To OW/OM - what would you do if BS committed suicide as a result of the affair?

[Dexter Morgan]

Well it's good to see that you realize you can't lump them all into the same category. (Not saying I'm better than anyone else, just different).

 

dont get me wrong, the thought no matter who it is gets me all riled up:mad:

 

but at least you feel bad for the BS and don't have an attitude like too many here.

[Mino]

Explain snow.

 

I was responsible for being discreet and hidden. She never found out, she never got hurt. I made sure of that. Why? Because I had compassion for her.

 

She was very significant to exMM and he didn't want to hurt her any further due to his shortcomings. Once I saw it for what it was it became even more important to me not to hurt her. I might admit in the beginning my concerns were more important to me than hers were to her but I got over my temporary selfishness and made her feelings the priority. It's all a learning process DM. And she is living very well to prove it.

white flower, One question... If you had soooo much compassion for her why didnt you end the Affair? It sounds to me like your saying because I cared so much for Bs, and I felt for her and didnt want her to find out, it was justifying continuing with the A. Its Ok to continue because I have compassion. for the bs.. somehow this does not make sense. I think most ow "pretend" that the w does not excist, therefore they can continue the A... I met my sm w years ago, but if I think about I cannot put a face to her and would not reconize her if I ran into her..

[White Flower]

white flower, One question... If you had soooo much compassion for her why didnt you end the Affair? It sounds to me like your saying because I cared so much for Bs, and I felt for her and didnt want her to find out, it was justifying continuing with the A. Its Ok to continue because I have compassion. for the bs.. somehow this does not make sense. I think most ow "pretend" that the w does not excist, therefore they can continue the A... I met my sm w years ago, but if I think about I cannot put a face to her and would not reconize her if I ran into her..

No, I wasn't trying to justify continuing the A. I will admit that during the process of falling in love she just didn't exist. Once I saw things for what they were she became very real to me.

 

Ultimately I ended it because I was not getting what I wanted. I wanted him to leave if and only if we were right for each other and she was wrong for him. Once I saw how happy they were I knew he was cake-eating. Once I knew he would probably do this to me if I were his W I felt very, very sorry for her.

 

Like I said, my father was in genuine pain over his M to my mother. He fell in love with OW and in the end he was with her. It was all sincere, no games about it. I understand this scenario and accept it. I don't understand cake-eating.

 

I hope this clarifies it for you.