"needing Time And Space"

[Geoffrey]

Mollyanna....

 

I'm just doing my best to let her have her time...she called me late one night last week....she had a little bit to drink....she's DOWN....the other guy allegedly isn't paying much attention to her at the moment....he "shut down" emotionally, and I can tell it's hurting her...heheheheheh.....sorry!

 

We did some reminiscing, some talking, shared some feelings...she said "I just can't see anyone right now."

 

SHe talked about being in a major city on Monday on a business trip (with a co-worker she's training)...and the possibility of meeting her up there....but I thought it was a little soon....I didn't take it seriuosly, just a nice idea......so she calls me up the next morning and tells me, "I'm not ready to see you yet! But I do want to see you!"....hmmm....well, I wasn't planning to go...but she said she did want to see me...and I told her she should be at least 98% SURE she's ready...then I'll be there.

 

Hmmm.....I wonder if SOMEONE ELSE may be meeting her up there instead? That's the danger here, the mind wanders....I don't think he is, she's such an emotional mess right now...the poor thing can hardly handle things at the moment.....I want to trust her....but when I write a quick little "hello" email and she doesn't write back....I DO wonder....

 

Well, if he does meet her there....and I find out about it.....it will certainly bring about some VERY QUICK and PERMANENT CHANGES to our relationship.....

 

...stay tuned, more to come.....

[MarKus]

Well i was in town saturday daytime,

I actually saw her with a friend and this other guy,

we were walking towards eachother up the busy high street, and i just pretended not to notice her, so i turned left up a different street, im 100% sure that she spotted me.

 

I just couldnt for the life of me say anything to her, i just pretended not to notice her, if she was by herself then i probably would have talked with her, i just couldnt, why??

 

It happened again about 20 minutes later, i was cutting through a shop, and i noticed her at the counter buying something, i just tryed to have tunnel vision and kept walking pretending not to notice her, but in the corner of my eye i know she was looking at me, so as i passed her this other guy she and her friend was with, passed me.

But i swear she said a sarcastic 'Hello' as i passed her, i dunno.

 

Its funny because a while later i bumped into her mum and stepdad in town and had a 15 minute conversation with them, they were pleased to see me and said it was nice to see me.

They said that she's had her toungue pearsed, and passed her theory test, i just asked them how she was, and contined to talk about other things for example they asked me about my college course, my work, have a bought a car yet? everything.

Her stepdad asked me if i was going out pubbing it, so i told him about my mates 21st birthday, and just the usual banter really

 

 

(All his was the day after i got that text asking if i could please print the photos of her) - which i have ignored by the way, so im probably not going to print them.

Do you think i should, or not?

 

 

She is such a great girl, who was love obsessed with me, i knew how much in love with me she was, i knew. Everything just suddenly started to change when she started going out occasionally with this new girl at her work, who is 2 years younger than she is. She started to become a little distant and i senced it, even though we spent nearly everysingle day with eachother, over the 3 years, (which she wanted) I wanted a bit of time for ourselfs, because it felt like a marrige. But she didnt want to be away from me, she wanted to be with me ALL the time. and thats what i dont get.

 

Do u understand what i mean.

[Mollyanna]

Geoffrey: Definitely sounds like she is still interested but really needs more time. I am worried that this guy was the rebound-man from you and then you are going to become the rebound-man from him. I hate to see gals get so wrapped up in men that they are miserable without one - so miserable they can't even function. You said she isn't handling things very well right now and I wonder.... is that all that is going on in her life right now? boy trouble? Is it possible something else could be causing her distress too?

 

As for your "wandering mind", I think that is completely normal. At least I hope so, because I have a major tendency to do that as well. I found a woman's ring at X's this morning and I joked around with him about wearing women's jewelry - but really I was wondering - who had been in his bedroom? It turns out it was his ex-wife's and one of his son's had found it during the weekend. Jealousy is so silly but natural I think.

[Mollyanna]

MarKus:

 

I wish I did understand and could help. All I know is that it sounds like she freaked out because you didn't want to act like you were married at such a young age. That should tell you something. She is insecure. That is what I think. Sounds like she can't stand to be alone. Am I off-base?

