rob_asaad Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Alright, so I'm a 25 year old male...just graduated college a year ago, I have a decent pad, I like to work out, I'm not terrible looking...from the outside, everything seems fine. I'd like to think I'm somewhat of a catch. Except I've had a huge problem ever since I was a kid: 99.9% of girls I've met LOVE me...but just as Rob, their awesome guy friend. Strictly platonic, and nothing more. It's annoying. I've never had a serious relationship because of this. I think this "condition" is caused by a few things...for one, I'm not tall by any means. Only 5' 3 1/2". Sounds silly, but I'm convinced this is a big factor. To make matters worse, I'm also really nice and friendly. You don't know how often I hear, "Dude, Rob...you're the nicest guy I've ever met. The last decent person left on earth. Everyone I know says it, too." A girl canceled our date last weekend at the last minute without remorse, and now I've just HAD IT. I don't wanna be this nice guy anymore. I'd love to hear from any guys that have made their transition from the so-called "nice guy syndrome" to being a bit more cocky, a bit more of a jerk that girls melt for. Preferably from the vertically challenged. I need your help, guys. I can't live like this anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Make it a point to make a few girls not "love" you. Be flirtatious. Smile when they reject you. Smirk even. Grab a few asses. This all sounds bad. The purpose is to change your mindset about women. If you want to date them, and not be their girlfriend with a penis, you have to make use of that thing. They're not special; they're like you except with bigger breasts and an innie. You want them to respect you and ride you. Hope that helps! Link to post Share on other sites
Author rob_asaad Posted April 30, 2009 Author Share Posted April 30, 2009 Haha...a girlfriend with a penis. That's EXACTLY how I feel. That does help, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 Oh, and make sure you get rejected by the best looking girl in the room. You never know who else has their eye on you Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Rob, if you think being short is no treat, try being 6'6" in your next life. I get the cross-eyed stare every place I go... women are curious about giants, but none really wants to marry one (God forbid). And I have a steady job and live alone in a 3-bedroom house in a very coveted part of Los Angeles... what's wrong with this picture. And I'm going on 42!!! I just wonder sometimes if single women secretly feel that they're getting away with something by withholding affection from us... Link to post Share on other sites
griffinchicken53 Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 Make it a point to make a few girls not "love" you. Be flirtatious. Smile when they reject you. Smirk even. Grab a few asses. This all sounds bad. The purpose is to change your mindset about women. If you want to date them, and not be their girlfriend with a penis, you have to make use of that thing. They're not special; they're like you except with bigger breasts and an innie. You want them to respect you and ride you. Hope that helps! i laughed at this, it's true but don't think i've ever heard wanting someone to respect and ride you in the same sentence. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 You have heard of horses, have you not? Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 I know exactly how you feel Rob. The height thing too is also an issue I'm 5'6. Girls definitely prefer a guy who is 5'10+. I can't tell from your post but do you have any self-esteem issues? Guys who do poorly with women usually have issues with self-esteem and confidence. I know I do and I'm struggling with trying to like myself more. One thing I'm doing to improve my overall looks to women and to make me feel better about myself is workout and try and build muscle. Every week I get a little closer to my goal. I feel stronger and I'm starting to see changes in my body. Every now and then I like to flex in front of a mirror when I'm alone It definitely helps with building self-confidence. The main reason why I'm working out is because I want to feel good about my body. If girls start to like how I look, that is only a bonus. One issue that nice guys have is that we usually aren't aggressive or risk takers. It took me a while to realize and accept that if I want something in life I need to take a risk. For some reason failing with women is the only thing so scary that many men would not rather not try than to fail. The trick is to realize that a failure is better than a forfeit. Heh I just convinced myself that I need to make a serious effort with a girl I know. I need to get an answer from her. Any answer is better than not knowing. Another thing I can add, is try and be more flirtatious, be a little meaner and don't be afraid to touch them. If it's not obvious every thing I suggested you do is something I want to start doing for myself. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 It isn't all bad. If you have chick friends, you can at least be sure that you're not repulsive. Chicks see your personality as basically good, and perhaps they even find you attractive. There's something that's getting in the way, though. There's some sort of unconscious vibe you're giving off which makes women see you in a platonic way but not in a sexual way. Women are turned on by masculinity. You have to be exuding masculinity. It's as simple as that. You don't have to be (and I don't think you really want to be) a cocky jerk; you just need to establish yourself as a man. Don't hang out with women so much; "hang out" more with your dude friends, drink with them, watch sports with them, and just be a dude who occasionally enjoys the company of chicks...and hang out with women more when you think there's a chance you might sex them up. Link to post Share on other sites
