gypsi Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Just curious to know if anyone on here ever got back together with their ex? If so how long were you broken up for? And if are you a happy couple the 2nd time around? Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRibbon Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Sorry not me. I am the dumpee who can't even get a text or phone call about getting my stuff back. I guess I have to beg for that also. Link to post Share on other sites
playlislay Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 lol! Im the same, no second chances for moi! Ive just found out that my ex of 4 months has a new gf-long distance at that. ****ing cunting *******!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE MEN!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
bluewolf17 Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 I dated a guy for 2 years, and he broke up with me (actually quite a few times). Usually the break up only lasted a month, two at the most. I would always flip out, and beg to be taken back. He would date a girl or two, and then eventually come back to me. But you know what? It didn't feel good. Everytime he took me back, I would feel jealous, and a little pathetic, but I couldn't stop! I was addicted to this bad guy! Funny thing is, the last time he dumped me..I accepted it. I moved on, and got involved in a loving, long term relationship about 6 months after. And who do you think came knocking at my door begging me back? That's right, my dick head ex. And what's even weirder, is that I didn't care at that point. That Ex actually tried for 3yrs to get back with me (sending flowers at work, calling, writing letters) all the romantic things I would have wanted way back when. Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 rare occasion people do, depends moslty like if they broke up to distance or minor issues. But most times its done over, dumpee usually wants the dumper back in the earlier stages then as time goes on they see them for what they really are and don't. Usually hte dumper around this time comes knocking back and by then you don't even care. Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 I got a second chance, and wholeheartedly wish I didnt. You have to understand, there are VERY few circumstances where the second chance goes any different. I was back with my ex, and happy as can be, then got dumped, and pretty much realized I was being used and passing her time. I havent heard a single word since we split, and my bet is that she was just lining up a replacement. Trust me, I would MUCH rather have someone walk away and never come back. At least then, you can just move on for good. When they come back to try things again, its just a waste of time. I seriously feel I completely wasted another year of my life on my ex for no reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Bluebird In My Heart Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 Just curious to know if anyone on here ever got back together with their ex? If so how long were you broken up for? And if are you a happy couple the 2nd time around? Every single guy I've ever gone out with has tried to come back - even the ones that said they wanted out. Admittedly, it's not a huge number, and could be a fluke. I did get back together with one a few times, mainly because I felt there was more to it. There really wasn't, though. We were never broken up long (<2 mos.). I don't think he wanted me to get used to being without him, so he had to strike while the iron was still...warm. To be fair, I went along with it for essentially the same reason. In retrospect, I think that's really the only reason we kept getting back together - we wanted to get every last bit of life out of it, and be sure the body was cold before moving on. So, seeing as the main reason we got back together was that we wanted to prevent any possible regrets from not having tried to get back together - ummm - incredibly enough, it didn't really pan out. I didn't see this at the time. Oh! Yes, and I'll never forget what he said to me: "We can't stand each other anymore. We're either fighting or f*cking. I know I can't have you - but I don't want anyone else to have you, either." I know! Really? It didn't work?! I'm shocked, too! There was another guy I kind of got back together with...repeatedly...but we kind of weren't really together in the first place. So he doesn't count. It was just a series of meaningless shagfests. Looking back, it was probably one of the most satisfying, honest relationships I've ever had in all my life. . Link to post Share on other sites
lonelypiscesguy Posted May 2, 2009 Share Posted May 2, 2009 Yeah, a couple of times. The first was with my ex-wife. I seperated from her and we got back together a couple of months later. I was a dick again so she understandably had enough and divorced my dumb ass. The second time was an on again/ off again relationship with a lying slut (karma is a bitch! Not to say I cheated on the ex wife, just that I took her for granted and I reaped what I sowed). I ended up breaking up with her after heard her talking to some other dude in front of me on the phone, trying to be slick! Right now, I'm still pining for this ex GF, but I fear she has moved on. She called-off two engagements, one at 20 and one at 33, and she is pretty demanding, as I have learned, and I'd bet her friends and family have told her to move-on. Oh, well. I think I was in love with the romance of us more than her anyway. She looked me up after 26 years (we met in 10th grade)! Link to post Share on other sites
cabarc1 Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Only time i've noticed that it seems to work a 2nd time is when a few years have gone by. I've had a few friends get back with their exs after a looooong time has gone by and it work the 2nd time around........ Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 No.. None of them... Thank God.... I feel lucky today because then I would have never met my now wife and wouldn't have a wonderful life with her and a wonderful son to go along with it... Moving on is always better for you... Link to post Share on other sites