 

I think you should print the pictures and give them to her and as I said before - get rid of them - and tell her you are doing that. Maybe she will see that you are going to start working toward getting over her and realize this is her last chance. If she doesn't react that way, then maybe it really is time to move on. You are still young. You never know what will happen years from now, but you can't live life waiting on someone else to make you happy.

[dlb311]

Well you said that she started hanging out with a girl from work and you senced her distance. Well the same thing happened with me. The first time my ex bf broke up with me is when his friend came home from college. He had been gone for 5 years. So they started going out playing pool and having drinks. And he and I spend everyday together still. And I felt his distance. Just like you stated you did.

Well we got back together 4 months later and it was wonderful. So in love we knew were wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Then he bought a house with this friend. And then I felt his distance again. I said something but he said he didn't know what I was talking about everything was fine. And we were spending all our time together still. But I would hear his friend say comments about being single being to young needing to go out and do all the singel things. And I know his friend was jealous that I could or was getting in the middle of their friendship. When I had spend more time with him the past couple years then he had. He told me he thought it was a horrible thing that he and I got back together because he was to young. I knew right there that was why my bf was distant. I know he can think and make up his own mind. But sometimes its hard when you know you have fun with out the s/o and the friend is telling you hey you are going to miss out!

I am not sure exactly why she is keeping her distance from you now and you said you broke up because you told her it was like a marriage your relationship and you wanted to slow things down. Well from a girls point of view we don't see anything wrong with marriage. Marriage to us is the start of our lives not the end. And I think our society makes men think that once you are married life is over. YOu are stuck with the wife nagging you and the kids and no fun. But that isn't true if you really have a good relationship which you should have if you want to stay in it. Then you both should know how healthy it is to spend time apart. I did give my ex alot of space because I like my space as well. But we spent alot of time together other wise. Anyway all I am saying is I am sure you made her think well I don't want this to be a marriage because she isn't the one. If she was then whats the big deal. You let the relationship get that way right.

I think you should talk to her. It doesn't sound like you have sat down with her just her and talked about what happened. Either get closer or fix it. Other wise you are going to drive yourself crazy. My bf and I broke up a week ago because he said he wants this just not now. WHy? because of that friend he didn't want to miss out on the fun. But if he could pick something like that over me see I never stopped him from hanging with the boyz but my bf wanted me around alot because we are so in love or were. And his friend didn't like it. I could tell. So its over and I know now that I am going to find something so much better. Because I didn't deserve to be treated that way. And you should really think that way too. If she is giving you mixed signals then talk to her or just move on.

Life is to short to spend that much time on someone who wont spend that much time on you.

Hope this helped.

[MarKus]

No no, you missed my point db311,

 

SHE was the one who wanted a break from me,

i didnt want this break, not one bit.

 

Im just saying that 'sometimes' it kinda "Felt like" a marrige

we were in eachothers pockets ALL the time,

She wanted to be with me 24/7, yeah it was great cos i loved her, but a year and a half into the relationship we started to argue occasionally and she would nag and nag me.

 

So i told her, we should spend a couple days a week at our own houses otherwise these silly arguments we started to have will drive us away, i didnt want that to happen.

 

But she wouldnt buy it! she just kept nagging, thinking that i didnt want to be with her etc........

But i had our best interests at heart, i truley did.

 

 

Thats why i dont understand why she's done this

 

 

Its like the tables have turned, and i never ever expected her to do this,

She started going round with this new girl from work, around november time last year, i came out with her on a couple of occasions, then she came round all distant.

 

In december she started going out nearly every other weekend with this girl, then she started not to invite me out, when she used to always want us to go out together.

Which made me a little paranoid,

Things were more ok with us up until christmas eve,

she was at her house and i was at mine or so i thought,

i text her and she told me she was out, this was on christmas eve!, and i didnt even know.

 

I went over hers on christmas day, gave eachother our presents and she was a little quiet, she didnt ring or text me on christmas day morning when she ALWAYS used to without fail.

