VASH THE STAMPEDE Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 My wife just went to bed crying and sobbing,I held her in my arms gently and lovingly. She needed a well deserved break from her dad,so Saturday we put him in a nursing home(for a month).But now I think she thinks shes failed him and I'm trying to convince her that she didn't.In reality she did a very good job taking care of him and she needed a break because shes sick from ulcerative colitis,that she had for about a year. I don't know what to do and it scares the hell out of me.I hate to see her cry it makes me uneasy. I don't know what to say . Has anyone ever dealt with this type of situation????Let me know,I need to comfort my wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 Just let her cry, as long as it's not a very long episode. Putting one's father is a nursing home...no matter what the reason...can be a very emotional experience. For many, it's the final stage of having a parent before their death. I'm sure that even though it's very temporary, she's feeling a lot of guilt. She sounds very sensitive. Assure her that the only way she's going to be able to do a good job of caring for him later is to have this well-deserved break. Then forget it. Don't ever try to talk a woman out of what she feels. Now, if the crying episodes are protracted, get her to a doctor....but don't bring daddy back just to have her feel better. The lady, I'm sure, is worn down by the burdens she has faced. Maybe the crying is a symptom of that as much as guilt over her father being in a nursing home. Let time pass and all will be well. Be around her more and spend less time on the computer. Do some nice things for her...just don't overdo it. I'll bet she'd love a nice massage...maybe. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VASH THE STAMPEDE Posted October 20, 2003 Author Share Posted October 20, 2003 Thanks for the advice Tony. Link to post Share on other sites
Fancy Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 I'm sorry your wife is hurting. She's had to make a very painful decision. Tony gave you great advice. Let her cry. She needs that. Just be there for her, be tender for her and hold her. That's all you need to do. She will heal but needs her time to grieve. Link to post Share on other sites
cindy0039 Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 I agree with Tony. Try to do more things for her around the house, without her asking for it. Take the initiative. Get her to take time to herself to relax. Put on some quiet music for her, and run her a bubble bath, light some candles. Not expecting sex or anything else from it, just to help her relax. It sounds like her medical condition was caused by stress and the more she can relax the better for her. When she's feeling better, take her out of the house for a walk in the park or something the two of you can do together to get her mind off her troubles. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 Vash, just let her know that you love her appreciate how strong she's been by being there for her dad when he needed her help. Then lovingly assure her that while the decision to put her dad in the nursing home was indeed a hard one, it's also a very well-thought out one because he has the medical attention he needs around the clock. We put my mom in one six months ago, and I think it's the best decision my dad has made concerning my mother, because he can barely take care of himself, much less her. I feel bad that they live separately, but I also realize that because she has a professional staff at her beck and call, she's much safer there than she was at home. The times that she's had to go into the hospital since she's been at that nursing home were the result of a good nursing staff knowing my mom well enough to notice even the smallest change in her behavior to make that decision to get her the medical care she needed without any hesitation. I know it's hard on my daddy to not have my mom at home, but I also realize that he's been able to better focus on caring for her without being as burnt out as he was before. I get the feeling that your wife researched homes long and hard before she entrusted one of them with the care of her dad. Now just assure her that she has a regular army of caretakers to help her provide him with the best care possible when he needs it the most. Link to post Share on other sites
Author VASH THE STAMPEDE Posted October 20, 2003 Author Share Posted October 20, 2003 Originally posted by cindy0039 Not expecting sex or anything else from it Huh are you crazy???????? I don't expect things from her,I'm trying my best to keep her happy. Shes at the store now,she'll be gone a while. So I'm taking the opportunity to go on line ,everything is done around here. Link to post Share on other sites
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