Author stampdaddy Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 My only question is how do you deal with the guilt going forward? I mean if you had never entered into the affair with her it is possible that her family would still be together. That would eat me alive knowing that I had made that kind of a contribution. I guess if you can get past the guilt and shame you guys may have a fighting chance. I wish you the best and hopefully you two can recover from this situation. thank you! It IS eating me alive, BUT, I am also in tune with obviously THEIR marriage was having issues before ME.. I didnt cause their problems before. And really, did I cause their problems since?? She was the spouse, she owned what she did after meeting me.. We will see. Link to post Share on other sites
sugarmomma Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Who actually filed for the divorce and how do you know for sure that it has been filed? I think it makes a difference who filed. Also I know some divorces that have taken up to 2 years to be final. Do you thinkthis will be a long one? What is the longest amount of time you have gone without actually seeing her? Just wondering if you had been able to break it off and for how long? Link to post Share on other sites
Liquid Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 This is like a thief who robbed a man's house and wrecked it. So, when the house owner decides to leave that house behind, the thief came back to reclaim it, make it his own, and then comfortably living in it. This is like the thief stapping the house owner in the back, while he is on the ground still bleeding from the wound, the thief then came back and stapped him some more in front. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 Who actually filed for the divorce and how do you know for sure that it has been filed? I think it makes a difference who filed. Also I know some divorces that have taken up to 2 years to be final. Do you thinkthis will be a long one? What is the longest amount of time you have gone without actually seeing her? Just wondering if you had been able to break it off and for how long? It HAS been filed, that's all I will say.. It has been filed. I dont know how long this will take, and I am happy to say, I am NOT waiting.. I am proud of myself for that. Too much going on in my OWN life. 3 weeks. 3 weeks is the longest, I think. Well, at least 3 weeks now... Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 This is like a thief who robbed a man's house and wrecked it. So, when the house owner decides to leave that house behind, the thief came back to reclaim it, make it his own, and then comfortably living in it. This is like the thief stapping the house owner in the back, while he is on the ground still bleeding from the wound, the thief then came back and stapped him some more in front. .......................What? Link to post Share on other sites
Liquid Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 .......................What? The thief's excuse was, the house was leaking and the owner did not take good care of it....I saw it and the door was open. The reality is, that's just his justification to ease his own guilt and an exterior mask to help himself sleep better at night for taking away this man's house and wrecking the children's home and stability. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 The thief's excuse was, the house was leaking and the owner did not take good care of it....I saw it and the door was open. The reality is, that's just his justification to ease his own guilt and an exterior mask to help himself sleep better at night for taking away this man's house and wrecking the children's home and stability. Liquid, with all due repect, I will not get into a pissing match with you. Your analogy leaves out an important spoke of the wheel, the MW. I OWN, or at least an trying to with all of this, and by no means, so I accept a "Newbie" popping on board and spewing his/her garbage when I hav tried so hard to be honest and noble... Good night to you.... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 It HAS been filed, that's all I will say.. It has been filed. I dont know how long this will take, and I am happy to say, I am NOT waiting.. I am proud of myself for that. Too much going on in my OWN life. 3 weeks. 3 weeks is the longest, I think. Well, at least 3 weeks now... 3 weeks? That's the longest you've gone without seeing her? And it's only NOW that it's been 3 weeks? And you're still talking to her during this time? That explains a lot, stamp. It explains the supplies and that, regardless of your protestations to the contrary, you ARE waiting and she STILL has you wrapped around her little finger. K, I'm out of this. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 3 weeks? That's the longest you've gone without seeing her? And it's only NOW that it's been 3 weeks? And you're still talking to her during this time? That explains a lot, stamp. It explains the supplies and that, regardless of your protestations to the contrary, you ARE waiting and she STILL has you wrapped around her little finger. K, I'm out of this. Good luck to you. OK, maybe 4 weeks?? dont leave me Link to post Share on other sites
