lv323 Posted April 30, 2009 Share Posted April 30, 2009 First off, I am new here. My husband and I are separated and have been for 2 months. We have a 2 year old diabetic son and I do all diabetic care. The problem comes that his daddy wants to take him on vacation (with me of course). It would not only be us. His parents and brother would be there too. I said "NO" to only us. I really want my son and his father to have a good relationship and I just don't see my husband ever being able to take him on vacation alone. His parents live in India and will be leaving in a month. I guess what I am asking is how bad is this gonna be? I still have to see him every day due to our son. I have told him that I have zero feelings for him. I have also told him that I would have to have my own room. I would not be sleeping in the same room with him. Those would be the conditions. Am I crazy? Just want opinions I guess. Thanks in advance. LV Oh yeah, this would be 2 days. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 You are doing this for your child, suck it up and go. Set the sleeping boundaries and you'll be ok . It's only for two days. Link to post Share on other sites
Crestfallen_KH Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Wow, that sounds like a new definition of hell. He's going to have to learn to take care of his diabetic son at some point. Don't behave co-dependently and think about yourself. He and his family can take care of his son. Spend the two days relaxing at a spa. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lv323 Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 Thank you for your response. This has been a really hard time for me. I just don't want him to get the wrong idea. I am not coming back. I don't want him to think that I am. I have told him a million different ways. I know that I am doing this for my son. Just like I am taking him to see his daddy every day for him. I am trying to be the best mom I can be. Is there any way that I can make sure he doesn't think I am coming back? Or is it gonna be just whatever he believes until he accepts it? LV Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 He'll get the wrong idea no matter what. Do take a trip to a spa those 2 days or whatever--he can take care of his son. Write out everything he needs to know about the care of him, he can read can't he? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lv323 Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 Unfortunately, diabetes care is not that cut and dry. There are too many variables to consider in practically 3 days. If the little one was 5 or 6, I might could take myself to a spa and say he'll be fine, but since he is 2, it's just not possible. I agree that he will get the wrong idea no matter what, because he believes what he wants to believe. See he has happy memories from our marriage and I don't. It's much easier to have happy memories when your needs are being taken care of than when they aren't. He has never had this baby for longer than 3 hours by himself and I just don't trust his decisions. Anyway, I think I will just suck it up for the baby. He told him already and he wants to go. I want things to be amicable for baby's sake and I don't know if that is possible, but I am going to try my level best. Thanks for your opinions. LV Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 I'd agree that you need to insist that your H learn how to provide for your son's diabetic needs in the same fashion that you're providing today. If he can't get up to speed to handle a 2 day vacation in time, the vacation needs to be postponed, or your son doesn't go. I'm very curious tho...reading the "tone" of your posts about your relationship with your H...what prompted the seperation? Please don't take offense, but your "tone" would tell me that either your H was abusive (in which case you wouldn't want him to spend time with his son), or it also sounds like you may have found someone else and already "moved on" emotionally? Mostly curiousity prompting my question...please don't be offended. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lv323 Posted May 1, 2009 Author Share Posted May 1, 2009 well owl, It's a little bit of both. He was never physically abusive to me, but he was verbally and emotionally abusive all the time. He is the only person in my whole life who has ever told me I was stupid. I have found someone else, but it will probably never work out due to the circumstances. However, I have decided that I am not going to live in the misery that I was in, and therefore will not go back. I would like for him to learn to care for his son, but he is the type who thinks that he knows everything and is capable of everything and is not really willing to learn the right way instead of his way. It just makes me concerned. I also don't trust his judgement. There is much more to this story. It could be a soap opera, but I won't get into it. If he can show me that he is willing to learn, then things will be different, but if he just says "If you show me I can learn this in 2 days. It's easy." then I will not feel comfortable. With little ones and diabetes, it doesn't take much of a mistake to cause something terrible to happen. LV Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Well, once again "spidey senses" have nothing over "owley senses"! I'm (of course) tempted to go on and on about "paths back" and the like...my wife was of a very, very similar mindset when she met her OM and very nearly ended up leaving me for him five years ago. We ended up reconciling...but that's another story, and from your posts I'm sure you're not interested in that kind of advice at this point. Here's my suggestion. INSIST that your husband get training from your son's doctor and/or nursing staff...and potentially require THEIR approval of his ability to care for your son before you consider letting your H have him again going forward. Tell him up front about how you feel about his ability to handle dealing with your son's medical condition, and make it clear that you're not doing this to hurt your husband, but to ensure that your son gets the best care he can get. It's got to happen at some point...your H will undoubtedly insist on keeping your son with him someday, and this way you both can prepare for that time. Otherwise, you may well have to go on this short vacation with your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted May 2, 2009 Share Posted May 2, 2009 Where will you be vacationing? Somewhere nice? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lv323 Posted May 2, 2009 Author Share Posted May 2, 2009 We will be vacationing in Panama City, FL. Hopefully all will go smoothly. If it doesn't I will not be vacationing with him anymore and will make that abundantly clear. Owl, my H had someone throughout our marriage of 3, almost 4 years. He compared me to her our entire marriage (only then I didn't know what I know now). When I found out, all feelings died. I stayed for 6 months after that, and I just couldn't make myself be the same. So.....I know that he never intended for it to break up our marriage, but I gave him plenty of warnings. I suspected it, but didn't want to know. When I stumbled upon this relationship accidentally, I just went numb. The thing is, she was just the icing on the cake. Anyway, you are very perceptive Mr Owl. Link to post Share on other sites
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