

My fiance and I had a talk about two weeks ago. He said he had concerns and would like to postpone the wedding. He said he loved me, he was happy and that he didn't want to change our relationship. The two concerns he had were kinda legitimate (finances and kids). I thanked him for being honest with me. I would not force somebody to marry me.

After that, he seemed to be relieved and happy. My friends were very concerned about me. Surprisingly I was not upset with him as other people expected. I don't know why.

He said we should set up a date for next year. I don't know what to think of it. Any thoughts?

[SoulSearch_CO]

Sounds to me like you've been given the perfect "out." I'd run like hell. Or you could just keep hanging on to a man that's letting go. It's up to you. Based on the fact that you keep staying with him despite what you KNOW in your heart and what people have said here, I get the feeling you'll stay with him. I don't envy you for the hard lessons you are choosing, but it's certainly your choice to do so.