jj33 Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 Donna I agree with you (about being insecure about other women) but at the same time I have to say my experience with xMM and reading this board has made me a lot more wary. I used to think that the norm was that people dont cheat and if someone really loves you they wont cheat. If someone wants to be with someone else go right ahead and I will walk so fast you wont even see me go. But now I think I would be a lot less trusting which is not a great thing. Even if xMM left one day and wanted to be with me, I would have a very very difficult time trusting him. He gets a lot of attention, he likes it, it validates him, and he is used to having the freedom to indulge his fragile ego. He would NEVER have that freedom if he were with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MeaganRaye Posted April 29, 2009 Author Share Posted April 29, 2009 Are they inviting their ex's to their funerals? Yeah, I know my dad's ex wife would attend being that they have a child together; he's my older half brother. When my half brother got married, my mom, his mom and my dad were all in attendance. It happened so long ago that they were able to put everything behind them. Nothing bad happened. My mom and the ex wife crossed circles a few times (attending family events) Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 Meagan what you are missing is your parents are married now - they are not the OP anymore. Their relationship is no longer a secret. Its a totally different situation. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 I can not AGREE more with this. It is especially worse when the man is married, but just as bad when a woman starts to think more of herself than she ought to because of a man hitting on her. sorry for the t/j, but these days you can't even shop for veggies without some dude tossing corny pick-up lines your way. I sincerely doubt anyone finds it anything other than intensely irritating - but perhaps some women do enjoy the attention. Men hitting on you is bad enough, but women hitting on you (if you're a straight woman) is probably even more irksome. Whatever happened to lesbian knitting circles and gay bars for that kind of thing - it's enough to put anyone off going to the gym for life Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 sorry for the t/j, but these days you can't even shop for veggies without some dude tossing corny pick-up lines your way. I sincerely doubt anyone finds it anything other than intensely irritating - but perhaps some women do enjoy the attention. Men hitting on you is bad enough, but women hitting on you (if you're a straight woman) is probably even more irksome. Whatever happened to lesbian knitting circles and gay bars for that kind of thing - it's enough to put anyone off going to the gym for life LOL. So funny you mention women hitting on straight women. I have a newly turned lesbian friend who always hits on me. Talk about annoying!!! She weighs like eight tons! And I am very straight. I used to perform with her, but have had enough of having my butt rubbed - intentionally or NOT! Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 I wouldn't have a problem if his ex-wife showed up at his funeral - they do have a child together and did attend his wedding together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MeaganRaye Posted April 29, 2009 Author Share Posted April 29, 2009 Meagan what you are missing is your parents are married now - they are not the OP anymore. Their relationship is no longer a secret. Its a totally different situation. Okay, maybe it is a bit different. But my dad's ex wife is not still bitter about my dad leaving her for my mom. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 Okay, maybe it is a bit different. But my dad's ex wife is not still bitter about my dad leaving her for my mom. But, in this thread's scenario, the MM did not leave his wife and the OW is not part of the family in any way. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 Okay, maybe it is a bit different. But my dad's ex wife is not still bitter about my dad leaving her for my mom. You don't know this. She's had to make lemonade with the lemons he handed her. Life does go on. Just because someone still wants to post about this in a forum doesn't mean that they are "bitter". Talk about cliches. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MeaganRaye Posted April 29, 2009 Author Share Posted April 29, 2009 But, in this thread's scenario, the MM did not leave his wife and the OW is not part of the family in any way. I'm not talking about the thread's scenario right now. There doesn't seem to be enough OM/OW to answer my question anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 I'm not talking about the thread's scenario right now. There doesn't seem to be enough OM/OW to answer my question anyway. Oh, there are enough OM/OW to answer your question. In fact, they have and disagreed with you. Why show up somewhere you aren't wanted is the question that most of posited, to you. You are still insisting that the OW has a right to crash a funeral (which means uninvited). They have agreed that the thing is in the invited vs. uninvited part. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 I'm not talking about the thread's scenario right now. There doesn't seem to be enough OM/OW to answer my question anyway. Then start a new thread so we know what you are talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
