chiefchalupa Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 Hi everyone, I am new here and I was hoping to hear your wisdom especially the older females who’d been around marriage for a long time… Okay so that’s the story, I am 27 he’s 35. I married him on 2/2002; we have a boy together. (We didn’t married pregnant we had the baby afterward). After marrying my husband I realized that he had a drug addiction. All through my pregnancy and even after the baby was born he had a “Speed outbreaks” but he always worked as hard as he could to support the growing family, never missed work or neglected me. 2 months after the baby was born, after he’d been clean for a while and had gone to counseling, he went to a concert with a friend and came back home high. (We had a newborn in the house) he told me that him and that friend did it together, and it not the first time that this friend is encouraging him. I realize that one can only control oneself but I also believe in the old saying “out of sight out of mind”. Finally after all the counseling and his big efforts he’s clean for 10 months now. His friend who is engaged kept doing drugs (and still keep doing it…) and he also lies to his fiancé about it. He told her that he didn’t do it for 2 years, when he can’t even say (in reality) that he didn’t do it for a week. I am afraid that this friend will drag my husband into trouble again this friend calls him 3-4 times a day and I don’t know what he’s telling him but sometimes it makes my husband resentful of me. Last week his fiancé e-mailed me saying that she’s calling her fiancé over and over and he’s not answering, she’s in Japan for the last 7 months, and she said that she wants to come here and get pregnant, I remembered my pregnancy days and how I cried worried about my husband’s addiction not being able to deal with the stress of the pregnancy and the overwhelming addiction, I told her that he’s lying to her. It was wrong I know, but maybe it would have been even more wrong of me not to tell her? She’s all alone here, no family and he’s addicted and won’t stop being addicted until he’ll get some serious help. She “betrayed” me and forwarded my e-mail to him and soon enough my husband got a phone call and now he’s angry. I need your advice how to handle this delicate situation. Thanks in advance. Sharon. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 20, 2003 Share Posted October 20, 2003 you've put yourself in a tough spot by telling the girl that her boyfriend/fiance has drug problems. Dear Abby would tell you to MYOB (mind yer own business), but I say how can a responsible person stand by and watch a train derail when it knows that there's a weak link in the rails? at this point, you need to do damage control with the three parties involved, and I think the best way to do that is to have all present while you say your piece. Or at least the two men right there, because your husband's pal is bad news, someone who will do anything to destroy your marriage because he sees it at a threat to his happiness. At some point, your husband is going to have to choose what he wants most from his life -- his family (you and the baby) and living right by them, or his friend (who represents a whole other kind of lifestyle). Ideally, your husband will cut off all ties to this guy while he indulges in a drug-filled lifestyle, but in reality, that's probably not going to happen. have the two of you considered marriage counseling? If he sees the marriage commitment from a different angle, he might chose to pledge himself fully to it, rather than backslide at the suggestion of his friends. good luck with this .... quank Link to post Share on other sites
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