 

Then on the 27th, we both went into town and she met her work friend, i went home. Then thats when she said she wanted a 'break'

I was just in a right old state of panic, cried for days. I rang her, she would hang up, that friend was always there with her.

 

Then came new years eve, i just went out for the hell of it, i knew that i shouldnt cos i would probably bump into her

I saw her in a bar with her friend, she hardly said a word to me, she basically ignored me, and said we neeeeeed a break

i rang her, and she actually got one of her friends to pretend that it was her, what a cow.

 

I still dunno if i should print them for her, i did it once for her dog, but that was only 2 weeks into the 'break'.

I hate her for whats shes done, but i still love her.

 

She did say she wnted to meet for a chat sometime, i replied yes. didnt get a responce for 3 weeks, thats when the other day she text me and asked if i could print photos of her.

I havnt contacted her in nearly a month now, but i did see her in town saturday with her friend and a lad (read my previous post), and i pretended not to see her, i kept walking. If she was by herself then mabye i would have done, i dunno!!!!

 

Anyway, hopefully i might see that girl in college tomorrow, who i spoke to last week, i quite like her and she possibly might be interested in me, my mate said she wanted to know where i was and what my name was, and we got talking for a while

(Read the 'do u reckon she interested' post) in dating thread.

 

 

MarKus

[dlb311]

No I understood it was her choice. But since she doesn't want to be with you now then why did she not want the time apart. I think when you think you are losing something you hold on tighter but she let you go instead. That really sucks.

 

If I was you if you need closure get it. Print the pics of her meet her talk get closure and move on. Tell her when you are done with the chat that you don't want contact anymore. And if you see her somewhere say hi if you have to and enjoy who ever you are with or go to another bar. If I was to run into my ex somewhere like that I would leave the bar and go to another. That would be no fun. I would not want to torture myself and going out is suppose to be fun.

 

I think that she was giving you signs that is was over or there was a problem. She probably was enjoying hanging out with that friend. And if you she is always with her then that is a big reason. I can say I understand how you feel in that situation. But the truth is if they can pick something over you then they are not worth it. My advice is to get closure and move on. She isn't good enough for you. All the time and years you have spend together it will hurt to remember all the time and love you shared. Trust me I am there. I thought my ex was the man I was going to marry we talked abotu it and planned it with my family and everything. But sometimes people change and it just doesn't work out. This means there is something much better our there for you and you get a chance to see it. Because she is making a mistake. Sometimes it happens but what sucks is that we on the other end have to deal with the chioces they make and it hurts.

 

I hope that you can believe in yourself and know that you deserve so much better. If you can love her this much and she can just walk away and say I need a break, and ignore you at a bar, and have her friend pretend its her then she isn't the one. Sometimes we have to make our own mistakes to really understand so no hard feelings if you do get back... but trust me she isn't worth it. You deserve a woman who will love you always and understand that relationships take work and compromise and communication. She wants to put you on the side untill she either realizes that there is no one like you and no one can make her as happy, or she will realize her mistake it will be to late and she will have to move on and find someone else. But trust me she will be sorry and she will regret it. That is just want happens. The relationship was good she left because of curosity and that is never a good reason to leave...If you love that person....

 

just keep your head high in due time you will feel so much better and find a wonderful beautiful woman that makes all your dreams come true....

[Geoffrey]

Mollyanna, you wrote....

 

Geoffrey: Definitely sounds like she is still interested but really needs more time. I am worried that this guy was the rebound-man from you and then you are going to become the rebound-man from him. I hate to see gals get so wrapped up in men that they are miserable without one - so miserable they can't even function. You said she isn't handling things very well right now and I wonder.... is that all that is going on in her life right now? boy trouble? Is it possible something else could be causing her distress too?

 

As for your "wandering mind", I think that is completely normal. At least I hope so, because I have a major tendency to do that as well. I found a woman's ring at X's this morning and I joked around with him about wearing women's jewelry - but really I was wondering - who had been in his bedroom? It turns out it was his ex-wife's and one of his son's had found it during the weekend. Jealousy is so silly but natural I think.

