If you or MM died, would you be able to attend funeral?

[bentnotbroken]

Now, the OM, has feelings too and I think it's unfair to make such a scene at your own wife's funeral. It's best to be cordial and realize that he loved her too, and let him get a last look at her so he can get some sort of closure.

 

 

The scene would be made by the intruder. And best for who, the cheating jacka$$? This is so unreal. Talk about one's head being in the sand.

[NoIDidn't]

Then it wouldn't be a secret affair now would it?

 

This was an attempt at moving the goalpost once again.

 

Now she's claiming that the affair wasn't an affair but an out in the open relationship.

 

[HappyAtLast]

It would be in poor taste for an OP to attend their married lover's funeral.

[Lizzie60]

Yes I would go... but for that, I have to know when it happens..

 

I would, for sure, know about my MM from work.. because we would get an email... so I would definitely attend the funeral.

 

For the others.. first I would have to know... and chances are, I probably wouldn't know in time..

[herenow]

The scene would be made by the intruder. And best for who, the cheating jacka$$? This is so unreal. Talk about one's head being in the sand.

 

In the sand is a much better place than I was thinking her head was.

[bentnotbroken]

In the sand is a much better place than I was thinking her head was.

 

 

 

 

:lmao::lmao:now that isn't being a courteous BS:lmao::lmao:

[herenow]

:lmao::lmao:now that isn't being a courteous BS:lmao::lmao:

 

Hey, sand, beach, sounds great. I was thinking she would be a some dead guys funeral. What did you think I meant?

[NoIDidn't]

hey, sand, beach, sounds great. I was thinking she would be a some dead guys funeral. What did you think i meant?

 

lmaorotf!!!!

[bentnotbroken]

Hey, sand, beach, sounds great. I was thinking she would be a some dead guys funeral. What did you think I meant?

 

 

Since I am a less than courteous BS, I thought up her glutes.

[sb129]

Ok, haven't read whole thread, but heres my take as a person who recently lost their dad. I am 31, he was 58. (an not having an affair)

 

Funerals are (unless specifically stated) public events.

You can't physically stop someone attending. Its amazing the people who show up, TBH. Having said that, funerals are for FAMILY and friends to say goodbye and support eachother over their loss. Not for sordid secret affairs to become exposed.

 

The family and wife of the deceased are, IME so dazed and stressed and upset, its likely that if an OW slipped in and out and didn't cause a scene, they wouldn't notice whether or not she was there.

I don't think its appropriate that the OW is there, but during the lead up to a funeral, thats probably the last thing on the familys mind.

 

I agree with the poster who said "affair in secret, grieve in secret", although in reality this would be difficult to enforce without giving the affair any more airtime.

 

I thought it was interesting that the OP thought that the deceased MM should still be taking some rap for having an affair.

 

Sure, some anger will be directed at them after they die- its a normal part of the grieving process, esp if there are things left unsaid.

BUT when someone important in your life dies, the primary emotions are sadness and loss.

 

Grievances towards the deceased have to buried with them- there is no point harbouring them as you can no longer do anything with them.

 

So it stands to reason that if the OW is brave/stupid enough to show up, she should be prepared to cop some flack- after all she is the only guilty party left standing.

[bentnotbroken]

Since I am a less than courteous BS, I thought up her glutes.

 

 

Or should have that been between her glutes:confused:?

[MeaganRaye]

And everyone completely ignored the question regarding if the MM should attend the OW's funeral if she died. Everyone was jumping down my back about if the OW attended the MM's funeral..well what about her, should he attend if the OW died?

[sb129]

Well its a bit different isn't it?

 

She probably hasn't been as secretive about the A as he has (unless she is married herself) so he could safely go without exposing himself to his family and friends-

he could go in any capacity in that respect. friend, boyfriend, colleague.

 

Much easier situation all round, and then his secret affair is forever safe too.

 

What do you think of him taking his wife along?

[bentnotbroken]

Ok, haven't read whole thread, but heres my take as a person who recently lost their dad. I am 31, he was 58. (an not having an affair)

 

Funerals are (unless specifically stated) public events.

You can't physically stop someone attending. Its amazing the people who show up, TBH. Having said that, funerals are for FAMILY and friends to say goodbye and support eachother over their loss. Not for sordid secret affairs to become exposed.

 

The family and wife of the deceased are, IME so dazed and stressed and upset, its likely that if an OW slipped in and out and didn't cause a scene, they wouldn't notice whether or not she was there.

I don't think its appropriate that the OW is there, but during the lead up to a funeral, thats probably the last thing on the familys mind.

 

I agree with the poster who said "affair in secret, grieve in secret", although in reality this would be difficult to enforce without giving the affair any more airtime.

 

I thought it was interesting that the OP thought that the deceased MM should still be taking some rap for having an affair.

 

Sure, some anger will be directed at them after they die- its a normal part of the grieving process, esp if there are things left unsaid.

BUT when someone important in your life dies, the primary emotions are sadness and loss.

 

Grievances towards the deceased have to buried with them- there is no point harbouring them as you can no longer do anything with them.

 

So it stands to reason that if the OW is brave/stupid enough to show up, she should be prepared to cop some flack- after all she is the only guilty party left standing.

 

 

 

Funerals are public, but church buildings are not. And most clergy would protect the family.

[NoIDidn't]

And everyone completely ignored the question regarding if the MM should attend the OW's funeral if she died. Everyone was jumping down my back about if the OW attended the MM's funeral..well what about her, should he attend if the OW died?

 

I honestly don't think that most mm would bother going to the OWs funeral unless it was a work colleague and they could get away with it.

 

Sorry.

[MeaganRaye]

Well its a bit different isn't it?

 

She probably hasn't been as secretive about the A as he has (unless she is married herself) so he could safely go without exposing himself to his family and friends-

he could go in any capacity in that respect. friend, boyfriend, colleague.

 

Much easier situation all round, and then his secret affair is forever safe too.

 

What do you think of him taking his wife along?

She can't be the jealous type if she goes.

[bentnotbroken]

And everyone completely ignored the question regarding if the MM should attend the OW's funeral if she died. Everyone was jumping down my back about if the OW attended the MM's funeral..well what about her, should he attend if the OW died?

 

 

 

Same thing. He deserves whatever the family will give him if he shows his face. A butt kicking would be the least of his issues..

[sb129]

Funerals are public, but church buildings are not. And most clergy would protect the family.

 

Maybe its different where I live.

 

Churches here are open to the public most of the time during the day, and any service is able to be attended by the public, including weddings.

 

Although most people obviously exercise basic manners!

 

My dads funeral had over 500 people at it.

Short of saving reserved seats for family and close friends, there was no way we could screen everyone who came, although you would expect normal people to behave out of respect for us as the family.

 

My husband was an usher, and he made sure that the one person who wasn't welcome (NOT an OW!!!) didn't get a seat in the church but there was extra seating outside and we couldn't control that.

[sb129]

Anyway- my opinion still stands, I don't really think the OW has too much business going to her MMs funeral, and if she DOES go, she should be prepared to face some resistance or hostility.

 

And I agree with NoIdidn't- many MM would see the death of an OW as a get out of jail free card.

[OWoman]

And everyone completely ignored the question regarding if the MM should attend the OW's funeral if she died. Everyone was jumping down my back about if the OW attended the MM's funeral..well what about her, should he attend if the OW died?

 

I answered it back here:

 

If my H had died while still married to his xW, there would probably have been two "funerals" - one small intimate one of just his (now x)W and kids, and another memorial service organised by his family (parents, siblings, cousins, etc) which would have been attended by friends, colleagues, neighbours, etc. I'd certainly have been included in the latter by his family - though to avoid awkwardness they may well not have included the BW.

 

If I'd died, he'd certainly have attended any funeral for me.

Funerals are about THE FAMILY, not just the widow / widower. The parents, siblings and kids have as much (and in some cases more) right to mourn and honour their dearly departed - and out of respect for THEM I'd certainly have attended, as they (and he) would have wanted.

[bentnotbroken]

Maybe its different where I live.

 

Churches here are open to the public most of the time during the day, and any service is able to be attended by the public, including weddings.

 

Although most people obviously exercise basic manners!

 

My dads funeral had over 500 people at it.

Short of saving reserved seats for family and close friends, there was no way we could screen everyone who came, although you would expect normal people to behave out of respect for us as the family.

 

My husband was an usher, and he made sure that the one person who wasn't welcome (NOT an OW!!!) didn't get a seat in the church but there was extra seating outside and we couldn't control that.

 

 

I am from a different area. Most churches are locked here unless there is a service in progress.

[OWoman]

What do you think of him taking his wife along?

 

Luckily that's one issue I never had to worry about!

[sb129]

I am from a different area. Most churches are locked here unless there is a service in progress.

 

Security huh.

 

How sad that even churches are no longer sacred these days.

[MeaganRaye]

Anyway- my opinion still stands, I don't really think the OW has too much business going to her MMs funeral, and if she DOES go, she should be prepared to face some resistance or hostility.

 

And I agree with NoIdidn't- many MM would see the death of an OW as a get out of jail free card.

 

That's pretty harsh. I don't think that's very true for all situations.

[sb129]

Well, as usual with the OW forums its getting a little hot in here, so I'm out. just wanted to add a perspective from someone who is still grieving the loss of their dad.

The last thing I would want now is some affair exposed- its a painful enough time as it is.

 

Owoman- your situation is clearly a little different to the standard OW scenario, and had a happy ending for you, so I respect your take on it.