Tsarina Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 I know it is a personal question, but I want to share my experience. I had been dating my boyfriend for four years and during that period, he became emotionaly and mentally abusive. It got to the point that it became sexual. Since I am not on the pill, my boyfriend started to pressure me into anal sex. At first I was fine with it, something to exprience, however it got worse after that. He would start to beg for it saying that it made him feel like he could cum inside me. However it started to hurt and at times the pain was to much that I started to scream in agony and pleaded with him to stop. Which he didn't. One time we were having sex and he shoved his finger in my butt, I requested for it to be taken out and he said no and he pushed it in further and started wiggling it. The pain was unbearable. It got to a point where once he had my head in a lock so I couldn't move away and then he proceeded to rape me. I yell at him to stop, let me go and screamed at the top of my lungs. After he was done he muttered that he liked my screams. A forenight later he said he hated me screaming and twisting my pelvis to "hurt" his penis. I had such low self esteem that I eventually just went into a robotic mode and did what he wanted even if it wasn't pleasent for me. Even when his folks visited, he would force anal sex on me and I would just keep quiet while he got on with it. Now I am out of the relationship, it hasn't hit me that I have been raped. I mean that I dont feel like I'm a victim or anything. In my mind it was apart of the relationship. Even while I am writing this I feel numb, like it never happened even though it did. I don't feel anger towards him or myself its just an event that happened in my life. Has anyone felt it? Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 You need to bring charges against this man and get your self into counseling he violated you and he needs to pay for what he did. Not to mention to help prevent him from raping any one else how would you feel if he did this to a family member or god forbid a child . Hes gotten a taste for violent sex he needs help before he hurts some one else please think of others that you can help... Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Yeah, It was part of the experience. The guy was getting off that way and you were somehow letting him. Guys are weird sometimes and it happens. Probably the next guy you won't put up with a similar situation, but is very unlikely that something like that will ever happen again. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Btw, To answer your original question, no. It was close though. An ex locked me up in a bathroom and wouldn't let me go, but I somehow managed to talk him out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
kdark Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Your mind is blocking out the negative emotions as a way of coping with the pain. Have you started seeing anyone else since then? Link to post Share on other sites
DMoon Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 I had been dating my boyfriend for four years and during that period, he became emotionaly and mentally abusive. However it started to hurt and at times the pain was to much that I started to scream in agony and pleaded with him to stop. Which he didn't. One time we were having sex and he shoved his finger in my butt, I requested for it to be taken out and he said no and he pushed it in further and started wiggling it. The pain was unbearable. It got to a point where once he had my head in a lock so I couldn't move away and then he proceeded to rape me. I yell at him to stop, let me go and screamed at the top of my lungs. After he was done he muttered that he liked my screams. A forenight later he said he hated me screaming and twisting my pelvis to "hurt" his penis. I had such low self esteem that I eventually just went into a robotic mode and did what he wanted even if it wasn't pleasent for me. Even when his folks visited, he would force anal sex on me and I would just keep quiet while he got on with it. Even while I am writing this I feel numb, like it never happened even though it did. I don't feel anger towards him or myself its just an event that happened in my life. Has anyone felt it? This last part of your post has indicated that you were indeed violated and yes raped. I work with some sexual assault victims and you display some of the classic symptoms of low self esteem, numbing down, rationalizing away the behaviors and passive acceptance of your supposed role in the repeated assaults. Some of the victims were married or in committed relationships with these men who strong armed, coerced and manipulated these women to perform acts against their will, either while they were sleeping, drunk, or unwilling—in either case some put up with it until it became progressively degrading and painful before they sought help. Thus, I would strongly urge you to seek out counseling immediately and if you are in America please go to http://www.rainn.org/ or call National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE(4673) or Survivor of Sexual Assault Hotline (434) 977-7273 or National Sexual Violence Resource Phone: (877) 739-3895 http://www.nsvrc.org. If you are not in America go to this section http://www.rainn.org/get-help/sexual-assault-and-rape-international-resources What you have experienced unfortunately is not normal nor is it an uncommon occurrence. Seek help to restructure your self esteem and ask a competent professional if you can press charges. