"needing Time And Space"

[OnlyEverything]

What about an ex that left you, but still tries to stay in contact and still wants to know you....

WHY DO THEY DO THAT?

 

And when they come around and want to see you, Are you supposed to drop everything for them???

I mean, you may want to, But SHOULD YOU?

 

 

Breaking up IS hard to do.

[bicyclejunk]

I think you need to do what you need to do. They have to realize that their leaving, Is going to

make changes and make an impact on the norm.

 

There are consequences to their "needing space". They He/She shouldn't be able to get all the benefits of you, if

they don't want to be with you. They have to understand that They are the ones tha left Us behind, therefore

they are risking a lot. They're risking not having a future with us, because they gave us up and who knows what the

future will hold. So NO, i don't believe we should just drop everything for them if they start coming around again.

But we shouldn't be bitter or rude about it, but we need to keep our self-respect up and not let ourselves me

stepped on or taken advantage of.

[davej]

I too am in the same boat as many of you. My GF and I were together for over 5 years, living together for 4. She recently moved out saying she "needed to find herself". At first, I beleived her, however 2 weeks ago, I saw her walking into a nightclub wearing a shirt that said "what boyfriend", and crawling all over some 20yr old she works with. (she's 26, i'm 24). I know that I truly love this girl, but now that she has left, I honestly don't know if I could ever welcome her back. The only reason being that if she wanted to leave once after 5 years together, who's to say she won't do it again in another 5? All I know is that now I am lost too! I hope things work out between us, but I am starting to develop my own doubts as to if it will be able to or not! So to answer your question(s)....... I too am on a break (kevin), and I don't know whether or not the break will solve/help anything. But I do know one thing, in the short term after the announcement of the "break", things are MUCH worse!! Best of luck to everyone!

 

-Dave

[justaregularguy]

 

So despite the "nice intentions" of the last email I received, how should I interpret "I will *try* to touch base with you this weekend" regarding her invitation to visit...... Do I drop other plans / put them on hold?

 

agggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... it's been almost a month of agonizing "what the?!" going through my mind....

[Dixiecron]

Ummm... I don't know your whole story, but if she -really- wanted to see you, wouldn't she make an effort to come to you?

 

Make other plans.

[Evanescence]

Ok, so he didn't return my message. I called and asked him if i could see him and talk to him in person. I said i had things i needed to say and i want to say them to his face. I asked him to call me and let me know what time was good for him and that it would only be half an hour. This is the second time in over 2 weeks that i've asked him to do this. Last time he didn't return my call, and this time he's not returning my call either. I think i know the answer to this, but do i take that as a sign to leave him alone? I'm guessing so. This is so f**ked up. Last time i talked to him he wanted to get back together soon but needed more time. Ok... so now what? He' s just going to ignore me? What the hell is that? I am getting so much disrespect it is unbelievable. I realized for sure today that i must take control over my life! Another questions is to i call him up and tell him off now? I want to so badly, but i don't want to leave being the "bad person" (although i know he's way worse than me). I want to leave this being the best person ever, and him remembering me for it, and down the road realizing how much he f**ked up. But it's so tempting to just call and say "what the hell! after 5 years of me treating you awesome, not only do you say you want a break, then you say you want to see other ppl, THEN you tell me you made a mistake, and we can get together soon....THEN you ignore me! What's with the rollercoaster?!"

Anyway, anybody have any advice how to handle this besides "get over it and move on"? cuz i already know that much.

