Why doesn't the husband/wife end the marriage?

[herenow]

Oh wow you really are mad arn't you, would you like a hug sugar?

 

herenow:

Ah I would love to agree to that, but some of the BS's here lately have become a bit upitty so I can't promise that. I call it like I see it.

 

There is a reason though I target the comment it is not meant to be general to all BS's that are here at LS.

 

You are not one of those that would direct that comment towards.

 

I have (at length) give why I don't leave. Take it or leave it means nothing to me.

 

 

I'll take it because it matters not to me. But I think bitter is a strong word for someone, like yourself as well, who is just voicing an opinion about such a volatile subject to begin with.

[herenow]

Oh now here I have been nice to you and you come up with this.

 

I will say I do like the gang tactics of the BS and supporters though.

 

How could I resist such a line? Come on, you thought of it as well. Admit it or I will say that you are not as witty as you think you are.

 

But yes, in most cases I do agree with Donna.

[pkn06002]

I'll take it because it matters not to me. But I think bitter is a strong word for someone, like yourself as well, who is just voicing an opinion about such a volatile subject to begin with.

 

Oh it is!

 

But you can only take being called cheater, lier, POS etc.. etc... so many times.

 

It(bitter) does upset people too freaking bad, can't have a discussion without nasty labels you get one back.

 

Yes it(your comment) was a good one liner, I will give you that.

 

I don't mind the whole supporting people that is natural. But BS's (and supporters) do have a tendency to pile on. Donna does go both ways on different topics, this one somehow I got her upset. Happens oh well.

[herenow]

Oh now here I have been nice to you and you come up with this.

 

I will say I do like the gang tactics of the BS and supporters though.

 

PKN, I'm, leaving you. Why? Not enough sex and I need my sex. So, I have to go now because I'm not getting what I need from you. I'll be back, but not until after I get some sex.

 

I also have to pick up my kids from school. Have a great day all!

[JMC]

Oh it is!

 

But you can only take being called cheater, lier, POS etc.. etc... so many times.

 

It(bitter) does upset people too freaking bad, can't have a discussion without nasty labels you get one back.

 

Yes it(your comment) was a good one liner, I will give you that.

 

I don't mind the whole supporting people that is natural. But BS's (and supporters) do have a tendency to pile on. Donna does go both ways on different topics, this one somehow I got her upset. Happens oh well.

 

And what comes of the OM/W? The ones who came to this forum for support? How are they supposed to get that if BS's dominate the forum and "pile on" and use "gang tactics"?

 

What happens is that they mostly stay silent. So why call this forum "The Other Man/Woman"?

 

Why does this site allow this to go on and on????

 

I myself only came back and posted after I was not seeing MM anymore, because I was too afraid to be here otherwise. So what good is this forum?

[pkn06002]

And what comes of the OM/W? The ones who came to this forum for support? How are they supposed to get that if BS's dominate the forum and "pile on" and use "gang tactics"?

 

What happens is that they mostly stay silent. So why call this forum "The Other Man/Woman"?

 

Why does this site allow this to go on and on????

 

I myself only came back and posted after I was not seeing MM anymore, because I was too afraid to be here otherwise. So what good is this forum?

 

It takes people that are willing to stand up to them(BS's) is all.

 

Some are good folks don't let the bitter ones run you off. Just stand up to them. Your worth is not based on what they (or anyone) thinks of you.

[JMC]

Stand up to them?! If that worked, don't you think more would be doing that? I did that in my first days, but the nasty way I was treated before, during, and after only served to intimidate and silence me. I've seen plenty of other OM/W stand up to them too, but it doesn't help in the long run simply because the numbers and ire of the BS outnumber the OM/W.

 

Which would be OK if it were a BS forum, but my God how many times do I have to say it! This isn't their freaking forum. It is for OM/W.

 

There's simply too many BS's here, throwing too much of their weight around, and the OM/W are obviously too intimidated and tired of being insulted to really post that much. It's sick. And I really don't understand how the moderators sit around and allow it to go on.

[pkn06002]

Stand up to them?! If that worked, don't you think more would be doing that? I did that in my first days, but the nasty way I was treated before, during, and after only served to intimidate and silence me. I've seen plenty of other OM/W stand up to them too, but it doesn't help in the long run simply because the numbers and ire of the BS outnumber the OM/W.

 

Which would be OK if it were a BS forum, but my God how many times do I have to say it! This isn't their freaking forum. It is for OM/W.

 

There's simply too many BS's here, throwing too much of their weight around, and the OM/W are obviously too intimidated and tired of being insulted to really post that much. It's sick. And I really don't understand how the moderators sit around and allow it to go on.

 

I understand what you are saying.

 

Alert posts or just have it out with them. They really don't like the label of bitter, which is why I use it sometimes. BS's want to fling labels so can I.

 

Yes OW/OM are pretty much on their own dealing with this. The BS prey on the shame and guilt of an affair. I have neither which does make this easier for me.

 

But harrasment is against the rules alert the mods, they cannot look at every post in ever thread for violations.

