I lied to OW

[NoIDidn't]

This thread is done, IMO. Once 2sure spoke with her H about the so-called lie and they both decided to stay out of that couple's marital problems, it was a done deal.

 

There is a such thing as being too nice. I think 2sure and hubby made the correct choice.

[Chocolat]

Not for nothing - H is Italian, with almost every stereotype that involves. Asking him not to say "doll" or "honey" would be like telling him to stop urinating. I mean, he would if he could. He uses it more often when he doesnt remember first names. He never uses it with his staff.

 

Most of his friendliness is just par for the course as part of his glad handing job. to be honest, as a marketing tool , it seems to have some merit. Just sometimes, like this example, ...its the wrong type of market!

 

Hmmm.

 

I'm Italian. I know lots of Italian men. They don't all call women "doll" and "honey." And, even if they did, that is beside the point. The co-worker may not understand that these are terms your H uses without meaning, and may have thought he was initiating the flirtation, or at least reciprocating.

 

Does this make her play for your H right? No.

 

But it does call into question the assumption that this woman was poaching your husband out of the blue.

 

I think 2Sure wanted to hurt this woman because her actions reignited all the pain 2Sure went through on DDay. This is human and understandable. But that doesn't mean it was the best course of action nor even one 2Sure would have taken had she not been through her experience as a BS.

[Hi.P.O'Crit]

Well my argument may suck Lishy. But 2sure agreed with the basic idea I've been trying to get across. That the lie did damage to the husband as well as the wife. Most damage by her words.

 

Apologizing to the wife was only half the injured party. Which is why I believe she should offer an apology to the husband as well.

 

Of course she doesn't have to do it. I'm just glad to see that she was at least considering. Which is far from what was said earlier in the thread.

 

I'm out, hopefully.

[ForumFool]

No, honestly I know for sure H had nothing going on with this woman...she wasnt even on his radar. I knew it at the time, I lied to her because I was still smarting from his previous indiscretion.

 

And yes - as a Christian I feel the person most wronged by my lie was the husband. Mostly because I should have told him his wife solicited my H right from the get go. The reason I didnt was because I wasnt genuinely threatened. But he was, by his wife, he just didnt know it.

 

As to her asking me to speak to him. I told her I lied, and I did apologize sincerely to her. I told her that at this point my telling her husband WHY I lied didnt seem like a good idea for anyone and I didnt want to go further with this. In saying that, I'm sure she understood that if I spoke to her H , I would tell him the WHY. So - she dropped it.

 

I have been able to obtain her H's email address and am considering sending him both the email and my apology. Two things stop me:

1. My H really doesn't want "US" to be involved in this nonsense in any way. We make efforts to distance ourselves from these kinds of issues for good reason. H is a public servant , and people eat this crap up. 2. What if my sending the email, and it blows up in his wife's face? Surely if they are separated - this would be a final nail.

 

2Sure good for you ..you have a kind heart and I could tell that from the start.....If you have the wifes addy ....and want too...maybe address this with her...I am not sure if she backed off only because of when you said you didn't want to pursue the matter anymore ...if that is the case she may want you to talk with him..write..whatever..I am not so concerned with her as you did apologize and all....Its HIM i FEEL FOR....You could do it without your real name SNAIL MAIL (though i know that is kind of odd) so he doesnt connect hubby to it and thus you have some handwriting that doesnt match hers....I have mixed feelings on that final nail..but if it is, she asked you to do it. Still a confirm with her may not hurt. Though mostly I only care about her husband. Either way I can't really add more than I have and hope you do right by this man. My Best to YOU...you sound like a really nice person.

[blueintheface]

I haven't read through all the pages so don't know if this has been said ......

 

The reason why the OW was so paranoid and controlling was because she thought her husband was out doing what she was, i.e. hitting on other people's spouses. So basically, not your fault. She is completely out of line. =P