To OW/OM - what would you do if BS committed suicide as a result of the affair?

[mental_traveller]

How would you respond if the betrayed spouse discovered the affair, became distraught and then killed themselves over it?

[Lucky_One]

Personally, I would have been devastated, and would probably require much much counseling to get past my guilt.

 

Guilt was the primary reason I ended the EMA anyway; she was a nice lady, and she didn't deserve to be lied to.

[TaraMaiden]

Excuse me but this is a terrible question to ask...

You are implying that they perhaps should feel responsible?

I do not think this is appropriate... everyone is responsible for what they think, say and do. But if someone takes their own life, others cannot be held responsible.

Many thousands of people who have been cheated upon do NOT do this.

So for somebody to take their own life, i think there must be an instability already... a fragility in the personality.

The partner should have been aware... but the third party could not have known this.

They should take responsibility for their role in the infidelity.

But suicide? No. This is not for them to carry upon their backs.

[MeaganRaye]

I had an Uncle whose wife committed suicide when she discovered he had a child by another woman (he discovered her in their room, she blew herself in the head)

[pkn06002]

I had an Uncle whose wife committed suicide when she discovered he had a child by another woman (he discovered her in their room, she blew herself in the head)

 

Why do people like you come to this forum and post?

[Lizzie60]

and why not? pkn.. I see nothing wrong with her post.. shheeessshh..

 

it's certainly NOT the OP's responsibility if the BS commits suicide.. geezzzz..

[jj33]

Is this thread meant to be provocative? What is there to do? the BS is dead. Its a bit late to "do" anything.

 

Im sure anyone would feel sympathy and for the mental challenges the BS must have been dealing with long before the A, but the OP is not responsible for the suicide.

[Adunaphel]

How would you respond if the betrayed spouse discovered the affair, became distraught and then killed themselves over it?

 

I would feel awful and guilty for what happened, as probably anyone in this hyphotetical situation.

Well, I'd feel very guilty if *anyone* killed themselves after I wronged them in any way.

I would actually probably also feel guilty - even if not to that extent -if they killed themselves over a very futile reason that I had something to do with or they thought I had something to do with.

[taylor]

The OW/OM would feel as responsible for events leading up to the suicide as a BS would feel responsible for the events leading up to the affair.

[OWoman]

The BW committing suicide was a very real possibility during the A - and still is. She has tried before.

 

What would I do? What I'd do if anyone I cared for lost someone they cared for - I'd support the kids in their loss, support my H through whatever emotions that might dredge up for him, and help out with the practicalities in whatever way was appropriate.

[carhill]

What I'd do if anyone I cared for lost someone they cared for - I'd support the kids in their loss, support my H through whatever emotions that might dredge up for him, and help out with the practicalities in whatever way was appropriate.

 

The healthy response, IMO

 

As a loving supporter, I'd take my lead from the person whom I loved and support them in their grief.

[marlena]

Knowing myself, I'd feel guilty as hell.

[NoIDidn't]

I know a former OW who's MMs W did just that. And what she did was heartless. She was pregnant at the time, and was only glad that she wouldn't have to fight him for child support now.

 

And she wonders why he wants nothing to do with her or her child now.

 

I feel sorry for people that have the view that they had no part in pushing a person over the edge just because they didn't hold the gun. They sure as hell provided the ammo. I guess some people still mistakenly believe that suicide is for the weak. Sure hope they never feel the urge and think that no one is willing to help them get past whatever the hurt is.

 

People usually commit suicide because the pain is greater than their ability to cope. Pain from whatever. The Pain is the Ammo. Having an affair with someone's spouse is certain to cause pain and give them the ammo.

[BlueEyedGirl]

I would feel guilty as hell and probably drop the MM because he would be the constant reminder of the guilt.

 

But for a sane prson, discovery of H's affair is not enough to comit suicide. IF she did that would mean that she had some pre-existing mental problems.

[bentnotbroken]

I would feel guilty as hell and probably drop the MM because he would be the constant reminder of the guilt.

