Reggie Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 Yes, one has to look at actions not the claims of goodheartedness. A person that injects himself into someone's marriage, especially when there are kids involved, is not goodhearted. And, sayin he "loves" and "knows" the kids is nuts. He bludgeoned the husband, along with the WW, and, it went on for years, robbing the guy of the chance to determine his fate. It is so selfish and mean, it is indescribeable. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 Unfortunately people never look at the actions of a person. I can understand if this was one time thing but it isn't. I remember one of stamps post that freaked me out more than any others....He said something about how he use to just walk into their home when the H wasn't there. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 Liquid is giving you much better input than the stuff you are seeing from Tami, Stamp. That nonsense about everyone singing Kumbaya etc. is not realistic. Geez, reggie, do you ever miss not supporting anyone who uses this kind of language against me? I know you do not like me, but damn.... Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 I just wish that more divorcing couples do not use their children against each other in the guise of being "honest' with them and because they "deserve to know the truth". I might be in lala-land and an idiot for for advocating that adults must try to put the children's welfare, it is the least that can be done after a huge devastating event in their lives, but I simply cannot agree that adults CONTINUE to channel their anger and bitterness through the children...it is not right. Nobody is saying that Stamp should just right in...I do think that everybody needs time to process the whole thing in....but...good parents do not sacrifice their children because they hate the other parent. Link to post Share on other sites
Liquid Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 I just wish that more divorcing couples do not use their children against each other in the guise of being "honest' with them and because they "deserve to know the truth". I might be in lala-land and an idiot for for advocating that adults must try to put the children's welfare, it is the least that can be done after a huge devastating event in their lives, but I simply cannot agree that adults CONTINUE to channel their anger and bitterness through the children...it is not right. Nobody is saying that Stamp should just right in...I do think that everybody needs time to process the whole thing in....but...good parents do not sacrifice their children because they hate the other parent. Whole bunch of bull crap coming from you again. Good parents teach their children right from wrong. Good parents eventually tell their children (after age 6 or 7) that Santa Clause or La La land don't exist. Good parents won't allow their children to follow adulterers who have unprotected (or protected) sex with other people's spouses as good examples. To sum it up for you, good parents teach their children right from wrong and discourage them to stay in la la land into adulthood. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 Whole bunch of bull crap coming from you again. Good parents teach their children right from wrong. Good parents eventually tell their children (after age 6 or 7) that Santa Clause or La La land don't exist. Good parents won't allow their children to follow adulterers who have unprotected (or protected) sex with other people's spouses as good examples. To sum it up for you, good parents teach their children right from wrong and discourage them to stay in la la land into adulthood. LOL...thanks, reg.... Link to post Share on other sites
Liquid Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 LOL...thanks, reg.... Have you been in an affair either as the cheater (on a boyfriend) or the OW? It's disturbing that you take stuff like this so lightly...maybe due to low morals? Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 The children should be told at an appropriate age IF they ask. I am proof positive they will...it seems the natural question...why did mommy and daddy split up... I would even go further and suggest that the parents JOINTLY have the talk...even if its years later. Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 The kids deserve the truth. They need to be told in an age appropriate way that mom or dad had an affair and that is the reason for the divorce or tension during reconciliation. It alleviates their doubts re their responsibility for the breakup and shows them there are consequences for bad behavior. TC, I have no personal animosity toward you, but your stuff is off the wall. Link to post Share on other sites
RinClavin Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 I don't get this statement. I hear a lot of OW say "it's his wife's fault because she was neglecting him... that's why he *had* to have an affair" And I hear a lot of BS say "it's the OW's fault because if she wasn't willing to help him cheat he wouldn't be cheating" I just think either notion is ridiculous. The WS made his/her choices and neither party forced that. Both may have had a hand in creating a situation conducive to an affair, but both of the above statements make the WS out to be someone incapable of independent thought... So my comparison was simply to say if you subscribe to the kind of thinking that says an OM/W is "causing" a cheater to cheat, then by virtue of the same logic you would need to believe that the BS could "cause" the WS to cheat by some action (or non action) of their own. Obviously I think neither one is correct, I just think it's funny that people from opposite "camps" (if you will) use the same logic to come to opposite conclusions. Link to post Share on other sites
RinClavin Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 you ask a fair question. The reason I call him a cheater is because at some point you stop being in an unplanned situation to being right where you want to be. Stamp is now past the point of being an om who is wayward, so to say, to being a willing, no, willful participant in hurting others. He talks a great game but when push comes to shove he'll hurt whomever is in the way of what he wants. He displays the traits I've seen in cheaters. I often agree with the notion that the om/ow are not the cheater but at some point there has to be a sense of fair play and stamp stopped playing fair a long time ago. After YEARS of this nonsense, he deserves the cheater label, imo, as much as the mw he's been involved with. He cannot, and people here cannot, imo, continue to see him as any sort of victim. He's no better than the mw. I did not always believe that but after the nonsense he has continued to perpetrate against this woman's husband and her kids I can't come to any other conclusion. At the end of the day stamp wants what he wants everyone else be damned. That is how cheaters think. Ordinarily I agree with what you posted but not as it pertains to stamp. Not anymore. So you are calling him a cheater because, in your opinion, he is exhibiting similar character flaws as a cheater? I guess that makes sense. I don't know him in real life so you'll forgive me if I don't make definitive judgments on him and his situation. But I think I get what you're saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 I agree with the above. No one causes someone to cheat. But, it must be very rare that a BS claims the OW/OM caused the cheating because I don't recall ever seeing a BS say that in all my reading on this f'd up situation. Link to post Share on other sites
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