should I leave my wife, or am I a selfish butt?

[DJOwen]

I have been married for just under 4 years, been in a relationship with her for 6, and we were best friends for like 2 years before that. I really believe that I love my wife, at least I think I love my wife, but the last 6 months have been so messed up!

 

To avoid a 6 page short-story here: my wife has within the last 6 months become very very verbally abusive (as you can imagine she's good at it), constantly makes me feel like less of a man because of the things I can't afford for her, can't do for her, or b/c my ideas on child rearing (we have a 3 month old) differ from hers. She has actually used the phrase during arguments "I want a MAN"; which is a little below the belt, I don't know if I can forgive her for that, but there are several insults over the past 6 months that I have found unforgivable or have made me resent my wife.

 

I have thought and considered "Do I need to man-up?" "Is there something I am or am not doing that I should or shouldn't be, are these valid insults?" I could not come up with an answer that justified the insults and when I confront my wife about it, she sorta "apologizes" (I had to use quotations b/c it's not a real apology) says she didn't really mean it, but could cut me a new one even deeper 7or 8 days later. I used to chalk it up to pregnancy hormones, but she just picked a big fight with me again last night, the baby's been out for a while now.

 

The problem is, as small as this sounds: is recently the thought has gone through my head "Do I really STILL want to spend the rest of my life with this person?" I've only got 1 to live, and when I think about it that way, I want OUT. I'm not sure if I love her, and I really feel like I could be a better friend to her, and father to my baby if I wasn't living with her.

 

My mother-in-law lives in the same apt. building as us, and both of our leases are up soon. My wife wants to move in with her mom due to energy/health reasons, and I understand that, but don't really want to live with her mom. Going on what I said above, I'm thinking of tellling my wife to move in with her mom without me....basically letting her leave me....

 

Now, this is why I feel guilty, selfish, and generally like a F'ed up individual:

 

1.As I stated above my wife and I just had a baby.

2.My wife is having a cat-scan in 3 days to find out if she has a dangerous tumor.

3.My wife also has a rare condition that she has to be hospitalized for about a week per month, and then is back to her sexy-full of life-bitchy-self.

 

 

Please give me some input as I would really hear what others have to say

[whichwayisup]

Whatever is going on inside of your wife is more than likely the changes and hormones after having a baby. She can and should go see her family doctor about this.

 

She is also stressed out, so it seems..

 

This isn't your fault so don't let her make you feel bad!

[sotired]

I'm not saying it's unheard of....but most women aren't going to constantly bitch unless something is wrong. The fact that she is telling you to "man up" makes me think you aren't helping her or bringing anything to the table in your relationship.

 

Has she ever told you anything you are specifically doing wrong? If so, have you taken steps to change it?

 

She sounds like she has a lot going on too. Even though the babies 3 months, she could still be "coming down" off of the pregnancy hormones or could have PPD. There is a possibility she has a tumor. She has another health condition, etc....She is probably extremely stressed, scared, etc and needs you to be strong for her.

[GorillaTheater]

My first reaction was: "f*ck that crap", few things drain my "love bank" like verbal abuse. But then I read about the tumor. If it's not directly effecting her behavior (brain tumor), the anxiety and stress certainly could. If I can ask, what medical condition requires her frequent hospitalization?

 

I'd suggest marriage counseling, but there are no easy answers. "For better or for worse" vs. "my life is a living hell". I suppose I would make every reasonable attempt to make the marriage work, but I wouldn't be willing to live the rest of my life as a punching bag, regardless of medical issues.

[seibert253]

Whatever is going on inside of your wife is more than likely the changes and hormones after having a baby. She can and should go see her family doctor about this.

 

She is also stressed out, so it seems..

 

This isn't your fault so don't let her make you feel bad!

 

Agree. However this is affecting you and your relationship and should be addressed sooner rather than later.

If you haven't done so, you should sit down with your wife and outline your concerns with her behavior, and how it's affecting you and your marriage.

Be honest, tell her you are considering leaving because of what she's doing. But, also tell her you willing to work through this if she wants.

Best of Luck.

[Owl]

Two options as I see it.

 

Marriage counseling as an attempt to save your relationship. INSIST on it...don't ask her permission to do it.

 

If she refuses...plan B.

 

Which in this case I would consider to be filing for a divorce.

 

And be honest with her why you're feeling this way and considering the options that you are. This isn't the marriage you signed up for either...you're not happy, she's not happy, and you're not willing to sit there and be verbally abused by her. Either things change, or things end.

