Island Girl Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 I see he hasn't even given thought that all his rationalizations can be applied to women as well. Hopefully he'll think 'Oh well, she's just programmed to do so, can't blame her' when his woman goes on a business trip, meets a hot man and immediately drops her skirt. Well, since I am "programmed" to seek out security (in the form of housing and food which translates these days into money) then I guess I should just forget about all that I have with my husband and actively look to replace him! And since I am "programmed" to reproduce and those days are just tick tocking away I should get a move on to find some other guy to do that as well! I guess Admiral shouldn't be surprised if all he seems to find are gold diggers and those searching for "baby daddys"!! It's okay though! They are "programmed" that way!! Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 Well, since I am "programmed" to seek out security (in the form of housing and food which translates these days into money) then I guess I should just forget about all that I have with my husband and actively look to replace him! And since I am "programmed" to reproduce and those days are just tick tocking away I should get a move on to find some other guy to do that as well! I guess Admiral shouldn't be surprised if all he seems to find are gold diggers and those searching for "baby daddys"!! It's okay though! They are "programmed" that way!! :lmao: I feel programmed to hunt him down for his insulting comments and place his head on a pike the way the old headhunters did. Should I do that? Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 :lmao: I feel programmed to hunt him down for his insulting comments and place his head on a pike the way the old headhunters did. Should I do that? If you feel programmed to do so then by his own admission he shouldn't be surprised! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 I agree with Admiral... Anyone can hold a relationship for life.. if they aren't physically together.. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 I agree with Admiral... Whoa there's a SHOCKER!! Link to post Share on other sites
Admiral Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 This thread may have gone a little off topic. Everything you have said doesn't make what I said untrue. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 Everything you have said doesn't make what I said untrue. Everything I live makes what you say untrue. Studies have shown what you say to be untrue. And yes -- we have been OT. So back to what I had said before: Are you in a LDR? (Methinks not...) And if so, do you find it more difficult to trust your partner? Link to post Share on other sites
Lovelybird Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 Apes aren't monogamous, and humans have evolved from apes. Your ancestor is ape, mine isn't, mine is fully human, Adam and Eve. Talking about trust, what a sweet thing is. Trust another sometimes has something to do with own ability. There are lots of projection and imaginations that serve self interests, not the love object Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 This thread may have gone a little off topic. Everything you have said doesn't make what I said untrue. You did not answer me. So ARE you advocating that we should follow our animalistic instincts and disregard our capability to think of consequences, love, and the future? Link to post Share on other sites
Admiral Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 You did not answer me. So ARE you advocating that we should follow our animalistic instincts and disregard our capability to think of consequences, love, and the future? Within reason. Society is better now that people aren't killing each other over trivial things - but people will still kill each other if they are absolutely desperate to survive (on the news all the time.) My point is that people (men especially) grow weary of LDRs, and if a potential partner comes along, they will often take it. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 Ah, finally a logical post. Yes, people (not only men, trust me) do get weary of distance. That's why we always strive to close it. So do people get weary of relationships once infatuation wears off. If someone better comes along, oftentimes they take it. That does not mean that our 'biologically programmed instinct' to satisfy sexual desires makes LDRs impossible. Just as how it doesn't make it impossible to establish a society that doesn't kill each other over trivial things. Link to post Share on other sites
Ashbash11 Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 Admiral, how do you know this? Are you a man who was in a LDR, and took the opportunity to get with a new person because you became "weary?" Do you have friends who have done this? Where does the proof come from? There's no sense in making an argument if you can't back it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Admiral Posted May 3, 2009 Share Posted May 3, 2009 AThat does not mean that our 'biologically programmed instinct' to satisfy sexual desires makes LDRs impossible. Just as how it doesn't make it impossible to establish a society that doesn't kill each other over trivial things. It's not impossible, it's just far more difficult than a face to face relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