[davej]

evanescence: I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that YES, it is F***ed up, but I am in a very similar situation. I am 24 and was with a girl for 5yrs and 2 months. She left early feb., and wanted to remain friends during the break, but now I know she is seeing someone else, and as of feb22, she came up to my house, and said that she didn't want to communicate at all. She cut off all communication. So I too feel the same as you. No, it is not easy, and no it is not a nice feeling, but I'll tell you what, tomorrow morning, I still wake up and wash my own a**, and that will never change. We need to realize that we are attractive, good people who got the unfortunate end of the relationship stick. Our significant others, (or ex others) WILL realize this eventually. There is NOTHING that you nor I can do to hurry the process along, (as much as I'd like to). But go to bed realizing that you're a good person, who has alot to offer. And when you talk to your ex again, it will be YOUR choice weather you're willing to accept his apology, and try to start over, or weather you've moved on, and you're not willing to allow yourself to get hurt like this again. I never thought I'd say this, but the more time that goes on without my girlfriend here, the more I don't want her to come back. If she came back tomorrow and apologized, that would be great, but who's to say that she won't do the same thing again in another 5 years????? I don't know as I could take that risk! True love doesn't need a break. I want to spend my life in TRUE LOVE. I thought I had it, but you know what, I was wrong! Do you want to spend the rest of your life wishing for something that unfortunately may not be there? I can honestly say that I truly love(d) my girlfriend. I caught her stealing money from me, and I never needed a "break". Hold your head up, and understand that you'll meet someone when you LEAST expect it. Best wishes!

 

-Dave

[Evanescence]

Hi Dave

I agree with you totally. It hurts so much to let go, probably more than it hurt to hear that he was letting go. It hurts to hate him, and it's confusing because I love him so much at the same time. Everything in me is so confused. He does this, and I get angry, but then I start coming up with reasons that he is doing this. I start trying to make myself feel better by thinking "Oh, he's not doing it to be an a**, he's just saying that he needs his time and space and this is his way". Geez.. i have to stop trying to justify his actions. He is a frickin a**hole and i need to face it! When that time comes that i am able to completly let go, and stop trying to make him look good, this will be so much easier.

They probably will come back. Everyone in my life is telling me that they are 90% sure he will (just given the circumstances), but no one knows when. I'm not clinging to this anymore. For example, my ex told me last time that we talked that he knows that i am a good person and an awesome gf. He remembers all the little things and big things that i did for him and how good i made him feel. He even told me twice in our last conversation that I made him happy, or that i was making him smile. He even said that it was scary how much we think alike (well.. we obviously don't think that much alike cuz i would NEVER do this to him). Everything in our last conversation was awesome. They have no reason to not come back. But hell if i'm waiting anymore. I hope that I find someone, establish an awesome relationship with them, and when he comes back i can shove it in his face and trample all over his heart the way he is doing to me now. I hope it hurts him more than it hurts me too. At least i can live saying that i did my best and I did nothing wrong. He can't. When/if he comes back, and gets rejected, he will feel worse because he knows that he is the one who messed up. He didn't give his all. And i hope that makes him feel like s**t.

Same as you Dave, i feel that the more time that passes, the less i want to be with them. Don't get me wrong, i'd still LOVE to be in this company right now, love to make up, but the more days that go by and he ignores my calls and doesn't even call to see how i'm doing, the more i grow to hate him. And i hate HATING people. God, if he ever does come back, and i decide to try and give him a chance (IF), he's going to have to work really damn hard to win me back over, now that i know what he's capable of.

[dlb311]

I think that every body is human. And no matter who you love how much you are in love we all make mistakes. If you can't forgive your lover bestfriend and soulmate for their mistakes who is going to forgive you. I think that people forget that no matter how much you love someone you are still human you will still have temptation to be attracted to others and you like the feeling when someone thinks you are hot!

I think you should def. focus on yourself and this is what its about time and space. This is what they want so respect them enough and trust them that that is what they need and want. So I think the more you push yourself to wanting that person to come back the more you push them away.

 

Give yourself time. Its hard when you have been dependant on one person for a long period of time. But no matter what relationship we are in we are always by ourselves. Its just you in that body and in the brain. You think and feel different then anyone else here. So I think patients and understanding is called for. I think its not an easy ride I have been there. But since I have been there and I am not in the same place I can look back and see how in your mind you feel one way. But this is all for a reason you are learning something about yourself and about the person you loved. If your lover is so easy to walk out on you. Then turn around and walk the other way. If they realize what the lost and its not to late they will find you.