[Mr. Lucky]

I myself only came back and posted after I was not seeing MM anymore

Glad we were able to get you straightened out. You can thank us later ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[JMC]

Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back.

 

I only stopped seeing him because he ended it.

 

IF NOT I'D STILL BE FORNICATING WITH HIM AND ENJOYING EVERY SCREAMING ORGASM. I had chemistry with him unlike anyone else I've ever been with. I loved him dearly and still do. If he contacts me, I'll gladly see him again.

 

~~~~~

 

And Mr. Lucky, you missed the point of what I said before. I didn't post here during seeing him because of the viciousness of the BS's, even though it was supposed to be a forum for ME to post in.

[pkn06002]

Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back.

 

I only stopped seeing him because he ended it.

 

IF NOT I'D STILL BE FORNICATING WITH HIM AND ENJOYING EVERY SCREAMING ORGASM. I had chemistry with him unlike anyone else I've ever been with. I loved him dearly and still do. If he contacts me, I'll gladly see him again.

 

~~~~~

 

And Mr. Lucky, you missed the point of what I said before. I didn't post here during seeing him because of the viciousness of the BS's, even though it was supposed to be a forum for ME to post in.

 

 

See that was not that hard!

 

You are OK with what you did, if they (BS's) don't like it too freaking bad that is their problem.

[jj33]

You use the alert button JMC.

[JMC]

Thank you PK and JJ. I will do just that!

 

And no, it wasn't that hard to write that, thank you.

[jj33]

But you need to explain why its abusive or rude you cant just hit the button.

[NoIDidn't]

But you need to explain why its abusive or rude you cant just hit the button.

 

Exactly. Just because someone expresses an opinion that you don't like or says something else that's likely TRUE about a situation doesn't make them rude or abusive.

 

Being in an affair is abusive though. The man even dumped her. Yuck.

[whichwayisup]

But you need to explain why its abusive or rude you cant just hit the button.

That and you can't react either. If you post a reply back to the person who is rude, it kind of defeats the purpose of hitting the alert us key. Example below:

 

Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back.

 

I've always said, there's a big difference between harsh advice/posts and RUDE/MEAN posts. Sometimes words can jump off a page and things can be taken out of context.

[desertmoon]

The man even dumped her. Yuck.

 

Like the above statement for example, is that necessary or helpful? What is the purpose of the statement?

[herenow]

Which would be OK if it were a BS forum, but my God how many times do I have to say it! This isn't their freaking forum. It is for OM/W.

.

 

Let's take a look at the OP of this thread:

 

"Even when the affair is discovered, it's said that the wife rarely leaves the husband, why is that?"

 

This is a question that can only be answered in truth by a BW. Any answer from anyone else is pure speculation. So, first I have to assume that the Meagan will somehow be helped if she gets the answer she is looking for. In answering the question I am indeed supporting Meagan. She or anyone else may not like what I have to say. But, based on my own experience, it's the truth. If you don't want a truthful answer, then don't ask the question or don't read the thread.

 

If you don't get support from a particular thread, then maybe there are others that will be more to your liking. But, this one begs for BW involvement. So, there you have it.

 

I treat people on this forum the same way I do in real life. My story and my opinions are the same as they are in real life. No one has a problem with it in real life, so why is it such a problem here? As a matter of fact, most people I know. friends and family, appreciate the fact that I'm "real". I don't play games with people. I tell the truth when asked and people trust me to be honest. They know they can depend on me and I always keep my word. No different than I am here but, for some reason, some people here just can't handle the truth.

[NoIDidn't]

Let's take a look at the OP of this thread:

 

"Even when the affair is discovered, it's said that the wife rarely leaves the husband, why is that?"

 

This is a question that can only be answered in truth by a BW. Any answer from anyone else is pure speculation.

 

 

Wrong! Just like everything else in the A, the OP wants the question answered by their MP. Only their MP has the truth. Now, everyone else is speculating. LOL.

 

(I hope everyone here can take a joke! LOL)

[fooled once]

Wow --- this thread really got nasty.

 

I think it is wrong to make generalizations such as

 

Hard to keep up with the bitter people on this forum

 

Just sad that 'personal' attacks started happening

 

Like someone just stated, the original question was posted asking why don't the betrayed spouse end the marriage and unless you are/were a betrayed spouse, you can only guess the answer.

 

Just sad to see that 4-5 pages were all about nagging and taking pot shots at posters.

[White Flower]

Let's take a look at the OP of this thread:

 

"Even when the affair is discovered, it's said that the wife rarely leaves the husband, why is that?"

 

This is a question that can only be answered in truth by a BW. Any answer from anyone else is pure speculation. So, first I have to assume that the Meagan will somehow be helped if she gets the answer she is looking for. In answering the question I am indeed supporting Meagan. She or anyone else may not like what I have to say. But, based on my own experience, it's the truth. If you don't want a truthful answer, then don't ask the question or don't read the thread.

 

If you don't get support from a particular thread, then maybe there are others that will be more to your liking. But, this one begs for BW involvement. So, there you have it.