tigressA Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 I agree with pretty much everything that's been said here. My boyfriend is 5'5"; I'm 5'7". He hadn't had much luck getting girls until he met me, but one thing I noticed is that he didn't really let his height get to him--as soon as he met me he flirted with me, teased me, etc--didn't try to be my friend and then move in for the kill; he just went for it and that really surprised me. It was a big turn-on for me and we've been dating for 18 months. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 I know exactly how you feel Rob. The height thing too is also an issue I'm 5'6. Girls definitely prefer a guy who is 5'10+. I won't say that it doesn't matter. Men who are taller and bigger probably do hold some inherent superficial advantage; however, to use a sports analogy, you can have a shorter basketball player going up against a taller one and the shorter one wins if he's more skilled in other areas. Height itself is really no advantage. One thing I'm doing to improve my overall looks to women and to make me feel better about myself is workout and try and build muscle. Every week I get a little closer to my goal. I feel stronger and I'm starting to see changes in my body. Every now and then I like to flex in front of a mirror when I'm alone It definitely helps with building self-confidence. The main reason why I'm working out is because I want to feel good about my body. If girls start to like how I look, that is only a bonus. I think that helps, but the big thing is to just relax and be a dude. There are dudes who are probably 10 to 15 pounds overweight who regularly score because they know how to tap into their raw maleness at the right times. I know thin dudes who know how to do the same thing. Dudes who score with women come in various shapes and sizes, but the one thing they have in common is that they know how to make themselves more manly than others who have problems in this department. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 I'm 5'7 and once dated a guy 5'3. He was gorgeous and passionate. Unforturnately, I found out later he was already living with a woman and dating me. So not all guys who are vertically challenged are "nice" guys. Bad boys come in all shapes and sizes. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 I'm a 5'7" guy, and yeah, sometimes I feel like it's my height that keeps me from getting the chicks I want. THEN I think about this: would I really want a woman who dismisses me solely based on my height? On the one hand, it's not a girl's fault if she's not into me, right? We all have our preferences. But check it out - if YOU are comfortable with you, people notice. Likewise, if you go around self-conscious b/c of your height, constantly making self-deprecating remarks, avoiding eye contact, etc. - people will kind of avoid the insecure guy. OK, down to the meat of the thread - the ever-present "Nice Guy." Rob, yes, you are a Nice Guy. Alas, there is hope. You can CHANGE. I like what Carhill says about grabbing some a$s and flirting with women. For LIFE to change, WE have to change, or at least try something TOTALLY new, uncomfortable and different. Rob, there is a book that changed my life. It was recommended to me by CaliGuy of this site. It is called "No More Mr. Nice Guy" - the title of this thread - and it goes in-depth into issues and reasons behind Nice Guys. Written by Robert Glover, it's also an e-book. You can find it anywhere. Hell, I'll even send you a copy via email. Chances are, you have a deep anger and resentment inside of you that is being masked by the guise of "niceness." Chances are, you're not a nice guy at all - you're an angry, frustrated dude. Read the book. It will change your life. That is not hyperbole. Link to post Share on other sites
NotKelly Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 Dear Rob: Seek out older women. They may have the maturity level you're looking for, and would be thrilled to get the attentions of a younger guy. Link to post Share on other sites
purgatori Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 If you can find it within yourself to be a jerk, then you always were -- just let it show and you'll have plenty of success with straight women; masochistic idiots that they are. Link to post Share on other sites