 

And then Geoffrey writes back....

 

Oooooooh yeah.....there is MUCH more going on right now...not just boy trouble....I won't say what, but it's pretty tough right now...pretty big life problems, all at once. Large decisions are looming. Absolutely, she needs more time. I think he definitely is the rebound man....he chased her pretty diligently for several months, then when she finally came around to having feelings for him, he shut down emotionally and now he "needs time." I told her on the phone the other nite, that's a pretty BIG RED FLAG and don't you think you deserve better than that kind of treatment? I've heard this isn't the first woman he has done this to. So now she's all bummed out about THAT....she'll have to handle that on completely on her own. ****, I'm living in a soap opera.

 

Yes, the mind wanders....I know hers does with me! It always did! Even when we were together. That's the big problem with LDRs....you aren't there all the time to see what's going on in their life. But she and I have been pretty open and honest (sometimes not soon enoguh, though) about all of this. No, I don't like the fact that she has feelings for him, but I can't do anything about it except keep being the loving person that I am. If she deson't want it.....someone else WILL!!!

 

Sooooo....for the time being, I am playing the loving, supportive friend...and she told me she appreciated the goodies I sent her....they made her smile.

 

More time, more time, more time.....

[Mollyanna]

Geoffrey:

 

It is funny how we are both in this same situation. It is so difficult to know that the person cares about you, but just isn't ready for you yet. I am not the most patient person in the world. It is very difficult for me to not just pick up the phone and call him every chance I get. Especially when I am in town, I want to invite him to do things with me every day! Even yesterday we were both asking each other what we were doiing after work and we both mentioned how we had a big craving for pizza. We talked about the best places to go and then it was awkward - like we wanted to do it together but we promised only to get together twice a week - which this week with be Friday and Sunday. I feel the product of a divorced home.

 

Sometimes is so difficult to know how to act with him. Like when I left his house the other day, I leaned forward to give him a hug. He leaned in for the kiss. I missed it and then felt stupid so I just kissed him on the cheek and he did the same with me. It was just awkward. When we were out Sunday, we were very flirty but still holding back on being publicly affectionate. I wonder how long this game will last...

 

Are you ever with this girl in person? It sounds like she really does need a friend right now if that much is going on. I feel bad for her and for you - this pickle you are in. But it sounds like you are able to be patient and that is just what she needs from everyone until she gets her head straight.

[Geoffrey]

Mollyanna,

 

The last time I saw her in person was April 30, 2003, when she dropped me off at the airport after we broke up. We were out of touch for about six weeks after that, and stayed in touch by phone and email ever since.

 

We've talked about getting together to meet again, but she and I agreed it was too soon in the relationship process...even though I feel I am ready. If we lived closer together, it would already have happened...plus, she is currently living with her ex-husband, and he watches every move she makes...literally. She needs to get out of there, but is afraid she'll lose her stake in the house. There are other problems as well...it's quite a mess right now....

 

I am trying my best to be a friend right now...but I know some of her affections are going elsewhere....that's what hurts. I'll continue to be patient....but not forever....

[dlb311]

after everything I have been through from my relationship. The I want this but just not right now crap. I realized the miss you and want you more when they think they have lost you. I know its a sick game to play but then maybe you should play with them anymore. Let them go if they really love you they will come back.

They are the ones that want space so give it to them give them alot. Don't be there for when ever they want to talk or see you.

 

Its not fare to you all. I am telling you from the bottom of my heart. People break up for reasons this post sounds like most people broke because the other partner wasn't sure anymore. Well is that fare to you to have you put it on hold what happens if they don't change their minds and they meet someone new.

 

Just to protect yourself, you should only be worring about yourself and well being. I know it sounds selfish but really they are being the selfish ones. Don't be mean to them let them know how much you care. But that you are human with feelings and you can't just put your life on hold while they figure out theirs. If they decide that you are who they want then tell them to feel free to come back and try again. But you really need to stop waisting time on them.