 

have faith either way you will find happiness. just remember we are all human and no matter what its better to forgive then hold grudges...

Its still very hard for me to understand why my bf left but he came back and he needed time to realize that we had something special that you don't find very easliy. just have hope. You and only you know how your relationship was how much that person loved you.

[OnlyEverything]

what about me? I'd almost be lucky(but still in agony) if my ex-GF would just stop calling me and

move on. But she keeps calling and doing the back and forth thing with me. It hurts like hell....

 

 

do i just tell her to Piss Off even though I still love her?

[dlb311]

Tell her you love her and you want her in your life. But not like this. she has to get off the fence and make a choice. Don't give in to her. When she tells you she isn't sure or maybe I made a mistake... tell her well that is something you have to figure out for yourself I can only show you and tell you how much you mean to me... and if she still doesn't stop playing games with your head I would walk away and if she calls don't answer everytime don't call her back right away. She is either not sure why she is feeling this way and is in the back and forth stage or she is over it and doesn't know how to let go. Either way if you don't put your foot down now you will probably get hurt more then you already feel. She needs to know what life is like without you it seems. so let her figure it out and see how she likes it. But if you really want her then tell her that but that you can't do this anymore so if she makes up her mind one day that you are the one. To call.....maybe you will still want to work things out maybe not but never let it go if you feel you want me... That is what I told me ex... he said he wasn't sure but needed to do his own thing. Not because of girls its because of the boyz he wanted more time to be young and hang with them and we had been so close and always together he neglected the guy thing. But I told him that I loved him and I couldn't imagine my life without him. Either way it will work out for the best but if he ever changed his mind or made up his mind to call no matter what find a way to get a hold of me. I also told him that we are young and we moved to fast so maybe we shouldn't plan the future when it hasn't come yet. So he came back after no contact for a month he realized I was moving on and that wasn't what he wanted he just wanted time with the guys. And now we are together and we are in love and happy and we both get our time apart with friends and without. But its hard for me I wont ly. I love him and want it back to were he called five times a day and wanted to see me every chance he could. But I know he loves me and it will all work out. Just hold your head up high... And don't let her play with you like that. Be strong... you deserve better then that.

 

good luck

[davej]

My experience is limited in this, but I agree with dlb... You deserve better than that. When we were in high school, a long relationship was a month or two, and things were always up and down. In my eyes, the up and down, back and forth is VERY unhealthy. You deserve to be loved, period. Love would not play with you like that. I'm not going to re-state my story, (read a few posts back), but I honestly thought I was in love. The more I sit back, and honestly look at my relationship, I think I was more comfortable than anything else. We grew to be TOO comfortable with each other, and that ultimately caused the problems. If nothing else, I can look back at the past 5 years, and even though my heart is (still) broken, I can honestly say that I learned something. I know what love is. I always thought that money could by love. I am a living example that that is NOT true. I'm not rich by any means, but I am doing quite well. I always thought that it was the material things that made me happy. Well, it wasn't. I still have the convertible in the garage, and I am NOT a happy person. My happyness came from my girlfriend. Whether or not she loved me is almost un-important at this point, however it is beginning to look like she didn't. I now know how I felt when she was here and things were good. I was a very happy person, who was always looked at the up side of things. Now, in my future, I know how I SHOULD feel around a girl. I just need to be a little more careful to make sure that the feeling is mutual, and not so one-sided.

Well, I have to get back to work, and stop typing here, however Evanescence, we seem to have a very similar situation going on. You (all) may feel free to "IM" me at tooogreedy. (yest here are 3 o's). Best of luck to everyone. The posts here really help me see the 'big" picture. I hope my posts can assist you to do the same!