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 You were raped. You said no. There is no close too it:mad:that's like a little pregnant. Report his A$$! Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Now I am out of the relationship, it hasn't hit me that I have been raped. I mean that I dont feel like I'm a victim or anything. In my mind it was apart of the relationship. Even while I am writing this I feel numb, like it never happened even though it did. I don't feel anger towards him or myself its just an event that happened in my life. Has anyone felt it? Hi. Yes I have been there too. It's called dissociation. Our bodies stay but our minds go somewhere else. The reason that it didn't bother you is because you blocked it out. And when you block it out all the feelings you are feeling at the time about it are blocked out too. But they are there buried inside of you so it's real important that you allow yourself to feel those feelings you've suppressed. Otherwise they will show up in other ways and the ways they show up will be harmful to your well-being. You will mostly take it out on yourself by thinking bad thoughts about yourself. Please take care of yourself by looking into getting help from someone who deals with rape. Until you address it these thoughts and feelings will stay silent inside of you and you don't need to abuse yourself as well. You have been through enough. It's a big step you have taken by speaking up and so good for you. The next step is to actively work to put this behind you otherwise it will stay with you until you do. Counseling can help. Please look into it. XO Link to post Share on other sites
Groovy Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 Sorry you had to go through that. Sexual abuse, especially with a loved one you trusted is hard to prove in a court room. I think my ex may have did things when I drank too much one night and it has hurt me more than the 2 men who molested me at age 12 because I loved and trusted him. He told he he did things. I didn't say stop and I didn't give him permission either. (I know, way too much to drink). Either way, this man's behavior is controlling and abusive. It is something people in society have become too accepting and tolerant of. I am amazed at people's casual replies to victims of violence. If you do not press charges please go to a local clinic for women who are victims of domestic abuse. Do not suffer in silence. What happened is a lot more common than you think and you do not need to feel alone. As far as I am concerned men like him need to find their nutsack and not victimize people half their size to feel powerful. It's just cowardly.... Link to post Share on other sites
busy_married_student Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 "low self esteem, numbing down, rationalizing away the behaviors and passive acceptance of your supposed role in the repeated assaults" One year ago this month, my ex raped me for the first time. I confronted him about it when he returned home from work and he said I was being rediculous. I don't even know how many more times he raped me in the next 7 months. I think five more times, but honestly I've blocked it out to the point that I'm not even sure. I felt so numb for so long. I'm not sure what to tell you as I've been dealing with it and it's hard. Deciding not to be numb was a conscious decision and the pain that has come from allowing myself to feel emotion about what happened is difficult to bear at times. At the same time, I'm healing and happier overall then I've been in a long time. I'm so sorry for what happened to you. Being raped by someone who you loved and trusted is horrible. Don't let anyone tell you that you should have stopped it or left before you did. Those who have not been there do not understand how the gradual building of the abuse and the gradual lowering of your self esteem trap you. You are free now! Be proud of that. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 Your mind is blocking out the negative emotions as a way of coping with the pain. Have you started seeing anyone else since then? I second this, I was sexually abused when I was younger and for years I believed I was "ok" with what happened to me. After something happened to me when I was 15 years old, it acutely brought out the bad emotions all over again but then I shoved them away for many years after that again. It wasn't until this past year I started counselling, and it wasn't until the recent past few months I began facing the damage and feeling the pain. I definately would advise some counselling (it's helped me a lot). Link to post Share on other sites
sunflower89 Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 I'm so sorry you, and any one else who has been raped, had to go through something like that. I was raped as a child by a family friend over a period of many years--And then met my (now) ex-boyfriend who I was with for just over 2 years. He knew about the abuse and yet, when I told him it was over, he broke into my building, came up to my room and raped me in my own bed before leaving like nothing happened. I still speak to him, which is very hard for C (my new boyfriend) to understand, but I forgave my ex. I'll never trust him, or forget what he did--But I was so full of hate about what happened in my childhood and I managed to let that go. Its an emoution so strong, that he doesnt deserve it. I hope you get through this, and find support and comfort in those around you who love and care for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts