White Flower Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 I'm not speaking for GEL, but she once was an OW, not of her own doing in the beginning but that is another story, and even though she is married now she does come from that origin and can offer deep insight on the subject having been there. A life change doesn't alter the experience nor the ability to advise on the subject. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 GEL do you consider it okay that you post in OW/OM forum, even though you are a wife now? I think my answer to this is pretty apparent as I have 3000+ posts and about 99% are in this forum... Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 I'm not speaking for GEL, but she once was an OW, not of her own doing in the beginning but that is another story, and even though she is married now she does come from that origin and can offer deep insight on the subject having been there. A life change doesn't alter the experience nor the ability to advise on the subject. Thanks WF! I always do it in the spirit of helping not trying to make someone feel like less of a person... Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 GEL, I'm aware of your meaning and your intent. Maybe you have a point, but I would see open discussions,rather than exclusivity. I think that the answer is for the Mods to police trolls, and those posters, who degenerate to name-calling and character assassination. Like I said, as a past OM , I want to give BS's every opportunity to release their hurt and rage, whether it's here or anywhere. I've got pretty thick skin, If they want to vent on me, so much the better. I do not believe that OW's deserve a "safe" place any more than any other group. They knew the job was dangerous, when they took it. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 Is it possible, BJ, that you don't think OWs deserve a safe place because you come from a life experience as a serial cheater who never would have left for an OW? Just because you were vile in your experience doesn't mean that all MM are. There are some who 'do the right thing' and will look for advise and support at places such as LS in their process. For such people, there really should be a safe place and that is why LS opened this board. Yet, so many BS jump all over it, driving OWs to other sites. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 I do not believe that OW's deserve a "safe" place any more than any other group. They knew the job was dangerous, when they took it. I agree with this. An OP asking for a "safe place" to talk about how they are going to continue helping another break a commitment makes no sense to me. I'm sure my opinion is not agreed with by many in the OP column, but I doubt it makes anyone *unsafe*. I think what most mean by "safe" is, "condoning" or "supporting" even when its destructive. Why should anyone offer them that? Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 Is it possible, BJ, that you don't think OWs deserve a safe place because you come from a life experience as a serial cheater who never would have left for an OW? Just because you were vile in your experience doesn't mean that all MM are. There are some who 'do the right thing' and will look for advise and support at places such as LS in their process. For such people, there really should be a safe place and that is why LS opened this board. Yet, so many BS jump all over it, driving OWs to other sites. To the bolded part: just......wow. That was mean. Most MM don't leave for the OW. Does that make them vile too? Just wow. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 NID, apparently I just got slapped:eek:, kind of surprising really, I thought that WF was a nicer person. Link to post Share on other sites
desertmoon Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 However, this particular forum is designated for the OW/OMs, so it really does not matter what people think, it is up to the people who operate this site to decide to take it down or not...In the meantime, this forum is for OPs who seek support and advice or even to "just" vent. Otherwise, the operators should change the description of the forum to "a place for OWs who seek support, advice and be flamed"..or some catchy phrase to that effect. Since I do not think the operators of the site will do that ( afterall, an adulterous relationship is STILL a relationship and this IS a "relationship" forum), how about we just respect the forum for what it was intended for? Don't get me wrong, there are many BSs who genuinely empathize with the suffering of OWs/OMs and they give very good advice. I know I have learned some good stuff here from some BSs. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 If an MM was to do the "right thing" he would make a choice between the two. Not keep both dangling on a string with lies for his personal enjoyment. I agree with you entirely. And some MM need help making such a decision by seeking help from forums such as these. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 However, this particular forum is designated for the OW/OMs, so it really does not matter what people think, it is up to the people who operate this site to decide to take it down or not...In the meantime, this forum is for OPs who seek support and advice or even to "just" vent. Otherwise, the operators should change the description of the forum to "a place for OWs who seek support, advice and be flamed"..or some catchy phrase to that effect. Since I do not think the operators of the site will do that ( afterall, an adulterous relationship is STILL a relationship and this IS a "relationship" forum), how about we just respect the forum for what it was intended for? Don't get me wrong, there are many BSs who genuinely empathize with the suffering of OWs/OMs and they give very good advice. I know I have learned some good stuff here from some BSs. I disagree. Methinks the lad(ies) doth protest too much. Everywhere in so-called relationship forums, people disagree with what a poster wants to here. But in here, some get mad when its done. I agree that noone wants to here religious pontificating as this particular relationship has somewhat of a moral problem in it, but the amount of complaining about hearing oppositing view points is getting ridiculous. Taking away the affair aspect, I would still give the same advice in most cases. And if this was in the general relationship location, noone would be complaining about my response if it wasn't in lockstep with what the OP wanted. I hate to say it in this way, but if what one wants is this to be treated as solely an OW/OM forum, they are in the wrong place. Maybe what they need IS a forum dedicated to ONLY that. LS is not that place as ANYONE can read and post a response anywhere in this *wonderful* place. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 To the bolded part: just......wow. That was mean. Most MM don't leave for the OW. Does that make them vile too? Just wow. I was only quoting BJ himself. He knows I do not think he is vile now. Wasn't it obvious that I was speaking of his past? Has he not admitted it all over LS? I have told him both on these boards and in PMs that I think VERY HIGHLY of his turn around. And I also think it is possible to compare his PAST to some MM's present sitch's. Not all are as vile as he claimed to have been. I suppose I should have clarified that in my original statement but as usual posters in this forum like to get sensitive and then get carried away with it. BOLDJACK, I am surprised you would take that in the present tense. Everyone knows you are a changed man. I am your biggest cheerleader. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 DM, I agree with you entirely, perhaps if posters on both sides of the issues, would hold down the rancor, this divisive attitude wouldn't be as strident. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I was only quoting BJ himself. He knows I do not think he is vile now. Wasn't it obvious that I was speaking of his past? Has he not admitted it all over LS? I have told him both on these boards and in PMs that I think VERY HIGHLY of his turn around. And I also think it is possible to compare his PAST to some MM's present sitch's. Not all are as vile as he claimed to have been. I suppose I should have clarified that in my original statement but as usual posters in this forum like to get sensitive and then get carried away with it. BOLDJACK, I am surprised you would take that in the present tense. Everyone knows you are a changed man. I am your biggest cheerleader. Well, in that case, I apologize. I focused on the word "vile". Its such a harsh word. My apologies, WF. He did say he was a piece of work. I've always appreciated his honesty about his past. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Well, in that case, I apologize. I focused on the word "vile". Its such a harsh word. My apologies, WF. He did say he was a piece of work. I've always appreciated his honesty about his past. I do too. A rare find here at LS. Isn't it nice to know that people CAN change? Cheers for BJ! Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Flower, Sorry, been a very long and frustrating day. Reread your post and am perfectly happy to be an example of a "vile" SOB (past tense) Your wrong, WF. I'm YOUR biggest CL;) Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 GEL, I'm aware of your meaning and your intent. Maybe you have a point, but I would see open discussions,rather than exclusivity. I think that the answer is for the Mods to police trolls, and those posters, who degenerate to name-calling and character assassination. Like I said, as a past OM , I want to give BS's every opportunity to release their hurt and rage, whether it's here or anywhere. I've got pretty thick skin, If they want to vent on me, so much the better. I do not believe that OW's deserve a "safe" place any more than any other group. They knew the job was dangerous, when they took it. Are open discussions supposed to have a "right" answer? I don't think so... And I come from a time when OW were banned from this forum for having an opinion that was unpopular... This forum's intent is support and discussion for people involved with a committed partner...Not for BS's to release their hurt and rage; that's for the Infidelity forum.... You forget not everyone knows ahead of time what they signed up for...and really unless they've been in A before, they have no idea what they're in for... I can only guess how many posters have left after the bitter arguments I have seen here...People who would have benefitted from the support... Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Maybe what they need IS a forum dedicated to ONLY that. LS is not that place as ANYONE can read and post a response anywhere in this *wonderful* place. And if you look at the top of the forum, it says just that. No wonder the OW are so confused. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 And if you look at the top of the forum, it says just that. No wonder the OW are so confused. I dunno. I think they were confused the minute they decided to "date" someone else's H. LOL. Sure, it *says* that at the top of this forum. The other forums also have titles and headings for what topic is going to be discussed in them. As long as the OPs place in infidelity is being discussed, I don't see what the problem is with BSs posting here. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 And I come from a time when OW were banned from this forum for having an opinion that was unpopular... This made me laugh. I've *been* here longer than you, so I know the time that you speak of. I remember that those of us that posted in Infidelity frequently posted that we didn't agree with the stuff posted in OW/OM but we didn't post here mostly. But during the Hard2Think saga, a lot of OWs cried buckets and attacked him for throwing his OW under the bus. In fact, I'd say THAT was what changed the tide from the Infidelity posters basically ignoring OW/OM. I would dare say that were it not for a few OW that didn't know to stay on their board and stay out of a thread in Infidelity, the cross posting that many of us enjoy today may not have gotten to the level of the OPs feeling that OW/OM wasn't "safe". Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 GEL, "right", or "wrong", are purely subjective terms. " Factual", and non-factual", are what I was talking about. I Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I think what most mean by "safe" is' date=' "condoning" or "supporting" even when its destructive. Why should anyone offer them that?[/quote'] OTC - one or two noobs aside, I can't recall ANYONE advising an OW / OM to continue with a R that was destructive to them. One has only to look at recent threads such as heartbroken's or kismetgirls's to see that the overwhelming chorus from ALL sides is for the OP to get out and take care of themselves. I've not seen anyone IN THE KNOW advocating the continued investment in something that was deeply damaging to the OP. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 GEL, "right", or "wrong", are purely subjective terms. " Factual", and non-factual", are what I was talking about. I You would "think" they are subjective. Here you are to come to one conclusion and one conclusion only, no? To the threads that are cropping up lately? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 This made me laugh. I've *been* here longer than you, so I know the time that you speak of. I remember that those of us that posted in Infidelity frequently posted that we didn't agree with the stuff posted in OW/OM but we didn't post here mostly. But during the Hard2Think saga, a lot of OWs cried buckets and attacked him for throwing his OW under the bus. In fact, I'd say THAT was what changed the tide from the Infidelity posters basically ignoring OW/OM. I would dare say that were it not for a few OW that didn't know to stay on their board and stay out of a thread in Infidelity, the cross posting that many of us enjoy today may not have gotten to the level of the OPs feeling that OW/OM wasn't "safe". Those I am speaking of were banned before I actually "joined." I met them after... Personally at that time there were OW with strong opinions who didn't back down...they left because LS didn't give them what they needed, although I've noticed they check in from time to time... I keep checking because I want to help, and I've really been there. I understand all that goes with it. And was OW really safe? Maybe you haven't heard the stories but I've heard all the stories about certain BS's becoming chummy with OW through PM and outing them in their community... That's why I always caution about TMI, too...It seems safe and anonymous, but it's not... Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Oh? And what conclusion have I come to? You apparently know more about me than I do. Link to post Share on other sites
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