 

THEY DON"T DESERVE IT! I Know.....

 

It hurts alot when you try and try and the other person seems like they are trying but they really aren't they just want you there for their needs they don't think about yours.

 

And I believe that someone saying they need time and space is a real immature emotional way of going about things. If you want something you work at it you don't leave it for later.

[jhd57]

I have been married now for 19 years and my wife told me that she thought I should be with someone else and she does not know if we need to be married anymore and then asked for a seperation. telling me that she needs time alone. We have 2 teenagers 17 and 15. My wife just moved downstairs because she can't afford an apartment with two teenagers. When she said she wanted to seperate I told her she should start looking. She half way agreed with me saying it was not me who wanted a seperation but her, so maybe it should be her looking. I love her very much and it is hard to see her every day and not have a singe intimate moment. I hope this works out but I have already contacted a lawyer just to cover my but

[dlb311]

my heart goes out to...

 

I have a hard time understanding why people give up. I think if you love someone as long and you want to and work at it you will always love that person and want them in your life. Maybe things got slow or boring. So she thinks she needs to go out and find that passion that new feeling of someone. But what she is going to realize is all the time you both have spend together become more then husband and wife. Best friends, raising children together and the same circle of life together. She will realize if she leaves that once her relationship has gone into a year or so that no matter who she is with it ends the same way. But she will remember that she gave up her best friend her lover and her children will not look at her the same way. THe friends and family also.

She needs to understand that. Talk to her and tell her how you feel. that is all you can really do. Its her life and she will choose the path... just be there and show her what she is missing out on if she leaves.

 

good luck...its not you its her..

 

I have that trouble my ex broke up with me for the 2nd time a week ago and I keep thinking why am I not good enough for him. I don't get it for 2 and half years I was everything and now all of a sudden he needs time to be independant. But I have to remember that he left because of his issues...he told me this is what I want just not now. He had a friend who was telling him live your life don't get tied down so fast you will miss out. Well what is going to happen is he is missing out on the greatest love of his life because its true...we were a match made in heaven. But he decided he needed to live his life without me. I wont take him back if he can choose that over me then he always will. And I deserve much better. But he will regret it and your wife will to if she leaves.. Going on that you have been good to her and have a good or decent relationship?

[bittersweet]

My b/f broke up with me this morning. He said he wanted "a break" because he wasn't happy anymore. Meanwhile, he was cheating the last few months (been together 6 years) and he insists it has nothing to do with the other girl.

 

Then, he had the nerve to call me and act like he cared about me being upset.

I don't know what to do now. I'm hoping this "break" makes him realize the mistake he made by leaving me but at the same time its hard for me to play hard to get...

[dlb311]

I know its been 6 years but he cheated... if you take him back he will only do it again. And if he really was sorry he would not be saying he wants a break he would be saying I want this to work can we get through this?

 

Just let your self go through each emotion. Do not contact him it will only make it worse. This is real good advice. Not sure how old you are. But he doesn't appricate you. If you were married I would say see if he wants to work it out. But he obviously doesn't or he would have told you he did.

 

He called and said how sorry he was and how he felt bad for what he has done. Well that guilt talking honey he just wants to make sure he can come back to you if he doesn't find anything better. And he doesn't want to feel bad about himself. Let him feel bad he treated you wrong. Tell him if this is what he wants and he doesn't want to try to work things out you are movin on! that is my advice.

 

My ex broke up with me because he wasn't ready for a commitment. WEll he came back 4 months later. I took him back thinking people make mistakes...well I was the one making the mistake because he did me wrong he treated me bad when I was sooo damn good to him.. and was immature he didn't want to work on the relationship.. So I had to learn the hard way....

 

Please go to family and friends for support but not to him. He has abandoned you and he doesn't even deserve to be your friend.

 

Hope you understand.. I know its hard when you love someone and you thought this was the one. I have been there. But the one wont cheat on me and leave me.