LonelyTiger Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Just caught up on this thread and I have to say - Island Girl and Elswyth - well said both of you - I'm with you all the way on this one! It doesn't surprise me that this thread took the turn it did but I'm really pleased you two put up such a good fight - although I suspect it fell on deaf ears! Remaining faithful to somebody we love is a choice. It's the self awareness and ability to choose that sets us apart from other animals. When it comes to trust, if you're in a loving, respectful relationship, I don't think it makes any difference whether you're living together, around the corner, or thousands of miles apart. Yes, we all have needs, but for some of us the emotional needs outweigh the physical ones. Of course I miss sex, I'm sure we all do, but there are other ways of scratching the itch than finding a 'substitute' for our SO just because he or she is far away. What I miss more than sex is physical touch - being held, kissed, cuddled and stroked by my husband! Another man is never going to make me feel the way he does so why would I bother looking elsewhere? I know my husband and I know he feels the same.....and I also know that if he didn't feel the same he would tell me. Whatever 'biological urges' he might have while he is away from me are overidden by his love for me and his respect for my feelings. I feel very sorry for anybody who doesn't believe that's possible because it proves that they have never experienced genuine 'love'. So for me, in a committed, long term, albeit sometimes turbulent, relationship with a man I really love and respect, the answer is 'no' - I trust him just as much from a distance as I do when we are together. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Whatever 'biological urges' he might have while he is away from me are overidden by his love for me and his respect for my feelings. Precisely! Because it IS possible for some of us to use sense, love, and commitment to make our decisions instead of animalistic urges! Link to post Share on other sites
LonelyTiger Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Hubby told me last night that he's got a club 'ball' coming up and he's taking some young girl, 14 years his junior, because she hasn't got anybody else to take her (ah, he's a sweetie - knowing him, she's probably offered to drive ). It's a good job I do trust him eh??? On the other hand, maybe I should be worried that he'll be overcome with animal lust, wack her on the head with a wine bottle and drag her back to his cave (flat!). :lmao: Hmmm??? Anybody know the number of a private investigator in the Middle East? Link to post Share on other sites
LikeCharlotte Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 Another man is never going to make me feel the way he does so why would I bother looking elsewhere? This is something you cannot explain to someone who has never experienced it. It is both beautiful and tragic. It is exactly how I was going to reply. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted May 4, 2009 Share Posted May 4, 2009 This is something you cannot explain to someone who has never experienced it. It is both beautiful and tragic. It is exactly how I was going to reply. I know LikeCharlotte It is exactly how I feel and I KNOW my husband is the same way I am. He feels the same way. So many are jaded and do not believe a lasting meaningful relationship is possible whether LD or in person. Thankfully we are in the select group that know different!! :love: Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 Instincts are more powerful than higher brain functions. Just letting you know, it can explain a lot. Exactly. People use their higher brain functions to do these things (e.g. commitment and monogamy), against their instincts.They are modern conventions that go against what humans have evolved to do. Men are not supposed to be monogamous, biologically speaking. On the other hand, jealousy and revenge are also instincts, and both count against promiscuity. Any time you cheat on a woman, you are risking castration and potentially murder. The way to get the most sex is monogamy with an attractive nymphomaniac, not promiscuity. Link to post Share on other sites
Jengo Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 So I am the newby, go easy. I have been in a LDR for 6 months and have known him for 8. I count the start of the LDR from when we met face to face. We met online and although had an instant connection, who can tell if its real until you spend time with one another and then still you are going on faith. He is in the UK, me the US. We talk almost everyday via email, IM, phone, various websites, whatever and whenever we can. I know his family and his friends from my visits and I stay in touch with some. I have never once worried that he would be or is unfaithful. I think that when a the person you love, no matter how close in proximity, begins creating a distance versus including you in their life, you have problems-mileage has nothing to do with it. You are trusting the person, the common goals and shared feelings. I have never felt closer to a man. He will be here for 89 days starting June 16th. He will meet my family and my children...wow. Pray for me! And to give you my succinct thoughts - it depends on the relationship. Its likely, just like with people locally, most will not endure. Link to post Share on other sites
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