MizzBlue72 Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 I think the OW should be able to attend the funeral. She would not have to go to the wake, but the funeral. And if the BS did not know - no harm, no fowl. Some OW/OM really love each other... OK - I know not the respectable kind of love that many believe is shared between a husband and a wife, but love on their own terms all the same. I say go. I would go. And no - I am not heartless here - just honest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MeaganRaye Posted April 29, 2009 Author Share Posted April 29, 2009 Oh, there are enough OM/OW to answer your question. In fact, they have and disagreed with you. Why show up somewhere you aren't wanted is the question that most of posited, to you. You are still insisting that the OW has a right to crash a funeral (which means uninvited). They have agreed that the thing is in the invited vs. uninvited part. No, I'm saying that they SHOULD be invited, not that they should crash the funeral. I never said that, that's what you are saying not me. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 I'm not talking about the thread's scenario right now. There doesn't seem to be enough OM/OW to answer my question anyway. They are answering, they are just not giving you the answer you want. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 No, I'm saying that they SHOULD be invited, not that they should crash the funeral. I never said that, that's what you are saying not me. This is the first time that you've said anything about SHOULD be invited. You've only said they SHOULD go. If they are invited, they should go. If they are not invited, they SHOULD NOT go. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 I think the OW should be able to attend the funeral. She would not have to go to the wake, but the funeral. And if the BS did not know - no harm, no fowl. Some OW/OM really love each other... OK - I know not the respectable kind of love that many believe is shared between a husband and a wife, but love on their own terms all the same. I say go. I would go. And no - I am not heartless here - just honest. I believe that AP have every right to make the decisions that they feel like they have to. But with that said, they should be ready to accept the consequences....as a BS has every right to remove that presence any way they feel necessary. I wouldn't be subtle or respectful in any way and my family would be less so. Hey, do what you feel you must, just done' whine when the outcome will hurt more than it helped. Link to post Share on other sites
delajoonal Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 what an awful time for the WIFE or HUSBAND to find out their spouse was in an A... talk about adding more stress and grief and NO answers because now their H OR W if dead, ack! i think the OW/OM would have to find another way to say their good byes.. if it were me, i would try and respect the kids especially and not show up to a funereal i was NOT invited too:( Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 I think the OW should be able to attend the funeral. She would not have to go to the wake, but the funeral. And if the BS did not know - no harm, no fowl. Some OW/OM really love each other... OK - I know not the respectable kind of love that many believe is shared between a husband and a wife, but love on their own terms all the same. I say go. I would go. And no - I am not heartless here - just honest. Sure, if the BS is unaware and won't be caused additional pain by having the OW there, then the only person who has to live with the complete lack of respect for the family of the dead is the OW. If the OW can deal with that in her soul (of lack of), then yes, I agree, you should do whatever you want and go. What you don't know won't hurt you right? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 There doesn't seem to be enough OM/OW to answer my question anyway. I'm a fOW - not sure if that counts or not? Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 No, I'm saying that they SHOULD be invited, not that they should crash the funeral. I never said that, that's what you are saying not me. And women SHOULD have enough respect for others and wait until a man is divorced before having sex with him, but that doesn't happen either. And, yes a MM SHOULD wait until he is divorced before having sex with an OW as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MeaganRaye Posted April 29, 2009 Author Share Posted April 29, 2009 And women SHOULD have enough respect for others and wait until a man is divorced before having sex with him, but that doesn't happen either. And, yes a MM SHOULD wait until he is divorced before having sex with an OW as well. I don't agree with that. If both spouses agree it's over than they should be free to move on before it's over legally. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 No, I'm saying that they SHOULD be invited, not that they should crash the funeral. I never said that, that's what you are saying not me. OK, that's crazy to expect a BW to "invite" an OW to her H's funeral. Really? REALLY? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 No, I'm saying that they SHOULD be invited, not that they should crash the funeral. Inviting the OW implies that the family knows her, or at least knows of her. In many cases here, that's not (what they believe to be) the case. And if they're not known (or known about), how could they be invited? If they're known, whether or not they should be invited would no doubt depend on the kind of R they had with the family. If it was hostile, their presence would stir up animosity and distract from the purpose of the funeral, ie to remember the deceased and celebrate their life. If the R was cordial, they would certainly include the OW in the invitation. But it's very difficult to make a universal ruling on what should or shouldn't be the case, given how different the situations could be. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted April 29, 2009 Share Posted April 29, 2009 I don't agree with that. If both spouses agree it's over than they should be free to move on before it's over legally. Then it wouldn't be a secret affair now would it? Link to post Share on other sites
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