 

My thoughts at least.

 

Be honest about what you're feeling and where you see things headed if they don't change. She needs to hear it clearly, cleanly, and unmistakebly.

[hopesndreams]

1.As I stated above my wife and I just had a baby.

2.My wife is having a cat-scan in 3 days to find out if she has a dangerous tumor.

3.My wife also has a rare condition that she has to be hospitalized for about a week per month, and then is back to her sexy-full of life-bitchy-self.

 

These are all good reasons to stay with your wife. Do not desert her now, it would be incredibly selfish if you did.

 

my wife has within the last 6 months become very very verbally abusive

 

Yeah, and for all the reasons above! You are both going through a rough patch, to say the least, and this is the time to pull together. When couples go through hardships and come out the other side, it makes the relationship stronger. Think of all the good years you had with her---give it time, you may have many more good years ahead.

 

If you do decide to stick it out, do not move into an apartment with her mother. Twos company, threes a crowd.

[SRV]

I do sympathize with her medical condition and I hope she pulls through, BUT there is never any justifiable reason to be VERBALLY ABUSIVE or any other kind of ABUSE.

 

Is this the kind of environment you want to raise your child in?

[mark982]

DONOT move in w/ mil period.dumb idea. you think it's bad now.

[delajoonal]

1.As I stated above my wife and I just had a baby.

2.My wife is having a cat-scan in 3 days to find out if she has a dangerous tumor.

3.My wife also has a rare condition that she has to be hospitalized for about a week per month, and then is back to her sexy-full of life-bitchy-self.

 

 

Please give me some input as I would really hear what others have to say

Bottom line, your wife is scared and dealing with post partem issues..it can take some women up to ONE year to fully regain their 'normalicy', physically AND hormonally.

 

also you stated the other medical issues she is having...

 

she is scared and lashing out verbally to you...you are NOT giving her the sense of security, comfort and safety she NEEDS right now...to feel protected and LOVED.

 

that might be the biggest reason for her wanting to move back in with 'mommy' as well...the love and security?

 

women need their man to take control and be assertive...sit her down and say to her, " look you have said some very hurtful crappy things to me lately, what is going on with you?"

 

tell her, even if IT is very hard to mean the words you are saying, because you are so angry and hurt right now...

 

but she might just need them right now to gain some perspective on the way she has been acting out lately.?

 

and right now is ABOUT HER..she is going thru what sounds like some scary medical issues?

 

tell her you LOVE HER and you are THERE for her and EVERYTHING will be OK...

 

this could be why she wants to really move back in with 'mommy'?

 

she is craving that security???

 

i am just speaking as a woman, from similar situations in my life/marriage..

 

you men are wonderful, that is why we marry you..but sometimes you just don't have a clue when WE REALLY NEED YOU TO MAN UP;)

 

be assertive ( not abusive)...j

 

ust make her sit down and talk to you...if she won't talk, then you tell her this marriage is for 'better or worse' 'sickness and health' and YOU have every intention of seeing you BOTH thru this difficult time...that YOU will be the ROCK she so desperatley needs right now..

 

i am telling you...woman get bitchy and verbally abusive when they are truly scared and are trying to act like they can DO IT ALL and be OK without their man...but they do this when they are NOT FEELING THe love and security...

 

i sure hope you can work IT out..because leaving your wife NOW, would be very unjust to you both and to that new baby...

 

the first sign of trouble in a new marriage and your first child and you bail...

 

see what i mean, she can sense you are running scared...so she is getting ready emotionally to DO IT all alone...its time to step up dude...BETTER OR WORSE, remember?

 

good luck;)

[Woggle]

Leave right now. You can still be a good father and be divorced. This will not get better and her resentment and rage will only get worse. I know these kind of women and the more a man tries to treat her well and love her more the more she rages at him. Maybe if you left and were serious about it she would change her tune.

[norajane]

And this only started in the last 6 months? An abrupt change in behavior from before?

 

That doesn't sound like the marriage is sputtering. There is something that's causing this, and it could very well be the possible brain tumor. Depending on location, tumors can cause changes in behavior and personality. Don't make any decisions until you find out more about that.

 

With all her medical problems AND a new baby, it sounds like she needs you to be her ROCK right now. That's why she keeps telling you to man-up. She needs to know she can count on you and depend on you, that you are strong enough to deal with these problems and with her when she feels insecure and scared. I understand she's being horrible to you, but this is not the time to be thinking of yourself. This is a time when you need to be focused on getting her through her medical crises.