[monkey]

I'm in pain big time, & in so much limbo, as Dave said, my happiness came from her, being with & sharing & that all my interests i had, i could do on my own, knowing that i have them with her also, but now i can't do anything that i enjoy, because when i finish, she's not there!. I thought we were forever & the probs we had were small & even though now she says 'time' & 'space', she still talks of other guys she will meet, this, i know is to hurt me

To forgive someone their mistakes, as dlb says is, to me natural, i would forgive her & i just can't help thinking about all the things we did together & little things we did for each other & the affection, how this can be happening. I hurt so much!

[Evanescence]

Ok.. first, before I update you all with what happened to me today, I have something to say that is troubling me. If you think happiness can only be supplied to you by another person, then you should definitly be on a break. This is going to sound corny, but you have to make yourself happy before anyone can truly make you happy. I thought the same thing when my ex broke up with me. I thought that all my happiness came from him. But you know what.. this time has given me a chance to get to know myself better. I went through the major growing periods of my life with my ex (we were 16 when we met). Your personality is highly influenced by those years of your life. They say by the time you turn 21, your personality is pretty much set in stone. Sure small changes may happen, but for the most part, you stay the same person. This time has given me a chance to try and find other things that make me happy. I've realized how much my friends make me happy, my parents, my cats, and most importantly, how i can make myself happy. I'll be honest. I only realized this yesterday (how i can make myself happy).

Anyway, the ex called today, he finally returned my phone call. he said he doesn't want to meet with me because it would be too hard and hurt too much. i said "well if it hurts, doesn' t that tell you something?" he said "i know i know". i told him that i might start to see other guys soon (remember he was the one who said "lets see other ppl"). later i then said "you know you have a pretty good chance of losing me though this" and he said "well, its only been a month since we broke up and you are already lining up guys to see? that's insulting" hello! insulting! and what the heck is this that he's doing to me? THis is beyond insulting. i said "YOU are the one who said you wanted to see other people. YOU are the one who broke up with ME. If you didn't want this, then you shouldn't have said you wanted it." I then said "i STILL don't know why we are doing this. Are we doing it to break up? Are we doing this to see what else is out there and enjoy the single life for a while? Are we doing it to just find out who we are without the other person?" he didn't answer. He also said that he just "needs time to thing to himself. He has to deal with some things and doesn't want me to get sucked in". hello, i'm in deep buddy! What the hell is this all about, i don't know. I'm worried that he inheritied his dad's mental issues though (his dad had severe depression and has tried to commit suicide before). he's never shown any evidence of this before, but it is the only way to explain his sudden change in behaviour.

But anyway, he's calling back tomorrow and we are going to have a "real" talk then. I'm going to find out where he thinks this is going. I want to know exactly why this is happening. I also think i'm going to tell him to tell him that if he still feels he needs time, then not to call me at all unless he feels that he wants to work things out. As hard as it is going to be for me to say that. I'll constantly be wondering what he's doing, and how things are with him. But i feel it's best for me. everytime i talk to him i get put back on the emotinal rollercoaster. When i don't talk to him, things feel like they are getting better, like it's easier to move on.

Anyway, a lot of other things were said in that conversation but i'm not going to type them up

One last thing, i completely agree with DLB. 100% We have to forgive. But if we aren't willing, then that person is obviouslly not the person for you, and you really don't love them as much as you think you did. people make mistakes. HOWEVER, if it looks like behaviour that will continue.. it is NOT a mistake, and should not be forgiven. If it seems like the person will not do it again (and who really knows) then they should be forgiven. Follow what is in your heart, but also don't let your heart overtake your brain.

[emptydude]

Hi everyone,

 

I'm new to this place and looking around, it looks like this is the thread for the "need break" issue. I posted this in a different thread, but if you guys don't mind, I'll paste it again here just to share my story.

 

 

 

 

-------------------------

Hi all,

 

My 7 year relationship with my girlfriend just ended (last night), and I've been up all night, and exploring my inner feelings about everything that happened.

