subtitled Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 eye contact. what does it mean when someone does not make eye contact with you? i figure it means, they're either shy, or disinterested, and with the person i'm trying to work out, i'm totally lost.... i was lost before, as some of you know, and i'm now even more lost. it has been two weeks since i last saw the man in question, because i have been studying for my final exams (last year of highschool...impending doom...etc). Last time i saw him, he gave me vibes of disinterest by looking away, not really engaging in conversation and just acting pretty vague, but literally 2 days before had rung me from his friends place to say hi and we had chatted for a while and it was a great conversation. so i was very confused. aaanyway. i decided to get over him.. hah. and i did. totally hadn't thought about him for those two weeks. until today. Today was my first exam, and i woke up to my mobile phone alarm, noticing that i had a message on my phone. It was from the man in question....he sent it at 1am in the morning, but i got it at 6:30am. "Hey sophie. I hear something called the hsc is happening tomorrow... wish u all the best dude. speak to you soon." the hsc is the exams, and he was being sarcastic saying 'i hear something called'. so that was a shock to the system. after 2 weeks of nothing, i get this at 1am in the morning. i was walking through the plaza where he works on my way home after the exam, and he was walking out of the store, which happened to be towards me, obviously just been put on a break. You know that awkward 10m or so where the person is too far away to call out to, but close enough that you can see eachother... ? well he looked away or down or something, and i waved, he approached me and my friend, and i said "hey thanks heaps for the message" and he avoided acknowledging i said that, looked away and was just like "so how was it?" and followed by "which exam was it?".. all the time, looking away when i was talking. he had $5 in his hand, and his body language was facing towards the other end of the plaza and after i'd answered his questions he was like "i've really got to go.... [insert inaudible mumble]" and i have no idea what he said then but i said bye and he briskly walked off towards the other end of the plaza. it could be that he gets really self-conscious around the people at his work - maybe they give him **** about it and he tries not to appear like he's interested in me. there was the option that he just wanted to be friends, and not appear overly interested so i wouldnt be so inclined to think otherwise.... then there's the option, which i havent ever heard of, but my friend said it happens - guys ignore you when they like you???? does this happen? sounds a bit weird to me. also he might just be waiting til after exams to actually do anything definite. any ideas? and what is with no eye contact? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 You enjoy chatting on the phone but in person he acts wierd. He remembers that you have an exam and leaves a message but then can't look you in the eye when you talk to him again. Sounds to me like he's having a heck of a time relating to you in person. There have been several posts here lately where people have said 'I just can't talk to her in person'. Your guy might be one of those. Don't hunt him down at work. Instead you could try calling him back and continuing to get to know each other via phone conversations until he's more comfortable with dealing with you in 3D. What about eye contact? Same as not being able to talk. I suspect he is terribly shy. Don't rush to fill in the gaps - it'll overwhelm him. Try to find an occasion to speak to him without his boss or your friends around. He is afraid of looking like a fool, I'm guessing, and doesn't quite know how to relate to a girl he's interested in. I hope some shy guys will reply on this thread and give you some ideas about how they'd like to be treated in this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author subtitled Posted October 20, 2003 Author Share Posted October 20, 2003 Link to post Share on other sites
Author subtitled Posted October 23, 2003 Author Share Posted October 23, 2003 this might seem like a drastic conclusion, but the evidence points towards it... my friend and i were talking, we think he may have a mental illness, like a managable form of schizophrenia or something. what evidence? -his incosistent behaviour -always appearing tired -he did poorly at school, and was accepted into uni through an 'alternative means' (he didnt say how - possibly was allowed in with his illness taken into account)... and then quit after a few months. -his favourite movie of the last little while is donnie darko... not only has he always reminded me of Donnie (beforei knew it was his fave movie), but in the movie, Donnie has a mental illness. it would certainly explain alot... and would make me feel not so bad, like what am i doing to make him act so weirdly. but then again, i don't want to give him this label when it could be totally wrong... but it does make a lot of sense. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 Whoa! Let's backpedal a bit. It could be that he has a learning disorder. If so, he might also have some social skills issues. None of this means he's schizophrenic! There have been batches of posts lately by shy guys who can't talk to the girls they like. I just think your guy is one of those. Link to post Share on other sites
Author subtitled Posted October 23, 2003 Author Share Posted October 23, 2003 moimeme... don't worry, i'm not the sort to be like yep. slap on a label. learning disability, yep, it's a possibility ...all of that... there's just something that's not right about it all. it could still be the simple reasoning that he doesn't like me more than a friend and i'm not trying to slap the label of mental illness on him to cover up for my own insecurities. but i'm serious in suggesting it. my mum is a registered nurse and said from what she's heard me say she's thought that for a while, that he may have something like a mild form of schizophrenia. a learning disability/social skill problems are just as serious as a mental illness... there isn't much 'backpedalling' really. i have a friend already with schizophrenia and you would never notice her being all that different... but there are others who it does affect more than my friend. btw. i went to say hi again yesterday and a similar thing happened. he said hi but didn't show any signs of being happy to see me, had to serve a customer, so then didnt really acknowledge i was there. it was just a bit odd. anyway. just a thought.. nothing is ever as it seems is it Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 23, 2003 Share Posted October 23, 2003 Can you see him anywhere other than his job? Link to post Share on other sites
Author subtitled Posted October 23, 2003 Author Share Posted October 23, 2003 at his other job otherwise, nope i'd have to ask him out... but at the moment that would seem strange as he has been showing me these signals of disinterest and i have exams on. i kind of screwed it up last night anyway. i sent him a message about elliot smith (the singer/songwriter) dying... i hoped he would reply, he hasn't yet - but then again i sent it at 12am and i have no idea if it's even his phone, it might be his mum's that he just uses (he told me he didnt have a phone, then said he 'kind of' did..) when i perhaps should not have done that, and left it to the weekend when i could call him and actually get more than two words out of him. but meh. i have never spoken to him in person outside of this stupid shopping mall... it's insane. i did once walking through the mall when he was on his way home and it was all fine, we chatted for about 10 minutes.. but that was months ago. Link to post Share on other sites
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