Should I Ask Her To Marry Me?

[RedDragon]

Hello,

This is my first time ever [osting on a message board like this, and any help would be appreciated.

First I will give you a little background info.

I met my girlfriend ,Jane (not her real name), on May 17th, 1993 (shortly after I graduated High School). We both graduate High School in May 1993, and we both went to college together. She graduate in May of 1997, and moved to North Dakota to goto Graduate School in August of 1997. (I helped her move.) I graduated in December of 1997, and moved up to North Dakota to work and live with her in January of 1998. I now share an apartment with Jane and our roommate, Mary (Jane's best friend). My girlfriend is now a Teaching Assisstant in Graduate School. To earn money while in Graduate School, she helps a professor with his Labs. This is where the problem come in. Recently, Jane has told me that she thinks John, the professor, likes her, and she has told me that she likes him too.

Here is a little more background info. When I was in high school, before meeting Jane, I only had 4 dates. All of these dates were school dances. 1 Junior Prom, 1 Ring Dance, and 2 Senior Proms. Other than that, I did not have any experience in dating.

Two nights ago, Jane and I were talking. Jane had said that she would like to date some more before she got married, that way she knows that who she marries is the right person for her. She also said that she thinks I should date a few more people too. I do not want to date anyone else, because I know the feelings I have for Jane are too strong to just ignore. I also believe that Jane and I are made for each other.

I had been planing on asking Jane to marry me on May 17th, 1998, our 5 Year Anniversary. I have already bought the ring, a 1/2 carat Diamond Engagement Ring.

I thought it wouild be romantic to ask her to marry me on the same day as the day we first met. I would also like to marry her on May 17th. I have told her this before, and she liked the idea. The only thing she doesn't know is which year I was going to ask her. I wanted to ask her this year, but with what has been going on recently I'm not sure if I should ask her this year. I know the old saying "If you love someone, let them go. If they return they are yours forever." Thus, I am willing to let Jane do what she wants, even date another man. But, I still want to ask her to marry me.

What do you think, should I ask the question, or wait until later?

 

Thanks in advance for any help on this subject.

RedDragon

[LoveAngel]

I met my girlfriend ,Jane (not her real name), on May 17th, 1993 (shortly after I graduated High School). We both graduate High School in May 1993, and we both went to college together. She graduate in May of 1997, and moved to North Dakota to goto Graduate School in August of 1997. (I helped her move.) I graduated in December of 1997, and moved up to North Dakota to work and live with her in January of 1998. I now share an apartment with Jane and our roommate, Mary (Jane's best friend). My girlfriend is now a Teaching Assisstant in Graduate School. To earn money while in Graduate School, she helps a professor with his Labs. This is where the problem come in. Recently, Jane has told me that she thinks John, the professor, likes her, and she has told me that she likes him too.

 

Here is a little more background info. When I was in high school, before meeting Jane, I only had 4 dates. All of these dates were school dances. 1 Junior Prom, 1 Ring Dance, and 2 Senior Proms. Other than that, I did not have any experience in dating.

 

Two nights ago, Jane and I were talking. Jane had said that she would like to date some more before she got married, that way she knows that who she marries is the right person for her. She also said that she thinks I should date a few more people too. I do not want to date anyone else, because I know the feelings I have for Jane are too strong to just ignore. I also believe that Jane and I are made for each other.

 

I had been planing on asking Jane to marry me on May 17th, 1998, our 5 Year Anniversary. I have already bought the ring, a 1/2 carat Diamond Engagement Ring.

 

I thought it wouild be romantic to ask her to marry me on the same day as the day we first met. I would also like to marry her on May 17th. I have told her this before, and she liked the idea. The only thing she doesn't know is which year I was going to ask her. I wanted to ask her this year, but with what has been going on recently I'm not sure if I should ask her this year. I know the old saying "If you love someone, let them go. If they return they are yours forever." Thus, I am willing to let Jane do what she wants, even date another man. But, I still want to ask her to marry me.

 

What do you think, should I ask the question, or wait until later?