 

So to start in the beginning, we started seeing each other when I was 19 and she was 16 years old. There was alot of drama in the beginning of the relationship in that we were caught "fooling around" by her parents, and as a result could only see each other in secret afterwards. Well, as the years went by, her parents forgave me, and everything turned out GREAT. In fact, it was probably the most ideal situation one could be in after an incident like that (parents ended up loving me, etc.)

 

So I graduate from college first, get my job (software consultant), while she studied to try to get into med school. During all that time, I can't describe how many sacrifices I had to make for us. Being with a person who is that driven isn't easy because they can't give as much time to a person as they would like (understandably).

 

So fast forward some more in time, and she eventually gets into med school. We start talking about having kids, getting married, basically our future together. At this point we are really happy and really in love with each other. Then she starts her second year, and she starts having "different feelings". I should also mention that she missed out on going out during college because 1) she was studying all the time and 2) she spent most of any free time left with me. So back to these "different feelings". She tells me that she is confused because she likes being with me, and that I make her happy, but at the same time, she has these desires to be "single" and see what that is like.

 

Now I understand the underlying desire of being single in a relationship. I think everyone that has been in a long term relationship would eventually have these curious feelings (I do too), but I'm guessing that most people recognize how special having a great relationship is, and know that they are sacrificing exploring their curious feelings because what they have right now is so good. And from what she was saying, it kind of seemed like she recognized this on a very low level, but isn't consciously aware of it (she mentioned how she wanted to be "Single" but at the same time eventually end back up together).

 

But anyways, when she was telling me all of these things, I just felt as if the relationship was pretty much over. If she can't recognize that people have to sacrifice certain things in order to have other things, I feel like there's really no point in being together.

 

So as all of this was happening, I couldn't help but feel like "begging her to stay". I started to feel very clingy, and unobjective about the situation. I wanted to tell her anything to help her realize that once she started down this road, there was pretty much no turning back.

 

But then I started to realize that thinking this way was really unhealthy for me, so basically I let her continue to talk about her "single life" desires without saying anything, and she eventually ended up saying, "I really want to break up right now and see what it's like to just be me, but at the same time, I want to be with you, and don't want to make the biggest mistake of my life." At this point I was feeling EXTREMELY sad

 

I never felt so down about life, and about myself until that moment. I wanted to cry out, "WHHYYYYY is this happening!?", and "Why can't we just be happy like we were!?!" So after she said this, I told her, "well it looks like you've made your choice abundantly clear". And then I left.

 

Now I'm just left with this feeling of emptiness and low self-esteem (and I'm usually a very confident person) and tremendous tremendous sadness. I feel like I did all the right things, and that we could have had such a happy life together if she would have just let some of those selfish desires go. But at the same time I know that those are her feelings, and if they are real to her, then how can they really be selfish? I mean it's her life, if that's what she wants, who am I to say that she can't have it?

 

So it's the next day, and it's assumed that we're broken up, so I don't know what to do. I want to call her, but know that I shouldn't. We were each other's "firsts", and it is just killing me to think that she would want to be intimate w/someone else. I'm 26 yrs old and am a living cliche'.

 

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

Thanks all.

[Vivid_29]

In most cases, people just don't abandon a relationship, just to see what it's like being single. Usually, another party is involved. She may have possible met someone else while in medschool.

 

You are right about her feelings. If this is the way she feels, her decision is not selfish at all. If she wants to be single to make herself happy and sane, so be it.

 

 

What's with the low self esteem? I hope you can get yourself back on your feet, get out there and hang out with friends, or keep busy to take your mind off of it. Do something good for yourself. Cherish the time spent with her and try to move on. We all have been through this. It's just that your time is now. It's gonna take some time to get past this. Give yourself some time to grieve. Never forget that time heals all.

 

Regards,

~V

 

PS - You are doing the right thing by not contacting her. Stay strong and don't ever ever beg her to come back.

[monkey]

Michelle,

he sounds a bit chauvenistic ( correct spelling, i don't care), if he thinks he can see others, but takes offence to you saying you will, thats childish!

The vibes i get from you are positive & i can feel your hurt subsiding, as is mine, until i get a day of emotion, most likely caused by a vivid dream of her!