Menasha Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Personally I find that a "nice guy" isnt a "good guy", people should know how to balance themselves and others healthy. If your giving to much to others while taking away from yourself I would generally say you are not a "good person". All the luck to you my friend, it's a shame people go though this kind of crap! If you can find it within yourself to be a jerk, then you always were -- just let it show and you'll have plenty of success with straight women; masochistic idiots that they are. Whoa! You and me think on the same wave length purgatori, I'm a guy my self and I love bringing women down to there knees and uterly showing them how worthless they truly are just like all of us straight men. God I hate those homosexual women, there the only ones my grasp cannot reach. There must be an alternative way then sexual desire to control you. Our simplified way of seeing things is just plan easier on our selfs, that's for sure! Link to post Share on other sites
purgatori Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Personally I find that a "nice guy" isnt a "good guy", people should know how to balance themselves and others healthy. If your giving to much to others while taking away from yourself I would generally say you are not a "good person". All the luck to you my friend, it's a shame people go though this kind of crap! Whoa! You and me think on the same wave length purgatori, I'm a guy my self and I love bringing women down to there knees and uterly showing them how worthless they truly are just like all of us straight men. God I hate those homosexual women, there the only ones my grasp cannot reach. There must be an alternative way then sexual desire to control you. Our simplified way of seeing things is just plan easier on our selfs, that's for sure! We don't think on the same wavelength at all, Menasha. Firstly, I don't identify as "a guy", and I don't enjoy "bringing women down to there knees and uterly showing them how worthless they truly are just like all of us straight men", nor have I ever engaged in such behavior. Secondly, I love homosexual women because they are aesthetically and ethically advanced enough to appreciate women, and repudiate men. They're not driven by the same alternately masochistic and protection-seeking impulses that drive them into the arms of some cocky, hirsute, meatheaded jerk. I am well aware that you were being sarcastic; nevertheless, the basic point I want to get across is that we're nothing alike. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 If you can find it within yourself to be a jerk, then you always were -- just let it show and you'll have plenty of success with straight women; masochistic idiots that they are. That's harsh. Calling all women masochistic idiots? I agree that alot of women love jerks - that's a given. And as long as it continues to be this way, more and more nice guys will convert. However, the very few diamonds that are out there are looking for a quality guy. Its hard to explain - every now and then you meet someone whom notices you in a non-date environment... She's checking you out when you're focused working on something - a hobby, a skill, something that you do - outside of the meat market. Usually, she notices you before you notice her and she'll make an effort to reach you. And she's intelligent, beautiful, considerate, fun etc. all the qualities that you're looking for - not the shallow **** when you're out boozing. Its usually a chance meeting - but when you actually go out on a night on a town, the jerk thing still works. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 I'll quote myself - not that I'm being vain but I think it's something that I believed years ago and it's something that I still believe even now. It's based on experience: Women don't want @ssholes (well, the needy ones do, but that's a different story). Women want a decent guy who can be an @sshole when he has to be, even if it means being an @sshole to her. But there's a big difference between the first guy and the second. The first guy is basically a manifestation of insecurity, except rather than being needy, he's going to the opposite extreme by being controlling, manipulative, surly. The second guy exudes what women really want, which is confidence. A confident guy is a guy who doesn't have to play games or manipulate his woman to keep her (you have to use a little technique once in a while, but that's different than playing meaningless headgames). A confident guy is happy with himself, regardless of what she or anyone else thinks of him. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 Alright, so I'm a 25 year old male...just graduated college a year ago, I have a decent pad, I like to work out, I'm not terrible looking...from the outside, everything seems fine. I'd like to think I'm somewhat of a catch. Except I've had a huge problem ever since I was a kid: 99.9% of girls I've met LOVE me...but just as Rob, their awesome guy friend. Strictly platonic, and nothing more. It's annoying. I've never had a serious relationship because of this. I think this "condition" is caused by a few things...for one, I'm not tall by any means. Only 5' 3 1/2". Sounds silly, but I'm convinced this is a big factor. To make matters worse, I'm also really nice and friendly. You don't know how often I hear, "Dude, Rob...you're the nicest guy I've ever met. The last decent person left on earth. Everyone I know says it, too." A girl canceled our date last weekend at the last minute without remorse, and now I've just HAD IT. I