 

Think of all the bad stuff it will help rather then the good and if the bad can out weight the good then you deff.. need to forget about him all together... if he hurts so bad that he cheated while you were together let him go... because you will find someone who will be will you for 50 years an not treat you like that...

[Geoffrey]

Right now my "other" is ignoring me completely.

 

I write, nothing comes back. I call and leave a message, no response.

 

However, the "other guy" I'm sure is getting ALL her attention....

 

Man, I give up...I deserve better treatment than this....and yes, it is the other person, and not me. I did everything I could to be respectful and patient....what I need now is some kind of closure, a goodbye call or letter, so I can move on with my life. I hope it comes soon, if it's coming at all.

[dlb311]

sometimes we have to make our own closure. You want her to tell you its over forever...

 

she wont do that..she wants to keep you there for if this doesn't work out.. can't you see....? She doesn't respect you at all. and so you should let her go. If you need to write a letter our and not send it to her just get all the anger out. She doesn't deserve to know how much she has hurt you. Make her wonder....let her wake up with the guilt one day. I am telling you... seriously you wont be able to ever trust her again. and in a relationship you need trust, respect and acceptance and I think apprication. You dhould cherish every thing about that person and she isn't she is treating you like you have no feelings like hers are the only ones that matter. Stop writing her don't call her.

 

Please take it from me I know sometimes we like to find out for ourselves but seriously you will be much better off with out her in your life at all....

[MarKus]

Originally posted by dlb311

No I understood it was her choice. But since she doesn't want to be with you now then why did she not want the time apart. I think when you think you are losing something you hold on tighter but she let you go instead. That really sucks.

 

If I was you if you need closure get it. Print the pics of her meet her talk get closure and move on. Tell her when you are done with the chat that you don't want contact anymore. And if you see her somewhere say hi if you have to and enjoy who ever you are with or go to another bar. If I was to run into my ex somewhere like that I would leave the bar and go to another. That would be no fun. I would not want to torture myself and going out is suppose to be fun.

 

I think that she was giving you signs that is was over or there was a problem. She probably was enjoying hanging out with that friend. And if you she is always with her then that is a big reason. I can say I understand how you feel in that situation. But the truth is if they can pick something over you then they are not worth it. My advice is to get closure and move on. She isn't good enough for you. All the time and years you have spend together it will hurt to remember all the time and love you shared. Trust me I am there. I thought my ex was the man I was going to marry we talked abotu it and planned it with my family and everything. But sometimes people change and it just doesn't work out. This means there is something much better our there for you and you get a chance to see it. Because she is making a mistake. Sometimes it happens but what sucks is that we on the other end have to deal with the chioces they make and it hurts.

 

I hope that you can believe in yourself and know that you deserve so much better. If you can love her this much and she can just walk away and say I need a break, and ignore you at a bar, and have her friend pretend its her then she isn't the one. Sometimes we have to make our own mistakes to really understand so no hard feelings if you do get back... but trust me she isn't worth it. You deserve a woman who will love you always and understand that relationships take work and compromise and communication. She wants to put you on the side untill she either realizes that there is no one like you and no one can make her as happy, or she will realize her mistake it will be to late and she will have to move on and find someone else. But trust me she will be sorry and she will regret it. That is just want happens. The relationship was good she left because of curosity and that is never a good reason to leave...If you love that person....

 

just keep your head high in due time you will feel so much better and find a wonderful beautiful woman that makes all your dreams come true....

 

 

 

 

Thanks for your advice dlb311,

 

I havnt contacted her for a month now,

She sent me that text message a week ago asking if i could print them photos,

which i havnt replied to,

 

She has just sent me another text message about 15 minutes ago saying

"Hello u ok? Been up 2 much? Tb x"

 

She always asks me if ive been up to much? WHY?

If she didnt want to be with me, then she wouldnt text me, right?

 

I love her, ive done no contact, but im just scared to reply, and i dunno why??

 

Anyway have sort of become interested in a girl at college, which has took my mind off my gf/ex for a while, ive only spoke to her a few times, but she seems to like me (i think?)