I feel also of saying that 'she is close to losing me', but then again, she has had more relationships than me & is more adaptable to easy seperation. I'm not, i love her, period!

 

Michelle, i have a gut feeling that in your position, it's temporary & that he just does need to feel how green the grass is & roll in it for a while until he realises it was far greener on his side, but how he can do this is beyond me, i couldn't! . Bad, it sounds & wether your up to putting up with it, i don't know! I suppose it depends on both of your eventual feelings.

 

But who am i to talk, after my dogs dinner of a situation!

Michelle, do you go through situations daily that remind you of your time together, i mean inadvertently hear a tune(& to me it happens always, Norah Jones, it kills me), & see things.

e.g. / we were ib Texas together & when i came back, it was Texas week on CH 4

& she's from Budapest, & now on TV, it's all the World indoor athletics, IN BUDA****ingPEST, all the time i get reminded. aaahhh

[Evanescence]

Hi Gary.

 

Um, well i do get occasional things that remind me of him. I was reading a book about coping with a break up, and it said that these things that we see (like Texas week and Budapest being on TV) are just things that we take extra notice to when these things happen because we are more sensitive to them. Just like if you hear that someone you know gets diagnosed with a disease, all of a sudden you hear about the disease everywhere. it's just something that happens.

 

ya.. everyone tells me that they think this is a temporary situation too. I'm still keeping it in my head that this is the end. it is the only way that i know i can be safe from further emotional turmoil.. don' t you agree?I told him a while ago that i have a gut feeling that this is going to work out for the better, and he asked "well why are you worried then?" ... why am i worried? Gee i wonder. I've tried to stop worrying though. More like just move on with my life and what happens happens ya know.

 

He's not seeing anyone else. I just have a feeling. Everyone thought, and probably still thinks he is, but i just have this feeling that he's not. I don't know what this whole thing is about, but i'm hoping to find out if he calls me tonight. I even told him on the phone that i don't know why he's doing this.

 

Oh i still hurt.. but i'm healing. I was FINALLY able to go out with some friends and have a good time last night. I had a BLAST and it felt so good. Mind you i was completely drunk off my arse, but hey. Took me a few minutes to recover this morning, but i made it..no hangover

 

Anyway, good to hear that you are starting to heal! Keep it up!

[davej]

I have that problem as well. My ex and I bought a house together (in a sense), the house is in my name only. But everything in the house we picked out together, many things were a compromise, things I didn't necessarily like, but I got to please her. Reminders are everywhere, that is only to be expected when you were with someone for 3, 4, 5, or more years. (5 & 1/2 for me). The reminders aren't necessarily unhealthy, but they are difficult at times. A friend of mine made a good point. I'm sure you've all heard this before, but: IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING, LET IT GO... IF IT LOVES YOU, IT WILL COME BACK. Just try to keep things positive, and realize that however things work out, we'll all be stronger because of it. good luck with your talk tonight/tomorrow evanescence. You'll be fine!

[Caligrl]

Originally posted by dontomaso

 

I am recently going through a lot of bull **** in my life right now, and i want ti ask anyone who has

been through this, if it really is worth taking the risk of breaking up? I can't seem to understand why my

boyfriend of almost 3yrs, is treating me like **** all of a sudden. When we first met, gosh it was an awesome

relationship, we always wanted to be with each other, and we would never fight. Now, after almost 3 yrs, he

has been putting me through so much pain. He doesn't want to be with me all the time anymore, and i know

that sounds selfish, but i really have become attached to him, and as most of you know, once you become

attached to someone, it's hard to lt them go. So why is it so easy for him to say he wants a break? Is it

because there's someone else? I really would like to know. I have become so close with his entire family, and

i really love him a lot. I really never thought i would be going through this, and frankly i feel so lonely. If we do

break up, is there even he slightest chance that he will even miss me or want to get back with me. I really

would like some advice, as i am in desperate need of some. - Caligrl

[eagle_nate]

Hey there!