 

But for a sane prson, discovery of H's affair is not enough to comit suicide. IF she did that would mean that she had some pre-existing mental problems.

 

 

That's the point. You never know the mental state of another person. I am sure the OW in my situation had no clue the depth of my depression. I had already begun the suicide prep before I discovered the A. OW also has no clue to the amount of mental and emotional abuse I put up with, she only heard his side of me retaliating physically out of frustration and lack of coping skills.

[Dexter Morgan]

Knowing myself, I'd feel guilty as hell.

 

somehow I doubt that

[Dexter Morgan]

I had an Uncle whose wife committed suicide when she discovered he had a child by another woman (he discovered her in their room, she blew herself in the head)

 

Do I detect restrained jubilation?

[Dexter Morgan]

I would feel guilty as hell and probably drop the MM because he would be the constant reminder of the guilt.

 

But for a sane prson, discovery of H's affair is not enough to comit suicide.

 

I agree. any sane BS should realize that the cheating spouse is absolutely NO reason to end your life over. Why end your life over a worthless piece of crap?

[Chrome Barracuda]

I'd get more fun sleeping with hotter chicks than my SO if she ever cheated, it's not worth taking your life.

 

and to answer the question I think the OW/OM wouldnt care, they might laugh about it. They wouldn't feel remorse or guilt or any pain, they only care about themselves.

 

and that's the truth.

[White Flower]

I'd get more fun sleeping with hotter chicks than my SO if she ever cheated, it's not worth taking your life.

 

and to answer the question I think the OW/OM wouldnt care, they might laugh about it. They wouldn't feel remorse or guilt or any pain, they only care about themselves.

 

and that's the truth.

CB you are so wrong! You have no idea the lengths I went to in order to protect exMM's W from discovering me. If she had discovered me and questioned me I would have told her the truth and also told her I would back off so they can figure out their M. I would NEVER demand he leave because even though I believe we can't really make promises once and forever, ie., marriage vows, I do understand that others expect those promisses to remain credible and ongoing. (Even though we don't know who we are until we're much older). I knew full well what I would have to give up and that I most certainly would not win. That means I care. We are not all the same. I keep telling you that.

[tami-chan]

I would feel very bad...

 

BNB is right. you'll never know who is at the receiving end and what they would do....which begs the question--do you then just keep the secret to yourself if you know there is a BS somewhere? What happened to full disclosure?

 

What if you are the BS and your WS's OP also has a BS and in the name of full disclosure you went to the OP's BS and spilled the beans and he/she commits suicide because of what you told him/her, how would you feel?

[Lizzie60]

Tami... you're one of my favourite poster... I admire your intelligence..

very good point...

[bentnotbroken]

I would feel very bad...

 

BNB is right. you'll never know who is at the receiving end and what they would do....which begs the question--do you then just keep the secret to yourself if you know there is a BS somewhere? What happened to full disclosure?

 

What if you are the BS and your WS's OP also has a BS and in the name of full disclosure you went to the OP's BS and spilled the beans and he/she commits suicide because of what you told him/her, how would you feel?

 

 

That wasn't the huge concern for me(maybe it should have been)but what he would do to Mr. Messy and his wife, did occur to me. I didn't know him personally. I prayed about it for about 3 or 4 weeks, before I got the conformation that I needed to let him know. I still would say tell the BS, but their mental state is something to truly consider.

[tami-chan]

Right, it's a sensitive subject, to say the least. But that's the thing, though, it is never a great concern until a disaster hits.

[steve978]

I've thought about how the other would react too. A good friend of mine had an ex do the mentioned. Not exactly the same, but the guilt had to be delt with. He finally ended it, and broke all ties. Two months later, she ended her own life. He said something to me that I have heard before. He said " someone that is able to take their own life is already dealing with some other deep issues " I am responsible for my life, and they for theirs. We all go through tough times, if suicide is an option that is considered to escape the situation, then there is a much deeper problem to be addressed.