This girl (Flick) is going on a date with a guy on saturday, and after half term, if i find out that didnt work out for her, i'll ask her to meet up with me.

[dlb311]

I think that she texted you to make sure you were still there if she wants you. She keeps in touch very little but it has you holding on doesn't it? I know its hard I have been there and done that you are afraid to call her because if you call and she doesn't want you back the texted meant nothing. And you want it to...

My advice is to tell her to leave you alone. YOu will contact her when you are ready. And keep going for other girls I know you like the girl from your college but keep your eyes open there is alot of girls out there and they want a nice guy...

 

I just know I have been there and done that And in the end I thought it was going to be a happy ending and it wasn't... he left because he wasn't ready and that is why she left... she isn't ready for what you can offer her...

chock it up to her loses and it is.. she will regret it but by then you will be over it and with someone you love....

[MarKus]

dlb311

 

Thanks for your reply,

so do you honsestly think i should reply to that text or not?

 

I dont particulary want to reply back, i wont even call her. I havnt spoken to her since 14th February which was the time i met her briefly to give her sum other photos.

 

but i dont want her to think that im over her by not replying because i still love her, but in another sence i dont want to reply, if you see what i mean.

 

Im feeling better in myself now, i try to make myself look and feel good for doing it, and cos ive found myself liking this gal from college it has took my mind off her for a while, now she has text me, it makes me think of her again.

 

I spotted her in town in the daytime last week, she must have seen me, but i just avoided her, cos she was with other people.

But i looked different, and now i try to make myself look good when im out and about, mabye thats why she text me?

 

What wud she think if i dont reply?

[ace6061]

I have been reading the last few pages of postings and you all seem to have a simular problem as myself. I would like any advise offered. My girlfriend broke-up with me after five years of dating. This happened about three months ago. The initial pain has gone away but the feelings are still there. I’m at the stage where I don’t know what to do. The break off was very abrupt. First she asked for some space and I knew what that meant. Then a few weeks later, good bye! She told me that she needed to be alone. She needed to be single for the first time. She has not been single since she was 16. I am the second boyfriend she has had, so it’s not like she has many. We are both 24 now. Anyway! For the first month we didn’t really talk, I just hide in a hole. Then we got together to talk. By then her story had changed. She told me it was because I didn’t ask her to marry me; there were other reasons as well. Now fast-forward a couple of months. We have talked a bit more. She has told me that she is holding on to resentments from our relationship, stuff that isn’t really that bad but in her mind built up over time. She has told me that all this anger built up inside until she couldn’t take it anymore. She also admits that she should have spoken to me about these problems and that if she did we would probably still be together. She has also told me that she has feelings for another guy. S**T! She told me that they are good friends and she is not ready to be in a relationship with anybody, not me not anyone. She seems to somewhat want to make an effort to work through the problems we had. She is still talking to me. I don’t know what to say to her. I don’t know what I want from us. I understand that if she doesn’t want me I am better off without her. I think that if she is telling the truth about holding on to the resentments then maybe there still may be a chance. Maybe all that anger kept her from seeing our possible future. I know I can’t hold on forever. She has said so many things she is either making excuses and doesn’t want to tell me the truth. Or she is really confused. But I do still love her. Any thoughts would be much appreciated.

[dlb311]

I think if you want to reply tell her that you need some time still and that you will contact her when you are ready. And leave it at that. Then she knows you are taking the time to get over her and move on and when you don't want her that way you can be her friend. WHich you should do really!

 

Don't call her just texted her or e-mail her.

 

thanks my advice you need to stay clear of her.. and you should look your best it makes us all feel better...

 

I am glad that you are on top of things... you sounds so much better then you did in the begining....

[Geoffrey]

Geoffrey Post: 468 | Quote:

 

sometimes we have to make our own closure. You want her to tell you its over forever...