 

 

RedDragon,

 

 

I think you know the answer already, as uncomfortable as that may make you feel. You've already talked about your relationship and how it's been going recently, which is a definate plus. However, she's been very honest with you in telling you about her feelings right now. She's told you that she's not ready and if you really love her, you have to give her the time she needs. Perhaps this extends even beyond the surface and is reflecting even deeper emotions and feelings. She's having doubts and if she feels that she needs to explore from them, then you have to let her discover herself. Ring size and dates don't matter in this situation, Red, and you have to realize that. In the meantime, be supportive and understanding of whatever she decides to do now, and in the long run. It may even just be the transformation of "love" to "loving," something that happens in every romantic relationship, and she may not be prepared to deal with that.

 

 

You haven't had a lot of experience in relationships based on numbers, but that's not necessarily reflective of the skills you possess. Those "one-night stands" don't really count, unless you're trying to impress someone by mentioning that "Jane" is your fifth girlfriend. I doubt that they were anything more than casual dates. This problem isn't one of not having experience prior to dating Jane, but rather how to deal with a situation that has arisen between the two of you. Granted, not having prior practice and experiences in similar situations could have an impact on the way you react, but that's not really the issue here and now.

 

 

The best way to handle this situation would be to continue to keep the lines of communication open between the two of you. Tell her what your concerns are and listen to her and what she tells you. It appears that she's being very open with you so far, so keep that up. Be there for her for whatever she needs you as.. whether that be a boyfriend or best friend. The quote you heard is very true. Let her spread her wings and fly on her own if that's what she needs, but if it was really meant to be, she'll come back. And in the meantime, don't be afraid to fly a bit yourself. Best wishes to you!

 

 

Yours,

 

LoveAngel

[RedDragon]

RedDragon,

 

 

I think you know the answer already, as uncomfortable as that may make you feel. You've already talked about your relationship and how it's been going recently, which is a definate plus. However, she's been very honest with you in telling you about her feelings right now. She's told you that she's not ready and if you really love her, you have to give her the time she needs. Perhaps this extends even beyond the surface and is reflecting even deeper emotions and feelings. She's having doubts and if she feels that she needs to explore from them, then you have to let her discover herself. Ring size and dates don't matter in this situation, Red, and you have to realize that. In the meantime, be supportive and understanding of whatever she decides to do now, and in the long run. It may even just be the transformation of "love" to "loving," something that happens in every romantic relationship, and she may not be prepared to deal with that.

 

 

You haven't had a lot of experience in relationships based on numbers, but that's not necessarily reflective of the skills you possess. Those "one-night stands" don't really count, unless you're trying to impress someone by mentioning that "Jane" is your fifth girlfriend. I doubt that they were anything more than casual dates. This problem isn't one of not having experience prior to dating Jane, but rather how to deal with a situation that has arisen between the two of you. Granted, not having prior practice and experiences in similar situations could have an impact on the way you react, but that's not really the issue here and now.

 

 

The best way to handle this situation would be to continue to keep the lines of communication open between the two of you. Tell her what your concerns are and listen to her and what she tells you. It appears that she's being very open with you so far, so keep that up. Be there for her for whatever she needs you as.. whether that be a boyfriend or best friend. The quote you heard is very true. Let her spread her wings and fly on her own if that's what she needs, but if it was really meant to be, she'll come back. And in the meantime, don't be afraid to fly a bit yourself. Best wishes to you!

 

 

Yours,

 

LoveAngel

 

 

 

Dear LoveAngel,

 

Thank you! I know that if Jane really is meant for me, that no matter what happens, we will be together. I have decided to wait atleast another year to ask her to marry me. I still want to ask her to marry me on May 17th. Now, I am faced with a new problem.

 

Like I said in my previous post, I already bought a ring. Would it be bad of me to return it to the store I bought it from and buy a new one closer to when I plan on trying to ask her to marry me? As far as money goes, I can afford to hold on to the ring, but then again, having a few extra bucks in my wallet would be good.

 

If I keep the ring for a year, I run the risk of her finding it before I can give it to her. On the other hand, if I return the engagement ring, would that make me a bad boyfriend? Please help. And thanks again for all the help you have given already.

 

Sincerly,

 

RedDragon