 

What are you doing in reaction to her medical problems? Are you going to the doctors with her? Are you there for her when she's hospitalized each month? This would be a good time to suggest individual counseling for her - she must be totally freaking out at the thought of having a brain tumor, and I cannot imagine what necessitates spending a week in the hospital every month, but that has to be horrible for her. Especially with a new baby and worrying if she's going to die because of a brain tumor.

 

But don't move in with your MIL. If you live in the same building, your wife has plenty of opportunity to spend time with her mother if she needs it. Is her father still around?

[D-Lish]

Does it not set off warning bells that this behaviour is recent? That it started in the last 3 months of her pregnancy and the subsequent 3 months after having the baby? Most sensitive people would conclude that something is not right.

 

On top of this she has to be hospitalized for one week out of every month and she is waiting on the results of a possible deadly tumour?

 

Either this post isn't real- or you are a selfish jack ass. That amount of stress alone is enough to send a normally sane person into a tail spin.

 

I would at the very least be talking to her about what is going on.

Do you even offer emotional support for what she is going through? Are you helping out with the baby- talking to her about she feels about the impending test results?

 

I am not suggesting that anyone stay with someone who is verbally abusive- but you have been together for a long time and this behaviour is recent and obviously indicative of something deeper than just being bitchy all the time.

 

Bailing at this juncture would be selfish. I am curious to know what she is referring to when she tells you to man up?

 

I don't think you have to spend the rest of your life with her if she can't change and you can't work through this together- but I'd make the gesture to get her to some counselling and accompany her.

[DJOwen]

to answer several questions above:

 

1. Her disorder is called porphyria, a rare genetic enzyme deficiency in the blood which causes neurological attacks...extreme pain (doctors say possibly the most painful thing a human could experience) and extreme nausia. She will be 100% normal, and then an "attack" will suddenly flare up and it's off to the ER. She is treated with 10mg Dilaudid/hour and several nausia medications as well as a treatment that gets her over her attack sooner, and then she's back to normal, you'd never know she's been sick. She has had these attacks ever since we were married, and I spend every night in the hospital with her during these. I have made it clear to her that under no circumstances does this effect the way I feel about her, and as it is hard at times, I am happy to be there with her

 

2.Throughout her pregnancy and to today I have gone with her to every single doctors visit there has been except one.

 

3.She said "cat-scan" when the doctor called over the phone, but it's actually a chest/abdomine exam, not in the brain.

 

4.When I get home from work I feed the baby throughout the night, until 9am or so, and sleep 5-6 hours before work.

 

5. I do realize that there is still a possibility that her hormones are all nuts, and when I bring up the subject, it usually ends in an argument where I'm still a f-up. but again....the stress she is dealing with I can't imagine, when your in the hospital as much as we are you become desensitized to medical conditions, she's almost died three times in the past few years, and we've been through it every step of the way...right now her overall health is good....tumor pending.

 

6.I of course do not plan on making any rash descisions, one of the reasons I am on this forum is to help me think through this, and I definetly don't plan on deciding anything in my head until after the scan, which I found out today is Fri morning.

 

7.One of the reasons she wants to move in with mom, she says, is so she's not bored at home, and so on days when she needs a break, mom is there...which still doen'st make sense to me, we live in the same apt. building, I dunno, I'm going to think about this statement made above in regards to looking for love and security, but i really feel I give her that.

 

8.Some of the specific things she wants me to change that I know she is unhappy about...haveing friends over, last year I have been narrowed down to having a friend over once a month, I usually break this rule with a whopping twice a month, now that we have a baby she feels it is irresponsible of me to have company period...to me this is illogical.

 

I am by profession a food and bev manager, but am currently bar tending in a high volume wing-place. In the location we live I simply can't afford to be a GM of a restaurant, I am making almost double GM salary bartending, and ever since we've known each other I keep late hours at work, she has given me an ultimatum that I find a new job within 1 year where I can work "normal" hours....but she thinks money grows on trees....I could find a job now working "normal" hours, but I'd be taking a minimum of a 20K/year cut, which she would hate. I have tried to explain this to her, even challenged her to help me figure out a job and/or career path, but refuses to help, just wants to bitch...again, this has all started last 6 months, I understand this is due to motherly instinct....but it's not logical.

