anonimouse Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 About a year ago I was a little depressed over things like how much money my wife was spending on stuff we don't need and about how she kept the house. Whilst I talked to her about such things, she ignored me and even said as much to her friends. So I feel I was a little vulnerable when I met this gorgeous black student. We hit it off almost immediately, and despite a lot of ups and downs, we had this really fiery passionate relationship. I told my girlfriend straight away that whilst I took the relationship seriously, there was no way I wanted to leave my wife and children, but over time she became more attached to me and tried by various means to push me into doing what she wanted. Anyway as a last attempt, she sortof forced the affair to be discovered, and when she discovered I still wouldn't move, left me to move back to her home town. Since then, she's been phoning me and trying to pressure me into getting back together, and the thing is I want to, but only under the old terms of the relationship, which I know she won't accept truly, even if she will pretend to at first. At the same time this breakup has happened around the time I have lost my well paid job and resulted in me having to do some temporary work, which means I don't have the money to visit her, which has resulted in more tense and even abusive phone calls. She has some problems of her own, which I won't go into in the interests of her privacy. I know its stupid, but I really really miss her, but at the same time I am totally unwilling to do anything that compromises my relationship with my children and my wife. I don't have a very sexual relationship with her, but we do get on well and smoothly together, with the result that our children are happy and content. But I don't want to go through life without the spice, passion and fun that my girlfriend has given me. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Fancy Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 You're a classic case of someone wanting to have his cake and eat it too. You want to play daddy and husband part of the time and have a hunny on the sly the rest of the time. Sorry, sir, but life doesn't always work that way. You need to do some deep soul searching and try to figure out why you feel so insecure about yourself that you need to have a continuous affair going on. Maybe if you spent less time chasing other women and more time with your wife and showing her a little attention and affection you'd have some spark in your marriage. When a woman knows or senses her husband is being a rotten, cheating cad, chances are she's not going to be too lovey dovey. You come here asking what you should do. You know what you should do. You should grow up, be a man, take responsibility for the committment you've made and the children you've created, and stop living in a fantasy world. Link to post Share on other sites
Author anonimouse Posted October 20, 2003 Author Share Posted October 20, 2003 [color=darkblue]My girlfriend is also expecting - regardless of whether you think I'm foolish does that change your views of what I should do?[/color] Link to post Share on other sites
aquaria127 Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 I assume you mean you got your girlfriend pregnant? you ought to tell your wife that instead of buying things for her and your children, you are going to send the money to your girlfriend and your new child. Link to post Share on other sites
Author anonimouse Posted October 20, 2003 Author Share Posted October 20, 2003 My wife already knows Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 Then what does your wife have to say about all of this? I am amazed she's still with you considering you have a gf on the side AND got her pregnant. Link to post Share on other sites
cenilla Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 what should you do? keep torturing both women until one of them who has little self-respect and self-esteem to quit . I wondered why these two women would settle for so little? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 I am totally unwilling to do anything that compromises my relationship with my children and my wife. I believe that ship has sailed. Nothing changes the advice you've gotten. That you have fathered this woman's child means you, without your old job, may have to deprive your first family of some things in order to pay for this new child. And what is your point? Because you have produced an offspring with her, now that gives you a better reason to get the sex you're after? I don't think so. With luck, your wife will end your dilemma by dumping you. If she doesn't, you are all dysfunctional and nothing anyone here says will change your mind anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Iamhappy Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 How very very sad. This whole situation is so pathetic. I hate to be judgmental here, but I think you'd better go out and buy yourself a new moral compass because the one you have is obviously broken. There are so many things wrong in this situation that I don't even know where to begin. Maybe it's best if I make a list. 1. Instead of trying to work things out with your wife, you sought comfort in the arms of another. Let me ask you this, how much effort did you put into trying to work things out with your wife? 2. You said that you were unhappy in your marriage because your wife was spending money on things you didn't need and because of the way she kept the house. This is such a lame excuse to go out and cheat. My money is on you intending to cheat all along and these were the best excuses you could come up with. So she doesn't keep the house so neat. Does she work? Do you have kids? Do you help out around the house? Did it ever occur to you that maybe she buys things to make herself feel better because she has such a selfish b*stard for a husband? 3. Your girlfriend is pregnant. How odd that you'd mention this as an afterthought. Your first concern was for how you wanted to keep the relationship going under the same terms. Well no wonder her phone calls to you have been abusive. She is pregnant and all you really care about is how you're going to preserve your sexual relationship with her. I don't want to go and preach about birth control, but for goodness sakes, you were having an affair and you didn't use protection. I hope to God you haven't passed on any disease to your wife. If there's any such thing as justice in this world, you would be castrated. 4. I don't know why either of these women would want to be with you. You're obviously a selfish, self-centered f**kwit. The sad part is that you're not one bit sorry for what you did. You've hurt your wife, your children, your girlfriend and your future child-to-be. And all you talk about is how you've been inconvenienced and how it might be possible to have your cake and eat it too. You are a selfish, self-centered, manipulative, soulless b*stard. You should be talking about how you're going to make amends with both of these women and your children, not how you're going to have wifey with girlfriend on the side. I hope someday you discover that guilt isn't just a five letter word. You might want to look into it - it's a pretty useful indicative that you have soul. Although in your case, I seriously doubt it. Link to post Share on other sites