Sorry to hear about your dilemna,

 

I know when my break first started I was feeling a lot of the same things you're describing right now.

 

My advice is simple. Be honest and upfront about your feelings. I wouldn't overcrowd him but at the same time if it feels good to be with him, I would suggest thatyou do what makes your heart feel good. If this guy has always been honest with you than maybe he really just does need some time. My experience would suggest there is more to it than what he is telling you but....only he knows the real truth.

 

Whatever you do....don't play games such as staying away from him to make him miss you or anything like that...be with him and keep letting him know how you feel...within limits obviously.

 

What do other people think?

[caligrl]

Thanx so much for the advice. I honestly think that theres something he is not telling me, but at the same time, i asked him to tell me if there was anyone else, and he said no. I truly believe him. I recently asked him if he judt neede space from me because he wanted to experience the single world and date other girls, and he said, " i swear i am not doing this to be with someone else, i just wnat to go out with my friends." i believe him, but sometimes i can't understand why he doesn't want to haneg out with me at times. Sometimes i feel that because his frinds are all single, he feels he wants to be single because he sees what it's like. To be honest, the way he's treating me like now, is the way i use to be, and i felt if i could hook up with other guys and have him too, then it was easy to always get back with him, so sometimes i question if he is considering of being with someone else. We do fight a lot, and we say a lot of hurtful things, but afetr all of the ****, we make up. So this is why it's bery hard for me to let go. Many tell me that he will want me back after realizing what he lost. Is this true?

[Caligrl]

sorry about the spelling, i am really tired

[eagle_nate]

Hey again,

You're asking a question nobody can possibly answer for you...and if they try, you might only be misled.

 

He's in control of this situation as you have allowed him to do this to you. If you really want to wait and see what happens, then who am I to tell you not to follow your heart. But understand that it may well lead to a lot of hurt. I gave my ex alot of space and in the end i wish i just had have ended it when i first had the inclination...but i was blinded buy love and that is the way it goes!

 

Botton Line: You have to do whatever makes you feel best. I really hope it works out for you but I have to be honest..."to go out with his friends"...why can't he go out with his friends and be in a relationship at the same time?

 

Not really what is going on in my opinion...I could be wrong but I don't buy it.

 

To answer your question...sure the possibility exists. I wouldn't bet on it but who knows...there are a great many variables (unknown and otherwise) which weigh on the outcome. Unfortunately, it seems your s/o doesn't feel your privy to this information. Be patient and hope for the best, but expect the worst is my advice.

[davej]

I agree with nate. My girlfriend of over 5 years did the same thing to me last month. She said there was no-one else, and I honestly beleived her. I am/was truly in love with this girl. She moved out of the house last month (we lived together for 4 years), and I saw her in a nightclub wearing a shirt that said "what boyfriend", and hanging all over some other guy. Needless to say, I'm still crushed from what happened that night. But also keep in mind that (as nate said), if he needs "space", and i firmly beleive that love does not need "space", then why couldn't he do it without ending the relationship? Just take a few weeks to cut contact, and see how things go? I'm not trying to sound pessimistic, but at the same time, don't let your love cloud your vision. I made that very mistake, and I am still regretting the results. Ultimately, you will develop a false hope, and it will hurt that much more if/when things truly do end. ALso, right after the night at the club when I saw her out, she called me the following day, and said she couldn't even be friends anymore. She wanted to cut all contact completely. That was like a kick when I was down (the 22nd of last month). But in all honesty, I am starting to see that maybe it was for the best. YES, I love that girl (still) with all my heart. But as in the song "my immortal by evenescence", "there are some things that time cannot erase". I am beginning to see truth in that statement. If she hurt me this bad once, lets assume things work out in the next year... Who's to say that this wouldn't happen again in 5 years? I don't want to live my life wondering if I'm loved or not!! Well, someone just rang my doorbell, I have to run.. Best of luck!!

 

-Dave