 

I am not a man because I work a job she doens't like, ask permission to have friends over too much, and disagree with who is allowed to babysit while she is in the hospital (I mentioned a girl who I've been working with for 6 months with who is a professional nanny, and about had my tounge ripped out. A true father wouldn't hire just anyone to watch our child) Pretty much her mom, her sister, or my sister are the only ones allowed to baby-sit.

 

She doesn't like my best friend of 16 years, who has a happy marriage and a 2 year old daughter of his own, and insists I stop speaking with him constantly

 

These are major issues but not all that have all arisen within the last 6 months...she is now insisting that I move in with her mother, I have no choice, she wants to work on our marriage as do I, but these are all ultimatums in her mind

[FragileSwan]

This is sad. First, she should have a full endocrine system check; all of her hormones. Sometimes after a pregnancy female hormones can fall, and male hormones rise. This gets a girl on an emotional roller coaster. A better diet, and better sleep can usually fix this.

 

What you can do is stop her from controlling everything. If you want to bring a friend over, call her, and tell her to have some refreshments waiting, because your bringing someone over. If she puts up a fuss, tell her, "I'm the man. Just do it. You aren't required to like it."

 

If she tells you to stop bartending, it's probably a good idea. Bartending is a single man's job. It's great for meeting women, and having a good time, but it sucks for marriage. Every married bartender will either quit, or get a divorce.

 

When she insults you, walk up to her, and be a man. Tell her, in a tone she can understand is serious, "Woman, you will not disrespect me in my own home." If she keeps it up, take her over your knee and spank her. That's usually what she'd be looking for. You can't underestimate how much girls love being spanked.

 

After you spank her, wait a few seconds, and say, "I discipline you because I love you”. She'll be in the mood, but she'll also be into the male control over her. She'll play hard to get. So you have to conquer her. She'll want intimacy with you after you spank her. That gets women turned on, especially young women.

 

When a woman says, "Be a man", she doesn't know why really, but it's because she wants guilt free pleasure. If she fights you, and even bites you, it's just play. It might look real, but after you subdue her, and give her what she wants, she won't try to provoke your manhood out of you.

 

There's one other thing. Sometimes when a spouse is chronically ill, they will do things to drive the other spouse away, because they figure it's going to happen anyway, and better now than later. But this doubles as a way to make sure, one way or the other, if the other spouse really loves the chronically ill spouse, or if he'll take off.

 

So, no matter what you do, you'll prove your wife is correct. Either you'll leave her, proving you would have left. Or you'll stay with her, proving you really love her.

 

But give her some discipline. She sure needs it. She's acting up because she wants some limits set for her. And, you are the man. You decide where the two of you live, not her. If she needs her mother on an off day, her mother probably has a car, so she could drive to your house.

 

If her mother says she can't do that, ask her, "If someone gave you a million dollars, could you drive over? Then you really could do it." Then say, "I mean that in the nicest possible way”.

 

Mils can't stand men who cave in to their wives. If you act like a pansy, the mil will jump all over you too. It's a woman's way to get men to act like men.

 

If you're willing to stand by her in her illness, congratulations. You are really married. If you are not willing, you were never really married in the first place, because you never intended to keep your vows. That renders marriage not marriage.

 

Divorce is all about testing. Those who fall for the divorce industry swindle fail. Those who can see through it pass. Divorce is legal so otherwise useless people can find employment. People who couldn't make it at acting become divorce lawyers and judges.

 

It's a vengeance racket. They're dealers in human misery, manufacturing cash cows, by keeping that spark of vengeance between divorced spouses glowing, and then collecting the legal fees that result from constant conflict between parents.

 

This isn't rocket science. It's common sense 101. If it weren't for the pack of elocutionist dogs manufacturing cash cows to feed the pack as a whole, civil divorce would be illegal, because it's bad, and causes more lost productivity in the workforce than any other single thing.

 

But legislators, judges and lawyers all have one thing in common: They're all lawyers. The divorce industry is made by lawyers, and sanctioned by lawyers, to feed lawyers. Divorce is contrary to the best interests of married couples. But married couples are worth zero in legal fees, and divorced couples are worth on upwards of $100,000.00, during the time their children are minor.

 

For every 1,000 married couples that can be swindled into paying to have the court commit civil divorce against them, the pack of elocutionist dogs nets one hundred million dollars in legal fees.

 

Each lawyer only need create potential for future legal fees, to be collected by any lawyer. It doesn't matter exactly which lawyer collects the future fees, because with every lawyer working to divorce as many couples as possible, it all evens out.