Iamhappy Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 I was just going through the other posts and found one where you talked about ethics. You really have no clue do you? I feel sorry for you. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 You are a selfish, self-centered, manipulative, soulless b*stard. You should be talking about how you're going to make amends with both of these women and your children, not how you're going to have wifey with girlfriend on the side. But really, how do you feel? Link to post Share on other sites
cenilla Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 I know I know If he ever stood in front of us, we would pounch him on his nose, for his wife, and his Children.b-( His girlfreind doest have much of my sympathy. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 You're a real trip. You should have never gotten married. You simply aren't ready for committment. Isn't it wonderful to discover that at this time. It's too bad more people don't do a lot of thinking before they take the big plunge. You're going to do whatever you want to so I don't know why you came here. But for what it's worth, learn to keep your word and be loyal to the mother of your children. A man is only the sum total of his word and how his actions are consistent with them. You are a real trip. You remind of a lawyer who knows his client is guilty but is nevertheless looking for every legal angle to find his client innocent. You can ask all year but what you are comtemplating is wrong as hell. Link to post Share on other sites
Author anonimouse Posted October 20, 2003 Author Share Posted October 20, 2003 Iamnotnothing: 1. How much effort? 10 years 2. No my wife didn't work, the kids went to nursery two days each week, yes I did help, and this had been going on for some time before. This wasn't the whole reason, but I suppose I was feeling depressed over this and a number of other things so had to freak out in some way. 3. Hmm, it wasn't an afterthought, I supported my girlfriend through her final college year and in anything she wanted to do (this wasn't as extravagant as it sounds, for various reasons). I did make efforts to ensure protection was used, but she deliberately bypassed them. 4. Its because I'm the reverse of being self centred that they like me. The jury is still out on f**kwit though! Link to post Share on other sites
Iamhappy Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 My response (courtesy of Tony) to your defense: You remind me of a lawyer who knows his client is guilty but is nevertheless looking for every legal angle to find his client innocent. If you like, I'll send you $5 so you can buy yourself a clue. Link to post Share on other sites
cenilla Posted October 21, 2003 Share Posted October 21, 2003 At least, you should have paid yourself and your spouse the minimum respect, ended up the marriage before you started an affair. I dont think you would get any supports from people at this Forum. Maybe you should go to Yahoo Chat Rooms: "Married but Looking", you'll find your defense Team there. Link to post Share on other sites
The Velvet Vixen Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 I agree with everything Iamnotnothing said. It was harsh, but I think anonimouse needed to hear it. Originally posted by anonimouse How much effort? 10 years Are you waiting for a gold medal? You were supposed to put that time and effort into the relationship; you made a commitment that you would do so for better or for worse. Your wife put ten years into the relationship, too. The way you say it, it's as if you think that because you put all of that time into the relationship, you're now entitled to a little screwing around on the side. The issues you were having in your marriage before are trivial in comparison to the ones you are and will be having in the future. How can you criticize your wife for spending too much money on unnecessary things when you've been supporting your GF "through her final college year and in anything she wanted to do"—before she was even pregnant? How could you take money out of the mouths of your own children to support someone who is outside of the family?? You had a part-time job, but your wife had a full-time job taking care of your young children. If you weren't happy with the way your wife was doing the housework, YOU should have done it yourself—NOT fall into another woman's arms. That's ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
The Velvet Vixen Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 Originally posted by anonimouse I don't want to go through life without the spice, passion and fun that my girlfriend has given me At this point, that's exactly what you deserve for your selfishness. It would be justice if both of these women dumped you for good. You don't talk as if you truly love your GF. It sounds to me as if you just love having sex with her. You obviously don't care about your wife or you would not have put her through something like this, nor do you love your kids enough if you would deliberately or carelessly behave in such a way that would cause them great pain and confusion, and the food to be ripped from their mouths. As someone said above, you've caused such a big mess yet the only thing you care about is how to continue having sex with your GF. This leads me to conclude that the only thing you love is Lil Anonimouse. Link to post Share on other sites
MrGlassIce Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 Next time he will think about it before he does it.But have u ever heard about the story about having the chicken on one hand and another at your feet?Do you bend over and reach for the second chicken and take the chance of losing the one you already have to have two,or do you ignore the second chicken? Link to post Share on other sites
The Velvet Vixen Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 He took money he should have been spending on his children and used it to play sugardaddy to someone else. Ugh...the more I think about it, the more disgusted it makes me. Link to post Share on other sites
The Velvet Vixen Posted October 22, 2003 Share Posted October 22, 2003 LOL, are you comparing women to chickens? Link to post Share on other sites
Author anonimouse Posted October 23, 2003 Author Share Posted October 23, 2003 VelvetVixen seems under the misapprehension that my kids were left starving and destitute. She seems prone to use of poetic license and overexaggeration. As for chickens, if you can bring home a second chicken, then you know you wont starve tomorrow! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 As for chickens, if you can bring home a second chicken, then you know you wont starve tomorrow! Un believable! You are what people call 'a piece of work' for sure. You appear to be oblivious to the fact that what you are doing is downright rotten. No real point in trying to defend it, certainly with arguments like that! Link to post Share on other sites
The Velvet Vixen Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 It IS unbelievable isn't it?? I wonder if he's being deliberately obtuse or he really is that thick in the skull. We could type until our fingers fall off and we still wouldn't get through to him. You were right, moimeme...he's going to do whatever he wants to do no matter what anyone says. Anonimouse... Originally posted by Iamnotnothing If there's any such thing as justice in this world, you would be castrated. *Note: If you'd been paying attention, anonimouse, you would have seen that I am NOT the one who provided the chicken analogy, MrGlassIce was. He happens to be my BF, but that's irrelevant. Link to post Share on other sites
Author anonimouse Posted October 23, 2003 Author Share Posted October 23, 2003 Hello, is there a sense of humour in there? Link to post Share on other sites
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