Liquid Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 OK, maybe 4 weeks?? dont leave me You're the force behind her divorce, her husband losing a wife, home, her children growing up in a broken home. That's the fact. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Stop trying to live out your fairy tale. Just give her up and leave her family alone. Stop letting her use you. Once she is clear she will get rid of you Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 You're the force behind her divorce, her husband losing a wife, home, her children growing up in a broken home. That's the fact. Liquid is pretty right on this. Yes she is ultimately to blame but you are the source. Aren't there single women in your town? Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 you guys are right.... back into my cave I go... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 OK, maybe 4 weeks?? dont leave me I don't think I can "help", really. I can't imagine what I could say that would alter your trajectory. You're not done yet, not in your heart, and so you will play it out, come what may. You will have to play it out, until you're sure it won't work. You won't deviate until you know for sure for sure for sure. I've been there, stamp. Not exactly in your shoes, but in so deep that years and thousands of miles and all kinds of back and forth and drama and trauma didn't make either of us fully shut the door, much less lock it. Until...one day...done was done. It had to be done, and I finally chose to lock and bar the door, because it was all played out and I couldn't see my way clear to ever opening it again. I'm sorry, because I see more disappointment ahead of you. That's all you can ever really be certain of when you are so compelled by someone who is, at her core, incapable. You'll keep thinking, maybe this time... And you'll have all these lines you draw in your mind to guide you (like your "one lie and she's gone!" line), and you'll keep seeing her cross them and you'll keep making allowances because you'll keep thinking, maybe this time we'll do it right and get it right...this time, really! So, go ahead. Play it out if you must. Such is life. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
ForumFool Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 STAMP...You are one of the nicest people on this site and have always been kind to others..me included...I am sorry for your pain....What strikes me...I think I may be the only one to see this...or I am just wrong....but what strikes me is...I feel you have a kind of buyers remorse. Once I took a loan out on my house for repairs and it was all I had wanted for a long time..but once it was signed I backed out (I had 3 days) ...the plus is I did get a better deal they lowered the rate back then to get me to sign......I think??? you are looking at ALL this damage and aren't sure in your heart you want this as it is in reality not in say ones fantasy ....that...I think is what you agonize over. TAKE lots of time.....You cannot go back and fix this.....(your part) but you can move forward and stay on course.....it may end up in TIME you two can be or not but for right now.....examine what your fears really are Hugs to you Link to post Share on other sites
Liquid Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 STAMP...You are one of the nicest people on this site Well, if that's the standard you're using, then, maybe he is. But, try telling that to the guy whose wife he has slept with again and again or the children of this guy, who will be growing up from a broken home. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Well, if that's the standard you're using, then, maybe he is. But, try telling that to the guy whose wife he has slept with again and again or the children of this guy, who will be growing up from a broken home. I can agree with that. but it's sad to see him and alot of other posters on this site that cant control themselves when they let their feelings control them and not their minds. I wish stamp finds a single woman worthy of his time. because this MW cheated on her husband she'll have no qualms about doing it to him to but he just doesnt seem to understqand it. how many years he's gonna be chasing after the same tail that tell him some sob story and just uses him. I snapped outta women using me after high school. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 You're not done yet, not in your heart, and so you will play it out, come what may. You will have to play it out, until you're sure it won't work. You won't deviate until you know for sure for sure for sure. You'll keep thinking, maybe this time... And you'll have all these lines you draw in your mind to guide you (like your "one lie and she's gone!" line), and you'll keep seeing her cross them and you'll keep making allowances because you'll keep thinking, maybe this time we'll do it right and get it right...this time, really! Nicely phrased. sigh. I have been doing this myself -- giving chance after chance after chance to work out. Now I am sure it won't work. So, norajane, I understand what you have said here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 STAMP...You are one of the nicest people on this site and have always been kind to others..me included...I am sorry for your pain....What strikes me...I think I may be the only one to see this...or I am just wrong....but what strikes me is...I feel you have a kind of buyers remorse. Once I took a loan out on my house for repairs and it was all I had wanted for a long time..but once it was signed I backed out (I had 3 days) ...the plus is I did get a better deal they lowered the rate back then to get me to sign......I think??? you are looking at ALL this damage and aren't sure in your heart you want this as it is in reality not in say ones fantasy ....that...I think is what you agonize over. TAKE lots of time.....You cannot go back and fix this.....