 

The divorce industry uses the adhesive of legitimacy and trust, as flypaper to snare the ignorant, and then swindle into divorce, by being coldly rational, and treating it like it's a normal thing to do. Divorce is one of the most unnatural acts, likened to sodomy, that man has ever come up with.

 

Divorce is purely the work of the corrupt hearts, perverse minds, and mischievous hands of man, to prey on human misery, and murder people by their own suicide.

 

I would be remiss if I didn't mention prayer. God is our Almighty Father. There is nothing He won't give to those who ask Him. The Father wants to give His children everything their hearts desire. If you and your wife are serious about turning your lives over to God, God would cure your wife, if you would only ask. He's waiting for you to ask. Keep bothering Him, so He knows that's what you really want. And talk to Him every day. God wants to know His children, and He wants His children to know Him

[Chrome Barracuda]

I think something is wrong with her. Dont leave yet, she still needs you, but you got to put an end to all the bitchy stuff that comes from her mouth.

[carhill]

Sounds like a one-way street to insanity to me. OP, does the current iteration resemble in any way the "best friend" you had for two years prior to dating? Methinks something is amiss, and not just because of the health issues and pregnancy/birth.

[SRV]

Now this makes sense. You need a good neurologist to get to the bottom of this, she might need to see a psychiatrist whilst at it. This has more to do with her medical condition and maybe the combination of drugs she might be taking?

 

I really wish you well!

[DJOwen]

Now this makes sense. You need a good neurologist to get to the bottom of this, she might need to see a psychiatrist whilst at it. This has more to do with her medical condition and maybe the combination of drugs she might be taking?

 

I've thought the same thing myself....maybe all her medications are messing with her head and literally making her insane...hopefully not permanently, but how is she supposed to "get better" if she still needs the drugs?......Ey dios mio

 

I appreciate all that has been posted, it has given me a few more things to ponder while the next few days pass.........really I just feel helpless and hopeless and want a normal life back preferably with her, but either way

[Gunny376]

I'd drop the bomb on her and tell her that she's to go and get a full physical and pysch eval, (and make sure you go with her) along with a full review of her meds, (by another Dr. two or three) or your seperating until she gets better or gets her act together.

 

Meanwhile I'd get on line and learn everythng I could about her condition and the meds she's on.

 

I personally would not put up with such disrespect for one minute. Life's too short and it gets shorter with each passing year.

[Flying Burrito]

OP, and all you other flagrant online diagnosers of "female" troubles, here are a few things I've learned from watching my mom and dad, my brothers and sisters and friends with their wives and husbands...

 

When someone (your spouse, friend, coworker, etc) basically calls you out for acting like an irresponsible child, this is most likely because something you are doing is perceived as irresponsible and childish.

 

Regarding your best friend and his supposed happy marriage, dude, you never can tell what is going on in someone else's marriage. Your wife is entitled to dislike your friend whether you agree or no.

 

And this I know from my own relationships, when the lady you love who loves you back dislikes your friend, there's usually a reason. In my experience, I tended to side with my friends and in hindsight, it's always been a mistake, but hey, they're my friends. Just trying to say, been there, done that.

 

Re your coworker babysitting. Dude. I think most with-it wives will take affront to their husband's female coworker babysitting their baby whilst same said wives are in hospital. Do we really need a show of hands from any parents who got dumped in favor of a coworker? Seriously, this reaction from your wife sounds extremely sane and responsible. And DIRECT.

 

Yes. You're acting like an ass. I think you already know that but were willing to get let off the hook by the nice, anonymous people who will tell you your beloved is nuts. Again, been there, done that.

 

Delish had a lot of good points up until the lack of telling YOU to go get counseling. (Sorry Delish but its a bit of a lazy response to stop at suggesting only the wife get counseling.)

 

OP, its time to reconsider which attitude requires adjustment. I'm going to bet its yours. No character assassination or anything. You're dealing with a few major stress factors but ah, see above ass statement.

[Gunny376]

Ah the old double standard, women being enlightened and liberated can ask their male co-workers for virtually but if a man's female co-worker ask to borrow their lighter, out comes Catwoman.

 

If a man cheats on his wife/gf, whose fault is it? The man's! If a woman cheats on her husband, whose fault is it? The man's!

 

If the wife's not having a good day ~ who else isn't going to have one? If mama's not happy ~ who else isn't going to be happy.

 

And the medical issues aren't just "female" problems, but something is going on? A buddy of mine came down sick in October and was gone by XMAS with a brain tumor about the size of the point of a pin. That the reason I advocated a full medical / psych workup.