 

she wont do that..she wants to keep you there for if this doesn't work out.. can't you see....? She doesn't respect you at all. and so you should let her go. If you need to write a letter our and not send it to her just get all the anger out. She doesn't deserve to know how much she has hurt you. Make her wonder....let her wake up with the guilt one day. I am telling you... seriously you wont be able to ever trust her again. and in a relationship you need trust, respect and acceptance and I think apprication. You dhould cherish every thing about that person and she isn't she is treating you like you have no feelings like hers are the only ones that matter. Stop writing her don't call her.

 

Please take it from me I know sometimes we like to find out for ourselves but seriously you will be much better off with out her in your life at all....

 

 

Yes, deep down I know that you are right.....I ask myself "can I REALLY trust her after all this?" ......and my answer wavers between....yes, if she agrees to try again with me and cut it off completely with this other guy (which is very unlikely).....and NO.....right now, the NO is winning....

 

I am going through waves of feelings this week. Anger one hour. Tears the next hour. Peace the next hour. Then back to the anger again...

 

I KNOW that I have something good to offer. She told me once that I was the closest thing to a true love she has ever known, but I also know she is holding onto some old resentments....which she brings up occasionally....and she doesn't feel she can trust me 100%, because I broke up with her almost a year ago....and "how does she know I won't do it again?"

 

I also know she and the other guy are in close communication with one another....daily. She's VERY MIXED UP....if she had told me about this other guy three months ago, when I proposed putting our relationship back together, but instead she waited until AFTER they had met face-to-face...nothing went down between them, she felt too guilty and confused about her feelings towards me....then I wouldn't feel like such a dope and be sitting here writing all this!!!

 

Letting go takes time. I've been through this before....and I made it out alive with my self-respect and dignity intact...I intend to do the same here....I put away all her mementos and pictures today, stuck them in a box and put it up on a shelf in my closet.....I have a feeling that soon I'll be left with nothing but memories....but then again, so will she....

 

I am taking your advice and not contacting her until further notice. She knows where to find me...if she wants to talk....

[dlb311]

good I am glad...

 

The truth is hard to swallow sometimes. I am sure she loved and loves you. But not enough. She forgave you about the past stuff and now she wants to hold on to it. I think its a cope out. She doesn't want the blame. She wants to blame you instead so she doesn't feel guilty. Feeling Guilty sucks its just as bad as hurting yourself... or being dumped.

 

I think that me ex goes through it everyday. I know he does he is one of those people that can't have people hate him. Well thats tuff because I do. I have never hated anyone the way I hate him and in time my feelings may change to nothing at all. But for now I hate him.. I hate what he did to me how he made me think and feel that our relationship was something special to each other and most of all to him. If he was he would have never done the things he did. Like keep in contact with the ex girlfriend and talk to her once a month and never tell her about me. And then I contacted her and she told me that he sees her every once in a while and that one night he kissed her and said he was sorry things didn't work out. He said she was lying to hurt me and break us up.. at the time I believed him. But what I have realized is he is a good liar.

 

He lied to her when he was with her for the first year when we were way younger he broke up with her and started casually dating me and in the middle and i was unaware of he got back with her. and then a couple weeks later he disappeared. I wasn't heart broken because I didn't like him then. But still to look back I thought it was so good but if he could do that to her and he stayed with her two more years after that and cheated on her often.

 

When things start to settle and clear your head will give you the truths and the answers.

 

It sucks sometimes you learn that the one person you thought was the best person in the whole world is actually the worst. That is true to my story...

[MarKus]

Originally posted by dlb311

I think if you want to reply tell her that you need some time still and that you will contact her when you are ready. And leave it at that. Then she knows you are taking the time to get over her and move on and when you don't want her that way you can be her friend. WHich you should do really!

 

Don't call her just texted her or e-mail her.

 

thanks my advice you need to stay clear of her.. and you should look your best it makes us all feel better...

 

I am glad that you are on top of things... you sounds so much better then you did in the begining....

 

Thanks dlb311,

Im sorry to hear what your ex boyfriend did to you, i think he's an idiot, and i can totally understand why you hate him, i hate her sometimes

 

I think i will reply to her text message,

I'll simply say something like this.

 

"Hello, i'm fine. How are you?"

 

Do you reckon that is okay, or not??