don't wanna be this nice guy anymore. I'd love to hear from any guys that have made their transition from the so-called "nice guy syndrome" to being a bit more cocky, a bit more of a jerk that girls melt for. Preferably from the vertically challenged. I need your help, guys. I can't live like this anymore. Ok sir, I'm going to give you the best advice ever. Read a book called, coincidentally, "No More Mr. Nice Guy" (Glover). The book is not a book that teaches you how to be a jerk. It's a book that teaches you how to be a well balanced and confident man. I'm not going to josh you. Your height is not an advantage by any means. Even at 5'10" I am often overlooked because I am not past the magical 6" mark. That said, however, I have found that what matters to women more than anything is CONFIDENCE. You have to love and respect yourself before you can expect others to do the same. I see men your height all the time that are married. Heck, take a walk through the mall sometime and you'll see all kinds of height variations. All I am saying here is that if YOU think your height is a problem, so will everyone else. If your height doesn't bother you, then for the MOST part it won't bother women. Yes, there will always be some women out there who will judge you for your height. Imagine their surprise when they get to know you that you are a happy, confident, BEAMING guy who doesn't see his height as a problem. I've never though of myself as short either. In fact, when I walk, I FEEL tall. My ex G/F's mom once called me "petite". Ok, she's 6" and 170lbs. SHE IS NOT PETITE so any guy her height/weight and below would "seem" petite to her. It's all relative. My point is, if you're ok with who you are, height and all, so will everyone else. If you are sensitive to it, people will pick up those negative vibrations and it will turn people off. Not sure if what I have said will help. Please do read the book. I'm confident it will help you see things from a different perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 CG, I already recommended this book to him. Don't worry, I cited you as my influential wizard. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 I'm not going to josh you. Your height is not an advantage by any means. Even at 5'10" I am often overlooked because I am not past the magical 6" mark. I know a dude who is 5'8" and constantly outscored me and every other dude I knew in college. He compensated for his lack of height by being extremely masculine, which is what really matters. The confidence you refer to is very much the psychological manifestation of masculinity. A shorter guy can be every bit as masculine as a taller guy, and even more so. I bet if you were to ask, say, 100 girls, whom they'd prefer, a 5'9" guy who is short but muscular and rugged, or, someone who is 6'2" but somewhat thin or not so muscular, the shorter guy would do surprisingly well. I don't even think the shorter guy even has to be a beefcake, either; he just has to be manly. That's what it comes down to. Link to post Share on other sites
purgatori Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 I know a dude who is 5'8" and constantly outscored me and every other dude I knew in college. He compensated for his lack of height by being extremely masculine, which is what really matters. The confidence you refer to is very much the psychological manifestation of masculinity. A shorter guy can be every bit as masculine as a taller guy, and even more so. I bet if you were to ask, say, 100 girls, whom they'd prefer, a 5'9" guy who is short but muscular and rugged, or, someone who is 6'2" but somewhat thin or not so muscular, the shorter guy would do surprisingly well. I don't even think the shorter guy even has to be a beefcake, either; he just has to be manly. That's what it comes down to. Full-time *******, part-time *******, manly/masculine guy: all just different names for ****. And that's what women like. What a world. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 @ purgatori: The oft-spoken adage that women like jerks is an overly simplistic fallacy that is a stand-in for the real truth. The real truth is that women like guys who don't need women. Who you call a 'jerk' may or may not be a jerk; but in the end, he just doesn't really care that much how he comes across to women. Sure, there's the whole 'manly' thing that amerikajin keeps spouting; but what he really should say is that women like guys who have projects, jobs, friends, and goals... all things that have NOTHING to do with chasing women. I'm a lonely person, but I make it. I'm fine. After going through a completely devastating breakup and the greatest rejection I've ever felt, I have realized that being alone is fine. I would rather be alone than to be with someone who doesn't appreciate me. I appreciate me, and that, in the end, is all that matters. As Steve Dannennman would say: "Everything else is extra credit." Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 Full-time *******, part-time *******, manly/masculine guy: all just different names for ****. And that's what women like. What a world. You can either be bitter about your situation, or try to improve it. Your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
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