 

And come on! There are some women who get jealous of anything and everything a man pays any attention to other than to themselves. Cars, racing, video games, sports, hunting, fishing? The list is endless.

 

Add this to women that no matter what you do, they can't be pleased, satisfied nor pacified, EVER! And its why men don't have a clue, and women always need another pair of shoes!

 

I personally wouldn't hang around to become a supplicating fool of a man!

 

Were it me I would be like, "Someone just shot me, one of us has got to have some relief!"

 

And finally what is this teaching the children?

[DJOwen]

flying burrito:Regarding your best friend and his supposed happy marriage, dude, you never can tell what is going on in someone else's marriage. Your wife is entitled to dislike your friend whether you agree or no.

 

And this I know from my own relationships, when the lady you love who loves you back dislikes your friend, there's usually a reason. In my experience, I tended to side with my friends and in hindsight, it's always been a mistake, but hey, they're my friends. Just trying to say, been there, done that.

 

Re your coworker babysitting. Dude. I think most with-it wives will take affront to their husband's female coworker babysitting their baby whilst same said wives are in hospital. Do we really need a show of hands from any parents who got dumped in favor of a coworker? Seriously, this reaction from your wife sounds extremely sane and responsible. And DIRECT.

 

Yes. You're acting like an ass. I think you already know that but were willing to get let off the hook by the nice, anonymous people who will tell you your beloved is nuts. Again, been there, done that.

 

OP, its time to reconsider which attitude requires adjustment. I'm going to bet its yours. No character assassination or anything. You're dealing with a few major stress factors but ah, see above ass statement.

 

yes my wife is entitled to dislike him, but he's been my friend for almost 2 decades, and my wife has always loved him and his wife, that's why this sudden change of everything is crazy....I never hold anyones perspective as wrong, especially my wife's, that is the highest opinion I hold, it's again just not logical, and she refuses to change her mind...

 

on my co-worker, I disagree completely....it's not just the co-worker, that was a suggestion(as stated already), like a said, no one, NO ONE according to my wife can watch our child except for MIL, SIL, or my sister, this includes the 55 year old lady who baby sat me, and helped raise me as a child...my number one goal is to protect my baby, but this is again,...illogical, and a simple suggestion gives her no reason to demean man manhood, or in that specific situation my competence as a father, I think ma'am that you need to see some counseling, so far you are the only person who has not attempted to be helpful at all, and as stated by "gunny" may be one of those women, and I'll refrain from using the word that generalizes you, that thinks all men are wrong all the time

 

and I'm acting like an ass...?!? the only thing I told her is I refuse to move in with "mil" and that we need to talk about her verbal abuse....I'm on this forum as an insight to help give me suggestions and more things to think about, not bash me for no good feminest reasoning...the reason I contemplate "leaving her" is she has pretty much given me an ultimatum of moving in with her mom with or without me, after I told her I didn't want to.

 

I admit I feel selfish and guilty, but as far as acting like an ass...a smart man always thinks before he acts, and these kind people are helping me with a strong descision; I have not acted yet. I have and will be there for my wife separation or happy marriage, I am attached to her not only by a baby, but as a friend I love and will never completly abandon; my issue as stated originally is weather I can live a happier life and be a better best friend to her and father to my daughter if I'm not living with hell everyday, and could move on with my life and find a happier relationship! Next time before your feminist attitude wants to jump to conclusions before actually useing your brain and doing a little reading, just don't speak.

 

thank you to everyone else, no matter what was said...it has all been insightful and appreciated, helpful and brought new perpective and ideas to my situation, like I said earlier, still a lot going on, and confusion, but it means a lot to have worthy anonymous opinions from caring strangers

[Flying Burrito]

Defensive much?

 

Go back and read it again. No bashing there, just some insights I finally understand, albeit slightly late for me and my ex.

[delajoonal]

this may sound reallyl weird and off the wall...but from reading here and my OWN experience...a cheater will start acting mean and defensive...out of NO where...they will also start becoming suspicious of the non cheating spouse...

here is JUST a thought , OK...

 

so maybe something happened between YOUR friend and YOUR wife?????

and it was a regreted 'something', so she is freaked out about being around him and doesn't want you around him either now for fear of YOU finding out???

 

also that is where the paranioa (sp?) comes in with your female co-worker???

 

ok, so this is JUST a thought, but like i said, i lived it...so IT is from experience...(btb i was not the cheater in my case)