heartbroken720 Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 When you are the dumpee and you wanted a second chance did you live with that person? Like in the situation with my ex we were together for 5 1/2 years and this is the first time in all that time he moved out...which was Saturday this past weekend. I have his/our dogs still...I have been wondering will he ever come back? Even though it may not be for the best and it seems as though I got ditched so he can have fun...we were suppose to married May 16th. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 I've gotten a few second chances and given a few. In each and every instance it did not work out. When I dump someone and my feelings change, they just aren't going to come back. In the same context, I think the women who have dumped me (all 2 of them) felt the same way. Their feelings aren't going to come back (though the one at work has hinted that she misses me, her actions aren't following her words). My advice to anyone seeking a second chance is to be VERY careful what you wish for. Odds are, all you are going to do is delay the healing process. Instead of looking backwards while plowing the field, set your sights on what is ahead of you. At least that way you can avoid the proverbial tripping and falling that comes with wanting and getting a second chance. It's called a breakup because it's broken, right?! I think that's the name of the book. It's probably still broken because most of us never fix our own issues that contributed to the breakup in the first place. Take advantage of your single-dom to work on making yourself better. In that way, when Mr/Ms Right comes along, you'll be well equipped to have a successful, loving relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
nolanola Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 I agree with the poster that said that it tends to be after a long time. I think that if you think about it, things aren't working right now because of the people that you are right now. It's always possible that you might change and be able to work, but it doesn't happen in a week or two. People do change, not necessarily for the better or worse, but just change as a result of life experience. I have a good friend who broke up with a boyfriend after they had been dating for a few years. He dated someone else and so did she. After a year of no contact, they came back together and are now married for the past 15 years. I have another friend whose parents were married, then divorced. They both married other people only to divorce and get remarried. So I do think it can happen, but you can't place all your hopes on it. Who knows who you will be in a year or five years? Keep looking forward and growing... Link to post Share on other sites
cabarc1 Posted May 5, 2009 Share Posted May 5, 2009 Yeah i agree with Nola, you pretty much nailed what i was trying to say earlier.......... Link to post Share on other sites
selena_cat Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 I dated a guy for 2 years, and he broke up with me (actually quite a few times). Usually the break up only lasted a month, two at the most. I would always flip out, and beg to be taken back. He would date a girl or two, and then eventually come back to me. But you know what? It didn't feel good. Everytime he took me back, I would feel jealous, and a little pathetic, but I couldn't stop! I was addicted to this bad guy! Funny thing is, the last time he dumped me..I accepted it. I moved on, and got involved in a loving, long term relationship about 6 months after. And who do you think came knocking at my door begging me back? That's right, my dick head ex. And what's even weirder, is that I didn't care at that point. That Ex actually tried for 3yrs to get back with me (sending flowers at work, calling, writing letters) all the romantic things I would have wanted way back when. Amazing!! you should write a post on that, Link to post Share on other sites
brokenglass Posted May 6, 2009 Share Posted May 6, 2009 My ex and I "broke up" about two times before we actually broke up. We were still living together, but for a few days would pretend we weren't together anymore. It killed the both of us at the time and eventually "worked things out" while still living together. We ended up breaking things off finally because there was no change between either of us, just remorse, regret, jealousy, anger, bitterness, etc. after we "worked things out". Since we've broken up, I have changed immensely and she is starting to see a real difference. She won't ever truly verbalize this to me but I know it to be the case, I can tell when I look into her eyes. The closest she has gotten to saying this was earlier today actually when she hugged me as hard as she used to and said she was proud of me, of my accomplishments and the person I am becoming, and I have to say it brought tears to my eyes. Change is possible with those who truly want it and to those who truly think they need it. Under the right circumstances, I wholeheartedly feel as if the change a person needs occurs and the other party decides, THATS the person I needed them to be before and I want another chance/to give them another chance, then it happens. And if the change is real, thats where the magic happens. I only know of one case (off the top of my head anyway) where a couple was at wits end with eachother, ready to murder eachother after divorce. 3 years later? They reconciled, remarried, bought a house, got some dogs for their kids and make a concerted effort to be happy no matter the circumstances. In my eyes, thats change, thats whats important. And it is possible. But probable? It all depends on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Me and my ex broke up last year in July. I was doing a week of temping so we didn't see each other. He had started a new job and seemed to rediscover himself through it. He broke up with the friday after I finished work in person...and I was devestated. We exchanged a few emails wishing each other the best and expressing our wish to be friends in the future. He turned up loads of places I was....we had sex a couple of times...and got back together. I made a massive change in myself when we got back together. I felt I gave my all that time around. But HE stopped. He didn't recognise himself as the problem whereas I learnt a LOT and recognised where i'd gone wrong. So I came back into the relationship with the desire to change and grow. He didn't feel the need to. Here is just a few things he did that I foolishly put up with: * He went out with friends EVERY friday and saturday. We used to see variable week days and sundays. I used to want to go out on fridays and saturdays. He said these were his days. * He didn't want me to go