(your part) but you can move forward and stay on course.....it may end up in TIME you two can be or not but for right now.....examine what your fears really are Hugs to you I don't feel that this is it.. Sure, there is ALOT of damage now. Sure, I really, really wish things were done differently. But what I DO know, and I am having a real hard time with it is that she would still be there if HE would let her. Of course I don't know how this might have played out if I had gine total NC. I don't know if she would have just let me go off into the sunset. Would she then have said to H, "I'm sorry, but I am not happy, this isn't working"? As far as the damage goes, I have to take a long hard look at what WILL lay ahead. How much of a toll will it take on US? This is where I am at. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 How much of a toll will it take on US? So, try it out! Give it a go. Why not?! If it doesn't work out for you both due to the public outcry... and you both simply cannot tolerate the criticism and it won't ever die down (I highly doubt this, as I said before, even Prince Charles is with Camila despite huge publicity...), then you can always walk away. I just think its a pity that you would choose to walk away NOW, before giving it an honest shot... now that you could have her, you wont?! I don't understand your fears. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 So, try it out! Give it a go. Why not?! If it doesn't work out for you both due to the public outcry... and you both simply cannot tolerate the criticism and it won't ever die down (I highly doubt this, as I said before, even Prince Charles is with Camila despite huge publicity...), then you can always walk away. I just think its a pity that you would choose to walk away NOW, before giving it an honest shot... now that you could have her, you wont?! I don't understand your fears. no, no, no.... I never said that I was going to walk away. I WILL see what happens. As I have said (and others too), time is on my side. I don't have to make a "decision". I will be in "control" so to speak. What that means is that I can see her, or not. I can ask her out, or I won't. I am just afraid that SO much awful lies ahead of us, because of the way things were handled (or NOT handled).... Link to post Share on other sites
Liquid Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 As far as the damage goes, I have to take a long hard look at what WILL lay ahead. How much of a toll will it take on US? This is where I am at. What about damages to her husband and their children? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 no, no, no.... I never said that I was going to walk away. I WILL see what happens. As I have said (and others too), time is on my side. I don't have to make a "decision". I will be in "control" so to speak. What that means is that I can see her, or not. I can ask her out, or I won't. I am just afraid that SO much awful lies ahead of us, because of the way things were handled (or NOT handled).... Like I'd mentioned before, Stamp...not making a decision is making a decision. Not "closing the door" means leaving it as an option for both of you. That's a decision to continue the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 no, no, no.... I never said that I was going to walk away. I WILL see what happens. As I have said (and others too), time is on my side. I don't have to make a "decision". I will be in "control" so to speak. What that means is that I can see her, or not. I can ask her out, or I won't. I am just afraid that SO much awful lies ahead of us, because of the way things were handled (or NOT handled).... I can understand your fear of the future unknowns, but succumbing to it passively, by just allowing it to happen to you, is not a good decision. Why not Go For It? Clearly you don't want to cut it off with her, because you would have already done that (go NC for starters). So why not Commit to going full steam ahead? If it is ONLY because of the social repercussions and What Other's Will Think... to hell with that... the damage has already been done. Her marriage is over, due to her issues and your R with her... ok... so now give it a real chance to succeed... don't be paralyzed by your fear and do nothing! Call her. Tell her to give it a go. Become a firm believer... you are just torturing yourself by leaving everything open with 'possibilities' but just letting fertile ground go unsown... what 'signs' are you looking for? Just do it. You know you want to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 What about damages to her husband and their children? Don't think for a second that this doesnt weigh on me. I understand... Link to post Share on other sites
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