 

I treat people on this forum the same way I do in real life. My story and my opinions are the same as they are in real life. No one has a problem with it in real life, so why is it such a problem here? As a matter of fact, most people I know. friends and family, appreciate the fact that I'm "real". I don't play games with people. I tell the truth when asked and people trust me to be honest. They know they can depend on me and I always keep my word. No different than I am here but, for some reason, some people here just can't handle the truth.

You are the rare poster who sees things in the various persepctives. A lot of BS tend to jab, even if they offer real advice or experience. It is the 'jabbers' who think they are making a difference. The only difference they make is to drive away people who may really be seeking advice.

 

I hate to preach, but even the Bible says to win them over with kindness. If you want people to change, kill them with kindness!

[NoIDidn't]

I hate to preach, but even the Bible says to win them over with kindness. If you want people to change, kill them with kindness!

 

Such a true statement. Consider me duly chastized by it.

[Gamine]

As much as an OW believes she knows about the MP the person who lives with them and who has known them for many years undoubtedly understands more about them. The OW's interaction with the MP is limited. Therefore the OW knows and understands only those things that the MP communicates with them. More often than not the spouse knows more about them personally than someone who they are dating. It is just the nature of the relationship.

 

When I was young and stupid I was an OW. So I understand from whence I come. As a wife now for 13 1/2 years I also know the wife's experience. My husband cheated last year. I know what he told her and I know what he did. He made promises, he made statements concerning his feelings. He led her on. The day I learned of his affair he ended it right then and there. While he wanted to fool around he did not want to give up his marriage so he gave up the fooling around. His affair was very short lived. But in the wake of all of it was a woman who believed he loved her who was dropped cold when I found out. Sure, she has feelings and there is no doubt she was hurt and perhaps hurt badly. After all, he told her things that were factually untrue and conveyed emotions and promises that were obviously also untrue.

 

Marriage isn't a prison sentence. It is voluntary. The OW is privileged to live in a very controlled world. If he tells the OW that he is no longer in love or sleeping with his wife the OW has no choice but to believe this. Hence, it is accepted as a fact. I can tell you from my experience that when my husband told this to the OW is was not true and when he broke it off with her and told her the truth she was not very happy about it.

 

Truth is a funny thing. Words can be conveyed to someone who wouldn't know any different and they would reasonably accept it as truth. However, the truth may be something entirely different. It is called 'lip service'. Rarely is there an OW who would enter into a fling with a MP if they knew up front that the MP was in love, sleeping with, and committed to their wife... albeit in a very dysfunctional way if they are having an affair.

 

Many MP who cheat, are caught and are remorseful wind up suffering with marriage problems, face divorce and often wind up in therapy to figure out why they were so broken... and to explain to themselves why they would do such a thing. To the OW it is a love affair or simply an affair. My husbands former OW has no idea about the remorse, tears, regret, and the therapy. All she knows is that he led her on and then ended it cold.

 

All too often this is the outcome.

[NoIDidn't]

Marriage isn't a prison sentence. It is voluntary. The OW is privileged to live in a very controlled world. If he tells the OW that he is no longer in love or sleeping with his wife the OW has no choice but to believe this. Hence, it is accepted as a fact. I can tell you from my experience that when my husband told this to the OW is was not true and when he broke it off with her and told her the truth she was not very happy about it.

 

 

Be forewarned that the OP in this forum will quickly point out that the BW is lied to as well and he probably told you whatever he told you to save his marriage.

 

I believe that the Truth is subjective in love. I think that my H meant it when he told his OW his feelings for her. He has since recanted (not by my urging at all, no seriously LOL). But I have been infatuated with someone as well to know what its like to compare that infatuation to the real thing and conclude that one was real and one wasn't.

 

I also don't feel that there is any harm in OP/OW believing that the MP/M actually loved her. If the MP is staying married, it doesn't really matter does it?

 

But consider yourself warned.

[LakesideDream]

You are the rare poster who sees things in the various persepctives. A lot of BS tend to jab, even if they offer real advice or experience. It is the 'jabbers' who think they are making a difference. The only difference they make is to drive away people who may really be seeking advice.

 

I hate to preach, but even the Bible says to win them over with kindness. If you want people to change, kill them with kindness!

 

 

WF, I don't know if you can "win em over". In my situation it was the wife who stayed in a marriage with a married lover on the side. As the big dumb lug, I didn't have a clue for almost 20 years. When I began suspecting something was not quite right, I purposefully pushed it down, supressing it. There wasn't much else I could do with a 13 and 14 year old in the mix, or so I thought.

 

Trapped or not, I wasn't going to rock the boat with the children being so close to grown. In the end, with the children gone, she made her move, and is living happily ever after. All I got out of it was a T-shirt, and the knowledge that I did the best I knew how to, the best I could.

 

Sometimes it's not just about you, it's about the situation. Maybe it's about trying right or wrong to do the best for your loved ones, especially the children.

 

I don't know that it hurt any less, or made it any easier to get through. I do know that it makes what's come in the eight years since something to be proud of.

 

Or maybe I'm full of doo-doo eh?