out with him and his friends because of issues we'd have before in public with friends. When we did i.e. New Years Eve - HE got drunk and freaked out on me, and so decided we couldn't go out together anymore, even though I didn't do anything. He even didn't want to invite me to his BIRTHDAY and only did so at the last minute. * He stopped kissing me and said he just didn't want to anymore. I took this as a massive rejection. Whenever I wanted a kiss he would just sigh or be a robot. * He went off sex. I saw this as a MASSIVE red flag. He claimed it was just being stressed and tired from work (worked 6 days) but from my perspective NOTHING makes me not want sex, at least not consistently. I had sex with him when I had tonsilitis and felt rubbish...but the desire overrided that...so I did find it weird that this seemed to be a constant thing. I remember us having sex and I caught him either with his eyes shut, watching TV or just not responding. He used to be equally there with me. I started to feel like I was actually raping him or something. It was so unattractive. Just a body lying there and then him saying he felt used or forced to have sex with me. I began to get scared to even bring it up....he preferred oral sex which I also loved to give. But I wondered why *I* was the one so focused on his pleasure (I enjoy giving) and he didn't give a **** about mine. * He stopped coming on msn to talk to me (something we did all the time). Yet I caught im talking to other people on msn at the same time I was online...just not to me. * He lied to me about meeting up with certain friends and then got b***** when I told him I knew. * He lied about watching porn. I caught a couple of porn links in his recent items...and wondered if he had turned to it since he'd gone off sex. I wouldn't have minded but he LIED and I caught him out. More trust down the toilet. * I caught him saying he couldn't really be bothered with me, sex wasn't the same. WHO'S FAULT WAS THAT? Alllllllllllllll the blame went on me. Because he broke up with me for his own reasons, he saw it as me that needed to make all the changes...WHICH I DID. But he didn't monitor his own changes. He lied to me, pulled away from me, and I became a complete and utter wreck. I would warn you, make sure they will put the effort in or they will try to guilt trip you. I was never a perfect girlfriend. He had legitimate reasons for breaking up with me. But where I changed, grew up and wanted to make it right, its almost like he got back with me for ME to make it up to him. I became miserable. Miserable with him, miserable without him. Link to post Share on other sites
fabulous_chk Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 he preferred oral sex which I also loved to give. But I wondered why *I* was the one so focused on his pleasure (I enjoy giving) and he didn't give a **** about mine. RED FLAG!!! My ex told me that guys only allow bj when they're not in love with the gf/wife anymore. Because they don't have to pretend/make an effort. also not wanting to kiss....Bigger RED FLAG! LEAVE this guy ASAP! He is using you. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 RED FLAG!!! My ex told me that guys only allow bj when they're not in love with the gf/wife anymore. Because they don't have to pretend/make an effort. also not wanting to kiss....Bigger RED FLAG! LEAVE this guy ASAP! He is using you. We are over, don't worry! Its only looking back that I realise HOW MUCH I took. No wonder I feel so broken now. Is the oral sex thing true? Link to post Share on other sites
helovesme Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 They promise you everything will be different, but it's usually not. It really takes a conscious effort to change the things that were the problems in the first place. If you are on and off and just dating, you are probably better off moving on at this point. I am back with the ex, and we have the same problems (maybe more now). Ultimately, if you try again, the worst that can happen is it doesn't work. Then at least you can say you tried. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
fabulous_chk Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 We are over, don't worry! Its only looking back that I realise HOW MUCH I took. No wonder I feel so broken now. Is the oral sex thing true? yes it's true. ex did the same thing to me and that's when i knew it was over. Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 yes it's true. ex did the same thing to me and that's when i knew it was over. We've both had a lucky escape! God I hope this doesn't give me oral sex issues in the future! lol Link to post Share on other sites
Soul Bear Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 That is just a big heap of SH*T..sorry, but i am a guy, and i loved my ex very much. Whenever we would perform oral It was always give and take. SOMETIMES she would give and just want to move straight down to business, other times it was the other way round. I think that comment sounds like something you would read in a teeny weeny/pop/hello/vogue magazine. Sorry if this comes across as rude, but i disagree very strongly with that statement. Your ex obviously only wanted to hurt you when he said that to you, and i personaly want to smack him in the face for projecting that kind of crap about men. DO NOT generalise gender specifics like that. If you hold onto that total BS thought you will destroy any relationship you have. Trust me Just my 2p. Link to post Share on other sites
Chukky Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 I believe in second chances As long as the original problem has been sorted thru.....it CAN work Not easy though Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 I believe in second chances As long as the original problem has been sorted thru.....it CAN work Not easy though Thats assuming that a PROBLEM caused the split, and not just a change of heart. If it was a specific issue that caused the breakup, then sure, two adults can work it out. But if the person just doesnt feel the same way about you anymore, its done and over with. No amount of trying to change is going to help. The real issue is that most people want to believe its just a problem that needs to be resolved, when more likely, the person just doesnt feel the same way about you. So, you can try all you want to be a better person, but the other person probably wont care. Link to post Share on other sites
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